Are non-SA men more tolerant of SA ladies than non-SA ladies are of SA men ?

[ElektroPunk Mindwarp Jelly]

There appear to be many more SA ladies here that are attached to non_SA fellas, however the other way around it looks less likely, not as many SA guys with a non SA lady

MEN: How understanding and tolerant have non-SA ladies that you were once with or are currently with been towards your SA and any of the limitations it brings with it e.g. not integrating with their friends & family, lack of social skills, poor financial prospects.

Could there be something in this, to say that there will be many more non-SA guys out there, who would tolerate and accept a SA lady, than for non-SA ladies that would accept an SA man ?

[Colin80]

I think this was covered in the 'is sa attractive thread'. There is always going to be exceptions but yes women go for confident men who will protect and look after them. Men on the otherhand are more likely to be attracted to shy, vulnerable women. There is someone out there for everyone though.

[Johnni]

[karl-32]

iv had relationships with none sa people . in fact 5 . They were great with me about it.

Funnily even though my sa is very bad i'm quite intolerent of it in others

[Dandelion10]

Everyone's different, some women may run around after an SA guy and some guys would stand firmly beside an SA girl. Likewise some men and women would politely reject an SA partner and other men and women would laugh them out of the room.

[Mr Ploppy]

Yes.

[Phool]

Yes.

[AutumnLeaves]

No.

[custardcreams]

Originally Posted by ElektroPunk Mindwarp Jelly

There appear to be many more SA ladies here that are attached to non_SA fellas, however the other way around it looks less likely, not as many SA guys with a non SA lady

MEN: How understanding and tolerant have non-SA ladies that you were once with or are currently with been towards your SA and any of the limitations it brings with it e.g. not integrating with their friends & family, lack of social skills, poor financial prospects.

Could there be something in this, to say that there will be many more non-SA guys out there, who would tolerate and accept a SA lady, than for non-SA ladies that would accept an SA man ?

what is it with you and these threads? first i thought you were doing it for sport, but i'd have thought the fun of that might have worn off by now.

[Medea]

Originally Posted by custardcreams

what is it with you and these threads? first i thought you were doing it for sport, but i'd have thought the fun of that might have worn off by now.

That pretty much sums up my thinking on this too.

[AnathemA]

[custardcreams]

Originally Posted by Medea

That pretty much sums up my thinking on this too.

it's like when your grandad tells you the same story 10 times in a row and you try to be all tolerant cos he's maybe a bit demented by 88, then you find out he was doing it on purpose to wind you up. or maybe that's just my grampy.

[Salusa87]

Yes nearly always.

[Scott03]

I would say yes overall, but that there will always be notable exceptions to this.

[Narwhal]

Not that I've noticed

[Kevin Hodge]

*fart*

[jay9]

Originally Posted by ElektroPunk Mindwarp Jelly

There appear to be many more SA ladies here that are attached to non_SA fellas, however the other way around it looks less likely, not as many SA guys with a non SA lady

I think that if this is the case, it is down to the fact that the guy is expected to do chasing, and nothing to do with tolerance, so my answer to the thread is no.

[Mr Ploppy]

I've always admired and respected women who can look after themselves.

Not in the "modern" balsy vulgar way, the sort of spitting women who make a lot of noise and genuinely believe somehow they're standing up for themselves but the women throughout history who have delt with harsh circumstances with intelligence, dignity and respect for themselves and others.

[kastra]

The dark side of this hasn't been mentioned either yet, that aggressive/abusive men will seek out women who seem quiet & shy because they think they are easily controlled.

[sad_sarah]

In my experience, NO. But then my experience is pretty limited. As for aggressive/abusive men, I think I'm intelligent enough to avoid them.

[HardRockGlamour]

Originally Posted by sad_sarah

As for aggressive/abusive men, I think I'm intelligent enough to avoid them.

I don't think it's that simple, they don't go around with signs saying 'I'm abusive and controlling' on their heads do they

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by jay9

I think that if this is the case, it is down to the fact that the guy is expected to do chasing, and nothing to do with tolerance, so my answer to the thread is no.

Yeah I'd agree with this. I think the fact that mostly men have to do the approaching explains the lack of success that SA men might have in comparison to SA women. If you can approach then you have really increased your chances infinitely compared to just waiting for someone to come along, especially if you are a guy.

