Ideal person

[waine]

I would have to say a girl who is probably more outgoing than me ( that wouldn't be hard lol)

but I think someone who was quite upbeat someone who would make you feel good and you would feel good around

someone always joking witty someone always happy lol

but not necessarily a party person or with a large circle of friends

or someone just like me quiet reserved hermetic lifestyle

[The Warrior of Jupiter]

For me the perfect girl would be someone who understands me and would help push me just enough to do things that I couldn't do alone. I mean like getting me to go out but being there with me so if I felt anxious she could reassure me and help me through it.

To be fair just having a friend that can help me push out of my comfort zone would be nice.

Or just having a friend who I can talk to about SA without being judged.

Or just having a friend.

...Just not being alone would be nice...

[The Warrior of Jupiter]

I hate overly happy people they just feel wrong to me in so many ways. I just need someone I can trust who will ask me if I wanted to go out somewhere so I can say yes.

But I don't trust anyone so I am doomed to a life of isolation trying to prevent that inevitable knife in the back that comes from everyone I had trusted or helped out.

Man I am a bitter guy.

[Pathetic_Earthling]

Originally Posted by waine

someone always joking witty someone always happy lol

People are not like this. Nobody is always happy. If you want a girl, you have to accept that she will be unhappy sometimes too. And she'd even be unhappy with you sometimes I'm afraid. That's life.

[Indigo_]

Originally Posted by The Warrior of Jupiter

For me the perfect girl would be someone who understands me and would help push me just enough to do things that I couldn't do alone. I mean like getting me to go out but being there with me so if I felt anxious she could reassure me and help me through it.

This would be one of the main things for me too (in guy form ). I do need to be pushed to tackle my SA but it's finding the right balance with me. Push too far and I'll go in the opposite direction. I can be very stubborn.

[eMe]

When mr and mrs right for each other comes along, does anyone think if they truly had the right partner, that one where both people are perfect for each other and 100% comfortable with each other that SA would become a distant memory? I sort of think on these lines because after all if that situation were to happen (granted it doesn't just happen) you no longer would feel the need to over-think the hell out of everything and all the other stuff would probably just pale into insignificance.

Made the mistake of flicking over and finding Into the wild again at the weekend which has probably pushed me down this thought train.

[The Warrior of Jupiter]

Originally Posted by DefyingGravity

This would be one of the main things for me too (in guy form ). I do need to be pushed to tackle my SA but it's finding the right balance with me. Push too far and I'll go in the opposite direction. I can be very stubborn.

Same I am very stubborn as well. If people try to force me to do stuff (like peer pressure sort of stuff) then it makes me much less likely to actually do that activity. To this day and I am 24 I have never given into peer pressure ever.

[Indigo_]

Originally Posted by eMe

When mr and mrs right for each other comes along, does anyone think if they truly had the right partner, that one where both people are perfect for each other and 100% comfortable with each other that SA would become a distant memory?

I think it's an easy assumption to make, that being in a relationship will solve our SA. You will still be the same person, with the same problems, but hopefully with someone who loves you and wants to support you. I believe being in a relationship with the right person can certainly help your SA, maybe even improve it drastically, but you will still be you, if that makes sense.

I always think a helpful analogy is weight loss. I used to have this wonderful notion that losing weight would make me a happier, better person. I'd look great, I'd wear great clothes and I'd have this new-found confidence to do whatever I wanted. Except, you would still be the same person, with the same thought processes, the same worries...you would be the same person.

Originally Posted by The Warrior of Jupiter

Same I am very stubborn as well. If people try to force me to do stuff (like peer pressure sort of stuff) then it makes me much less likely to actually do that activity. To this day and I am 24 I have never given into peer pressure ever.

I can give in quite easily to peer pressure sometimes, if I'm stuck in a social situation. My way of dealing with that is just to avoid the majority of social situations where I feel I can get stuck, if that makes sense?

[Dandelion10]

The ideal guy for me would just be into all the things I'm into. Someone who wanted the same things, to be ambitious together and develop a comfortable almost cheekily self-entitled life.

A team, and to know that I could really count on him & he'd accept me unconditionally

[Helly]

Originally Posted by eMe

When mr and mrs right for each other comes along, does anyone think if they truly had the right partner, that one where both people are perfect for each other and 100% comfortable with each other that SA would become a distant memory? I sort of think on these lines because after all if that situation were to happen (granted it doesn't just happen) you no longer would feel the need to over-think the hell out of everything and all the other stuff would probably just pale into insignificance.

Made the mistake of flicking over and finding Into the wild again at the weekend which has probably pushed me down this thought train.

I don't think it would go away because you're always going to be who you are and prone to shyness/anxiety. I think it'd probably a matter of confidence building and acceptance. When you're in a relationship you share something with someone else and not everything revolves around you and your feelings, having someone else to think about sort of makes you care less about what other people think because it's what your SO thinks that really matters.

My Dad suffers from SA and i notice it's so much better when he's with my mum. At least that's what I think


Edit: Never knew I could use the word 'think' so much in one post...

[eMe]

I see what you saying...I think Everyone has different reasons for their SA and different fixes, no doubt. I think from a personal perspective, to find that person to be fully comfortable with and to share things which I have always been embarrassed to with anyone would almost melt the mask of social anxiety effortlessly. I always feel less likely to do things on my own where I would otherwise if shared with someone who fully understand me. That, in itself, would end the vicious cycle.

I got a totally random email yesterday, no name, email address 'poster@', probably doing the rounds, a nice thought though:

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone- but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

[MrDan]

Originally Posted by Pathetic_Earthling

People are not like this. Nobody is always happy. If you want a girl, you have to accept that she will be unhappy sometimes too. And she'd even be unhappy with you sometimes I'm afraid. That's life.

A person that is always happy would be nightmare fuel for me. Imagine she just witnesses her family and newly adopted kitten from the old animal shelter getting shot up by a gang of thugs, only to shrug it off and smile at you asking if you're up for a lovely lunch tonight. Scary....

The perfect girl for me would be a machine I guess as they deal in absolutes.