It's started

[carnage]

Today I went to my GP.

I had all these things written down about how I was feeling & my behaviour in social situations. I went in and as always she said how can I help? I started with the constant headaches & said I think it's down to my anxiety. Because I've never talked to anyone about this before I felt my voice dissapear. I was fighting not to cry or appear to. I know that's silly because she's there to help. But all what I had prepared about my thoughts that I may have SA vanished along with my voice. I was sat there trembling saying that I can't talk to people. I think knowing my mum was outside and would be able to tell if I've been crying didn't help.

My GP asked me about my job, and I told her I'd changed it, and that it was that I couldn't talk to people that I was nervous. She asked why, but I of course couldnt answer that question. She asked about school friends and how how many I kept in touch, none I said. She asked who my friends where now, again I told her none, because I don't have friends. She seemed shocked and said so you don't talk to anyone on the phone or catch up? No. Then she suggested I see the Surgery counsellor. I agreed, so I'm awaiting her call.

I'm frustrated with myself. Why did I cram up when I had my chance to explain. I guess it's the SA. I've tried so hard for so long not to give anything away and not tell anyone how I feel, that I can't do it just yet. I'm afraid of what will happen when I see this counsellor. What if I just cram up again. I don't know why I act the way I do, so how can I explain it to her?

I know this is going to hopefully improve things, but there's a part of me that wishes I'd have just kept quiet. My mum seems OK, but my dad looked shocked when we said I had to see this counsellor, immediatley asking why? what for? I haven't told my sister yet and I'm dreading it.

I just wanted to get my very anxious day off my chest. Thanks for your help prior to me making this appointment, you gave me hope & a little bit of confidence. I just couldn't maintain it very well.

[Winnie57]

You were very brave to go to the doctor about your SA Carnage.
It is not easy talking about SA and it's not surprising you clammed up. Maybe it's not such a bad thing that you did react as you did as your doctor could clearly see evidence of how SA affects you and your symptoms.
You have taken the first step towards helping yourself so well done!
I am sure the counselling will help once you get started.

[carnage]

ah thanks alot Winnie57

[hardy]

not being funny but thats why we need help with SA . If we knew why we acted as we do we woouldn't need the help! so don't be ashamed that you don't know why.

[ShyDoll]

Well done for going to see your doctor, carnage. That was a good idea.

Don't be too hard on yourself, people with SA find it hard to talk to people and that includes doctors/nurses.

Probably would have been OK if you had cried. That's why doctors are there - to help. I cry when I go see a doctor..Pretty much everytime I come out the doc's office in floods of tears. I just find it soo difficult talking to 'authority figures' even though I know they're only human.

I'm guessing you havent told your mum about your SA? Must have been difficult to put on a brave face in front of her.. If I hadn't gone through hell with dropping out of school when I was younger I probably wouldn't have told my mum about my SA..

(sorry about the crap post, I just woke up lol)

Take care Carnage

[Chris26]

Well done for going Carnage - you should feel good about making this positive decision.

Remember Its always going to be a lot different to getting a grazed knee or a sore toe looked at!!

When the issues are with your inner self - it requires more from you
(the patient) to explain the problem.
Obviously with any type of social anxiety, this will be a catch 22 situation. - in fairness a typical GP wont really have a clue, they can just
point you to the right person - be it psychologist/psychiatrist/councillor.

IF you clam up next time thats fine - there is no written rule or expectations of you under councilling.
You are going there to get help - in time you will improve and it will become easier to talk about things.

Maybe for the first session you could explain how difficult you find it, talking about your anxiety etc and go from there...

Above anything - BE positive - youre going in the right direction >>>

Good luck

[Concept]

Hope it goes well.

[carnage]

thanks so much everyone. I'm still waiting to find out when I'm going to be seeing her so I'll glet you know how things go.

[introextra]

Well done for taking the first step, Carnage! It's always the hardest and you've done it

You know, when I went to a counsellor last year I found it really difficult to even express why I was there to her.

It wasn't SA related (I live with an alcoholic) but the SA difficulties I have certainly didn't make it easy to communicate anything of any worth.

I made a list. A written, sweaty, crushed and much-folded list of what it was I wanted to discuss with her.
I managed to blurt out that I found these things very difficult and that I'd made this list.

She asked me if I'd like her to read it or if I wanted to use it myself, so I had the choice - but either way she would hear something.

Hope this is useful

Big hugs
Jane
xxx

[cornish_blonde]

I understand how difficult it was for you to talk to your doctor. When I did this I was so vague that the doctor simply didn't have a clue what I was trying to say and asked me to explain in plain English. Eventually I started visiting a counsellor each week but even then it took some time for me to speak openly.

But it was worth it. This continued for 18 months and I could FEEL the tension in my head going away and I was able to accept some facts that were difficult to swallow - like 'my mother is a child abuser' for smothering my adolesence.

What I will say is that your cousellor won't CURE you. You will get to the stage where you are equipped with the skills to continue healing by yourself.

Good luck.

[durham]

I think my GP dealt with me pretty well. Initially, she suggested that the problem was SA and gave me some info to read through. At the second session, she delved a bit deeper and came to the conclusion that it would be worth referring me to a psychologist. During the (long) wait for this, she informed me of a regular group therapy thing which has also been quite useful.

Although I agree with Chris that it's not as simple as getting a grazed knee fixed, I think the initial steps are very similar. That is, you have a problem, so you see the doctor and they should do everything they can to help you find a solution.

In particular, there should be no more shame attached to getting these problems sorted out than there would be in getting a physical ailment fixed.