The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning - Page 5

Dougella · #**121** 19th March 2016, 23:28

^You might be feeling those things at the moment, but they're not true. You are a worthwhile person, a good person and there are people who like you a lot (certainly people around here) You deserve to feel happier than you do right now.

newbs16 · #**122** 19th March 2016, 23:38

^^ I'm sure that isn't true Luna.

TTSP · #**123** 21st March 2016, 10:34

I've been having some intense suicidal thoughts over the past several weeks. I've only ever had one suicide attempt that thankfully went awry and it was fairly well planned out in a very short space of time. I've found my mind drifting off to the planning stages again: where I'd hang myself, whether the attachment point could fully support my weight and withstand the automatic struggle, what to hang myself with, what I'd wear and what song I'd check out to. But despite the planning and the urge to be with my Dad I know I won't act on it.

At the hospital that day there were a lot of people who all came at the drop of a hat because they cared so much about him. There was and is so much pain and tears born out of their love for him. Even though I want to depart I would not amplify the grief my family and friends are already experiencing. I couldn't do that to them. It's like I'm being held hostage by my own morality. I know these thoughts and feelings will diminish over time, but that is not as comforting to me as it might sound.

Altumverum · #**124** 21st March 2016, 11:32

Definitely a knife across the throat for me -- when it comes to contemplation of self-annihilation I am ****ing old school. Gotta make something halfway beautiful out of our last moments, eh? One last resounding affirmation against the cruel disregard of Infinity -- **** you, O tyrannous Nature! Witness my freedom spatter prodigiously over the cobblestones, over the expensive shoes and sandal'd feet of disgusted and traumatised tourists! I'd say more but I'm sure I will soon pass out from the loss of--

Indigo_ · #**125** 21st March 2016, 20:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by TTSP

I've been having some intense suicidal thoughts over the past several weeks. I've only ever had one suicide attempt that thankfully went awry and it was fairly well planned out in a very short space of time. I've found my mind drifting off to the planning stages again: where I'd hang myself, whether the attachment point could fully support my weight and withstand the automatic struggle, what to hang myself with, what I'd wear and what song I'd check out to. But despite the planning and the urge to be with my Dad I know I won't act on it.

At the hospital that day there were a lot of people who all came at the drop of a hat because they cared so much about him. There was and is so much pain and tears born out of their love for him. Even though I want to depart I would not amplify the grief my family and friends are already experiencing. I couldn't do that to them. It's like I'm being held hostage by my own morality. I know these thoughts and feelings will diminish over time, but that is not as comforting to me as it might sound.

I'm glad that you're not going to act on these feelings TTSP, and again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Part of the reason why I know I'm going to stick around is because I couldn't put my parents through that amount of pain. Whilst I don't feel a need to be with my boyfriend, many of my suicidal thoughts focus on wanting what I'm going through to stop completely. And the only way for that to happen is if I'm no longer here.

The intensity of how you're feeling may diminish with time but I for one am sick of the cliche that things will get better. My life has irrevocably changed, as has yours, and it's finding a way of dealing with and coping with that change and the pain that should see both of us through.

Grumpy Young Man · #**126** 21st March 2016, 21:00

^^Likewise. Hope you're feeling better today Luna.

A little over a year ago I came close to you know what. I planned to just walk into the sea and even ended up standing on the beach in the freezing cold at 2am. Why am I saying this? Until recently, those few weeks were the last time I ventured onto this forum and you said a few kind things that really helped a lot and got me through it so I care. You're none of those things that you said above.

Grumpy Young Man · #**127** 21st March 2016, 22:14

^Yes I'm much better these days thanks although I do go through bad patches like the past week.

If you feel that bad again, feel free to vent by PM if it would help

Dougella · #**128** 27th March 2016, 15:23

^ You're not a nobody. You deserve to feel happy as much as everyone else does.

Pink*Lady · #**129** 27th March 2016, 23:15

Managed not to self harm for months until tonight. What the **** is wrong with me? I've contacted people for help. Made more of a mess than usual.

newbs16 · #**130** 27th March 2016, 23:17

^ did something happen to trigger it?

Merritt · #**131** 27th March 2016, 23:48

I hope you're ok and staying safe there, Pink*Lady

It's good you contacted someone about it.

