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  #1  
Old 12th November 2019, 15:47
Orwell20 Orwell20 is offline
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Default What was the worst period of your life?

I mean the time in which you hit the lowest point?
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  #2  
Old 12th November 2019, 15:58
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

Age 13 to 18.
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  #3  
Old 12th November 2019, 16:55
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

Undergrad years. Though there have been some other bad times.
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  #4  
Old 12th November 2019, 16:59
Schmosby Schmosby is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

From 5-16
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  #5  
Old 12th November 2019, 17:01
Indigo_ Indigo_ is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

4 years ago, I would have been 28.
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  #6  
Old 12th November 2019, 17:05
Jen. Jen. is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

17-21

The end of school and first part of university were peak depression, self-sabotage, drug misuse and rampant SA.
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  #7  
Old 12th November 2019, 17:14
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

Probably about 18-19 and then on par was 24-27, but my entire adult life has been nearly entirely misery.
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  #8  
Old 12th November 2019, 18:41
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

13-16 (low level bullying, hormones, misery and general horror) and 18-23 (SA at its peak, extremely avoidant, and so full of shame I could barely function)

To be honest, the whole of my teens and 20s were awful. Things picked up at around 33. Now, at 42, though I have major problems, am haunted by the past (shame, guilt, regret, etc) and worried about a lonely, childless old age, I feel much better. If I could wipe away the past, and if someone gave me another 100 years in good physical health, I believe I could even be happy. Imagine that!

As for the best periods, the first eight or so years were OK. I was a lonely, slightly neurotic child, but I was loved and safe. Other than that, it's been almost 100% sh*t

I can remember certain moments of intense pain as well, moments in which I could have screamed I was so unhappy. When I was in my late 20s, I did an MA at Kingston and used to divide my time between home and there. I didn't have the nerve to move, so I used to go and spend a couple of nights in bed and breakfasts or cheap hotels. I remember coming home one day and sitting on the train at Waterloo. I felt so awful I just didn't know what to do with myself (trying to quit Paxil cold turkey didn't help). I can vividly remember thinking that I'd go on a chat forum, or see a doctor or something and literally beg for help.
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  #9  
Old 12th November 2019, 19:04
Toxic Toxic is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

11-16 - terrible secondary school, its how i ended up here in the first place back in the day.

24-26 - Pretty hopeless, no on going education, struggling to find a job, an abrupt end to a relationship losing 2 close people to me, a girlfriend and also my best friend at the time (totally not related I lost 2 people on the same day )

and now, under ridiculous amounts of pressure at work, underpaid, about to crash and burn and have no real life outside of work so I can't even switch off. I come home and just want to sleep.
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  #10  
Old 12th November 2019, 23:14
Avalon Avalon is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

There are too many miserable periods in my life to mention and each one felt horrific at the time it was happening.

I was mostly an unhappy and troubled child, teenager and young adult and the only silver (gold) linings came in the form of my beloved son 16 years ago and then later meeting my now husband.

There will be many more bad times ahead for sure mainly due to failing health in myself and loved ones but such is life. As a kid I used to collect badges and one of them read 'Life's a Bitch and then you die'. Even back then those words made a lot of sense to me
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  #11  
Old 13th November 2019, 10:25
Counterpoint Counterpoint is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

I would say now. Have always known social anxiety but the hopelessness and sense of failure I experience on a daily basis these days feels beyond what a person can or should live with. I think the only reason I haven’t ended it all by now is an even greater fear of death.
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  #12  
Old 13th November 2019, 17:54
Sisyphus Sisyphus is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

Everything after the first nine months.
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  #13  
Old 13th November 2019, 18:16
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

Mid 20s.
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  #14  
Old 15th November 2019, 18:50
Orwell20 Orwell20 is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanuq
I worry it's in the future.
Same here. I don't think there has ever been a good period, and I can't say I have ever been happy. There have just been varying degrees of awfulness. My teens and early twenties were probably the worst, but that doesn't mean my 30s, or even my childhood, was great. They were just less bad. Thankfully, I'm pretty numb now and don't feel much any more. I don't think I was properly wired up. I'm too neurotic, too sensitive, too disconnected, anxious, withdrawn and melancholic for this world. I never wanted to be here.

