Why aren't you in a relationship?

[We_Hate_You]

Umm... I have SA?

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by pseudolonewolf

It's probably a lot easier for females with SA to meet others, just because others would approach them and they wouldn't really have to DO anything...

Originally Posted by Detox

* takes cover *
I agree with you though bud.

*runs*

[TommyGun]

Originally Posted by ruthieroo

nah. think that takes over-generalisation to a whole new level that does

Thats what Cynic does.

[ghost.of.an.englishman]

Originally Posted by Pseudolonewolf

It's probably a lot easier for females with SA to meet others, just because others would approach them and they wouldn't really have to DO anything...

But even if that’s true it doesn’t mean it’s any easier for SA women to find and maintain emotionally healthy, happy relationships.

[Pseudolonewolf]

Hmm, I've clearly not been here long enough to know what is and isn't a good thing to say, so now I feel very embarrassed for having brought that gender thing up... D:

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Benfica

Oh but it's been a least a week since we opened it

Originally Posted by ruthieroo

not if you never go anywhere it isn't. and based on past experience, even if a miracle happened and someone did appear interested i'd prob run a mile in opposite direction anyway so don't think its necessarily easier just cause you're female, maybe is for some females i dunno, maybe its just me.

Well at least you have the option to run!

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Pseudolonewolf

Hmm, I've clearly not been here long enough to know what is and isn't a good thing to say, so now I feel very embarrassed for having brought that gender thing up... D:

Ah don't worry about it If you hadn't of mentioned it someone else would have done (probably someone who's been here much longer than you and knows the outcome!). The topic has been done hundreds if not thousands of times before and I'm sure it will never die

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by diplodocus

Oh but it's been a least a week since we opened it

Its never been closed.

[diplodocus]

I think the lower your self-esteem irregardless of gender the more prone you are to getting used and abused in that fashion.



I agree they do have to do things. I think that naturally progresses to the next question, is it harder to do the approaching or to be approachable? And, is it harder to be rejected or do the rejecting? I'm not even going to answer that but I will say I know which way round I'd rather have it....

[socialanxietyjohn]

Has there never been romance after an SAUK meet.

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by socialanxietyjohn

Has there never been romance after an SAUK meet.

I think know there has been romance during an SAUK meet!

[Johnni]

^ PM me NOW. Athough heard of one instance that might qualify.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by Pseudolonewolf

Hmm, I've clearly not been here long enough to know what is and isn't a good thing to say, so now I feel very embarrassed for having brought that gender thing up... D:

No need to feel embarrassed. It's just that longer-term members of the site have seen the same point argued over a billion times on here. It usually ends up in 'handbags at dawn' squabbles.

It's one of those - light the blue touch paper and retire to a safe distance - kind of topics. No need to feel embarrassed though. I think it's an easy conclusion to draw, although it's not really as accurate in practice as it is in theory.

This can of worms is regularly opened, hence the comment on my post from diplodocus. No worries though, it's an enduring topic and probably always will be.

PS, I've not said anything constructive on your thread only because I'm in a relationship, so don't qualify to answer.

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by Benfica

PS, I've not said anything constructive on your thread only because I'm in a relationship, so don't qualify to answer.

Now you're just showing off.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by Johnni

Now you're just showing off.

[Toxic]

i suppose that is a good point

i immediately thought...yeah damn them lucky women..i wish i could just sit there and have members of the opposite sex chat me up! ..how easy they have it they should try being a bloke!

..but then i remember when the woman at work was all over me..making approaches when i wasnt remotely attracted to her had to pretend to be busy or keep running to the toilet so it looked like i was elsewhere a friendly member of staff ended up having to bail me out due to lack of back bone because i couldnt/didnt know how to reject her

i guess we both have our issues! ..i just need to be in that situation again, but by someone im actually interested in! ..which means id need a job..and its only happened once in 25 years...

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by Cynic

Is it? It comes down to the provider/protector/superior genes.

It isn't rocket science to say that those with mental and/or physical defects are the bottom of the pile, compared with others.

You are no rocket scientist indeed!

