Seeing people you know unexpectedly in public

[babblebrainjames]

...terrifies me! Especially if I or they are with someone else (and especially if I dont know that other person).
I have been known to duck into shops or take the long way home just to avoid it, even when it's people I quite like.
How do you deal with it?

[DragonWing]

look at the floor.

often i can see i know them but can't work out where from or who they are which makes it more awkward.

i avoid

[Titan_Jon]

Scares me too. I tend to avoid it by either suddenly making myself pretend busy with paper work or pretend to make a call if I'm at work.

Or if out and about I will avoid eye contact and look at the floor, go into a shop, dart into a different shop aisle. I also walk very quickly which makes it less likely for anyone to notice me or if they do I'm long gone lol.

[pjc]

When isolating I'm terrified at meeting someone I know but when not isolating have no problems at all at meeting people I know.

[AlexDC88]

This use to stop me from going out to my home town on a night out, but nowadays I think, whats the worse that can happen? I did actually meet someone from the past recently and I was not anxious at all. I was randomly approaching women in a club and it turned out she was my friend as a teenager, didn't even recognize her at first lol.

[ratty]

I cope ok with it, I think the only thing that worries me about it is the awkwardness of when to acknowledge them (too soon and you end up walking towards each other awkwardly, waiting for the moment you are close enough to speak!) or the awkwardness of saying bye - often it's natural and easy but occasionally it can be stilted or one person (usually me!) will keep chatting and/or find it a bit difficult to make 'the break' to leave without feeling like you have to have an excuse.

But generally I'm fine with it. It depends who you run in to, of course. Generally I deal with it by saying hello, asking how they are (if appropriate), what they're up to, saying what I'm up to, little chat, then bye. Often this is work colleagues with me (because I suppose outside of work I don't know many people!). So it's quite easy to ask about work if I absolutely can't think of anything else.

It's different if you're talking about running in to people you haven't seen for a long time.

[fairytales]

I avoid, whatever the cost. If I see someone walking towards me on the street that I know, I will duck into a shop or cross the road and pretend not to see. If I see someone in the supermarket, I will leave. Its incredibly rude of me, but there we are.

[hellotiger]

I'm awful for blanking people. I know it's terribly rude but I don't want to inconvenience myself by hiding so I stare straight past them or even sometimes right through them and pretend I haven't noticed them. I do this to family members a lot.

[spwoman]

Originally Posted by babblebrainjames

...terrifies me! Especially if I or they are with someone else (and especially if I dont know that other person).
I have been known to duck into shops or take the long way home just to avoid it, even when it's people I quite like.
How do you deal with it?

I feel the same when coming across somebody I know. Just have to take a deep breath and face the person but whenever I can I hide myself too.

[framlingen]

My instant reaction when I see someone I know in public randomly, is to avoid and hope they don't see me. It would be better if i approached them as it's a good opportunity to practise conversation.

Also I do blank people a lot, like hellotiger mentioned. I do this in a lot of situations, including at work, because I'm scared of interacting with people. I know it comes across rude and I hate that i do it, so i need to work on that more. It makes me feel bad that I am coming across rude and possibly making others feel bad/ignored just so that I can avoid a scary situation.

[daveysurfy]

worst part of SA to me,

[fairytales]

Can I just add, that my dad admits to doing the same thing (and I'm pretty sure he isn't suffering from SA) purely as he doesnt like small talk, and would rather keep to himself when doing things like shopping.

[BobSheep]

Always seems to happen when you least want it to! Worse though is when you somewhat reluctantly decide to pre-empt and say hello to someone you could have sworn you knew... :P

I tend to deal with unexpected encounters better than situations where I have lots of time beforehand to concoct worst-case scenarios.

[DragonWing]

there is someone i randomly see quite often. she is nice and we have children the same age. she always says hello so i say hello. then she follows with 'are you alright'and then i respond with hello or a smile and she stares at me like im odd.

im annoyed because i really want to speak to her. we have been to each others houses.

[misska]

hide in a shop till they have gone or pretend i dont see them and keep walking

[this_is_the_one]

the downside of social anxiety is that you can inadvertently come across as being really rude in certain social situations

[buttonlane]

Originally Posted by *Emu*

I always see them at the worst possible times, like when I'm having an argument or I'm extremely anxious or sat in Euston station on the floor like a homeless person because I'm too hungover to move. I tend to ignore them if possible/pretend I didn't see them. If that doesn't work I go bright red and act way too excited to see them

*smirks*

[Concept]

I'm pretty bad at this. I usually say hello hurriedly and move on because I get tongue tied in the moment.

[Severesas]

One of the worst things about my anxiety is this

[pinkwafer]

Sometimes I hide.

It makes me feel exposed and caught off guard.

[babblebrainjames]

Originally Posted by this_is_the_one

the downside of social anxiety is that you can inadvertently come across as being really rude in certain social situations

Yeah, I think the fear of being perceived as rude really plays into my SA, I worry a lot about accidently offending people or making them feel not liked, so when I see people in public I really want to be genuine and nice so they know i appreciate them or something, but I'm usually flustered and awkward and blushing and shaking so I dont think how I really feel ever comes across. Or something like that

[babblebrainjames]

Rob- thanks for your response. I must admit worrying about this does stop me from going out, it's one the main reasons I don't leave the house at the weekend. (and going back home to visit my mum etc) For some reason though, I never had the forethought to actually think if excuses before going out, I think that could help. The dog idea is great apart from I'm scared of dogs
I know I shouldn't really care what people think, but when I know so few people where I live, I really want the interactions I have to be good and make me feel less isolated. So I think I put myself under a lot of pressure to be likable in that sense. I feel like if they see how unconfident and awkward I am they wont want to be around me. In the end its just one long panic attack-embarrassment ordeal. I know, it's silly *shrug*

[moretolife]

This is my absolute horror. I usually go really red and get tunnel vision and just babble something but I have no idea what. It's lost me many friends and even a couple of jobs, indirectly. Supermarkets (brightly lit) are possibly the worst for me. Huge regular trauma when I was at university.

