#121
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^You might be feeling those things at the moment, but they're not true. You are a worthwhile person, a good person and there are people who like you a lot (certainly people around here) You deserve to feel happier than you do right now.
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#123
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
I've been having some intense suicidal thoughts over the past several weeks. I've only ever had one suicide attempt that thankfully went awry and it was fairly well planned out in a very short space of time. I've found my mind drifting off to the planning stages again: where I'd hang myself, whether the attachment point could fully support my weight and withstand the automatic struggle, what to hang myself with, what I'd wear and what song I'd check out to. But despite the planning and the urge to be with my Dad I know I won't act on it.
At the hospital that day there were a lot of people who all came at the drop of a hat because they cared so much about him. There was and is so much pain and tears born out of their love for him. Even though I want to depart I would not amplify the grief my family and friends are already experiencing. I couldn't do that to them. It's like I'm being held hostage by my own morality. I know these thoughts and feelings will diminish over time, but that is not as comforting to me as it might sound. |
#124
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Definitely a knife across the throat for me -- when it comes to contemplation of self-annihilation I am ****ing old school. Gotta make something halfway beautiful out of our last moments, eh? One last resounding affirmation against the cruel disregard of Infinity -- **** you, O tyrannous Nature! Witness my freedom spatter prodigiously over the cobblestones, over the expensive shoes and sandal'd feet of disgusted and traumatised tourists! I'd say more but I'm sure I will soon pass out from the loss of--
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#125
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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Part of the reason why I know I'm going to stick around is because I couldn't put my parents through that amount of pain. Whilst I don't feel a need to be with my boyfriend, many of my suicidal thoughts focus on wanting what I'm going through to stop completely. And the only way for that to happen is if I'm no longer here. The intensity of how you're feeling may diminish with time but I for one am sick of the cliche that things will get better. My life has irrevocably changed, as has yours, and it's finding a way of dealing with and coping with that change and the pain that should see both of us through. |
#126
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^^Likewise. Hope you're feeling better today Luna.
A little over a year ago I came close to you know what. I planned to just walk into the sea and even ended up standing on the beach in the freezing cold at 2am. Why am I saying this? Until recently, those few weeks were the last time I ventured onto this forum and you said a few kind things that really helped a lot and got me through it so I care. You're none of those things that you said above. |
#127
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^Yes I'm much better these days thanks although I do go through bad patches like the past week.
If you feel that bad again, feel free to vent by PM if it would help |
#128
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^ You're not a nobody. You deserve to feel happy as much as everyone else does.
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#131
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
I hope you're ok and staying safe there, Pink*Lady It's good you contacted someone about it.
Try not to be too hard on yourself for relapsing. A lot of stuff can build up when you haven't done it for a few months, and it isn't your fault when it becomes overwhelming. |
#132
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Passive aggressive behaviour in work is becoming worse again and I lost my sister coming up to three years ago. Thanks for the support. I hate it when I can't control and deal with my emotions.
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#135
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^ Sorry to hear that Cordyceps...I used to think the same, either wishing a car would hit me or the thought of throwing myself in the path of a car. I've not had these thoughts since finding the right anti-depressants - have you spoken to a doctor about how you are feeling?
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#136
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Won't go into too much detail, but I really don't think I belong in this world. I simply don't fulfill society's expectations. To sum it up, I'm selfish and incredibly lazy.
Not particularly suicidal really, they are just thoughts I have every few days. I don't want to die, but I'm not too keen on living either. Hope everyone else posting on here is doing better |
#137
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
currently feeling like an empty shell wishing someone would just step on it already
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#138
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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#139
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
I was always suicidal during my depression years, I've done my research and picked my method. I've come to terms with the fact I won't actually go through with it, I've never had the guts, I always think about the damage I will have done to myself if I survive. Imagine surviving as a vegetable for the rest of your life or ending up with some health condition that makes life worse than it already is.
I'm not really sure what I will do when I'm older, I don't want to be old, maybe the country will have come to it's senses regarding euthanasia. I just want you all to know that I really feel for you, depression really is so difficult to live with and so misunderstood by so many people. I pulled through mine after 20 solid years and I hope you all do too. |
#140
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Quote:
On reflection, I just think that my life is objectively not very good. Since I'm not religions, I don't think that there is any objective 'law' of nature that assures that life is better than non-life, and therefore I feel that contemplating suicide can a rational and sane philosophy of mind. I also hope that this country will move out of the dark ages on euthanasia. But it shouldn't only be for people who have a terminal illness, it should be available for anyone, subject to a period of treatment and observation. |
#141
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
^I agree it should be available to all. I never gave my authorisation to be born, being alive is simply not my cup of tea (at least while other humans exist) and I should have a safe and painless exit option available to me.
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#142
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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Societies have technologically progressed and morally progressed in so many areas. But our atavistic fear of death continues to cause us to avoid crossing this moral frontier, and an awful lot of people are suffering for a very long time because of it. |
#143
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
I almost want people to support the fact that I don't want to be here. It's ridiculous, I know, as if someone is going to reply with, "Okay, if you want to die, I accept that, go ahead."
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#144
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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I don't have an emotional need for anyone to endorse my suicidal ideation. But it is my body and my right to choose ought to be my fundamental and inalienable right. I am a member of and infrequent poster on a suicide themed forum which doesn't allow its members to discuss the philosophical pro-choice aspect of suicide. It's just 'suicide is NEVER the answer; life is sacred. End of'. It's for that reason why I can't stand to post there very much. |
#145
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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#146
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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#147
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
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#148
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
Sorry to all those feeling the way they are at the moment.
These thoughts are constantly creeping up on me, but I'm able to keep them at bay a lot of the time. Sometimes though, the "what's the point?" mentality overwhelms me, and tonight is one of those nights. Those nights that just make life bleak and empty, and make life seem like not worth living at all. Time to get the booze I think. |
#149
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
For those feeling very low tonight, I just want to say this feeling will pass.
I also want to thank the site and the many lovely people who contribute to it sharing their experiences and helping others. I feel that we live in a priviledged time in that we have this support network. It breaks my heart to think of people who have suffered without any support or understanding. I really think the site has saved lives. Please at least take comfort in the fact that you are not alone and there is ALWAYS someone on here ready to listen and empathise. Thank you to those who have reached out and shared their feelings. This is courageous and provides so much support to others who may be feeling the same. |
#150
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Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning
If I'm still the way I am this time next year... that's it, im outta here!
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