Which type of SA fits you?

[Cheshire Cat]

One of my big problems when posting (and in my life in general) is that I tend to see everything only from my point of view and experience. I always make the mistake of assuming everyone suffers their SA in exactly the same way as me. So, to help with this I have devised a little list of different discriptions of SA characters. From reading, talking and posting etc, I've noticed there are vast differences between how we each handle the problem. I find life unbelievably difficult and unhappy, but some people, for example, I'm sure rarely leave their house. I've found 3 different types. Which one are you...? It may even help you see yourself more clearly. Tell me if it helps.

A: 'I'm OK' SA - You are OK a lot of the time. You have quite a few close friends, but don't make new ones easily. You will go to meets and perhaps even instigate them. But you have your share of awkward, difficult feelings. Relationships are hard to find but you have more life experience than other SAers. You can chat to most people, but social 'events' are scary. You are quite positive about life in general - you identify with being a cheerful person inspite of your inhibitions. You love opening up to people in a chatty way on this board.


B: Narcissistic Personality SA - This is the camp I would put myself in. You suffer from the classic superiority complex/inferiority complex dilemma. Life has become an unconscious outward demonstration and 'performance' of a happy, confident person, who is actually dreadfully lost, empty and afraid. You perhaps wouldn't call yourself shy - just painfully anxious and paranoid. You want to change the world, be loved for your 'specialness' and need to constantly show off to compensate for a deep, deep feeling of (sexual?) impotence and inadequecy. You post serious posts, and hope to prove to all the other users one day the secret that cured your SA, and be the most adored guy/gal on this site!


C: Severe SA - You find pretty much all social encounters difficult. You may have had to change a number of jobs to find one that keeps you from having to deal with people. You frequently become a nervous wreck when talking to strangers. You find going to shops, eating in restaurants and even walking down the street hard work. Perhaps you are house-bound. Comminicating is pretty difficult.

Sorry if you hate lists!!! I'm a sucker for lists.:D

There's certainly a spectrum of SA. "Good thinking Batman!" as they say.

[Warbler]

I couldn't choose between A,B or C.I have had bits of all of them at different points in my life and still do.

[sjm]

B. Definitely.

[anne123456]

Sorry but I think 3 definitions are not enough... I partially relate to A and C but not B-I've gradually moved to A from being a C. I don't think SA is one thing at all, but the result of many different things and is manifested in many different ways. I don't think it is even one disorder, but several.

Anne

[pboy]

Parts of B but I think it is far too harsh, I suspect because you say that's the one you have CC. I don't want to be most adored or any of that.
The list is nowhere near enough also as it is only the ones you can think of CC, to get a good list we would all need to put our heads together. You don't have a special kevcantona category for example.
Even then I don't think it's good to put yourself into a certain class cos it probably makes you feel bad about yourself or people feel bad if they aren't in one class or other. They may think "Oh god I'm that bad I have no hope then". It might be more useful though if you can tell people how to get from C to A

[GhostOnMagneticTape]

I'm pretty much A and a little C... Definately not B. My mind over the years has evolved into a use of reverse psychology and anti-conformity, whether that's a good thing or a way to battle my inferiority complex, I don't know.

There are many different levels and variations of SA, so I'm sure there's some confusion between narcissism and confidence. But I'm sure there are people with SA who are egotistical and love attention to try and prove something to people or themselves?

C. Severe.
I only leave the house if i have to, like for my doctors appointments each week and now I have to leave for driving lessons as well. Thankfully my instucter is amazing. He knows about the SA and understands it as his sister had it when she was a teenager, so that makes it much better. But yeah, apart from that I am pretty much housebound. I hate whenever my mum suggests we go shopping or when my dad suggests I meet my finace in Glasgow rather than him coming here (we live a 3 hour bus ride apart). Whenever I tell them i can't they ask why and i get so clammed up, i can't even tell them why (even though they know about the SA) and i end up agreeing to it, which in turn causes a massive panic attack at some point.

[Porrig]

I don't think any of those descriptions totally describe mine. It's probably closest to a, but without the chattyness, happyness and the lots of close friends.

[hardy]

a bit of each.i'm sure that there are many more categories too.

A . ok most of the time .few close friends. social events are not scary any more .theyre sometimes good, often boring or frustrating. I am not chatty except with certain people. Almost never on this board.

B. feel impotent at times (but not sexually) would like to be loved for finding the antedote for SA .I haven't . and even those bits I have found are hard to get people to accept are true.

C.once was quite like c . but actually tended to stick in a job to avoid the stress of changing.Never housebound.Never friendless apart for a 3 year gap .

[incommunicado]

C. Severe
Have been diagnosed as such and more several times, i go to meets though, even instigate them and had more life experiences.
Can't identify with B at all.

[Chach]

Originally Posted by Porrig

I don't think any of those descriptions totally describe mine. It's probably closest to a, but without the chattyness, happyness and the lots of close friends.

Me too!