[We_Hate_You]

I actually agree that it's easier for girls. I've seen plenty of shy girls have no trouble getting a boyfriend, but not so many shy dudes. I see plenty of confident guys with shy girlfriends but rarely confident girls with shy boyfriends. That probably makes me sexist, but it's what I've found.

[Defiance]

few people have SA so bad that they can't even speak when a member of the opposite sex approaches them.


in responce to diplo's question i think it's noticeably harder to approach and risk rejection rather than wait for someone to approach you.
having said that, in bars and stuff, i do notice sometimes that women who are keen on someone will give them the eye or other body language cues to signify to the male that an approach would be welcomed..

but generally, it's still harder for the male.


having said all this, i still do believe some women have a challenging time finding dates as i have watched a few re-runs of that program would like to meet on TV ...and yes, there are some women out there who don't really get approached very much and that tracey cox was doing stuff like giving them a makeover and giving them tips on how to be more approachable and appear more sexy to men, and if that didn't work they tend to make the girls on the show approach guys, so yes ... having watched the program for some women finding a date can be little troublesome if they dont get approached much ..

[Mortigantoj]

Originally Posted by Defiance

few people have SA so bad that they can't even speak when a member of the opposite sex approaches them

I don't think that's accurate!

[Only_human]

Women do undeniably have it easier in terms of attracting potential partners (especially online) so imo that's a fair assumption but it doesn't mean we can keep their attention or interest. Men are more easily pleased as a general rule then women I think and therefore are more likely to be happy to stick with a woman with issues for longer then your average woman would with a man with issues probably unless he met criteria A, B, C etc but naturally that's not always the case.

But you're statement regarding quieter/shyer/more reserved women being more likely to be mistreated is wrong imo. Fact is, in this day and age, a lot of women choose to be with men that mistreat them even though they have options to help them get out of it. Yes it may be due to insecurity or whatever but it's often, still a choice. However, I get each situation is different and some people (both men and women) can't get out of the relationship for whatever reason. Just because men are 'jack the lad' types doesn't necessarily mean they are any more likely to mistreat a woman then you're average shy, reserved, sweet seeming male.

Originally Posted by Cynic

Is it? It comes down to the provider/protector/superior genes.

It isn't rocket science to say that those with mental and/or physical defects are the bottom of the pile, compared with others.

Well that's me doomed then

[LittleMissMouse]

Cos I is a minger, innit.

[LittleMissMouse]

Originally Posted by Cynic

Rubbish. I've seen a pic of you and you look lovely.

.

You're supposed to be all cynical and not say things like that, but thank you very much -

[Mr. Spaceman]

Well I can't imagine any woman wanting to go out with me and in any case I've never been remotely brave enough to make any sort of approach.

[TommyGun]

Originally Posted by Mr~Spaceman

Well I can't imagine any woman wanting to go out with me and in any case I've never been remotely brave enough to make any sort of approach.

Same here.

[cbear]

The person I truly want is someone I cannot have.

The person I was last with is someone who I grew apart from. We were always ok together but we grew apart and lacked the spark to keep going.

The main reason is that I don't get out much hahaha

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by Mr~Spaceman

Well I can't imagine any woman wanting to go out with me and in any case I've never been remotely brave enough to make any sort of approach.

Originally Posted by TommyGun

Same here.

go out for a night out with friends or something (or find a forum to get some people to go out with)


then give them 20 quid and tell them to not give it to you back unless you approach.

if you are poor like me haha, you will eventually make an approach because you don't want to loose your money. you wont even be caring that much over the result in end, you'll just be too concerned about your money. once you've made the first approach you'll find it a bit easier to make more. it might be an idea to give the person back the 20 quid to force you to do more.

this is a good method to use, and one which i used on nights out to make sure i actually get some approaches in and not stand there like a lemon all night.

only around 2 out 7 approaches tend to go well for me, where there's obvious flirting ...etc,

the rest, usually i can tell they are not interested so excuse myself from the convo. most people if they are not interested wont be rude to you, but you should be able to tell weather or not they're into you or not.

[TommyGun]

^
I dont have any friends.

[Johnni]

^ You ever end up dating any women you approach?

[Defiance]

i personally find it easier on the ego if i am dropping hints with body language or something ...and being ignored than verbalizing my intent and having that ignored.