anyone single still?

[syncsolo]

It's especially brutal "still" being single when you're over 30 I think. I wish I didn't care and yearn for the love and willing intimacy only a relationship could bring.

Most women seem to be put off if you haven't been out with anyone for long, especially under a year at this age. I was told by one, she wouldn't date me because I'm obviously "emotionally unavailable", have mental issues or must be a mummies boy! You don't even know me! I just rarely had the opportunities, plus my SA helped mess it up before anything much had begun.

People just don't understand, I can't see anyone giving me a chance now.

[Clockface]

Originally Posted by Fenren

It's especially brutal "still" being single when you're over 30 I think. I wish I didn't care and yearn for the love and willing intimacy only a relationship could bring.

Most women seem to be put off if you haven't been out with anyone for long, especially under a year at this age. I was told by one, she wouldn't date me because I'm obviously "emotionally unavailable", have mental issues or must be a mummies boy! You don't even know me! I just rarely had the opportunities, plus my SA helped mess it up before anything much had begun.

People just don't understand, I can't see anyone giving me a chance now.

This is how I feel. I worry that as soon as someone finds out I've never been in a relationship they won't give me a chance. I'm similar to you Fenren in that my SA, as well as feeling unattractive in myself, has always prevented me from even attempting a relationship

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by pavlovsdog

What in Gods name is a butter face??!!!

but-her-face



get it?

Basically a girl with a good figure, who would otherwise be a "hottie" except for the fact her face lets her down...

[Saponara_Immobile]

"butters" meant ugly in my school, I got called it in class by a girl :-/

I am single and in my thirties, I don't really hold much hope of ever having a proper relationship. Had a one year one, and a few little fling type things and I think that's my lot as it all just seems so unlikely.

[Defiance]

i think "butters" is a derivative of butterface, a kind of shortened version which isn't gender specific.
tbh, i only heard of them maybe like 5 years ago. i guess it must of been around for ages as you said you heard it in school and you're now in your 30's.


oh, and to answer the topic question. yep, still single. i notice i only seem to click with foreign girls tbh. so if you're foreign (family from outside the UK), and a girl, send me a PM, don't be shy *wink *wink, (and no catfish pls)

[Polygon]

On the last few (rare) occasions I've actually been interested in a guy, the feeling has never been mutual

[Apathy]

Originally Posted by Mousey

On the last few (rare) occasions I've actually been interested in a guy, the feeling has never been mutual

That is because these guys were not me.

[pavlovsdog]

Originally Posted by Macca82

This is how I feel. I worry that as soon as someone finds out I've never been in a relationship they won't give me a chance. I'm similar to you Fenren in that my SA, as well as feeling unattractive in myself, has always prevented me from even attempting a relationship

Me too :'(

[Dannysbabe]

Originally Posted by Macca82

This is how I feel. I worry that as soon as someone finds out I've never been in a relationship they won't give me a chance.

I met my boyfriend last year, he had never had a girlfriend and was 39, I've given him a chance and we have the most fantastic relationship. Please don't think no woman would give you a chance, we do exist.

[catlover]

Originally Posted by Dannysbabe

I met my boyfriend last year, he had never had a girlfriend and was 39, I've given him a chance and we have the most fantastic relationship. Please don't think no woman would give you a chance, we do exist.

Very happy to hear this news.

[pavlovsdog]

Its all about communication and perception isn't it? The thing we struggle with most. Its interesting to hear the mens experience, how they feel women want someone with experience. This is exactly mirrors my thoughts. I have never been a girly flirty type which seems to me at any rate to be what men seem to respond to. Because this isn't 'me' I have always assumed that I must either try to be like that (and do it very badly) or try to be myself and feel inadequate because I don't fit the 'girly' image. I wonder what would happen if we all were just ourselves around people?

[The Lone Stranger]

I`ve always been single and at 43 I know I will be for life plus I have no choice anyway being a carer.

[BluRayne]

My self esteem is my worst enemy with relationships. If there is a guy who likes me, my immediate thoughts are "what is wrong with him? How could he like me? Can he not see how messed up I am??". I have often pushed good guys away because I think they are just messing with me and will one day turn around and laugh at the fact that i thought they had actually liked me. I watch friends and family glide so effortlessly from one relationship to another and i just can't understand why it is so hard for me

[Philix]

I'm single if anyones interested

[Clockface]

Hi Folks. I've just been reading some of the replies above where people say things along the lines of having no hope of getting into a relationship and how unattractive they feel. Coupled with replies from earlier in the thread and other related threads, it breaks my heart that you think this way. But then guess what? I think like that about myself as well. Its quite destructive to our self esteem that we are being like this but I think its just in our nature to truly believe nobody would ever want to love us as a partner or share their lives with us. I got so fed up about this the other night that I actually texted my friend, who has been trying to encourage me to be more confident about approaching potential partners, to say that I don't think there's any hope of anyone feeling attracted to me and that most other people seem to find it so easy and effortless, like tying their shoelaces. He hasn't responded yet, not that I'm expecting him to though as I think it must irritate him to hear me regularly feeling sorry for myself. Back to the main point, I can only empathise with you guys as I feel the same, but at the same time this thread has been thought provoking and has reminded me what I have found attractive in the past, and still do, so to turn this response on its positive head...

