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  #1  
Old 4th December 2006, 08:02
nothing_to_say
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Default I can't speak to women

I'm not talking about relationships, that's not even on the cards, but in a general friendly way, I just clam up.
And really they don't look that interested in speaking to me, or introducing themselves to me. So I doubt they are bothered anyway.
  #2  
Old 4th December 2006, 10:15
crimson~raven crimson~raven is offline
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Default Re: I can't speak to women

you are projecting an assumption on to women that they are not interested in you. Women are just like men really you can talk about what ever you are interested in, if you want to make friends with some one you generaly have to find some sort of conection, be it music, films, books or even a similar sense humor. Just try to talk or if you can't talk then listen - we like to talk alot Ask questions that get them talking, smile and don't worry if you really can't talk try the talk show host approach listen to what is being said to you and ask questions following on from what is being said to you, even if you panic and can't focus fully on what is being said try to pick up on the themes. But just be yourself x
  #3  
Old 4th December 2006, 10:56
shadoclast shadoclast is offline
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Default Re: I can't speak to women

I know what you mean as I was like that for a long time.I also used to blush so badly that even small talk would make me a nervous wreck and I would avoid all females at work like they were an alien species.It may help at first just responding to online forums where plenty of females post as this could help to break down the initial panic.
  #4  
Old 4th December 2006, 11:08
custardcreams custardcreams is offline
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Default Re: I can't speak to women

Quote:
And really they don't look that interested in speaking to me, or introducing themselves to me. So I doubt they are bothered anyway.
why do you think this applies to women and not men as well? i say this because you say you meant in general, and not in a potential relationship way. women are just people like men are, its a divide created in your own head rather than them actually being less interested in speaking to you than men are.
  #5  
Old 4th December 2006, 20:09
007 007 is offline
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Default Re: I can't speak to women

Whenever you are very nervous about talking to people just imagine they have no clothes on.
  #6  
Old 4th December 2006, 20:10
Shadow Walker Shadow Walker is offline
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Default Re: I can't speak to women

Quote:
Originally Posted by crimson~raven
you are projecting an assumption on to women that they are not interested in you. Women are just like men really you can talk about what ever you are interested in, if you want to make friends with some one you generaly have to find some sort of conection, be it music, films, books or even a similar sense humor. Just try to talk or if you can't talk then listen - we like to talk alot Ask questions that get them talking, smile and don't worry if you really can't talk try the talk show host approach listen to what is being said to you and ask questions following on from what is being said to you, even if you panic and can't focus fully on what is being said try to pick up on the themes. But just be yourself x
Wow, very succinct, Crimson! Sounds like a useful guide for us luckless guys. :D

Very nicely put. Thank you.
  #7  
Old 4th December 2006, 22:07
The Lone Stranger The Lone Stranger is offline
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Default Re: I can't speak to women

Quote:
Originally Posted by 007
Whenever you are very nervous about talking to people just imagine they have no clothes on.
Most men probably do when they`re talking to women!
  #8  
Old 5th December 2006, 06:23
ponder ponder is offline
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Default Re: I can't speak to women

Quote:
Originally Posted by 007
Whenever you are very nervous about talking to people just imagine they have no clothes on.
That would probably make me *more* nervous, especially if they were particularly attractive. It would also be rather distracting if you're trying to have a casual conversation.

Actually, I've found that talking to women in a purely friendly, social way has got easier over time. I don't get scared by women any more (ok, there's one who I'm scared of and I get anxious if I'm the only man in a big group of women, but not in general ). As to what changed, I think it was just exposure, typically in a still male-dominated group but with some women present, which is less scary. So I'd suggest this if possible, as it helped me. You should find you "clam up" less if you can feel more comfortable and at ease.

Turns out that women aren't a completely different species after all, and are quite nice once you get to know them
More intimate relationships are still no-go, but one step at a time...
  #9  
Old 5th December 2006, 17:07
nothing_to_say
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Default Re: I can't speak to women

I was at a social club thing the other day, I was the newbie and the guys introduced themselves to me, and were friendly in the usual guy "hi, how you doin" sort of way, but the 4 women there didn't even come near me, let alone say hello.
It made me feel very insecure, as if I wasn't worth even saying hello to.
I couldn't figure it out.
  #10  
Old 6th December 2006, 14:09
Johnni Johnni is offline
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Default Re: I can't speak to women

Quote:
Originally Posted by nothing_to_say
I'm not talking about relationships, that's not even on the cards, but in a general friendly way, I just clam up.
And really they don't look that interested in speaking to me, or introducing themselves to me. So I doubt they are bothered anyway.
Is it with women that you find attractive and don't know or with every woman even ones you met before?.
  #11  
Old 6th December 2006, 14:25
nothing_to_say
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Default Re: I can't speak to women

It's worse with women around my age, and younger. The attractiveness doesn't really come into it.
  #12  
Old 6th December 2006, 14:52
shadoclast shadoclast is offline
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Default Re: I can't speak to women

Quote:
Originally Posted by nothing_to_say
It's worse with women around my age, and younger. The attractiveness doesn't really come into it.
Sounds exactly how it used to be with me.I kind of got the impression that as a male I was always expected to speak first or make the conversation as if women that age were expecting it.This generally made me even more anxious and I avoided them more.
  #13  
Old 6th December 2006, 18:47
nothing_to_say
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Default Re: I can't speak to women

I often have that impression as well.
It's a daft "rule".
  #14  
Old 6th December 2006, 20:20
shadoclast shadoclast is offline
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Default Re: I can't speak to women

Quote:
Originally Posted by nothing_to_say
I often have that impression as well.
It's a daft "rule".
I dont think its so much a rule as how our society and culture delevoped.It may even be more evolutionary.In most species one sex(not always male) initiates the courtship.One thing that always interested me when watching a wildlife program is that the male has to impress the female in order for her to mate with him.They either have to fight other males or do a courtship dance or look big and strong enough.I really think thats still quite true with humans in order to go out on a date.Blokes have to chat up the female and show her he is a good enough.(even though we think its about liking each other).Certainly when I used to watch the blokes at work trying to chat up girls it reminded me of wildlife documentaries.The prettiest girls were like honey to bees with men around them all day.Strange enough rather than dislike this they seemed to love it and disliked me for being too quiet despite barely saying a word themselves.
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