But I suspect all the misery and pain of the last 40-odd years were a walk in the park compared to what lies ahead. First, I am going to have to watch my mother die. Obviously that won't be quick (it never is). Instead, it will be preceded by months, maybe even years, of suffering. A few more decades of ***t, soul destroying work in teaching (which I hate and find completely unrewarding - I wanted to be an artist, but I had no talent). Then I will have to face a lonely, childless old age, sat in a bungalow or retirement flat with no one in the world who cares whether I live or die. Then, who knows...cancer? Parkinson's, Alzheimers? Mother Nature has so many little goodies in her bag, who knows what I'll get in the lucky dip. I'm already losing sight in one eye, so maybe blindness also lies in store (there is a history of it in the family). Thank god I never brought kids into this hell.
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  #15  
Old 15th November 2019, 18:59
Aleks Aleks is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

Probably the first 6 months of university. That was awful. It's the first time I felt truly suicidal I think.

But I feel that I'm moving in to a possibly worse period and it's quite worrying.
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  #16  
Old 15th November 2019, 20:38
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy77
Then I will have to face a lonely, childless old age, sat in a bungalow or retirement flat with no one in the world who cares whether I live or die.

Ditto. Except I'll probably be living on the streets.
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  #17  
Old 15th November 2019, 20:38
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aleks
Probably the first 6 months of university. That was awful. It's the first time I felt truly suicidal I think.

Ditto.
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  #18  
Old 19th November 2019, 20:26
Lostspirit Lostspirit is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

2004, 2016 and part of this year, all very different but all left me with the same empty feeling and not wanting to be here anymore.
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  #19  
Old 1st January 2020, 14:43
Pink*Lady Pink*Lady is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

6 - two close family members died and my sister had an illness after being born and spent time in ICU.

11 - bullied at high school.

14 - starting being depressed, socially anxious, self harming and dealing with being a closet lesbian.

16 - bullied at college.

bullied in various jobs throughout my life.
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  #20  
Old 1st January 2020, 18:58
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

The first 22 years were pretty awful, especially from the age of 4 (1966) when I started school and faced the daily (mostly physical) bullying which never seemed to end, although by 6th form it was more mental than physical. I thought university would offer a fresh start, but I became totally isolated, which led to my first major breakdown.

Leaving education and going into the workplace offered some respite; I knew that my colleagues saw me as different or weird and mocked me, but I developed a thick skin and was able to pass this off as banter, giving as good as I got (I never lasted more than two years in any one job though). Things started going downhill again when I left London to become my father's carer (I was 40 by then).

However, rock bottom actually came between 2011 and 2015: in 2011, dad died, I lost my job and I moved away from the North East into an abusive relationship, resulting in my being homeless for a few months, actually not completely homeless but living in a tent on a campsite in Boston. Finding a place to live (in September 2012) should have been (yet) another new start, but I became isolated again and the events of the recent past caught up with me, leading to my longest-ever agoraphobic episode. By August 2015 ((I was 53 then), I reached a point where I decided I had to change things or leave the world.

I'm still here, so things did change; however, I have things in place to (try to) ensure that those dark days never return, because if I went there again, it would be over.

Sent from my SM-J330FN using Tapatalk
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  #21  
Old 17th January 2020, 22:55
Finlay Finlay is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

Probably around my late 20s/early 30s. No one major thing but just a bunch of various things causing me slowly become a bit of a wreck:

An unrequited love I built up in my head causing me emotional turmoil. But being the repressed, put-on-a-brave-face, people-pleaser I am, I bottled it all up and never really spoke to anyone about, despite the fact I so desperately wanted to vent.

An attempt to move out which I never really committed to properly, meaning a year where I just felt isolated and alone in a flat share. Nothing wrong with the flat, nor my flatmate, but mentally I was just not in the right head-space for it (the above unrequited love being the main culprit when it came to accelerating my diminishing mental state). Then the embarrassment and shame of moving back home. Felt like admitting defeat, that I wasn't adult or mature enough to cope out in the big bad world.

Approaching 30. Losing the last of my hair, which had been the source of my low-self esteem for years, as I'd been watching it slowly thin and recede since my early 20s. I could no longer keep up a decent hair do, so had to shave it off. Whilst it is freeing, it's not as an immediate a relief as it can be made out. Takes a bit of adjusting to.

My job role I'd had for 6 years gets made redundant. Kept my job but got moved to another department, to a new role. Felt under equipped for my new role. Also the department I got moved to was more bitchy and filled with office drama. Stress began to mount.

Holiday with a long time friend goes wrong. Drunken fall out and years of pent up frustration comes out of my mouth. Some of it justified, but some of it not. We make up but friendship is never the same again.

