How is everyone feeling? (31)

[Tonkin]

Do you think your mum is secretly getting enjoyment out of telling you those things?

Or even using them to indirectly have a dig at you?

"Pat next door said you're a lazy bint who never offers to make a cup of tea or picks up after you when you come around" that sort of thing?

[Amara 94]

Maybe, I think it helps her feel better about herself sometimes.

Anxious about just going to the shops. I work a lot and get food for free there that I don’t have to go to the shops. Had kinda made me worse at buying essentials for the house.

[Amara 94]

^ The ironic thing is my granny referred to her daughter as fat, my auntie that I haven’t really spoken to ever. It sounds blunt and I don’t find my granny exactly to be nice or even that caring. But then where she is in Nigeria I think it’s the norm to be blunt.

[firemonkey]

Physio were here today.Have a long list of 'sitting down' exercises to do. Did some walking with the walking frame when nobody else was here. Was told it was good I'd tried, but for safety reasons someone needs to be here when I do so.

@Consolida I have mixed feelings about my mum ,who died near the end of 2010. I have pictures of her holding me as a baby and smiling, then things went wrong. So many times being told I was the awkward baby/toddler/child/ teenager etc. At the age of about 9 being told I'd never be as good as my father. This at a point where they were arguing with each other more than not doing so. For every compliment there was at least two criticisms.

Her alcoholism/drink problem didn't help. That affected my siblings and me more as we got older. She could be paranoid and vicious tongued with the drink.Attempts to get here to stop boozing were met with 'I drink because....' (Insert something we had done).

It's hard to write all this without getting tearful. I sense I was a disappointment, and yet to quote my brother

-You were reading encyclopaedia’s when you were very young mum always said that to me about you

[Dougella]

^ It can be so complicated trying to work out what was going on with our parents and why they behaved in certain ways can't it. It sounds like your mother recognised that you were very advanced in certain ways, unfortunately she didn't let you know that and told your brother instead (I have heard about parents doing this before, never complimenting their child directly but telling other people all sorts of positive things about them).

[Consolida]

^^^ It's sad that your granny felt the need to tell her daughter that she was fat, Amara, especially as a lot of women sadly have hang ups about their weight. For sure, cultural differences can play a part in how people come across as in being upfront/blunt or even maintaining a stiff upper lip etc, but it certainly shouldn't be an excuse to hurt another person's feelings, especially if you supposedly love that person.


@Firemonkey - Your mother comparing you unfavourably (at the age of 9!) to your father is shocking and it makes me want to scoop the little firemonkey out of that situation, give him a hug, and tell him that he can grow up to be whoever he wants to be and that I'll always be proud of him no matter what!

Parents have a lot to answer for

It does sound like your mum was proud of you in her own way, Firemonkey, or she wouldn't have told your brother how you were able to read encyclopaedias at such a young age.

Sadly, some parents, especially of a certain era, never received praise from their own parents and so giving any praise to their own children was something that they found impossible and/or caused them a great deal of discomfort.

Anyway, good luck with the Physio Firemonkey. Onwards and upwards

[choirgirl]

^Your mum is very lucky to have a daughter like you, and you are a great mum. It's interesting that your son took her comments in his stride. That does suggest he is well adjusted.

[firemonkey]

These recent falls have taken it out of me both mentally and physically. Not just the physical pain,but bouts of feeling cold,scared & tearful. Not that I was much use anyway, but now I feel even more useless. Even more of a failure.

[Dougella]

^ The weather is definitely colder recently, so I don't think it's just you feeling that.
After an accident like you had I would say most people would be feeling scared, especially if they lived alone. It's very unsettling. But you're not useless at all and hopefully with some help and the changes that might be happening like you moving, you will be back to feeling stronger and more capable, aswell as better supported very soon.

[Consolida]

^^^ Aww thank you Choirgirl

^^ Feeling mentally and physically bruised is only to be expected after your falls and it's bound to take time before you regain some confidence. You are NOT useless or a failure at all, Firemonkey, in fact it sounds to me like you are coping with a difficult situation no differently than anyone else would. I think, like all of us on here, you are being way too hard on yourself.

[Chess&Junkfood]

I can't put it better than what Dougella and Consolida has said, Firemonkey. But I just wanted to say that I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. After all, you are still recovering. And I hope it gets easier for you soon!

[firemonkey]

Thanks @allofyou. . In bed 9.45 up 3x between then and just before 1.00.Had drink Managed about 60-90 minutes sleep after that.. Getting into bed is more than a little painful.It then becomes an uphill struggle to be comfortable.