Try not to be too hard on yourself for relapsing. A lot of stuff can build up when you haven't done it for a few months, and it isn't your fault when it becomes overwhelming.

Pink*Lady · #**132** 28th March 2016, 01:19

Passive aggressive behaviour in work is becoming worse again and I lost my sister coming up to three years ago. Thanks for the support. I hate it when I can't control and deal with my emotions.

Pink*Lady · #**133** 28th March 2016, 21:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ichigo

Hope you are okay today pink lady.

Thanks Ichigo. :-)

newbs16 · #**134** 11th April 2016, 03:10

^ Please go to to the doctors they might be able to help x

Custard_cream · #**135** 20th April 2016, 21:43

^ Sorry to hear that Cordyceps...I used to think the same, either wishing a car would hit me or the thought of throwing myself in the path of a car. I've not had these thoughts since finding the right anti-depressants - have you spoken to a doctor about how you are feeling?

Tembo · #**136** 8th May 2016, 23:22

Won't go into too much detail, but I really don't think I belong in this world. I simply don't fulfill society's expectations. To sum it up, I'm selfish and incredibly lazy.

Not particularly suicidal really, they are just thoughts I have every few days. I don't want to die, but I'm not too keen on living either.

Hope everyone else posting on here is doing better

Walden · #**137** 15th May 2016, 23:32

currently feeling like an empty shell wishing someone would just step on it already

shadowonthewall · #**138** 16th May 2016, 22:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny88

Felt suicidal recently more than ever but I'm not sure I could go through with it unless I was intoxicated. Plays alot on my mind lately and there was a few websites that I found helpful when searching the web last night. Its just hopeless when you can't even form a coherent thought nevermind not been able to communicate with people or function in the world.

I have the same problem, I'm just far too chicken to go through with it. If I could manage to source certain drugs that would kill me peacefully, it would really ease my mind. I think that the worst thing about being suicidal is the fact that it's really going to take considerable bravery on my part. If I knew that it could be as easy as just gulping down a bitter-tasting chemical, that would actually imbue me with greater courage to live. I am kind of procrastinating about trying to purchase such a drug from abroad. It would be wonderful to have it, but I wouldn't be able to test it to be sure it works and there is always the risk that it gets intercepted by customs (after I've spent hundreds of pounds on it) and I receive a visit from the police and am forcibly locked up in a mental ward.

Schmosby · #**139** 17th May 2016, 00:33

I was always suicidal during my depression years, I've done my research and picked my method. I've come to terms with the fact I won't actually go through with it, I've never had the guts, I always think about the damage I will have done to myself if I survive. Imagine surviving as a vegetable for the rest of your life or ending up with some health condition that makes life worse than it already is.

I'm not really sure what I will do when I'm older, I don't want to be old, maybe the country will have come to it's senses regarding euthanasia.

I just want you all to know that I really feel for you, depression really is so difficult to live with and so misunderstood by so many people. I pulled through mine after 20 solid years and I hope you all do too.

shadowonthewall · #**140** 17th May 2016, 01:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by Schmosby

I was always suicidal during my depression years, I've done my research and picked my method. I've come to terms with the fact I won't actually go through with it, I've never had the guts, I always think about the damage I will have done to myself if I survive. Imagine surviving as a vegetable for the rest of your life or ending up with some health condition that makes life worse than it already is.

I'm not really sure what I will do when I'm older, I don't want to be old, maybe the country will have come to it's senses regarding euthanasia.

I just want you all to know that I really feel for you, depression really is so difficult to live with and so misunderstood by so many people. I pulled through mine after 20 solid years and I hope you all do too.

I appreciate your sentiment. I could be in denial, but I do not believe that I have depression, and have been told by every mental health professional (I was locked up for 72 hours for observation after I was caught just before a suicide attempt) that I do not appear to suffer from a mental illness.

On reflection, I just think that my life is objectively not very good. Since I'm not religions, I don't think that there is any objective 'law' of nature that assures that life is better than non-life, and therefore I feel that contemplating suicide can a rational and sane philosophy of mind.

I also hope that this country will move out of the dark ages on euthanasia. But it shouldn't only be for people who have a terminal illness, it should be available for anyone, subject to a period of treatment and observation.

