How do you feel before a meet?

Billyonastick · #1 20th December 2009, 23:10

Was just wondering how you all feel before a meet?I went to the Manchester meet last week which was nice but I felt so sick before I went and nearly didnt go because of it but I managed it and met some lovely people,so thank you all for making me feel welcome xx

Rick Sanchez · #2 20th December 2009, 23:45

Well done on going.

Almost every meet I've hosted/attended, I've felt very nervous beforehand, and almost to the point of doing a runner just before it started. It has gotten easier, but it's still a big deal for me.

shok · #3 20th December 2009, 23:55

Hi ,

I still get anxious before meets and i've been to a fair few ...it has become alot easier and I worry about less things than i use to do.
I kind of look forward to them now because Its with people i can be totally myself with and be ok with that. ..Can't wait till the next meet

- Shaukat

.

Reader · #4 21st December 2009, 12:31

I would have liked to have attended the last meet in Manchester but I wasn't confident enough to go. The thought of not knowing anyone or the venue was too much. May be next time?

Quiet Man · #5 21st December 2009, 12:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reader

I would have liked to have attended the last meet in Manchester but I wasn't confident enough to go. The thought of not knowing anyone or the venue was too much. May be next time?

That is often how I feel also but on Saturday I went to the London meeting as my first and was glad that I did. So for me that was a big step!

jay9 · #6 21st December 2009, 12:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

I always wonder if people who feel able to go to meets, really suffer from SA. I can barely even think about a meet, let alone go to one. I haven't been diagnosed with SA but I have the symptoms.

Heh, I've been thinking exactly the same thing.

HiddenAway · #7 21st December 2009, 13:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

I always wonder if people who feel able to go to meets, really suffer from SA. I can barely even think about a meet, let alone go to one. I haven't been diagnosed with SA but I have the symptoms.

Yeah I was wondering the same thing too...

Shy Gem · #8 21st December 2009, 13:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

I always wonder if people who feel able to go to meets, really suffer from SA. I can barely even think about a meet, let alone go to one. I haven't been diagnosed with SA but I have the symptoms.

I've been diagnosed with SA and attended my first meet not so long ago, I did feel a little anxious but that was to be expected as it was my first. It may not be everyones cup of tea, but I think going to a meet is a step in the right direction into helping with the progress, it's a great way to meet like-minded people who feel the same as you feel.

jay9 · #9 21st December 2009, 13:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shy Gem

I've been diagnosed with SA and attended my first meet not so long ago, I did feel a little anxious but that was to be expected as it was my first. It may not be everyones cup of tea, but I think going to a meet is a step in the right direction into helping with the progress, it's a great way to meet like-minded people who feel the same as you feel.

I guess the fact that you know that the other people have the same problem makes it easier, but that still wouldn't be enough to get me going even though I'd like to. I'll have to find more determination. So yeah I guess if you've been that's great well done.

jay9 · #10 21st December 2009, 13:58

Again same thought here zedbra, I wouldn't even make it to the door.

Rick Sanchez · #11 21st December 2009, 14:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

I always wonder if people who feel able to go to meets, really suffer from SA. I can barely even think about a meet, let alone go to one. I haven't been diagnosed with SA but I have the symptoms.

The whole 'you can't really have SA if you can do XYZ' argument seems to crop-up often on here, and it's really not helpful to anyone. The fact of the matter is, people's SA (I say "people's SA" because SA isn't something in itself, it's a label used for people with varying anxiety with different social-related things) varies drastically. People are different, and so are their fears. What may seem impossible to you isn't for other's, and vice versa. Etc, etc.

By the way, I was diagnosed with having social anxiety about three years ago.

Rick Sanchez · #12 21st December 2009, 15:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

It's interesting that the people who attack others in forums are often misunderstanding what the person they attack has written. I didn't write anything to be "unhelpful" and I did not state, "you can't really have SA if you can do XYZ". I simply said that I often wonder if those people really have SA. I don't claim to be the world authority on SA, I am simply stating an observation that, going by some of the replies, is shared by others. Of course there is lots more to it and SA affects different people in different ways.

I'm not "attacking" you, and I'm not misunderstanding what you're saying. You are claiming that members here that go to meets may not have SA due to how impossible it would be for you to attend a meet, as an SA sufferer. You admitted yourself that there's "lots more to it", and that "SA affects different people in different ways", so you've kind of contradicted yourself.