[firemonkey]

Moods dipping. Same as last night. This morning reablement support worker came I made a drink/mwved some porridge/prepared a sandwich/strip washed all but my lower legs/walked a bit with the frame/did some sitting down exercises.

[I Love My Cats]

I haven't been on here for a wee while, but sorry to hear things are difficult for you firemonkey. Hold onto those bits of progress you achieve as they all add up, and don't be hard on yourself.

I'm not great currently. I feel I'm spread too thin with my son, my dad and my own head. I've started back on antidepressants again and hoping things pick up soon as my self confidence and self worth is in my boots. Struggling to get to the end of each day, exhausted when I get to bed, then the anxiety kicks in, in the early hours and I'm awake for hours, worrying about everything. Trying to keep working as without that structure, I feel I'll be finished - I will completely crash and burn.

[Consolida]

^ It's lovely to see you posting again although I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time at the moment. I hope that the antidepressants give you a little respite soon and that you begin to feel better. Take care x

[biscuits]

^^^^ that's really reassuring to hear that someone is checking in on you, firemonkey

^^ nice to see you posting Mrs Cats. Sorry that things are really challenging and overwhelming at the moment, that's really good that you're getting a little bit of support. I hope things begin to feel more manageable for you soon

[firemonkey]

^^^ I hope your situation can improve asap.

[anxiouslondoner]

^^^^ Hello Mrs ILMC. Sorry to hear things aren't going so well, but it's good to hear from you after a long absence all the same.

[firemonkey]

^ Dry retching is horrible. Sorry to hear you're experiencing it.I hope it goes away soon.

[Percy]

[biscuits]

Originally Posted by Lee S

I've developed a new anxiety symptom that is really horrible. I keep dry retching and seem to have developed a 'thing' about it where I only have to think about it and it starts me retching. It's very distressing and makes me panic. Makes me frightened of eating too.

aw Lee, I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. It happens to me when I get really anxious too. I went through a time of it happening every day for a few months. I couldn’t eat very much at all. It’s really distressing.

[mancman71]

Lonely and helpless with my struggles with social anxiety and depression exacerbated with my dependence on valium...Lost so much and struggling to find a way forward.

[Indigo_]

^ I thought you might appreciate the fact that I have now bought three Christmas presents :P

[Consolida]

Originally Posted by mancman71

Lonely and helpless with my struggles with social anxiety and depression exacerbated with my dependence on valium...Lost so much and struggling to find a way forward.

I really feel for you

Getting off of Lorazepam is tougher than I ever imagined and what makes it worse is that people in the Beating Benzo's groups talk about about how 'freeing' it will be to someday get their lives back when they finally 'heal' but what if the life you get back is the life that was utterly incapacitated by social anxiety and the sole reason why you started on Benzo's in the first place?

Sorry, I'm not being at all helpful here. For what's it's worth, you're not alone in your struggles



Feeling so very tired today. Not just physically tired, but also mentally drained. Life isn't very nice at all right now

[Dougella]

^ You have so much going on at the moment, it's amazing that you are trying to reduce the benzos at the same time

[Consolida]

^ Thank you

My GP will only prescribe the Benzo's if I continue to taper so I don't have any choice. It couldn't have come at a worst time though

[Dougella]

^ atleast an ambulance did turn up I suppose, I hope they were able to check your Mum over properly. The ambulance service is really at breaking point at the moment apparently, there re ambulances queueing outside hospitals.

[Consolida]

^ Better late than never I guess

Yeah, I really fear for the future of the NHS

[firemonkey]

Reablement support worker was concerned about a red (inflamed?) patch on my chest.She finally persuaded me to agree to her phoning 111 about it. The idea being to get a district nurse to come out and check it. After answering umpteen questions, and then talking to a clinician, They said a clinician would phone me in 2hrs.. Sod's law they called just as I was in the kitchen making a drink. I'd left the digital voice phone in the living room. They never rang back , and I felt too anxious to phone them

[Professor Willow]

Sad.
My recent ancestry research has meant quite a lot of trying to decipher handwritten census forms from the late 1800s and it has come as a shock to me that patients of mental institutions / asylums were not deemed worthy of having their full name written on the census, just their initials and age.
They were also simply described as either idiot, imbecile or lunatic.

Generally not much offends me but for some reason this has really got under my skin, I just feel like these people were seen more as animals than humans.