Job stress ends up with me quitting my job, under the guise of "going back to uni". I kidded myself on that was the reason too, but after a half hearted attempt to apply which I don't really follow up on, I end up missing the application window. Spend the next 6 months living off my savings, which I whittle down to nothing. Then I have to go on Job Seekers, which I'm on and off for a couple of years. It gets me some temp work in a call centre but I hate it. Big depressing grey building. Everyone's 10 years younger than me, yet I feel like I'm back in school, with me quiet in the corner hoping no one notices me, but also jealous I'm not part of the popular crowd. Feel like an outsider. Temp work ends. Go back on Job Seekers.

At this point I think I'm at my lowest. No job. No girlfriend. In fact, never had a girlfriend. Still living at home. In my early 30s. No money. Just days spent reading the internet, half-heartedly playing video games, pottering about. Highlight of my day would be to venture out to a coffee shop to get a coffee then come home.

Despite seeming to have progressed in my mid 20s a bit, I'd reverted back into my teenage self. No social skills. Shy. Quiet. Scared. Bald. Start to genuinely lose my mind a bit. Days spent indoors, nothing to do...or rather, no motivation to do anything. Start reading conspiracy theories. Go down the rabbit hole. Start getting convinced the new Pope is the sign of the End Times. Crying myself to sleep at nights. Rational brain is going "Oh Finlay, you've finally lost the plot, my son" This was when I knew it hit the bottom. I wasn't just sad and feeling down: I was actually losing my mind.

At this point I don't know exactly how I began to claw myself up again. I know I did apply randomly for a job, which I got. I wasn't particularly enamored with the work, but it was local and decent pay, and got me back a feeling of control, I think. Plus the work felt a bit more friendly. Took me while, but I think just being nice and friendly, even if it was just a front at first, won people over to me. And it just continued from there!

So yeah, that was the worst period. It was around that time I signed up for here, haha
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  #22  
Old 18th January 2020, 20:22
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

I don’t answer questions like this when I do not know the population I am talking to.
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  #23  
Old 18th January 2020, 21:29
LittleMissMouse LittleMissMouse is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

I'm wondering if it might be now actually. I almost started crying yesterday at work because it all just got a bit much - I was fairly annoyed at all my colleagues such being selfish and self-absorbed so I just put my headphones in and put my ipod on random - the first song was the same one that I remember crying my eyes out to when I was at my lowest point at uni and I had the exact same feeling of this is all so futile and pointless and the feeling of being part of some celestial experiment to see how miserable you can make a person before they finally crack. Had a bit of an epiphany yesterday that I think there is a sizeable portion of depression with my name on it heading my way.

If you look at my life from the outside at the moment there's nothing to complain about you'd see a reasonable job, stability, good health and being able to mask my anxiety moderately well and do a fairly good impression of someone who has a bit of a life. But underneath the surface I don't really have any friends here and don't really know how to go about getting some - there are people who I know who I would say hi to in the street but noone I can ring and say "hey, do you fancy a coffee/beer" and noone to ask about my day, or the other way round noone to ask how their day was make a cup of tea for while they rant about their boss being a nob. And everything just seems like such a struggle too, everything seems to be so easy for everyone else and good fortune, luck, solid friendship groups just land in their lap. I know life is what you make it, but it just feels like there is no point making an effort when you know that all you end up with is scraps off the table of life.
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  #24  
Old 4th May 2020, 16:15
DiamonD DiamonD is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

I honestly think the worst period of my life has been the past 3 years. I had a lot of problems in my teens with School Phobia and i lost my dad when i was 11 and of course those times were difficult but i don't ever remember feeling as helpless and hopeless as i have done the past few years. Suicide is never far from my mind these days. I just don't see any future for me. Unless my life totally changes, which i very much doubt it will.

I hate where i live and dream of living out in the beautiful country side with one or two neighbours who live about half a mile down the road. Somewhere really remote always interests me. Where maybe you only get post once a week and you rarely see anyone. Sounds like total heaven. But i will never have the kind of money you'd need to buy a country house so it will always remain a wonderful dream.
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  #25  
Old 4th May 2020, 16:46
Raks1981 Raks1981 is online now
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

28 to the current day.

Anxiety is fixed, but underlying depression is there. Due to life quality, health issues, not being able to live the life I want/look the way I want. My strategy to cope with this is to stay indoors and avoid anything social. But unfortunately there are times you have to go outdoors, or you see things on TV/movies, and are reminded of it all (activates your low self esteem). That puts you in a crap mood, and the cycle repeats. Hopefully counselling will change my outlook.

