Blind date

[Yorkie]

Ok i promised Phool i'd start a thread on new years day so here goes.

This is not the blind date you might imagine, my sister asked me yesterday if i'd be interested in dating a blind woman, she's a friend of my sisters friend and a similar age to me. She's not been blind all her life but got diabetes which made her go blind, the wording my sister used is that we would have companionship.

I guess if she wasnt blind she probably wouldnt want be with me and if i didnt have SA i wouldnt want to be with a blind woman, but such is loneliness and its a dilemma for me

[Mr Ploppy]

I know a blind lady, she's a real looker and gets a lot of attention. I don't know any disabled people (and i know a fair few) who aren't as picky as anyone.

[Defiance]

I think cavegirl and hux are being too hard on him....

[Mr Ploppy]

Include me as well, he has entirely the wrong motives.
Do her a favour and let her meet someone who will care and love her.

[Phool]

Hello

The chap I was seeing over the summer had tourettes, not the swearing kind but the facial twitches and spasms kind, he didn't tell me before we met and it did surprise me at the first but I really liked him and put it ot one side. There were issues like his spasms don't stop when he's sleeping so sometimes I used to go and sleep on the sofa if it was disturbing me too much. There is always a compromise in any relationship.

There is actually a thread in the Basement about whether you would date someone with a disablity - where lots of people posted with both views that you might find interesting.

I would give it a go...its only a date.

Thank you for posting a thread.

I'm going to start one of my own in Club 30-81 now - though a silly one!

[Yorkie]

Ok thanks for the advice, is it my SA that causes me to have these issues, i've no wish to cause anyone any harm, i feel like shit now.

[Yorkie]

Originally Posted by Phool

Hello

The chap I was seeing over the summer had tourettes, not the swearing kind but the facial twitches and spasms kind, he didn't tell me before we met and it did surprise me at the first but I really liked him and put it ot one side. There were issues like his spasms don't stop when he's sleeping so sometimes I used to go and sleep on the sofa if it was disturbing me too much. There is always a compromise in any relationship.

There is actually a thread in the Basement about whether you would date someone with a disablity - where lots of people posted with both views that you might find interesting.

I would give it a go...its only a date.

Thank you for posting a thread.

I'm going to start one of my own in Club 30-81 now - though a silly one!

Ok Phool. i'll have a read

[Yorkie]

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

Don't feel bad , Yorkie.
I'm just sensitive to such issues as i'm not disabled but have dealt with illness/have known a lot of disabled people in the past , and worry about being ill and how it would impact on my boyfriend. No-one should feel forced into dating people because low self esteem means they think no one else will want them.
I'll delete my other posts but hope you will think carefully before going on this date if it isn't what you want as you can't date out of fear/sympathy. Good luck with whatever you decide

Its ok, its good i can post on here for advice whether its negative, positive or whatever, it gives me feedback on understanding myself a bit better. You know my whole life has been a compromise of one sort or another, ive come to expect very little from life, companionship in itself would be nice, i think?

[Mr Ploppy]

Yorkie are you attracted to this lady by looks and personality ? Do you honestly want to meet her for the right reasons ?

If the answer is yes then why not ask her out. But if there is only pity or a sense of asking her out because you are thinking thoughts along the lines of "I won't do better", then please don't do anything before you work on your own self esteem.

I've had contact with many sight impaired people over the past few years and honestly it's not a problem for them, they usually cope incredibly well in a world which rarely does anything to accommodate their rights & needs.

I'm lucky in that i've met and worked with all sorts of disabled people, before that I had a lot of preconceptions, but they soon disappear and you will stop seeing the disability as a problem and just part of them.
I've met some great disabled people over this time, but mostly indifferent, and a number of arseholes of course, in short no different to any other bunch of folks

This isn't the usual PC bullshit, it's my experience

[Phool]

Originally Posted by Dragnet

Yorkie are you attracted to this lady by looks and personality ? Do you honestly want to meet her for the right reasons ?

If the answer is yes then why not ask her out. But if there is only pity or a sense of asking her out because you are thinking thoughts along the lines of "I won't do better", then please don't do anything before you work on your own self esteem.

I've had contact with many sight impaired people over the past few years and honestly it's not a problem for them, they usually cope incredibly well in a world which rarely does anything to accommodate their rights & needs.

I'm lucky in that i've met and worked with all sorts of disabled people, before that I had a lot of preconceptions, but they soon disappear and you will stop seeing the disability as a problem and just part of them.
I've met some great disabled people over this time, but mostly indifferent, and a number of arseholes of course, in short no different to any other bunch of folks

This isn't the usual PC bullshit, it's my experience

This a brilliant post. Don't do something out of pity or because you don't think you can do any better. But if you like the idea of a date then go for it...where's the harm?

[Mr Ploppy]

Thanks Phool


A woman I know who has a walking disability. I've been keen on her, on and off, for a couple of years. And I've sensed that perhaps she might have some feelings for me, although of course i'm awful at sensing this sort of stuff, so I don't really know.

I'm ashamed to admit similar thoughts like Yorkie's have occurred, I wonder if i'm only interested because there's no one else around at the moment, and stuff like "I could do better" and "time is running out, who else is there" crossing my mind.

I'm even wondering if I could "defend" her properly if some little shit insults her because of her disability, I don't even know if I could defend myself againist verbal insults

But I think a lot of that is excuses, I don't feel strongly enough about her to do anything, but then odd times I do feel strongly.

So I'm ****ed in the head

[Phool]

Originally Posted by Dragnet

Thanks Phool


A woman I know who has a walking disability. I've been keen on her, on and off, for a couple of years. And I've sensed that perhaps she might have some feelings for me, although of course i'm awful at sensing this sort of stuff, so I don't really know.

