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  #1  
Old 2nd October 2019, 19:07
Jimmy77 Jimmy77 is offline
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Default Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

I don’t even seem to want to leave the house now. It feels as if nothing I do really matters any more.
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  #2  
Old 2nd October 2019, 20:00
Toxic Toxic is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

Although I'm on the younger side of the 30-81 group I do tend to agree. I don't think I'm exactly depressed, I just don't really see the point in learning anything new/pick up a new hobby/do something I've been putting off for years.

Occasionally I get bouts of optimism, I'll go take a course, I'll learn to so and so..maybe It will help me get a new job and earn more money! Then I just wonder whats the point, by the time I learn a new skill and have "magicked" some experience out of thin air I'll probably be in my 40's and will be replaced by a 20 year old happy to work on min wage.

I don't know..I'm tired a lot due to work, the thought of trying to do anything that doesn't involve me being a vegetable in front of the TV just strikes me as not worth it, the pay off won't outweigh the hassle. I honestly don't get peoples optimism and energy, I find it enough of a chore just to stay awake till 9-10!
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  #3  
Old 2nd October 2019, 23:57
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

How old is 'older'?
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  #4  
Old 3rd October 2019, 02:50
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

^ I'm wondering if Jimmy may have been born in 1977


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy77
I don’t even seem to want to leave the house now. It feels as if nothing I do really matters any more.
I can very much relate to that sentence at the moment

I don't know about you, but I'm not sure if my total lack of motivation is down to getting older or if it's Depression causing me to feel this way

It's certainly depressing getting older that's for sure. With each passing year the bones and joints start to ache just that little bit more, the body becomes lumpier and saggier and then there's the realisation that some of the hopes and aspirations that you had during your younger years are probably never going to happen.

However, I do think that it's a state of mind rather than getting physically older that is at the root of feeling so unmotivated and hopeless. I mean, lots of people in their 70's, 80's and beyond enjoy fulfilling lives and take up new hobbies and ventures so it's never too late. Perhaps our time will come, Jimmy, and these middle years are just a minor glitch
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  #5  
Old 3rd October 2019, 15:34
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

I have massive problems with this. By my late teens I'd developed an avoidant personality disorder. Consequently, I did nothing - didn't socialize, didn't work, didn't sleep around or have relationships, etc. I felt so ashamed, so inadequate, that all I wanted was to escape that feeling. And that motivated me, that desire to escape shame. I had all these dreams - to backpack around India, go to university in London, and so on. I was desperate to prove myself. But the SA was just too much and so I did nothing.

Now, at 42, the fear, avoidance and anxiety has massively reduced. Unfortunately, it has come too late. Yeah, it's never too late to make new friends, start a new job, have sex, etc, but it IS too late to escape my past/ my life story. And without that driving me on I can hardly be bothered to leave the house. I sort of feel that since my life has been a failure (still live at home, never had a proper job, etc) what's the point. When I was in my 20s, it felt like I was still young enough to escape and start over, to make a new set of friends who knew nothing about my past. I need a new reason to get out there I guess (but I don't like people much, have lost interest in sex, hate work and have no interest in a career, don't want to live in a sh*tty little flat with noisy *****s waking me up at 3am). I suppose most people over 35 have kids, and that is what drives them forward and keeps them motivated.
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  #6  
Old 3rd October 2019, 15:52
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

^ You didn't do nothing though, right? You have two degrees, is that right? You have had sexual relationships, you have had jobs.
I think one of the truths about life is that it's not perfect and it almost never goes the way you think or hope it will, which often turns out to be a good thing and things happen that you never could have predicted.

I'm just 35 and I don't have children and don't have plans to have any, but I still have reasons to keep going.
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  #7  
Old 3rd October 2019, 16:41
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dougella
^ You didn't do nothing though, right? You have two degrees, is that right? You have had sexual relationships, you have had jobs.

I'm just 35 and I don't have children and don't have plans to have any, but I still have reasons to keep going.
True. I think the shame is so deep it's very hard to dislodge. Even though I'm 42 I have never got over the way I felt at 18 or 19. The SA was bad enough, but the feelings of shame, humiliation and inadequacy were worse. I probably need a **** load of therapy to work through all this. And I guess I need to find a reason to live other than escaping shame. At times, I feel like I'm emerging from a 20 year storm of fear and avoidance. I don't know whether anyone can relate to all this. It must be common. SA holds you back so much that you are unable to keep up with your peers, which then leads to a sense of failure and inadequacy.
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  #8  
Old 3rd October 2019, 16:50
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

^ I think that feelings of shame like that are very common. Therapy can probably help a lot but you can work through things by yourself somewhat, acknowledging that shame plays a huge part in how you feel about yourself is probably a very good start.

You've got to be able to accept the things you have achieved in life though, especially in the face of some very serious mental health problems.

Some people do almost start living more when they get to their 40s for all sorts of reasons, I don't think it has to be the end of the road or too late at all (let's see if I'm still talking like this when I reach 40 )
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  #9  
Old 3rd October 2019, 18:41
Jimmy77 Jimmy77 is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moksha
Now, at 42, the fear, avoidance and anxiety has massively reduced. Unfortunately, it has come too late. Yeah, it's never too late to make new friends, start a new job, have sex, etc, but it IS too late to escape my past/ my life story. .
1) Most people aren't interested in your past (they are only interested in themselves).