I can speak from experience that almost all people I've met from meets clearly suffer from SA (or, at least, have done), and some have clearly been effected by it quite badly. If anything, they should be praised for plucking up the courage to attend meets, not questioned by someone who doesn't know them as to whether they have SA or not.

jay9 · #13 21st December 2009, 15:36

It seems to me that SA does not have a clear definition, it is more used to descibe a group of similar comditions amounting to the same general problems. Possibly different levels of severity? It depends on how you are affected. It seems to me that I suffer from a worse case than some others here and so I beleive that they are not experiencing the same problems as me. I think that's the point that zedbra was making. But yes, great job if you've been to meets.

Rick Sanchez · #14 21st December 2009, 15:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

You've now attacked me twice.

Where in any of my two replies to you have I attacked you? Having a disagreement isn't an "attack".

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

Clearly you ARE misunderstanding me because if you weren't, you wouldn't think that I have suggested that anyone here does not have SA.

Right...

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

I always wonder if people who feel able to go to meets, really suffer from SA.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

I simply said that I often wonder if those people really have SA

Shy Gem · #15 21st December 2009, 15:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

I always wonder if people who feel able to go to meets, really suffer from SA.

To be honest I was a little taken aback by the above comment. I've gone down the path of having CBT, improving my anxiety and attending a meet, but for people to then question whether I really suffer because i've attended is a bit

...

Raks · #16 21st December 2009, 16:03

You may be self-conscious about the way you look, but most of the people at sa meets are probably already anxious in themselfs on the day that they aren't going to give a toss about anyone's appearance. (why would appearance matter anyway). And people who go to meets do REALLY suffer from SA. Some people are less/more chatty then others, some might only mutter a few words the whole time they are there!!! but they still make the effort to go and good for them i say.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

I totally agree with you ShyGem that it's a good way to meet people who are similar, and they are great if you have it in you to go. The problem isn't that it isn't my cup of tea, because I'd actually love to meet some people and make friends with them. It's just getting the nerve to go that's the problem. I am far too self-conscious about the way I look, and even meeting just one person at a time is tough for me and I don't do that unless I've got to know them quite well first. Most these meets are (very unhelpfully) in typical places like pubs or bars, where most people with SA would have a problem walking into at the best of times. Going to such a place though where several people may well me looking at you as you walk through the door because they are waiting for you to arrive, is something that scares the life outa me.

pixiewoo · #17 21st December 2009, 16:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

Well I apologise if I offended you. It wasn't my intention of course.

I would try to explain more what's in my mind about the subject but my words will probably be misunderstood and twisted by some, so I'll leave it alone.

Zedbra, how do you know you cant do a meet, if you have never tried? Im not 'attacking' you in anyway, all im saying is, for you at the moment it seems like an impossible act - as it would of seem to many of the people on this site at one point or another, including myself - but with a little help from some form of therapy you will be amazed at how much you will push yourself to do things (even if they do scare you)

For me knowing that these meetings are filled with people who suffer from SA (varying in intensity), kinda makes me feel a little bit more relaxed about wanting to go to one

Shy Gem · #18 21st December 2009, 16:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by pixiewoo

For me knowing that these meetings are filled with people who suffer from SA (varying in intensity), kinda makes me feel a little bit more relaxed about wanting to go to one

That's the spirit

jay9 · #19 21st December 2009, 16:15

I'm certainly hoping that the same feeling will help me, pixiewoo.

pixiewoo · #20 21st December 2009, 16:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shy Gem

That's the spirit

pixiewoo · #21 21st December 2009, 16:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by jay9

I'm certainly hoping that the same feeling will help me, pixiewoo.

I hope so too jay9

Rick Sanchez · #22 21st December 2009, 16:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

I would try to explain more what's in my mind about the subject but my words will probably be misunderstood and twisted by some...

By "some", you, of course, mean me, but I haven't twisted or misunderstood anything. You just threw about accusations of abuse and contradicted yourself repeatedly in your attempts to explain yourself. I was simply trying to explain how your assumption that people might not have SA if they go to meets isn't necessarily true.

...But, you know, whatever.

Hopper · #23 21st December 2009, 16:23

I had my first sa group meeting just over a week ago and to be honest i was crapping my pants but it went great and altho i was slightly nervous it wasnt as bad as i imagined.

