anyone live with parents still?

meinemonkey · #1 27th November 2010, 22:16

if so, how do you cope?
i have no social life and no friends so living alone is not affordable.
which means i am still living at home and it is incredibly suffocating. the lack of independence is horrendous and ultimately it is not exactly attractive to potential partners.

how do you cope??

sometimes i feel like i am going insane and stir crazy having nobody my own age to talk to..... it is also hugely embarrassing to tell anyone.
it can be very depressing

Phool · #2 28th November 2010, 09:43

I live with my mum, I'm 36. My father died when I was 7 and I'm an only child so feel I have to stay at home. We had terrible rows in my teens and early 20s but now we get on fine and have been on holiday a couple of times. I guess living together is about patience and tolerance and forgiving each other our little flaws and foilbles.

I do get suffocated and feel trapped sometimes but I either withdraw into my room or go for a walk. I have had relationships and guys are ok with me staying at theirs. I've had year off work so things did get a bit irritating but its actually made me appreciate going back to work as I now know I need it to balance out my life. I think its important to have interests and activities that give you some space and independence.

ElektroPunk Mindwarp Jelly · #3 28th November 2010, 10:00

This is a regular thing on here. it is often regarded as life limiting and socially unacceptable however you don't have to travel far to see that it is a cultural thing in Britain to see this as negative. Italian society is still largely based on family units and unless the child was about to start their own family in a new home then living with your parents doesn't have such negative associations, in fact it is more positive to maintain family roots and such values and just look at the opposite end with more individuals living separately or alone/ the breakdown of the family. The social life aspect is of course the disadvantage. It is a pity when there are threads people type about the parents they have being total shitheads, at least if you have great parents then you can at least have a comparably decent time where you are at home.

hello-its-me · #4 28th November 2010, 10:15

yes, yes, i know this! living with in-laws, always have to take the back seat, always have to appear good mooded, have to give explanations for daily things in life, have to hear unnice comments, have to put up with being ignored, being talked about in the third person, have to do things how others want.
try always to think about the good - without them would be on the streets, would be even less people that look my way, there's good in that they allow and tolerate me - that's good enough, one can't expect more.

Lone Dog · #5 28th November 2010, 11:30

I was happy living with my parents until my mid-30s. Having said that, it would have been a better idea to move out earlier, as I'm sure it affected me, being unable to do anything vaguely social in their presence. If people phoned me I would feel unable to speak, that they were in the background listening and judging me, it was like I was broadcasting to an audience. And I would actively dissuade potential friends from visiting me. So, in retrospect I think at a certain point it is good to get away from them if you can.

Yorkie · #6 30th December 2010, 20:05

I still live with my mum

Only_human · #7 30th December 2010, 20:19

I live with my parents but i'm still relatively young so I guess it's less of a concious worry and being a girl as well I guess, some members of society do tend to presume older men will have their own place but even if i lived alone i'd still date someone whether they lived with parents or alone. Most people can't afford to live alone anyway so have to share. I'd rather share with people I know well and that know me well, know how each other ticks etc then random strangers i might not click with. I don't think women would necessarily have a problem with someone living with their parents. In some ways, for skeptical women, it would be ideal as they know your more likely not to be bringing a different girl home every night and would presume you have a close relationship with your parents or value them since you still live with them, which is a quality many women look for (i.e. good qualities for the future). Yes living with parents can have it's ups and downs, clashing with each other, personal space and like you said privacy. But that aside, which pretty much can't be helped, I try to think of the upsides...like umm there's usually someone about to save me from a lurking spider

les · #8 10th January 2011, 04:35

Oh good heavens no I moved out at 18, When my mother died it was commented on that she was born , lived and died in the same parish! Was that really a life?

Clem · #9 13th January 2011, 11:48

According to the Guardian I am a boomerang kid. I moved back home after University and haven***8217;t gone anywhere since. I know some people think less of you for living at home and even this article I read in the Guardian seems to have a bit of a negative attitude towards kids staying with their parents.
This is despite the article being primarily about more people choosing to stay at home with parents than in the last 20 years. I don***8217;t see it as a problem, I am independent, have my own life, but I also enjoy my parents company. My Great Aunt has two of her children still living with her and they are in their 60s. Neither has ever lived away from the parental home.
I hate the negative attitude towards people who live at home and don***8217;t really understand it. Isn***8217;t it better to be living with people you know, love and trust than be miserable on your own or with flat mates you don***8217;t like.

pinkwafer · #10 17th January 2011, 17:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clem

Isn’t it better to be living with people you know, love and trust than be miserable on your own or with flat mates you don’t like.

