Only ever good at first impressions but then it all goes downhill

[Artificial Rose]

When i meet someone for the first time i am very outgoing and give it my all to be as bubbly as i can be, therefore creating a totally wrong impression of myself to them. This has always happened, in job interviews, with new potential friends i , coworkers, my relatives whom i very rarely see.
But very soon I turn very introverted and just shut down and start avoiding people, leave the job etc.

Someone said recently that i am doing it all wrong.
I should try to come across as quiet in the beginning and then slowly you will become and act more confident around them.
It makes sense but I am just not capable somehow of doing that, even when i tell myself beforehand to try not to come across too "fake".

Anyone can relate to this and can share some tips?

[MichaelAlone]

Originally Posted by Autumn

When i meet someone for the first time i am very outgoing and give it my all to be as bubbly as i can be, therefore creating a totally wrong impression of myself to them. This has always happened, in job interviews, with new potential friends i , coworkers, my relatives whom i very rarely see.
But very soon I turn very introverted and just shut down and start avoiding people, leave the job etc.

Someone said recently that i am doing it all wrong.
I should try to come across as quiet in the beginning and then slowly you will become and act more confident around them.
It makes sense but I am just not capable somehow of doing that, even when i tell myself beforehand to try not to come across too "fake".

Anyone can relate to this and can share some tips?

I can certainly relate. I'm the most amazing job interviewee etc but if you spend more than 30 minutes with me i'll close in on myself.

I feel 'natural' though for those 30mins so i don't understand why you'd want to act quiet from the beginning.

Anyhow, no tips from me - my 30mins are done

[Artificial Rose]

I said "fake" but it is also the real me when i feel so outgoing BUT i said fake as i cannot remain like that, therefore it makes me feel like a fake.

Frustrating though isnt it? I am also an excellent job interviewee, when i was younger i always got the job..and always left them.
Once on the first interview they seemed to really like me and told me on the quiet that i will definitely be called for the 2nd round.
I felt so bad for deceiving them( as i knew that i would not last long on the job) that i cancelled the second interview.

Why can't we just stay like that hey?
On the boards you come across as very likable though with a great sense of humor

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Autumn

Someone said recently that i am doing it all wrong.
I should try to come across as quiet in the beginning and then slowly you will become and act more confident around them.
It makes sense but I am just not capable somehow of doing that, even when i tell myself beforehand to try not to come across too "fake".

Anyone can relate to this and can share some tips?

I don't know but I've been doing this for a while and it creates a different set of problems. I've often found people just treat you more like a dogs body, walkover and generally of lower status. From then on it's a fight to be taken seriously. I end up just feeling resentful and like I have to battle to earn that respect. But this could be because I'm a guy? Or maybe this doesn't work for me because it's quite different to the real me even though I am quiet-ish by nature.

Maybe coming across a bit quieter and more like your real self might be the best balance for you though.

[Dreamy4444]

I am exactly the same. Over the years my shyness has come across as ignorant so for people not to think this of me & also to try to hide my nervousness, I come across as really "in your face", talkative & loud. I know this gives off a bad impression as I'm not like this at all then my paranoia starts that whoever I am starting to get to know will start to hate me even though this person they will be hating isn't the real me. I become even more so this way if a person I am talking to is attractive because this makes me even more nervous.

[Superfly]

Just posting a general 'mee too' comment

I can start strong, but after 10-30 minutes I am out of steam and fall back to being quiet, aversive and awkward.

[WelshKat]

Originally Posted by halfemptyglass

Then I get quieter and quieter (and more anxious), because it gets exhausting to maintain that level of enthusiasm, plus I get worried that the more they know about me, the more there is for them not to like.

That's me in a nutshell. I start out quite chatty and enthusiastic but after that, I shut down a bit and go back into my shell. I think it's a protective thing. I believe that the more someone knows about me, the more they'll dislike me or think I'm weird. I can create opportunities for friendships/relationships, it's maintaining them that's the problem.

[WelshKat]

oops, double post, please ignore.