There was 6 of us there all really nice people and just knowing they all suffered in some way with sa made it easier for me to open up and relax.

The next meeting is on the 29th and they usually last 2 hours,the first hour will be at the usual venue then the next hour we are going across the road to the bar for a few drinks seeing as its christmas and new year.

Really looking forward to it.

pixiewoo · #24 21st December 2009, 16:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

Other people's appearance DOES matter to many, and it's sad people are like that, but I have a lifetime of experience that says people are bothered by how someone else looks. That is the main reason for me being self-conscious.

as long as you dont turned up in a green spandex jumpsuit,with red glitterly winkle pickers on your feet (although that would make an awesome christmas suit lol), i dont think people are going to be bothered what you wear, just as long as show up

People will be so pleased if you do go a meet, just because they realise how hard it is for you to it

jay9 · #25 21st December 2009, 16:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marti

I had my first sa group meeting just over a week ago and to be honest i was crapping my pants but it went great and altho i was slightly nervous it wasnt as bad as i imagined.

There was 6 of us there all really nice people and just knowing they all suffered in some way with sa made it easier for me to open up and relax.

The next meeting is on the 29th and they usually last 2 hours,the first hour will be at the usual venue then the next hour we are going across the road to the bar for a few drinks seeing as its christmas and new year.

Really looking forward to it.

Thanks for sharing, that's nice to hear.

Hopper · #26 21st December 2009, 16:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

I think it's great that you and others have managed to go. Well done to all of you for making the effort!

Thanks,if you really want to beat SA you have to fight it and push yourself and put yourself into situations that you dont really like.

Yeah its hard but i just think its what you need to do.

Rick Sanchez · #27 21st December 2009, 16:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedbra

How many times do I have to tell you that you misunderstood? Why can't you just accept that? Maybe I didn't explain things very well, but I did try to explain again and I have also apologised to someone if I offended them.

What more do you want from me? Why can't you just be friendly and peaceful like others? I'm doing my best here but you're intentionally baiting me. I intentionally ignored your other message to me because I wanted to end the hostility.

Because I haven't misunderstood anything! You said that people who attend meets might not have SA, but then go on to say that you never claimed that some people here might not have SA. You've completely contradicted yourself, and yet carry on claiming that I'm misunderstanding you. It's really quite infuriating.

I have been perfectly civil here. If anyone's "baiting" it's you, being snide by referring to me in your replies to other people. I haven't "attacked" you, and you still haven't explained your reason for claiming that I have. Anyway, I really don't know what your problem is, so I'll just end it here.

Shy Gem · #28 21st December 2009, 16:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marti

Thanks,if you really want to beat SA you have to fight it and push yourself and put yourself into situations that you dont really like.

Yeah its hard but i just think its what you need to do.

Agreed

jay9 · #29 21st December 2009, 16:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by Godfather

Because I haven't misunderstood anything! You said that people who attend meets might not have SA, but then go on to say that you never claimed that some people here might not have SA. You've completely contradicted yourself, and yet carry on claiming that I'm misunderstanding you. It's really quite infuriating.

I have been perfectly civil here. If anyone's "baiting" it's you, being snide by referring to me in your replies to other people. I haven't "attacked" you, and you still haven't explained your reason for claiming that I have. Anyway, I really don't know what your problem is, so I'll just end it here.

I'm going to speak my mind here. To be honest, I think that what's "really quite infuriating" is the fact that you are having a go at someone for being "unhelpful", and yet you are not being supportive at all. I'm sure you have something helpful to say on the matter?

Rick Sanchez · #30 21st December 2009, 16:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by jay9

I'm going to speak my mind here. To be honest, I think that what's "really quite infuriating" is the fact that you are having a go at someone for being "unhelpful", and yet you are not being supportive at all. I'm sure you have something helpful to say on the matter?

Actually, that's not true at all, I've been sticking up for, and supporting, people here that go to meets, as I found zedbra's post quite insulting to members here that have attended meets (whether or not he intended to insult anyone by it is irrelevant). I've been disagreeing with zedbra (not "having a go") and justifying myself in the process, whereas he's been talking nonsense and insinuating things about me.

Anyway, this is just total bullshit. I've done nothing wrong here. I've just disagreed with someone. If you can't handle that, then tough shit, really.