I agree with this.

Dannysbabe · #11 24th January 2011, 16:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clem

I hate the negative attitude towards people who live at home and don’t really understand it. Isn’t it better to be living with people you know, love and trust than be miserable on your own or with flat mates you don’t like.

Absolutely! I still live at home, my dad died just over a year ago so its just me and mum, I do worry about what will happen to me when she goes though, as I don't have friends, a job and am constantly single. Just hoping things will improve.

karl-32 · #12 25th January 2011, 18:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clem

I hate the negative attitude towards people who live at home and don***8217;t really understand it. Isn***8217;t it better to be living with people you know, love and trust than be miserable on your own or with flat mates you don***8217;t like.

i dont think so.

iv lived on my own since i was 17 (32 now) and while yes i get lonely , i couldnt live with my mum .

i got in a situation in 2003 where i had to live with her and it turned out to be a year and i absolutely hated it. i felt like a child . Not because she made me feel like it , not at all. i just felt like a child living with my mum at such an age(and i was in my early/mid 20's then).

i like my independence . i like paying my own bills , buying my own food , watching what i like on tv , not having to tip toe because people are in bed.

Living with my parents is torture to me .

just because someone lives alone , doesnt make them neccessarily lonely or miserable .

i'm sorry if i am to offend anyone but people living with parents after a certain age just looks wrong especially if they are in their 30's .

also you never learn to be fully independent. i can run a house/budget better than my own parents and better than most people full stop. The fact i am like this and left home at 17 is no coincidence

Phool · #13 25th January 2011, 18:54

^ I agree with Clem. Can't speak about anyone else but it isn't about being childlike and unable to look after myself it is a feeling of duty to look after my mother as she grows old. I have lived abroad and travelled lots, and yes we've had rows especially in teens and early 20s but reconciling your differences with parents is part of the maturing process. Why would I share my life with some random flatmate when I can share it with the nicest person in the whole world.

NB - I also own another flat which is rented out to a friend and covers the mortgage but I still contribute in my mum's flat. So I may move out when my friend does but thats not likely to be any time soon and it would also depend on my mum's health.

Pandapop · #14 25th January 2011, 19:18

I live with my mum and our dog.
Its not that bad tbh, shes like my best friend and shes out a lot of the time so theres no getting in each others faces a lot. The hard part is sometimes being alone in the house because i'd rather be having girly sleepovers and being normal having films nights

no0ne · #15 25th January 2011, 19:33

32 moved out when i was 21 ish, then back again a few years later and now living at my dads for the last six months currently in the process of renovating my new flat which i'll be moving into sometime in feb, i've always been very independent though all the times i've lived with either parent i've done my own cooking, cleaning, washing and shopping since i was about 16, it always surprises me when any one over the age of 16 gets their cooking and washing done for them.

Phool · #16 25th January 2011, 19:34

^ yes age and location is a factor. I live in London so location doesn't hinder me. We both work and so only have a couple of hours together each day.

wjfox · #17 25th January 2011, 19:45

Moved out when I was 18... I crave my independence.

westie11 · #18 28th January 2011, 20:03

There is no right or wrong. no family situation is 'normal'. If you are happy and have some independance you should not have to feel bad about living with your parents. On the other hand if you live at home because its easier to hide from the world, then maybe its time to move out.
If you have a supportive family you could try renting. If it doesn't work out you could move back home. at least you gave it a try.
I'm 34 and moved into my own home 5 years ago. At the time the thought of leaving the security of a loving home and being independant and more importantly actually being alone was utterly terrifying, but I knew it had to be done. Now I can't imagine being back home.
The independance and freedom I have gained has taught me so much about myself. I do get lonely and some times depressed but I realise now that living with my parents was, for me, more of an emotional crutch for my SA and life was just easier when I could hide from it.

hallstar · #19 1st February 2011, 00:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by meinemonkey

if so, how do you cope?
i have no social life and no friends so living alone is not affordable.
which means i am still living at home and it is incredibly suffocating. the lack of independence is horrendous and ultimately it is not exactly attractive to potential partners.

how do you cope??

sometimes i feel like i am going insane and stir crazy having nobody my own age to talk to..... it is also hugely embarrassing to tell anyone.
it can be very depressing

I know what you mean. I have a steady job but if I got a place of my own it would mean the end of my trip away. 2 weeks away when I can feel independent. As it can feel suffocating at home I got a card for the cinema so at least I am now spending the weekends out of the house.
Although the thought of moving out grows all the time its just getting the courage to do it.