Things will change for you DiamonD, you just need the right sort of help.

I've been having CBT. Living somewhere secluded might help in the short term, in CBT they talk about Rules & Unhelpful Behaviour, that protects your self-esteem.

Although it may make you feel better in the short term (if avoiding people would help) but your low self esteem will remain dormant and reinforced.

Have you ever had CBT? I've found some of it interesting, being able to look at your thoughts from a logical point of view.
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  #26  
Old 4th May 2020, 16:56
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DiamonD
I honestly think the worst period of my life has been the past 3 years. I had a lot of problems in my teens with School Phobia and i lost my dad when i was 11 and of course those times were difficult but i don't ever remember feeling as helpless and hopeless as i have done the past few years. Suicide is never far from my mind these days. I just don't see any future for me. Unless my life totally changes, which i very much doubt it will.

I hate where i live and dream of living out in the beautiful country side with one or two neighbours who live about half a mile down the road. Somewhere really remote always interests me. Where maybe you only get post once a week and you rarely see anyone. Sounds like total heaven. But i will never have the kind of money you'd need to buy a country house so it will always remain a wonderful dream.
If you qualify for social housing there are places that are in small villages etc (I used to live somewhere like that, but when me and my brothers had grown up and moved out she decided to do a house swap to somewhere smaller and in a town so she had more shops etc close by)
I think I've read in other posts that you've made a lot of progress in some areas of your life in recent years, it's still possible for things to improve even more even if it seems unlikely right now
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  #27  
Old 4th May 2020, 17:50
DiamonD DiamonD is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

@ Raks1981:
Never tried CBT. I don't really do therapy. I'm always one who tends to prefer to "Suffer in silence" so to speak. Never had counseling, seen a Doctor or anything like that. And now i prefer to stay as well away from people as i can really. Hate even using the phone and i haven't apart from a handful of times in recent years.

@ Dougella:
Thanks for the hug
I doubt i'd be able to just move out into the countryside. I wanna go as far out as possible.
I'm very realistic about my life. I know that at 44 i very much doubt things will change at this late stage. But i don't dwell on things and i don't do the whole poor me thing as other people have such sad and horrible lives and have so much more to deal with than me. So i try to stay as positive as i can.

I think i'm very lucky as in i have always kept my child like innocence. My family say i've never grown up. I still listen to the same music as i did when i was a teen and i still watch the same shows too. And i still believe in silly things like magic, witches and mermaids. I still have that child like wonder about me which i think i'm very lucky to have. Most other people seem to think when they hit their 30s that it's time to be mature and respectable. I just think be who you are and if other people have a problem with that then stuff them.
Others might think it was silly for a man of my years to be watching and enjoying Jem, She-Ra and Fraggle Rock but i'm not hurting anyone. And it takes me back to a time where although things were sometimes difficult, they were so much easier than today.

I think that's why i try to surround myself with things that make me feel happy and young again. My love of Christmas keeps me young. I i tend to live my life through the shows i watch. If only life was like a Hallmark Christmas movie. It really would be a happily ever after
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  #28  
Old 4th May 2020, 18:01
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

^ You might find a book called The Happiness Trap interesting if you don't want to have therapy (I recommend it to people all the time but I think it's a good book)


All the adults I know still enjoy the music they listened to when they were young or the video games they played, or they want to introduce their children to things they liked as children! I don't think you're so different in that respect.
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  #29  
Old 4th May 2020, 19:37
Raks1981 Raks1981 is online now
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

Quote:
Never tried CBT. I don't really do therapy. I'm always one who tends to prefer to "Suffer in silence" so to speak. Never had counseling, seen a Doctor or anything like that. And now i prefer to stay as well away from people as i can really. Hate even using the phone and i haven't apart from a handful of times in recent years
I totally respect your view. But, by not trying, you're robbing yourself of a (potential) opportunity to tackle your problem(s). (I'm not saying that it's the solution to your problem, but it couldn't hurt?...)

If you "suffer in silence" , then nothing will ever change.

I recently heard a quote in which some guy said "A life time spent failing would be a life better lived, than one in which I never got started" .
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  #30  
Old 4th May 2020, 21:03
DiamonD DiamonD is offline
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Default Re: What was the worst period of your life?

Thanks for your advice, guys. You're all so sweet
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