How Do You Motivate Yourself?

[choirgirl]

I don't have much these days, but generally I used to not have a problem with motivation, it's the execution over time and the consistency that's the issue.

[anxiouslondoner]

Badly.
If a task isn't intrinsically interesting or fun to me, the only thing is the fear of the consequences or shame of failing.

[Percy]

Why the hell can't I motivate myself? I don't even know what's holding me back, let alone how to fix it

[Dougella]

^ What kind of things are you wanting to motivate yourself to do?

[anxiouslondoner]

^^ have you been tested for ADHD?
I suspect I have it but I can't even motivate myself to find out.
I'm just really ****ing bored with life and have no goals left.

[gregarious_introvert]

My biggest motivator is age. I'm running out of time, so I don't have any to waste!

Looming deadlines help too - I don't always leave everything to the last possible moment, but I could do most things a lot earlier than I do.

[Percy]

Originally Posted by Dougella

^ What kind of things are you wanting to motivate yourself to do?

Self develop, train, exercise, learn, date, study. The list goes on.

Originally Posted by anxiouslondoner

^^ have you been tested for ADHD?
I suspect I have it but I can't even motivate myself to find out.
I'm just really ****ing bored with life and have no goals left.

I was diagnosed about 10 years ago.

[Dougella]

^ It's a lot to do though Percy! What about some small steps towards some of them?

[Percy]

I'm even struggling to do that ATM

[biscuits]

Originally Posted by Percy

Why the hell can't I motivate myself? I don't even know what's holding me back, let alone how to fix it

Because it feels like a really big task filled with lots of little tasks, so it's difficult to break it down into manageable and measurable tasks because it's too much at once.

That's what I find. So I find it easier to just jump in and deal with things as they arise rather than trying to plan for every eventuality and taking small steps.

Tell yourself what you want to do and why you want to do - keep telling yourself --- and then jump in. If it's rubbish then you don't have to stick with it.

[Appear]

@Percy - it sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to develop in lots of different areas. No wonder you don't feel motivated - I'm overwhelmed just reading that list.

I think what biscuits suggests works well and has helped me. Keep it simple and start small.

Here's my 2p:

Our culture is obsessed with self-improvement, which isn't really surprising - capitalism needs people to feel inadequate and like they need to constantly improve to help the wheel of consumption keep turning. It's also part of a wider fiction around why some people are 'successful' and others aren't, which suggests it's all about the individual and their capabilities, ignoring systems of inequality and privilege, and other external factors.

Don't focus so much on 'motivation' (which some have argued is just a convenient psychological fiction invented to try to pin down something that can't be) and concentrate on finding something you enjoy in one of those areas, and try to let that enjoyment carry you along.

[Marco]

^^Just jumping into doing something doesn’t quite work for me. In fact sometimes it can backfire because I quickly feel overwhelmed again. Thing is, when you’re lacking motivation to do something that you feel needs done, it can lead to a feeling of guilt, depression and back to inertia. It quickly becomes a vicious circle, which can be incredibly difficult to break out of. This is why I think you do need to take baby steps to begin with, just to focus on overcoming this initial barrier. Then gradually it becomes possible to transition from out of that vicious circle into a ‘virtuous’ one in which you start to feel a sense of accomplishment just from beginning to take some action, no matter how small. Once you get over that seemingly insurmountable stage, then you can really begin to pick up the pace. I always try to ‘divide and conquer’ my frequent states of inertia by setting myself very simple tasks to begin with – it usually works.

[Merry]

I have a friend with adhd who uses a timer for motivation. I think it can help for getting over that initial inertia, because it's not as overwhelming. Thinking of activity in terms of minutes, rather than starting and finishing can be helpful.

I think if a person is ND then everything can be overwhelming as we can struggle with processing priorities and relevance. So anything can potentially become 'too much' very quickly. I find this in most things, from looking after my environment to learning something. I'm unable to consistently apply an effective amount of energy to a task and am unable to assess when something is finished.
So I can sit in chaos and not know where to start, so do nothing, or start and don't know where to stop, so end up exhausted. Likewise in academic terms, I've never been able to decipher what's relevant, so spend too much time researching the wrong things.

That's why I think looking at activity in terms of tine, not completeness, can be really useful.

[Dougella]

Percy, have you looked into Pathological Demand Avoidance as part of autism, and/or ADHD paralysis? Maybe one or both things could be going on for you.