I've read a number of women on SAUK who've said that they've ended up going out with more outgoing confident types just because they were the only ones approaching them and I think we've all seen examples of that in real life. And when I say approach I mean in the general sense of make the first move, because often men will get signals that women are interested but won't actually do anything about it (assuming they notice in the first place).

[Detox]

I hate that stupid idea that men have to do the approaching all the time.
If you like someone let them know, don't stand around with your thumb up your ass because you have either A or B in your pants and you're not meant to. Jeeez, its the stupidest thing ever!

[HardRockGlamour]

It's more 'traditional' for guys to do the approaching but a lot of women approach these days... I wouldn't though... too many 'I'd make a fool of myself' thoughts.

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Detox

I hate that stupid idea that men have to do the approaching all the time.
If you like someone let them know, don't stand around with your thumb up your ass because you have either A or B in your pants and you're not meant to. Jeeez, its the stupidest thing ever!

Unfortunately that's the reality, so you can hate it as much as you want it's not going to change regardless of what you think.

[AxelFendersson]

Originally Posted by Detox

I hate that stupid idea that men have to do the approaching all the time.

I agree, it's ridiculous. It's an idea that does seem to be in decline, but I fear it will be a long time before it disappears completely, if it ever does.

[Phool]

Originally Posted by kastra

The dark side of this hasn't been mentioned either yet, that aggressive/abusive men will seek out women who seem quiet & shy because they think they are easily controlled.

I mentioned this in another thread. I always attract this type.

Originally Posted by sad_sarah

In my experience, NO. But then my experience is pretty limited. As for aggressive/abusive men, I think I'm intelligent enough to avoid them.

I'm not stupid. But men don't come with a label on their heads saying 'I'm a control freak'. They've all been highly intelligent, quite successful, some of them geeky and mild-mannered. I don't go for loud boorish types. This type is more subtle, passive aggressive, manipulative, controlling and in the end abusive. It's so subtle, its like a drip, drip, drip effect. You don't realise its abusive until its too late. They don't realise or acknowledge they are doing it.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

I think SA can put a real strain on many relationships, regardless of whether it's the male or female who has the SA. It depends on so many factors, though.

If there is more of a tolerance from non-SA males towards SA ladies than there is the other way round, I'd agree with jay9 to a large extent. I know reality doesn't always support this assumption, but it is assumed that shy/SA people are generally quiet, passive, reserved etc. OK, that may well be a myth, but it is one that is generally believed for whatever reason. If this is so, then those traits are culturally more accepted and even prized in females, but not necessarily so in males.

Culturally speaking, if a female comes over as shy and vulnerable, in general, this is not seen as such a negative thing. In males, many people see that as weakness, and many people shun what they perceive as weakness.

Again, generally, I think society is more accepting of a shy female than a shy male. Although that doesn't make being shy/SA any easier on a female. A female can still feel horrendous inside, regardless of the general perceptions of others. So even if there is more of a general societal acceptance of the shy female, the female concerned may not feel that at all.

There are a million variables to take in consideration anyway. It's really complicated stuff. Culturally there may well be a bias towards more acceptance of the shy female than the shy male, probably borne out of old gender-role stereotyping. Even today in 2010, it's generally the male who is expected to make the running and approach a female. Many males expect this of themselves, and many females are content to wait for an approach rather than risk potential rejection from doing the approaching themselves. So even if it's only a subconscious thing, male assertiveness and female passivity are still seen by many as the natural order of things. So society may well be more forgiving of a shy/SA female than a shy/SA male, simply because of those old gender stereotypes where it was almost expected that females would be passive.

Regardless of any truths that may or may not reside in the above ponderings, SA is just as blooody horrible for males and females alike.

[Detox]

Originally Posted by diplodocus

Unfortunately that's the reality, so you can hate it as much as you want it's not going to change regardless of what you think.

And I shall hate it, because its bull shit.
And who is to say it won't change? You seem very precise on that fact, so regardless of what YOU think. It still may change.

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Detox

And I shall hate it, because its bull shit.
And who is to say it won't change? You seem very precise on that fact, so regardless of what YOU think. It still may change.

touche Believe me I don't like it either! I find it really difficult approaching and I'd love it if a woman came on to me, my life would be so much easier.

Why do I not think it will change? Because it's been that way for centuries, across all most cultures. It is changing a little but really how significant is it? The real problem is even if it does change I don't see it happening in our life times! That's why I made a decision that I had to try and get over my terror of approaching. It doesn't terrify me any more and while it's not easy at all I'm so glad I'm trying to change and I feel much happier in myself.