2) Most people distort, exaggerate and lie about their past anyway. Often, even they can't remember what's true.

3) Stop thinking like an adolescent. Many people with SA, myself included, get trapped in the ****ing trauma of adolescence, when your peers are watching everything you do and just waiting for a chance to jump on you and ridicule you. Plus, of course, you feel like your parents are watching as well. At your age, no one cares any more. That can be depressing, but it can also be liberating.
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  #10  
Old 3rd October 2019, 18:53
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moksha
Now, at 42, the fear, avoidance and anxiety has massively reduced. Unfortunately, it has come too late. Yeah, it's never too late to make new friends, start a new job, have sex, etc, but it IS too late to escape my past/ my life story. And without that driving me on I can hardly be bothered to leave the house. I sort of feel that since my life has been a failure (still live at home, never had a proper job, etc) what's the point.
You say that your fear, avoidance and anxiety has massively reduced so why let the shame you feel about suffering with poor mental health in the past stand in your way of doing things now? Isn't that just another form of avoidance?

Overcoming the worst of your anxiety and fear IS a big part of your life story and it's something to feel rather proud of surely, certainly not ashamed.
When people talk about the hardships, adversities and awful experiences that they've been through in the past no one thinks badly of them - instead most folk would think good on them for coming through all of that crap. Another SAUK member often spoke about suffering with Agoraphobia and Aspergers and not starting to properly live until he was in his 50's. I always thought that was incredibly inspirational.

Throw caution to the wind, Moksha, and travel to a place that you've always wanted to visit. Or take up a new hobby. Either you spend the rest of your life feeling ashamed or you give yourself the chance to start living.

At 52, 62, and 72...you will be kicking yourself if you've allowed shame to hold you back from doing the things that you wanted to do now. Don't you think that maybe, just maybe, you might be using your shame about the past as an excuse not to step out of your comfort zone? I do totally understand where you are coming from as I'm exactly the same. It's easier to make excuses than to risk failing again accept not even trying at all is a far greater failing as the chance of succeeding is zero.

Your life hasn't been a failure Moksha. It's far from over yet and, besides, overcoming anxiety is a massive achievement and one that I'm nowhere close to conquering myself yet.

As for children keeping you motivated and driving you forward this only lasts for a relatively short time. Too quickly they grow up and often fly the nest. Indeed although I have a 16 year old I am less motivated than I've ever been before. As it should be, he is busy making a life of his own and I know that I need to be me again as opposed to my life revolving around being a mother. But it's an incredibly hard transition to make.

Apologies for coming across so annoyingly preachy. I really don't mind if you take everything I say with a pinch of salt
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  #11  
Old 3rd October 2019, 21:55
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

^ good post!
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  #12  
Old 4th October 2019, 18:15
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

No.
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  #13  
Old 4th October 2019, 21:30
Mountainstream Mountainstream is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

Define “older”...
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  #14  
Old 16th October 2019, 01:04
Debbie82 Debbie82 is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

lovely post Consolida
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  #15  
Old 16th November 2019, 20:57
Displaced Displaced is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

I've been struggling with keeping myself motivated recently. I have a decent job, but no relationship and have lost touch with the friends I used to have, except one.

I used to have so many hobbies and interests when I was younger; snooker, badminton, cycling, cars, computer games and various others. Now I am no longer in contact with the people I used to play snooker/badminton with, the friends I used to hang about in our cars with have mostly moved away and computer games don't really interest me these days. I have no partner or children, and find weekends particularly difficult. Today for example, I spent the entire day randomly surfing the web because I had nothing else to do. I can't honestly see that changing any time soon and it's getting rather depressing. I feel as though every day is just going to work, coming home, then hanging about until it's time to go back to work again
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  #16  
Old 16th November 2019, 22:52
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

I am finding it hard. I've failed to achieve anything of lasting value, managed to spend ALL of my 30s living at home which I absolutely did not intend to do, and have also become much more boring. Think how your parents and their friends mostly seemed boring when you were a teenager. Well I'm like that but without the excuse of children, a partner, a 'proper' job, a house and the usual boring middle aged person things. Even stuff I used to like I'm sort of meh about. More like - yes, I like that, rather than omg I'm so passionate about this activity/piece of art/place whatever it is. I finally went on holiday somewhere I've always wanted to go this year, and I enjoyed it, but it wasn't AMAZING! I kept thinking how much more fun it would have been going in my early 20s. Weirdly a NEW hobby or interest (that doesn't cost a lot) still seems somewhat fun.

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  #17  
Old 18th November 2019, 22:52
LittleMissMouse LittleMissMouse is offline
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Default Re: Do you find it hard to motivate yourself now you are older?

Yep, when I was younger I was very ambitious and driven and also very naive in that I genuinely believed that hard work was the key to success. Now that I'm old and have singularly failed to achieve most of my ambitions I'm quite disenchanted with most things and how unfair life is in general, so these days it's hard to be motivated to try and achieve anything.
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