[biscuits]

Originally Posted by Marco

^^Just jumping into doing something doesn’t quite work for me. In fact sometimes it can backfire because I quickly feel overwhelmed again. Thing is, when you’re lacking motivation to do something that you feel needs done, it can lead to a feeling of guilt, depression and back to inertia. It quickly becomes a vicious circle, which can be incredibly difficult to break out of. This is why I think you do need to take baby steps to begin with, just to focus on overcoming this initial barrier. Then gradually it becomes possible to transition from out of that vicious circle into a ‘virtuous’ one in which you start to feel a sense of accomplishment just from beginning to take some action, no matter how small. Once you get over that seemingly insurmountable stage, then you can really begin to pick up the pace. I always try to ‘divide and conquer’ my frequent states of inertia by setting myself very simple tasks to begin with – it usually works.

I always feel like with small steps, particularly with ADHD, it can become more overwhelming because it's difficult to commit to building up those baby steps. If that makes sense, but if you decide what you want to do and have a good understanding of why you want to do - then jumping in and doing it is really helpful because you get that sense of achievement and you want to do it again. Whereas if you don't like a baby step then it leads to avoidance and never achieving what was set out as the end goal. This is my experience and we're all different, of course!

Small steps tends to feed into avoidance and false sense of achievement without really achieving anything. That's how I feel when I try to look at it objectively, if that's possible haha. It's a bit like if you take cbt as a box ticking exercise.

Pick one thing you'd love to do.
Think of the reasons why and create a sort of script to tell yourself when the doubt creeps in.
Go for it.
Give yourself a time frame e.g. I'm going to try this for one month and then review how I feel about continuing.
Keep telling yourself that and the script.
If it doesn't work out after a month, then that's okay.

That's how I go about things, but if it's not for other people then that's okay!

[BFG_]

Originally Posted by Dougella

Percy, have you looked into Pathological Demand Avoidance as part of autism, and/or ADHD paralysis? Maybe one or both things could be going on for you.

Wish I'd known those terms when I was at school I'd of used them every week to get out of doing my homework.


Instead of just being labelled lazy.

[Dougella]

^ How do you deal with it now?

[BFG_]

^ got autism diagnosis...was bothered about diagnosis....used diagnosis to get what I wanted at work.....no longer interested in label unless it's useful to get preferential treatment.

[Dougella]

^ It's not really preferential treatment though is it, it's just appropriate accommodations

[Percy]

Originally Posted by biscuits

Because it feels like a really big task filled with lots of little tasks, so it's difficult to break it down into manageable and measurable tasks because it's too much at once.

That's what I find. So I find it easier to just jump in and deal with things as they arise rather than trying to plan for every eventuality and taking small steps.

Tell yourself what you want to do and why you want to do - keep telling yourself --- and then jump in. If it's rubbish then you don't have to stick with it.

Wise words biscuits.

Originally Posted by Appear

@Percy - it sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to develop in lots of different areas. No wonder you don't feel motivated - I'm overwhelmed just reading that list.

I think what biscuits suggests works well and has helped me. Keep it simple and start small.

Here's my 2p:

Our culture is obsessed with self-improvement, which isn't really surprising - capitalism needs people to feel inadequate and like they need to constantly improve to help the wheel of consumption keep turning. It's also part of a wider fiction around why some people are 'successful' and others aren't, which suggests it's all about the individual and their capabilities, ignoring systems of inequality and privilege, and other external factors.

Don't focus so much on 'motivation' (which some have argued is just a convenient psychological fiction invented to try to pin down something that can't be) and concentrate on finding something you enjoy in one of those areas, and try to let that enjoyment carry you along.

Your points about capitalism are excellent.

Originally Posted by Dougella

Percy, have you looked into Pathological Demand Avoidance as part of autism, and/or ADHD paralysis? Maybe one or both things could be going on for you.

Never heard of it. Will definitely look into it.

Originally Posted by biscuits

I always feel like with small steps, particularly with ADHD, it can become more overwhelming because it's difficult to commit to building up those baby steps. If that makes sense, but if you decide what you want to do and have a good understanding of why you want to do - then jumping in and doing it is really helpful because you get that sense of achievement and you want to do it again. Whereas if you don't like a baby step then it leads to avoidance and never achieving what was set out as the end goal. This is my experience and we're all different, of course!

Small steps tends to feed into avoidance and false sense of achievement without really achieving anything. That's how I feel when I try to look at it objectively, if that's possible haha. It's a bit like if you take cbt as a box ticking exercise.