[threadbare]

it would easily be b). i'd identified myself as a terminal narcissist long before i had ever learned about SA. now i am starting to wonder if that was just another way of mentally beating myself up and doubting my own motivations for everything, so that everything i did eventually became meaningless or just confirmed my crapness as a person. i think that is one of the main things that i appreciate about CBT is that it doesn't require you to view yourself in such oppressive Freudian terms, which for me has been very refreshing. i actually think those kind of terms can reinforce the type of thoughts which keep SA in place, as they are primarily negative labels, they encourage you to constantly question your motivation in a highly cynical, self-critical way. i am sure these concepts have their applications, but for SAers in particular i think the term 'narcissism' probably has very limited therapeutic value, or at the very least needs to be approached with caution. but i am probably in some kind of denial.

[hardy]

I'm a bit puzzled about .
"Chatty and has lots of close friends" . I'm not sure how somebody could be Sa and also act that way!.
at least its a vary rare SAer youre talking about!
I suppose its possible but the sheer stress of having anxiety AND many close friends would seem to need an incredibly strong person or masochist!

[cavycrazy]

C is definitely me...... and I haven't even got a job at all.

[cloudyg]

Mostly A but also B and C.

[Boc11]

Mostly B here, definitely.

[Cheshire Cat]

Hi,

Of course you're all absolutely right that my list is completely inadequate. There are probably as many different ways the problem manifests itself as there are people dealing with it. I would never consider putting people in boxes like that accurate.

But I still found the responses interesting and helpful. Like I said - I have a major problem with assuming everyone must be exactly the same as me (maybe a need to manage and simplify the unsimplifiable), and I was really surprised that more people haven't identified with B. It's taught me not everyone has the grandiose, egocentric feelings that I feel I suffer from.

Threadbare - your response totally applies to me. I think you're absolutely right that much of self-psychology is more negativity. I don't mean it to be like that though. The starting point is always a desire to discover what's wrong, and I have been trying to be more honest with myself which may mean looking into the more 'negative' aspects of one's personality. Denial can be a big problem, and self-acceptance obviously has to embrace the whole you. My therapist was right to warn me about interpreting Freud though! She thinks he's caused a lot of pain because we forget that, whilest we may be repressed, frustrated, angry and all the rest of it... we are also OK!!!

Sometimes I can't help making things worse in the attempt to make them better! Cheshire Cat

[incommunicado]

Thought your list was fine Cheshire Cat and a pretty accurate observation of the three groupings which i find readily identifiable.

Can't have a different category for every individual.

[threadbare]

oh yeah - i am glad you posted your list too CC - i always love hearing other people's theories! glad you could relate to my thoughts about Freud, i thought i'd just been posting more navel fluff your therapist sounds like a wise woman.

[teapot]

Category C here.

[Grah08]

interesting categorization, I would say B/C. Narcisstic I would say was a false definition, its simply not recognizing normal elements of self.

I would say C but a bit worse . Can't face going to the doctors yet and am housebound whenever my husband isn't around, can't face people at all usually.

Hi CC and everyone else on this thread,

I thought the initial post here was really thought-provoking. Thank you for putting it out there. At first I thought I might be type A, but then realized I was closer to B. I've never thought of myself as a narcissist, but the description is really close to my reality. I think of myself as someone who gets so much out of socializing and chatting with people that it's hard to understand why I have so much anxiety when I'm in front of them. I often check to see if the way I'm talking is perfect (a function of my OCD, probably) and I'm terrified of public performance, though I usually force myself to speak at least a little in group situations. Anyway, I guess I came to this board to see if anyone else could relate/offer any advice. I feel very fortunate that I have the coping skills I do, but sometimes I feel that I'm just faking all of it so that people don't view me as a freak.

Thoughts?

C

I'm mainly C with a bit of B thrown in for good measure.

[Caron]

I'm C underneath, but A on the surface. I live a lie, it's the only way I can hold down a job and do other stuff that I want to do.

I think there's another type of SA, not from my own experience, but from what I deduce from what some people here have said, which could be termed "teen-onset" SA. There seem to be some people who get hit by SA out of the blue in their teens (although perhaps it could even happen later in life?) having been perfectly happy and "normal" up to that point. I don't know if that form of SA goes away in time of its own accord or if you're stuck with it once you've got it.

I hope I'm not being presumptuous in sugegsting this?

Caron

I guess I would be a cross between A and C. Just one of those options doesn't fit my SA.

I'm bizarre, because in terms of being able to actually build friendships and associate with people, and actually understanding social lives and how all that multitudinous crap really works, I would think I'm at about K on that scale However, I have been known to do impressions of pandas being kicked out of transit vans in the middle of a University doctors' surgery and not be bothered at all. I have a very bizarre sense of humour which a lot of people (bar the person I was doing that impression too, which if I recall correctly was part of a rant I was having about animals being sent back into the wild because I was anxious and bored) usually mistake for being a nutter. I either shut myself down totally when anxious or go all motor-mouth and talk about complete crap that doesn't make any sense.

'C' mostly, partly 'A' on a good day.