I'm ashamed to admit similar thoughts like Yorkie's have occurred, I wonder if i'm only interested because there's no one else around at the moment, and stuff like "I could do better" and "time is running out, who else is there" crossing my mind.

I'm even wondering if I could "defend" her properly if some little shit insults her because of her disability, I don't even know if I could defend myself againist verbal insults

But I think a lot of that is excuses, I don't feel strongly enough about her to do anything, but then odd times I do feel strongly.

So I'm ****ed in the head

Aww - bless you. I had the same feelign about the tourettes, I kept questioning whether I could really handle it - you know sitting across from someone having dinner when they were constantly having spasms. Once we went out and I was wearing something a bit short which I don't normally do and I made a comment that I felt I was being stared at and he said "no, they're starign at me - I'm used to it" and I said "Oh thanks so it's not cos these chaps like my legs then" and we laughed it off as I think he realised that it's not always him that is being stared at lol.

Relationships are learning experiences for both sides. And the best relationships are built on friendship, maybe you guys have the best foundation for building a relationship?

[Harry Batt]

Originally Posted by Yorkie

Ok i promised Phool i'd start a thread on new years day so here goes.

This is not the blind date you might imagine, my sister asked me yesterday if i'd be interested in dating a blind woman, she's a friend of my sisters friend and a similar age to me. She's not been blind all her life but got diabetes which made her go blind, the wording my sister used is that we would have companionship.

I guess if she wasnt blind she probably wouldnt want be with me and if i didnt have SA i wouldnt want to be with a blind woman, but such is loneliness and its a dilemma for me

Well I think you should go for it. I mean, whats the worst that can happen, anyway you never know you might even like each other. It's not like your walking down the aisle or nothing, just meeting up. If it develops into something then cool, if not then hey, it's all good experience.

Personally I allways try and treat everyone the same, regardless, so it wouldn't bother me if she was blind or whatever. If it was me then I'd take her out for coffee or lunch and just treat her like I would anyone else, hopefully we'd have a great time and a real good giggle and if all went well then I'd definately be arranging to see her again.

So, go for it, just enjoy each others company, and let us know how you get on.

[Harry Batt]

Originally Posted by hux

Don't feel too bad - perhaps you didn't quite express yourself as you'd have liked when you started the thread

the sentence about not wanting to date her if you didn't have SA just stood out to me - i remember a girl at work asking if i had a girlfriend (i didn't really respond) and then she said "is she blind" and she and others laughed at this - the suggestion being that she'd have to be in order to be interested in me - maybe you're thinking if i'm in a relationship with a blind woman, people will assume she's only with me because she's blind - this highlights your low self-esteem

if i had the opportunity to date a blind woman, it wouldn't be an issue for me but thinking about it, i'd probably be initially hesitant about telling my work colleagues about her as they would no doubt take the opportunity to take the piss and make the suggestion that she would have to be blind to date me - maybe you're also thinking about it in this way and this is what you meant about not wanting to date a blind woman, i don't know - or maybe you're sister has put this negative thought into your head (if someone told me to specifically date a blind woman, being negatively inclined, i might take this as them confirming my unnattractiveness) but just because other people are pricks that doesn't mean i should take it out on the blind woman in question

chin up

Ah I had the "have you got a girlfriend", and "is she blind" thing the other day. They think they are soooooo funny, however the smile was well and trully wiped off her face when I replied "Yes I do in fact, and she's everything your not, beautifull, kind, funny, oh and she has great tits unlike your spaniels ears efforts there, anything else you want to know or can I finish making my cup of tea now"

As you can tell, my news years resolution to KICK ASS is going well hee hee.

And if people took the piss coz I was dating a blind woman i'd simply say "Laugh all you like, but the thing about blindness is that all the other senses are enhanced, so every touch is that little more electric, every kiss is that little more delicious and every orgasm is far more intense, something you could only dream about"

I tell the people I work with nowt, keep them guessing, they obviously have nothing better to do.

[Yorkie]

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

It's not a choice I would make but maybe i'll think differently if I am lonely , older and want companionship? Right now , it's not enough to date for dating's sake so I view such set ups as unappealing but I am the romantic type who believes in mutual love and lust.
I do love the companionship side of having a partner- eating a meal with them , lying in bed just talking , sharing my fave music and films etc - so understand why some people choose companionship over love and to be honest , people tend to make a mess when choosing a partner based on non-practical reasons anyway!
I couldn't date out of sympathy though as it's unfair on the other person.

Thank you for all the replies.

I think i'm perhaps getting more lonely the older i get, the concept of finding the right person is nice if you have that kind of choice. We all have SA but clearly we all have different types of issues to deal with, having a relationship was never on the cards for me especially as a young man when i had terrible issues with myself and mental unstability.

It has to be pointed out this isnt my sisters idea, its the friend of the blind woman, her previous boyfriend lived with her and was unemployed, she had to subsidise him, gave money to him. In the end he found someone else on the internet and left her. I think the friend is merely looking out for her and trying to find someone decent for her.

It was put forward as a concept of companionship, many people fall in love, many people fall out of love, it can perhaps be a fickle thing?

[Phool]

Originally Posted by Yorkie

It was put forward as a concept of companionship, many people fall in love, many people fall out of love, it can perhaps be a fickle thing?

It may sound strange at the age of 36, but I've done the 'being in love' thing too many times over and all I really want is companionship. Someone to go to the movies with etc. I'm not really optimistic that the whole big kathy/heathcliff romance will ever happen to me again and I'm not sure I want it either - it's very short-lived. A real lasting relationship for me would be based on common values and common interests.