Sticking up for yourself

[Ezio]

Hi. Today I was a little upset and sort of reacted slightly in a meeting with my manager. We had a catch-up later and I told them that they were being a little condescending at times. They said sorry and hopefully we can move on. I'm looking for a new job which they know, which is making it difficult. So they along with other managers have tried bringing my confidence down. They are very short staffed and stressed so maybe little understandable. I did say I realise there is a lot of pressure at the top and maybe it filters down. Feel I'm in the wrong environment. A recent survey off staff showed 25% flagged being bullied or harassed in my team where the workplace average is 7%. I've had to stick up for myself a few times. Last time I did it I couldn't sleep the whole night as was worried how other managers would react. One of them ended up saying something the next day really hurtful. After a while the situation went back to normal. Feels like I'm always having to fight to get anything. From speaking to friends in other work places seems bad in multiple places. Alot of people seem to be leaving work, due to lack of support etc. Thinking of quitting but also close to getting new job (had 5 interviews in different sectors). Think I'm in the wrong place and feel if I quit then I can least apply for roles I want to do as have rough idea. Though then could be difficult getting back in. Last few months I've been sleeping 4-5 hours a night waking up regularly. Sometimes I might have a good week. Feel like the environment doesn't suit me and a lot has happened. Don't have really anyone to chat too. Have a lot of friends outside of work but none inside work.

Does anyone have any good coping strategies to deal with stressful situations? I spoke to a friend recently and they were just chatting about their work environment and they said you have to accept some bullying in the workplace. From the way they said it, I can see what they meant... sometimes you have to give in to the people above you or choose your battles...though also feels sad.

[magnolia]

Yeah I think your friend is right. You got to expect , or is expect the wrong word?....thing is there will always be idiots where ever you work. Just gotto learn to filter them out and not get to you- easier said than done I know.

But the good thing is you're practically doing something about it. You've had job interviews and are being active about leaving the place .

One thing that helps me when im down or stressed is , I just say to myself ' one day im going to be dead and none of this will matter' I think its a quote from Ricky Gervias lol but it helps me .

Hope you find a better job soon

[biscuits]

Leaving a work environment where you don’t feel emotionally safe is the right thing to do.

It’s not something anyone should have to put up with, but once it becomes collectively the culture of a place then it can become entrenched and they can’t see it. It’s good to call it out, even if it doesn’t make a difference or makes you unpopular. It’s better to feel like you did something.

Luckily I’ve only ever worked at really nice places!

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by Ezio

I spoke to a friend recently about work they said you have to accept some bullying in the workplace.

I really think that the zero tolerance approach (to bullying) is the only healthy approach, both physically, emotionally and mentally.
Bullying environments can only be sustained by acceptance (unwilling or not) from those being bullied,

My boss who has recently left was a bully, and I honestly can't believe how completely different the atmosphere is now he has gone,
It's such a relief to not feel threatened or anything from the new boss, which is totally bonkers, you really should never feel threatened in the workplace,
I think tolerance just emboldens these people.

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by biscuits

Leaving a work environment where you don’t feel emotionally safe is the right thing to do.

It’s not something anyone should have to put up with, but once it becomes collectively the culture of a place then it can become entrenched and they can’t see it. It’s good to call it out, even if it doesn’t make a difference or makes you unpopular. It’s better to feel like you did something.

Luckily I’ve only ever worked at really nice places!

Good post biscuits!

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by Mr. Nobody

I really think that the zero tolerance approach (to bullying) is the only healthy approach, both physically, emotionally and mentally.
Bullying environments can only be sustained by acceptance (unwilling or not) from those being bullied,

My boss who has recently left was a bully, and I honestly can't believe how completely different the atmosphere is now he has gone,
It's such a relief to not feel threatened or anything from the new boss, which is totally bonkers, you really should never feel threatened in the workplace,
I think tolerance just emboldens these people.

Good post! I completely agree! I personally have a zero tolerance approach (to bullying). Anything else is not healthy, physically, emotionally or mentally

And yes, those toxic bullying environments can only be sustained by acceptance (whether willing or not) from those who are being bullied.

I've been bullied in many jobs.

I was in one job where the boss was a terrible bully. When he left the atmosphere was completely different. A bully like this does put us on high alert. The body is wired to perceive a bully as a threat, which they are. Yeah, tolerance emboldens them

[biscuits]

Thank you Bluebear

hope you're current place of work is okay?

That's why people need to call it out, but I guess the fear of repercussions and becoming a target can put them off.

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by biscuits

Thank you Bluebear

hope you're current place of work is okay?

That's why people need to call it out, but I guess the fear of repercussions and becoming a target can put them off.

Thanks biscuits.

Yeah, my current place of work is pretty good.

Yes, what you describe is why so many people don't call it out.

[Lee S]

Originally Posted by Bluebear

Yeah, tolerance emboldens them

Yes, I have found the same thing. The more you tolerate, the more they see you as an easy target, they are like predators. It can be extremely difficult to stand up to it, though, especially if you have low self-esteem, or it's just not in your nature and you hate confrontation. Being made to feel like a victim is soul-destroying.