It's my birthday and it always make me unhappy!

[esarempee]

Been feeling not too bad of late, typically not done anything to address my SA during this period, which is when I should, just enjoying not having 'Nigel' the name I've given my brain chatter, be silent for a while.

Met a friend yesterday afternoon for a couple of drinks in Soho, nothing special but nice to catch up and hear someone else's thoughts for a change. The sun was shining which always helps lift my spirit as well.

But, I knew today was coming, it does every bloody year. I always live in the hope that by my next birthday things might have progressed, but they never do. I ignore it as much as I can, tell my family, no cards, no presents and little is made of it, in fact it's always been like that, even as a child I don't remember any fuss being made. They oblige by not giving presents but seem compelled to give me a pointless piece of cardboard with some vacuous message. I've taken to putting them straight in the bin.

But this day always makes me feel like a complete failure. No-one to celebrate with, no reason to be happy, just one more year to remind me what a waste of space I've been.

I woke up feeling really anxious and had to get out and walk, which is my therapy of choice. I feel edgy and uncomfortable walking the streets, wish there was no-one else about as I'm sure they look at me and know I'm unhappy and alone.

I saw a group of about 30 people at a local historic site and wondered if they were a Meetup group and immediately felt how uncomfortable I would have been amongst them.

Hope it's just a 24 hour thing, my life has somewhat reversed compared to when I was doing a job I began to hate, whereby I'd long for the weekends to come, now Mon-Fri is normally quite enjoyable and I dread the weekends.

Hope Nigel doesn't start blathering on!

[ratty]

I know how you feel. I dread my birthday coming round. For me it's a combination of the sense of loneliness (it should be celebratory) and the reminder of getting older (and not having achieved anything).

Is there anything you can do today that would improve your mood? For example, could you watch a film you enjoy, or go for a walk this afternoon to somewhere new or somewhere you like?

Yesterday you met with a friend so you are not totally alone. The fact you receive cards from family means they are thinking of you too.

I hope you find some small delights to get you through the rest of today. Even if it's just little things.

[Dougella]

Been feeling not too bad of late, typically not done anything to address my SA during this period, which is when I should, just enjoying not having 'Nigel' the name I've given my brain chatter, be silent for a while.

This is good. Also the idea of 'Nigel' made me chuckle! That's a good way to think about brain chatter.

Met a friend yesterday afternoon for a couple of drinks in Soho, nothing special but nice to catch up and hear someone else's thoughts for a change. The sun was shining which always helps lift my spirit as well.

Another positive, as ratty said, you have a friend and were able to meet up with them and have a chat.

Also...

Hope it's just a 24 hour thing, my life has somewhat reversed compared to when I was doing a job I began to hate, whereby I'd long for the weekends to come, now Mon-Fri is normally quite enjoyable and I dread the weekends.

You have been able to change things, being able to now find Mon-Fri quite enjoyable is a pretty positive change i would say!

I know Birthdays can be hard, but i hope you can some small enjoyments today too

[Ermm... Yeh?]

Couldn't read this thread without thinking of 'Making Plans For Nigel'

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zUyVYkfeyTA#

Happy Birthday! Just to echo the sentiment in one of the above posts, if you consider what you haven't achieved by that point you'll find it harder, if you consider what you have (and I have no doubt that should you really think you find sone positives) you'll find it easier.

[esarempee]

Thanks for comments, it was really a 24 hour feeling sorry for myself sort of thing, which is actually quite good as this sort of feeling would in the pas,t have dragged out for days on end. I ended up doing a bit of gardening in the afternoon, which as the sun was shining was quite pleasant. Until my 2 sisters turned up with 3 kids in tow, the youngest who's 2 and far too hyper for my liking, decided to come in the garden and disrupt the peace I was having! They brought cake, so that was good!

I've just started reading a book called 'The Highly Sensitive Person' by Elaine N Aron. Subtitled 'How to thrive when the world overwhelms you' an interesting read and something I can relate to.