Next Step?

[esarempee]

After regular visits to the sauk forums, I decided to stop checking in as I really wasn't too sure it was being helpful. I felt that by labelling myself with an issue might start a process of feeling like having to 'live up to' that said label.
I started CBT a few weeks back and have had 2 sessions. My therapist is a nice, younger than me Danish man, who speaks very calmly and allows me to waffle on, listening attentively. He likes giving me handouts to mull over and fill in. At the start I was in quite a good (relatively) head space, I told him so and also said that I felt like a bit of a fraud as I wasn't in crisis. He said not to worry as I'd been waiting to start therapy for 9 months. I explained to him that one of my major problems is with blushing and the fear of blushing, luckily(!?), I have blushed intensively for both sessions, I have even noticed that after walking the 30 minutes home after the sessions, I am still flushed on my return, which has shocked me.
I've started reading David D. Burns' book 'Feeling Good' so have a pretty good handle on CBT and consequently I am massively sceptical that this therapy is going to be any help to me whatsoever.
I told my therapist that, I have totally isolated myself socially and know in my heart that, getting 'out there' would be beneficial.I told him that I was considering signing up to do, 2 evening classes, a pottery/ceramics class and a leatherworking class. The pottery class starts next week on thursday, but I just haven't had the courage to sign up. It's been going around in my head for a few weeks now, the pros, the cons, why do I want to do this? what will I talk about to other people? will I blush? will I shake? I'm going to pay £140 for the course, turn up once, make a complete fool of myself and never go back! why do I want to make f...ing pots anyway! Even, if I go back to my therapist and say I didn't have the courage to sign up, he would know I am not a fraud, how F'd up is that?! etc etc.
I'm feeling like such a loser and am slipping back to that dark place where my brain chatter, gradually dismantles any semblance of positivity I was feeling.
I'm exhausted and scared that this pattern of behaviour happens over and over and know that most of my life, especially the last 3 years have been a complete waste.
I don't know what to do next.

[aVoice2use]

Hi esarempee

I do blush - not too often but it does cause me discomfort - more the thinking that others are thinking that I am enmbarassed when I might not be... heryho

re: councelling I went for ages wthout really knowing why i was there and not feeling that I was in any crisis - yet when I got my head around it i realised there was more going on 'in' me than i would ever had realised and in the long run recevied some useful 'aids' to my anxiety and self knowledge that have benefited me.

So no fraud - everyone is viable

re; the classes I hope you do go - pots are good for 'potting' !!! I know there are hurdles but to me they are worth attempting.

all da best