A cold fish; is it social anxiety?

[Marzipen]

Is this me?


Cold fish, (n) an aloof unemotional person

I went on the first date of my life last week, and it seemed to go well, lots of laughter and generally had a nice time, seemed to get on with them like an old married couple. But didn't feel anything inside either way, just nothingness. I certainly wasn't reduced to walking into lampposts because of constant distracting thoughts about them afterwards alas. Does social anxiety make you supress your feelings for fear of rejection, and is that supression strong enough to block natural attraction response? (I think lust is unsupressed because it's not usually acted on by most people so is compatible with social anxiety?)

Is one brief encounter for a few hours no way to decide if we are compatible or is the much-mentioned spark supposed to have filled the air with an acrid smell and all the lights glow slightly brighter at some point already? ?

Perhaps a glass of wine would have helped. Having never done this sort of thing before and having zero experience in youth I don't know what to do except request another date to see if nothingness develops into mild annoyance (a no) or mild pleasure (a yes) at sight of them? Not so much slow burn as glacial...

[Jarvis]

Na, you probably didn't fancy him. I knew within 10 minutes on all my dates.

[iTz0kt0Bu]

Originally Posted by Marzipen

Is this me?


Cold fish, (n) an aloof unemotional person
(

I haven't read your thread description yet but this ^ caught my eye cause it seems impossible for someone with SA to be unemotional. We hide our emotions though.

[iTz0kt0Bu]

Originally Posted by Marzipen

I went on the first date of my life last week, and it seemed to go well, lots of laughter and generally had a nice time, seemed to get on with them like an old married couple. But didn't feel anything inside either way, just nothingness. I certainly wasn't reduced to walking into lampposts because of constant distracting thoughts about them. Does social anxiety make you supress your feelings for fear of rejection, and is that supression strong enough to block natural attraction response? (I think lust is unsupressed because it's not usually acted on by most people so is compatible with social anxiety?)

Is one brief encounter for a few hours no way to decide if we are compatible or is the much-mentioned spark supposed to have filled the air with an acrid stench and all the lights glow slightly brighter at some point already? ?


Perhaps a glass of wine would have helped. Having never done this sort of thing before and having zero experience in youth I don't know what to do except request another date to see if nothingness develops into mild annoyance (a no) or mild pleasure (a yes) at sight of them? No so much slow burn as glacial...

Yes definitely, I feel I suppress my emotions way too much sometimes at college that if I were to describe my mood there sometimes I would say numb. Also I hate to say this, but sometimes I don't try as much as I use to kow a person cause of past rejection, so it's hard to click with others.

Idk, it depends I think as there is this one mate of mines I connect with but I didn't think we would connect at first and didn't try to know him but now he is one of the few people that gets on with me.

[pavlovsdog]

I'm probably not the best person to comment on this being fairly totally inept in the relationship dept; however I think it could possibly be a bit too soon to decide if you are compatible, it may take a few dates before you can know for sure. I don't think it always has to be the thunderbolt from the blue on the first date. I suppose it depends what you want really, do you want a full on weak at the knees experience, or are you happy to have a slowly developing relationship?

[Clockface]

I sometimes feel I have little emotion and often act quite numb whether it be things I should enjoy or when I am around people. I think I tend to be like this to stop myself getting too happy incase something 'bad' happens and then my hopes die and I come crashing back down to earth, and when around people I fear rejection and isolation so just act numb and don't get too excited, hoping that they start acting more enthusiastic towards me and my mood graduall picks up with them. I do manage to be excited sometimes, but I wish I could be like this more often.

It's certainly an interesting point you have brought up Marzipen, and the other replies have been intriguing too. Only you can decide if you want a second date with this person or not, perhaps you may feel more upbeat next time? Dunno really, I'm just trying to relate to your post

[Clockface]

I sometimes feel I have little emotion and often act quite numb whether it be things I should enjoy or when I am around people. I think I tend to be like this to stop myself getting too happy incase something 'bad' happens and then my hopes die and I come crashing back down to earth, and when around people I fear rejection and isolation so just act numb and don't get too excited, hoping that they start acting more enthusiastic towards me and my mood graduall picks up with them. I do manage to be excited sometimes, but I wish I could be like this more often.

It's certainly an interesting point you have brought up Marzipen, and the other replies have been intriguing too. Only you can decide if you want a second date with this person or not, perhaps you may feel more upbeat next time? Dunno really, I'm just trying to relate to your post

[pavlovsdog]

Hi Macca, I think this is an interesting point regarding keeping a lid on your emotions. I do this too, but in my case it is how anxiety affects me, it's not fight/flight, but freeze. I tend to freeze up physically as well as emotionally and often become-statue like with very limited but careful movement and stilted conversation (if any!)

[esarempee]

Originally Posted by Marzipen

it seemed to go well, lots of laughter and generally had a nice time

Not sure what else you'd want from a first date? Why the downturned smile?

How lovely to spend an evening with someone who you thought was special enough. Lightning Bolt, love happens rarely, don't expect too much.

If it was a positive experience, why not go on a second date...I would!

[Marzipen]

Thanks for all the comments!

My mind is all a bit of a mess I think, perhaps I have been putting relationships on a pedestal! I.e. you go from nothing to Disney within seconds.

I don't know what I want so that makes it hard, one assumes that at first it will be exciting, exhilarating even, and over time settle down to warm contentment. Presumably in reality relationships are as varied and mixed as everything else tends to be, so will try a second date to gain more insight. (Now I sound like a scientist doing an experiment...!)