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View Poll Results: is it possible to define a "League" ? | |||
Heterosexual Man - Yes | 34 | 38.64% | |
Heterosexual Man - No | 15 | 17.05% | |
Heterosexual Woman - Yes | 18 | 20.45% | |
Heterosexual Woman - No | 6 | 6.82% | |
Gay man - Yes | 4 | 4.55% | |
Gay man - No | 1 | 1.14% | |
Lesbian woman - Yes | 0 | 0% | |
Lesbian woman - No | 0 | 0% | |
Bisexual man - Yes | 0 | 0% | |
Bisexual man - No | 1 | 1.14% | |
Bisexual woman - Yes | 1 | 1.14% | |
Bisexual woman - No | 1 | 1.14% | |
Transgender - Yes | 1 | 1.14% | |
Transgender - No | 2 | 2.27% | |
Asexual - no answer applies | 2 | 2.27% | |
Other (specify) | 2 | 2.27% | |
Voters: 88. You may not vote on this poll |
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#181
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
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My only question to you would be does your view of these things actually work for you practically, in every day life? Does it get you where you want to be, and around people you want to be around? I only ask because my outlook on this does get me where I want to be, and does place me with the people I want to be around. I'm not saying either way is correct or better. I'm just wondering if you feel that your view of it is successful for you in a practical sense? To me, so long as we view things in a way that works for us personally, it's all good. |
#182
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
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There is no such thing as a singular, definitive reality. For instance, I grew up with two siblings. We grew up in the same environment. We experienced a heck of a lot together. Despite this, we are all very different personalities and have different outlooks. Different things get us down. We get a buzz out of different things. We have different interests and attitudes. This being so, we have different lifestyles. So whose reality is real? Well all of them are. So, the crucial factor is in making your own reality work for you rather than against you. I'm SA but neither of my siblings are. Does that mean they live in reality but I don't? Of course not. It just means that my reality differs from theirs. So again, there is no such thing as a singular, definitive reality. Does a billionaire not live in reality just because their lifestyle is beyond the financial means of most others? Of course not. Their reality is as valid as anyone else's. Our circumstances, our outlook and perceptions of the world are our reality. And our reality may differ from the reality the guy down the road experiences. Both are still reality none-the-less. Simply put, what we have to do is to make our reality work for us. See our reality in a way that helps get us to where we want to be, rather than hinders us at every turn. How I get my reality to work for me will no doubt differ in method to how another person gets their reality to work for them. Neither way will be definitively and universally correct, but it will be correct for that individual. Therefore, I don't see others as above me. I see myself on a par with others. This means I pitch myself accordingly, and then get treated accordingly. So my approach makes my reality work for me rather than against me. If I felt that others were above me, I'd pitch myself at the world according to that self-evaluation. Others would then no doubt treat me accordingly. My reality would then match my self-view. What's in our head is only our reality for as long as we accept it as such. |
#183
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
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Yes it does, but I should add that maybe it hasn't in the past. The main reason was, that despite our different views, I was too scared of rejection and wouldn't approach those that I thought would most likely reject me. I still wouldn't bother to approach those who I believe to be out of my league and I think that saves me a lot of time and effort but my problem was I wasn't even approaching those within my league as it were, only those I thought were very unlikely to reject me. But also the number of people who I believe to be within my league has increased so I have more people who I would approach now than before. This is mostly due to increased confidence and less fear of rejection (not only because of increased success). I think leagues work for me because I'm fairly sensible on how I apply them and I'll catch myself if I'm just using them as an excuse to cover up my anxiety or fears. |
#184
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
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Without a photo to show us how you look, this will always be the predominant reason for your success as far as I'm concerned. People continually underplay the major, if not predominant role looks play in social interaction. |
#185
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
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It seems that despite the difference in the way we see this subject, we both have a way of working that suits us and is working for us. To me, that's all that matters. Your approach is healthy for you, and that is no bad thing at all. Long may your approach serve you well. Quote:
I realise that looks are a very subjective thing, of course, but I'd not say I was that much to look at. Currently I'm 3 stones over my ideal weight, and 2 stones over the weight I was last at when I thought I looked reasonably decent. I have often gone out with females who are far better looking women than I am a good looking man. One nasty swine even commented to a partner of mine enquiring what she was doing with me because ''she could get much better looking guys''. If what partners I have been out with have told me is actually true, they like me more for who I am than how I look. Having said that, of course they are going to have to see me as somewhat physically attractive too, otherwise they'd no doubt not want more than a friendship with me. I agree about the size of the role that looks play in life, but I can assure you that I am currently less than average looks-wise, and maybe hit average to reasonable when I get my butt into shape. Whilst acknowledging the role looks can play, I also feel it is easy to under-estimate the role approach, attitude, outlook and individual personality play too. I mean I've seen some very average looking people whose overall personality and outlook have made them come over as very attractive indeed. So I think there is more to it than looks. To go solely with the looks idea it would, in a way, be to think of my ex-partners and current partner as being a bit superficial. And the vast majority definitely were not that at all. My current partner didn't even fancy me when we first met. She got to know me as a person and a relationship developed from there. I think the only box I ticked for her initially was hairy chest. I think it funny how some people explain away success. I recall a number of years ago on this site when talking about SA people and relationships. Some guy posted how I must have a large penis, a fat wallet, or both. I assured him I had neither. I'm just an average guy with lifelong SA who takes a few risks and has seemingly got an approach and outlook that works for him. The above paragraph wasn't a dig at you in any way, nessa. It's an overall observation on how, at times, people's success is unintentionally devalued in some way. Anyway, thanks for the reply. |
#186
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
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I take your point. I do have a bit of an obsession with looks being the passport to everything. |
#187
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
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Even then what some men might assume is attractive to women can be totally different to what women actually find attractive. You only have to look at the number of pale skinny hairy male heart throbs that women adore to see that! They certainly don't all fancy muscular perma-tanned clean shaven oily chippendale types. |
#188
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
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Not me mind you, but only because I'm straight |
#189
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
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If I were a lady I'd take you under my wing and before long, you'd be posting under the 'Optimist' username. |
#190
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
Yes, there are leagues, but I would call them "status hierarchies". Your position in the status hierarchy is based on a number of factors, many of which are out of your control, such as the DNA content of your parents' genes. A prospective mate estimates your position in the hierarchy relative to hers (or his), and determines whether or not you are "acceptable". Of course no one admits to doing this. But if you have any doubts, just observe a school lunch room for a few minutes.
Now it is important to note that not everyone's algorithm for determining position in the hierarchy is identical; we each have different tastes and preferences, and this is what gives those of us on the low end of the scale some hope. But, unfortunately, there are some aspects of the process that I would consider to be almost universal. |
#191
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
I voted 'yes' - meaning I think the concept of league can be defined.
I'll leave the defining to someone else :P |
#193
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
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I'm not being nasty, but, do you think susan boyle is out of ur league? apparently she's never been kissed, and i think still hasn't even after fame. ;0 And i think that's just such a shame, she seems like any other person like her could be! |
#194
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
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#195
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
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And lo and behold I feel crap again. I asked Cynic to marry me months ago and he declined. Now I know its cos he thinks I'm thick But I still love him anyway |
#196
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
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#197
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Re: She's Out of My League / He's Out of My League
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But still, I think one has to admit that if Miss Boyle had been more "attractive" (as determined by society), then she'd have had many more suitors and would have been more likely to have found someone to be intimate with, assuming that that is one of the things that she was searching for. I recall watching the video of her initial appearance on the television show. The audience and judges, on first site of her, immediately deemed her "unworthy" and "beneath them". |