This is the worst aspect of SA, because the real me likes people and wants to be friendly and connect. And wants to be able to function generally in the world, obviously...

I don't avoid potential bump-into-someone situations because I feel worse if I don't go out - I just brave it, again and again. That said, I've often been known to turn away, hide, etc, when I spot someone I know, and I'm sure that they notice quite often. I've even had direct feedback that people thought I was deliberately ignoring them.

But sometimes it doesn't happen, so that's great. I'm helped by the Paroxetine that I take (the side effects suck but anything's worth it) and the camouflage make up that I wear.

[Concept]

Friends and a couple of jobs? That's awful. : (

I thought I lost an acquaintance earlier on in the year when I bumped into them on the street. It seemed as though I blanked them, but I was in a hurry (my ex was about due to sing) and I didn't know what to say.

[MrMr]

I'm normally fine with it, but I've developed a bit of an issue atm where I'm worried about bumping into a specific old friend who I eschewed for SA reasons about 3 years ago...I mean what the hell do I say in a public place if I bump into him? "Oh yeah, sorry I had this problem with a thing called social anxiety and it made me depressed". Gawd.

[karatelady]

Oh I hate this too! I happened once when I was at the till paying for something on my card and my hands started shaking so much I couldn't type my pin number in, then my card got rejected and just made the whole situation worse! I try to laugh about it now though- one day I'll write a comedy sketch show...

I always end up making some embarrassing excuse, like I've got a headache or am late for something. But I'd like to start thinking of it in terms of, it's nice if someone approaches me if they see me out because it means they like me enough to want to talk to me.

[ArkoN]

Originally Posted by Riccip

This used to be a biggy for me, one of the things that made me partly agoraphobic for a while. Believe me I know how difficult it can be but there are a few simple coping strategies that might help.

Have a few excuses prepared to explain why you've gotta dash off - late for a meeting, trying to catch the post office collection, etc. Get a dog and take him with you. If you bump into someone you know all the attention gets focused on the pooch. I used to find wearing sunglasses made me feel easier. Sounds silly but try it.

Please don't avoid public places because of this. Avoidance behaviour never helps. It just leads to a new set of problems and forces you deeper into the pit. Also stop nervously scanning everyone looking for familiar faces. Move your attention to the things around you, buildings, trees, shop windows, anything.

Longer term you need to self-analyse a little. What exactly are you afraid of? What's the worst that could possibly happen to you? Why, really, should you give a flying-**** what anyone thinks of you? In truth other people are far too wrapped up in their own lives to spare you a passing thought. If you treat your SA as a whole, rather than this particular symptom, you will find it eventually diminishes and sinks into the background with the rest. One day when the fear has finally eroded you'll be standing there confidently chatting with these people and wondering why it ever bothered you.

All the best - Rob

very well said sir! someone know cbt

[Sooty Owl]

This is possibly one of the worst parts of SA for me. I always avoid wherever possible, even if it's people I like, or am/was friends with, even fairly close friends. I see them, freeze, panic, and try to hide or walk away. If they've already seen me, I'm forced to talk to them, but I'm so nervous I just babble or talk complete rubbish. I just hate it, and I sweat and blush so much I'm sure the other person notices it.

It happened recently that I was at my sister's school show and I ran into one of my old teachers. I loved this teacher, she always made me laugh and was a great inspiration, and I found that I actually wanted to talk to her and let her know how well I was doing at uni thanks to her, so I initiated the conversation. As soon as I started talking to her, I just clammed up, mumbled and gave monosyllabic answers and I think I must have come across really badly. The next half an hour I just kept going over it again and again, berating myself for not saying more, and getting across what I wanted to say.

It's just like being a rabbit caught in the headlights. I just can't think anything else rather than: "Oh my God, I'm actually talking to someone. Oh my God, she's looking at me," and I go completely blank and just want to end the conversation as quickly as possible.

[Mort]

Originally Posted by babblebrainjames

...terrifies me! Especially if I or they are with someone else (and especially if I dont know that other person).
I have been known to duck into shops or take the long way home just to avoid it, even when it's people I quite like.
How do you deal with it?

I totally understand this, I always try to avoid people I know, and as you say even people I like and would want to speak to. I've always done this and as of yet don't deal with it, just cross the road if I see someone, duck into a shop. I went 7 years without going to my local garage/shop choosing to travel the 12 miles to get petrol from the supermarket pay at the pump. Supermarkets are good for me, the anonymity, but I have to avoid a few checkout people who insist on making small-talk.

[Memory]

I dread this so much. If I do see someone in the distance that I know, I just go into the nearest shop or start walking in the opposite direction or something. I hate the awkwardness of seeing someone you know unexpectedly and it's like 'do I smile at them? Do I say hello? What if they don't smile at me or notice me? Do they like me?' And it depends on how well I know the person too. I just don't know what's expected at all. Thankfully, where I live now, I've only had it happen once and it wasn't toooo bad.