There is always something in us that people are likely to find attractive. It is what's inside that counts, its just that people tend to discover it quicker in non-SA people as these people are not afraid to let people get to know them and are generally more open, including in their body language and facial expressions which kind of act as an open door. We worry that people will judge us negatively and so we are not as open about ourselves which means we are unable to reveal those attractive qualities in us, and it's harder for people to discover our true selves. Equally from our point of view we are afraid to approach strangers a lot more than non-SA people, so there are possible relationship opportunities that are getting shut off because of our anxiety, self-esteem issues or whatever we may have if not just SA.

Hope this gives you guys more hope in some way. Apologies in advance if it hasn't helped much but I think it's worth sharing the thought.

[Legs11]

I'm in a relationship but have no friends,I've always been a loner but in the past when I was a drinker I would always end up with the wrong type of people..they would take advantage as I was in a bad place and trying to hard to please,and always drunk! But I don't drink anymore so I totally avoid socialising and meeting new people,my past 2 relationships before this one were both destructive and violent,my new partner is really out going and the total opposite to me x

[Legs11]

I met my partner when I was at my rock bottom,so there is hope for everyone!

[Polygon]

Originally Posted by BluRayne

My self esteem is my worst enemy with relationships. If there is a guy who likes me, my immediate thoughts are "what is wrong with him? How could he like me? Can he not see how messed up I am??". I have often pushed good guys away because I think they are just messing with me and will one day turn around and laugh at the fact that i thought they had actually liked me.

I'm a lot like that too

[aVoice2use]

Wow wow wow -this is a wow thread.
Amazing how 'we' (people) see ourselves and how are feelings can be so far from what we show and how we are perceived.
I consider myslef attractive and then i look in the mirror or see a photo of me and think frickn ugly bstrd. Yet I know some people like me - find me attractive. (i mean in the physical sense here.
I have had 2 serious long term relationships in my life and have kind of known that they would struggle - that I would not be able to fulfil my partner forever - an insecurity in me - leading to a lack of conviction and commitment. Weird how we can crave love, attention and companionship - yet have it in our grasp and give the impression that we want to push it away.
I am in that position right now - long term relationship - we were so good together and gave each other so much - were happy -were in love - were fun - complimented each other. But something within me has always made me 'difficult' to live with - never givng a straight answer - always swimming against the flow - finding obstacles and a certain lack of vision of a future - an inability to show passion where I may feel it and direct it at the right person.
Eats me away this does - makes me so unable to find happiness and puts me in such a blody awful position.
Talking with a councellor in a couple of weeks - will put them on the spot with this!!!! Also have an emotional therapist lined up who was reccomened by someone who had been though it and said she was really good - could be quite emotional which is interesting for someone who struggles with knowing their feelings, emotion yet alone expressing them and discussing them.

War and peace over for the now

[pavlovsdog]

Originally Posted by BluRayne

My self esteem is my worst enemy with relationships. If there is a guy who likes me, my immediate thoughts are "what is wrong with him? How could he like me? Can he not see how messed up I am??". I have often pushed good guys away because I think they are just messing with me and will one day turn around and laugh at the fact that i thought they had actually liked me. I watch friends and family glide so effortlessly from one relationship to another and i just can't understand why it is so hard for me

And this actually did happen to me; Id been out with someone a few times, and on one occasion I went to kiss him and he laughed in my face. Needless to say this was our last date...

It also just reinforced all my negative feelings I have about myself and have never had a proper date since

[black_mamba]

Originally Posted by pavlovsdog

And this actually did happen to me; Id been out with someone a few times, and on one occasion I went to kiss him and he laughed in my face. Needless to say this was our last date...

It also just reinforced all my negative feelings I have about myself and have never had a proper date since

Jesus, your date was such a disrespectful idiot. You know the only good thing about that is you found out what an ass he was before you got too emotionally involved, which is something I wish happened more often to me in the past!

[pavlovsdog]

^ Yes he was, but this affected me badly as I was becoming emotionally involved. Also, I didn't know about SA then and naturally took it on board, that I was weird and just a joke. On reflection, I think he had SA too.