Schmosby · #**141** 17th May 2016, 10:38

^I agree it should be available to all. I never gave my authorisation to be born, being alive is simply not my cup of tea (at least while other humans exist) and I should have a safe and painless exit option available to me.

shadowonthewall · #**142** 18th May 2016, 20:05

Quote:

Originally Posted by john smith

Totally agree. People have a faux moral argument against suicide but I guess have no problem with people attempting suicide methods themselves that worse could be botched with the risk of brain damage and the mental anguish of trying to actually do it that is not easy.

If I had the opportunity like in Belgium I would have done it at least a decade ago.

The moral argument is normally underpinned by religion. Even if the person espousing it is an atheist, it still derives from the religious concept of sanctity of life. Personally, I think that it is revolting that those who haven't personally experienced that suffering should be able to legally mandate that you continue to suffer for however many decades it will be before you die of natural causes.

Societies have technologically progressed and morally progressed in so many areas. But our atavistic fear of death continues to cause us to avoid crossing this moral frontier, and an awful lot of people are suffering for a very long time because of it.

Indigo_ · #**143** 18th May 2016, 20:10

I almost want people to support the fact that I don't want to be here. It's ridiculous, I know, as if someone is going to reply with, "Okay, if you want to die, I accept that, go ahead."

shadowonthewall · #**144** 18th May 2016, 21:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by HelloSunshine

I almost want people to support the fact that I don't want to be here. It's ridiculous, I know, as if someone is going to reply with, "Okay, if you want to die, I accept that, go ahead."

#

I don't have an emotional need for anyone to endorse my suicidal ideation. But it is my body and my right to choose ought to be my fundamental and inalienable right.

I am a member of and infrequent poster on a suicide themed forum which doesn't allow its members to discuss the philosophical pro-choice aspect of suicide. It's just 'suicide is NEVER the answer; life is sacred. End of'. It's for that reason why I can't stand to post there very much.

shadowonthewall · #**145** 19th May 2016, 22:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by john smith

I think it has more to do with the idea that it will have an effect on the society at large which is basically a big state, authoritarian view point on society which is the same with religion that you essentially have this evil god who has tethered you to a earthly existence that if you try to escape then you are transported to heel or a heel like existence.

There is the authoritarian aspect of it (the rights of others not to be emotionally harmed by your suicide is more important than your bodily autonomy) and also religion and general fear of death. A number of converging factors which make this a difficult frontier to cross as a society.

shadowonthewall · #**146** 20th May 2016, 00:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by john smith

Just notice my mistake you don't go to heel lol! you go to Hell!

I thought that you were trying to get around some kind of automatic swear censorship system, as you repeated it!

Chocolate Chin · #**147** 23rd May 2016, 18:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny88

Angelica if you want to get out a bit over the summer I'll be hopefully here there and everywhere so even if it is only for couple of hours I don't mind visiting just so you can have bit company, change of scenery and maybe clear your head a little. Suppose that goes for anyone on here really.

That's a pretty cool idea. How would you manage your SA, or are you comfortable meeting relative strangers?

Z. · #**148** 23rd May 2016, 22:40

Sorry to all those feeling the way they are at the moment.

These thoughts are constantly creeping up on me, but I'm able to keep them at bay a lot of the time. Sometimes though, the "what's the point?" mentality overwhelms me, and tonight is one of those nights. Those nights that just make life bleak and empty, and make life seem like not worth living at all.

Time to get the booze I think.

Unicorns · #**149** 23rd May 2016, 23:23

For those feeling very low tonight, I just want to say this feeling will pass.

I also want to thank the site and the many lovely people who contribute to it sharing their experiences and helping others. I feel that we live in a priviledged time in that we have this support network. It breaks my heart to think of people who have suffered without any support or understanding. I really think the site has saved lives.

Please at least take comfort in the fact that you are not alone and there is ALWAYS someone on here ready to listen and empathise. Thank you to those who have reached out and shared their feelings. This is courageous and provides so much support to others who may be feeling the same.

Tembo · #**150** 25th May 2016, 21:19

If I'm still the way I am this time next year... that's it, im outta here!