Pick one thing you'd love to do.
Think of the reasons why and create a sort of script to tell yourself when the doubt creeps in.
Go for it.
Give yourself a time frame e.g. I'm going to try this for one month and then review how I feel about continuing.
Keep telling yourself that and the script.
If it doesn't work out after a month, then that's okay.

That's how I go about things, but if it's not for other people then that's okay!

Excellent post biscuits.

[BFG_]

^^ Guess so though not sure my manager sees it that way. I did kind of go overboard with requesting adjustments at work just cos they pissed me off. My reasonable adjustments are one step away from my boss having to bring me cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off at 12pm every day on a silver tray.

[Merry]

^

[Dougella]

^^ Ok well that's you

[biscuits]

Originally Posted by BFG_

^^ Guess so though not sure my manager sees it that way. I did kind of go overboard with requesting adjustments at work just cos they pissed me off. My reasonable adjustments are one step away from my boss having to bring me cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off at 12pm every day on a silver tray.

BFG, you are a naughty one.

Don't change.

[Sea]

100% of my effort goes into motivating myself for my work which is the overwhelming thing I most care about in life. I don't really have time or any energy left to motivate myself to actually change my 'personality flaws', and increasingly (with my recent autism diagnosis) I don't actually think it is possible to change or in fact necessary. Also, the older you get, the less being 'different' is noticeable or bothersome. There are still a lot of things I feel suboptimal about dealing with, and so many things I wish I did a lot better at socially and in life generally. But at the end of the day, motivation is a finite resource for many of us and its probably okay to channel it in certain directions (for me, my work) and accept that not everything else will be the way you want it to be?

[Percy]

Fair point Sea.

[Merry]

Would it help to focus on each day?
I'm struggling at the moment because I'm starting a course and I wanted my house to be completely straight before it started, which it isn't. That's making me feel overwhelmed because I can't get everything done. But in reality I couldn't possibly keep the house immaculate, and do anything else, I would have to pour all my energy into that. This kind of all or nothing approach to things is really debilitating.

Instead I'm trying to think, what are the things I need to do just today.

I'm hoping that by breaking it down into a few daily things, rather than looking at the big picture will help.

So in terms of the house, often catching up on laundry would lead to trying to reorganise the wardrobe, or sometimes I've decided that everything needs to be ironed before I put it away (which led me to days of ironing for hours at a time). Which isn't achievable. Instead I'm just trying to do a few things each day, without thinking...but that needs doing...

same for health, I'm trying not to do all or nothing thinking and just adding 10 minutes yoga back in to my day.

It's tough though. I'm really struggling with it.

[billy_brown]

My ability to motivate myself has properly gone down the pan this year. Whenever I think of getting something done, my mind has other ideas, "don't bother, you'll only make a mess of it" or "don't bother, it'll just make you more miserable and you won't have achieved anything" Doesn't matter if it's some mundane domestic chore or something I want to for 'me' as it were, it's the same response, just a lurching, visceral feeling of "urgh".


Sometimes there are time limited things that you just need to get done, like posting a birthday card or picking up a prescription. I get a sense of relief that they're out of the way more than any sense of achievement. I find writing in birthday cards unbearable these days. Probably a symptom of some unaddressed thing, who knows.


I had a thought recently about deliberately leaving little tasks undone so that I can use them as a kind of 'on ramp' for bigger tasks, allowing me to use the momentum gained from washing up/walking to the postbox to get a bit more in the zone to do something more challenging.


Not entirely sure the above makes sense, hope you get what I mean.

[Merry]

^ I sometimes wonder if this kind of drop in self motivation is pretty natural and happens when a person has to motivate themselves more than average in life and have been doing so for a while.
Like....when the balance between output and input has been off for too long.

I think energy that you generate from achieving little things can be useful, definitely, but also it's important not to be holding ourselves to account all the time, as if we constantly have to be doing better.

[billy_brown]

^ Yes, I think I've definitely internalised/normalised how much more I need to push myself to get things moving. I'm with you on not holding yourself to account too, for me this goes hand in hand with holding myself to unreasonably high standards, standards I probably don't hold other people to.


I was listening to a podcast a bit ago where the interviewee was talking about the idea of just giving 90 or 80 percent on a task, just so that you can get it over the line. I like the idea of that but find myself going "yeah that's something I should start doing. But not for this thing. Or this other thing" and so on.


Wish I could remember what the podcast was, can't find it anywhere