[Rossifan]

Had a relatioship last year, she was 10 years younger and damn attractive.
It was me, not my looks that attracted her so if you thought you were too ugly as i did, you may be suprised.
My inexperience caused problems and she went cold on me and eventually ditched me. I feel broken by it all and to make my pain worse, i have to work with her. I go from pining for her to not wanting to talk to her. She knows i am getting treatment but never asks about it.
I dont want to give up but it really is difficult when you alone in the world.

[Clockface]

Originally Posted by Rossifan

Had a relatioship last year, she was 10 years younger and damn attractive.
It was me, not my looks that attracted her so if you thought you were too ugly as i did, you may be suprised.
My inexperience caused problems and she went cold on me and eventually ditched me. I feel broken by it all and to make my pain worse, i have to work with her. I go from pining for her to not wanting to talk to her. She knows i am getting treatment but never asks about it.
I dont want to give up but it really is difficult when you alone in the world.

It's a terrible feeling isn't it when you're in love with someone, whether it be you've been in a relationship with them or simply fancy them like mad, and you're both in a setting where you still have to see them. It has happened to me at school, university and work. If you fancy someone in a bar or other public place say, but they don't like you back, you can simply leave and you'll never see them again so you can get over them and move on. In your case you're unable to do that and I really feel for you. There isn't a great deal I can say really other than try and stay strong and I know exactly how you feel, in that although I've never been in a relationship with anyone in a job (or at any other point in my life) I have seriously liked some women in jobs but just couldn't make a move to see if anything might have developed.

[Rossifan]

Thanks guys, although our relationship at work is nothing compared to before, we dont talk much but she wont say anything about what happened, i respect her for that.

[Burbage]

Still single. No relationships, despite rapidly approaching my half-century, including six whole years at a university.

I did kiss someone once, back in my mid-thirties. Or, perhaps, it was the other way around. It was at someone's wedding when against all odds and experience, it turned out that instead of one person sitting alone in a corner necking wine all night, there'd been two. But something like an aunt dragged her off in a taxi, and I never found out who she was.

I tried online dating for a while. Got a couple of bites, and the exchange of emails went nicely. The meetings, however, went less well. When tongue-tied and frightened I don't, apparently, shine and although one of them was kind enough to have another attempt, I wasn't much better then.

Like Reclue, I occasionally relive social incidents which might have gone very differently if I'd read them rightly. But, equally, they might not. It's impossible to avoid wondering, and equally impossible to avoid remembering that I am no longer the person I was back then, in neither word nor deed nor weight.

I'm not entirely without hope, but advancing years and a terror of meeting people haven't improved my confidence and, even if it had, I'm not sure I've anything much to offer. I've got used to myself now, but it's taken a very long time, and don't quite see how I can expect anyone else to do the same.

[Cheshire Cat]

Recently single but happy with it. I had to look deep into my heart and ask what I really wanted. I think I was just obsessed with women and sex, and relationships are an entirely different thing which require a certain degree of emotional maturity to work.

I think women have been the biggest stumbling block on my road to recovery because I consistently forget to put what is more important first because the distraction and excitement of women - the promise of the greatest, sweetest enjoyment known to men - is so darn hard to avoid. Certainly a desire that is impossible to kill, but I think healthy to control. But for the moment - post relationship - I am at peace and happy to just work on myself and hopefully learn to accept myself.

[Scrobes]

I was 35 yesterday, still a virgin, still single and never been in a relationship. Last time I kissed a girl was when I was 13. :x The idea of sharing myself with someone is terrifying, but I think, if it was really the right girl, the idea is super appealing. But I hide away, as we all do, and I know I probably haven't made it easy for myself, though I have followed some leads over the years that didn't really end up anywhere. I think I'm just clueless, with probably a fair dose of emotional innocence.

Well it made me laugh, I registered to this place yesterday on my birthday, because.. who does that?! ;x Anyway, it was quite interesting reading about things from the females' perspective. I believe in some strange sense of cosmic justice, and it's saddening to see so many of us in this position. :<

[pavlovsdog]

Yes, Happy Birthday Scribes!
It saddens me too when you read of the loneliness and isolation peeps experience, but there is also a lot of hope and inspiration

[d2rain]

I am single and glad. lol i'm not in the right frame of mind to be with another person and the casual sex/relationships isn't my thing anymore. I like to be at home most of the time and in my own comfort zone. This doesn't mean I don't get lonely cos i do but when i'm thinking straight (like now i think) I know that being with someone isn't all its cracked up to be. I see many an unhappy couple.