I'm trapped and cant get out

Rossifan · #1 9th March 2013, 11:26

In the last two weeks my depression has come back with a vengeance, i tried pills from the doctor but i dont want to deal with the side effects, i feel bad enough as it is and may have a long wait for CBT.
I cant cope with the end of a relationship, it ended seven months ago but the reasons she left for are embarassing. I cant deal with what happened and i see her at work everyday, i work with her and its a small space and seeing her makes it all the worse. When i felt like this before i went to the doctor, so what now?. the other two paths were walking away or the final option (if you get my meaning)
My motivation has gone, i feel so sad all the time. I wanted to build a life but i just cant get past what happened with my ex, i'm still heartbroken about it and thanks to SA she might end up being the only girl i was ever with.
I dont want to work another day with her but i cant just leave. Counselling may help in the long run for SA and depression but my patience has gone.
I feel so trapped by work and depression and having to see her every day and am seriously considering just packing a bag and walking away from my flat and job but where could i go? Time has run out and i dont want to do anything silly. I'm trapped and need a way out.

nohope · #2 9th March 2013, 13:07

Rossifan please don't give up, I promise this feeling of hurt will pass. Go back to the doctor & try different pills just for a short while till your back on your feet.
Summer is around the corner time to get out and meet more people. I know it is hard to think like that at the moment, but it will get better.
I have SA all my life but after a lot of embarassing dates I found the right one, we had a wonderful 30yrs until he died of cancer. He understood my problem which helped a lot. Since his death depression came back so bad thought I wouldn't live through the night but 4 yrs on I am managing to go out again with my children.

misska · #3 9th March 2013, 14:33

sorry your feeling down i recently started medication i hate side effects too but its slowley working i was feeling very suicidle and end of a relationship made me depressed. Iam seeing a psychologist to get cbt. Its worth a try,

esarempee · #4 9th March 2013, 20:23

Hi Rossifan, I noticed you are in south London, so am I, if you feel counselling might help there are two affordable community centres that I know of, they charge based on you ability to pay based on your income. CBT on the NHS is a long wait, I am going to my first session next week after first enquiring last August, so if you feel spaeaking to someone would help, check out the two links.

http://www.lcandcta.co.uk/index.php

http://www.waterloocc.co.uk/

Rossifan · #5 10th March 2013, 13:21

Just spent saturday thinking of leaving everything behind but have nowhere to go. Guess i just have to carry on for now, so difficult right now. My ex has mentioned going back to her home country which would make my life easier.
But i dont know when, if she's not going for ages or not at all then i dont want to keep working alongside her, it's causing me absolute heartache.
I could find another job but hate doing that, my SA would make it very stessful.
I have nobody to talk to so might call samaritans or similar just to talk to someone. Feeling so low right now.

ratty · #6 10th March 2013, 13:23

When I felt at rock bottom, I booked to see my GP, but I couldn't even wait a day. So I went to The Samaritans. If you need to see someone, or if you feel as if you just can't keep going, please give it a try. You can just walk in without an appointment, or you can phone them.

http://www.samaritans.org/

mossieman · #7 10th March 2013, 14:04

hi rossifan,

i had a lot of trouble with side effects when i was on citalopram (the most common anti-D tablet) & could not take them, after two further visits & different tablets i was stil having the same problem with side effects so i gave in and stuggled. thankfully less than a year later my sister got me a move closser to her so she could help me, this included a change of GP. my new GP has a much better understanding of mental health problem and told me straight away that all the different tablet i had tried were from the same family so he was not suprised i had the same side effects. he put me on lofepramine which is an older tablet not used as much and i have had no side effects and am much better on them. so i guess what i am trying to say is dont give up on the tablets as is sounds like you could really do with the help they could give you right now.
as i have posted before 3 charities that are helpful are SANE, MIND & RETHINK i have a RETHINK support worker who has helped me out no end. i know how you feel i felt just the same after my divorce but at least i did not have to go to work and see her every day but i have had that with a previous relationship which ended with me going off sick and finding another job.
good luck & chin up