Scared of using people's names?

[jez9999]

OK I'm interested to see whether this is just my thing or whether anyone else experiences this.

One of the most absurd anxieties I have is saying "Hi [name]" instead of just "Hi". I'm told that it makes quite a difference in terms of how you come across, but I think that's precisely why I find it so intimidating to do. If I say "Hi [name]" it shows a level of familiarity and I'm scared the other person might recoil, might reject me for showing it. So I almost always stay short of that and just say "Hi" to people. Does anyone else have this?

[clyde33]

Yup I can relate to that but I'm not sure why I've always felt this way. I'm sure I'd come across as being more friendly if I said the person's name, but for some bizarre reason, I really find that so hard to do and I always end up just saying "hi" too. I don't know why I can't say a person's name. Even when I'm addressing my parents, I don't call them mum or dad, I just say hi to them. I'm 42.

I'd be interested if anyone knew why some people find it difficult to call people by their names.

[gregarious_introvert]

I didn't realise that I was avoiding using people's names until I worked in customer service for the first time (although that was over 30 years ago now, so I have no real excuse); I have great difficulty using names throughout a conversation as I hate it when others over-use my name (again, this is a customer service thing - by the mid 1990s, I was being encouraged to use the customer's name at regular intervals and now I find customer service representatives using mine in almost every sentence - and most of them seem to think it's appropriate to use my forename too, rather than surname!). Anyway, I try to use names when greeting people and of course I have to use them at meetups when I'm introducing people to each other, but the only other time I will use them is when I am trying to attract a particular person's attention or addressing one person from within a group.

Deep down, I think I have an irrational fear that I will forget someone's name or call someone by the wrong name (I have done this in the past, when I've been about to mention someone in a conversation and then that name is on my mind, so I call someone else by that name), so avoid names altogether so that I don't cause offence.

[Indigo_]

Yep, I've always been like this. The only names I can use with any confidence are my close family. I can't really explain it but with everyone else's names it feels like I shouldn't be saying them.

[Kevin Hodge]

isn't this about demanding someone's full attention? if you just kind of mumble something at them they don't really need to acknowledge you. say their name and its like "i'm speaking to YOU".

[umm]

Originally Posted by jez9999

OK I'm interested to see whether this is just my thing or whether anyone else experiences this.

One of the most absurd anxieties I have is saying "Hi [name]" instead of just "Hi". I'm told that it makes quite a difference in terms of how you come across, but I think that's precisely why I find it so intimidating to do. If I say "Hi [name]" it shows a level of familiarity and I'm scared the other person might recoil, might reject me for showing it. So I almost always stay short of that and just say "Hi" to people. Does anyone else have this?

Yep. Well, I used to. Why? I don't know. It was like sticking my head above the parapet, socially speaking, and making a sudden change in terms of how intimate I might seem, as you say. I remember it was about 3 or 4 years before I called my best friend (met at 11, this was around 14 or so) by his name. Gave him quite a shock. But I make an effort to do it now; I too understand that it comes across better and I definitely want that.

[Toxic]

I have no idea what "it" is

But I also have trouble calling people by their names.

[Jane Doe]

I've always felt uncomfortable using people's names too, although I'm not quite as bad with immediate family, especially if I'm asking them a question. It's a strange thing to worry about; I always thought it was just me who felt like that because it isn't something that people tend to discuss.

Using someone's name creates intimacy, and because I struggle to connect with people, it nearly always sounds too manufactured and manipulative for my liking.

I really dislike people using my name in certain circumstances as well, and I usually feel okay if someone starts a sentence with my name, but I hate it when they say my name in the middle or at the end of a sentence. "Danica, could you pass me the salt, please?" is more acceptable than "Could you pass me the salt please, Danica?" I don't understand why adding my name at the end is relevant - to me, it's unnecessary. That probably sounds silly, but that's how I feel!

My last therapist would often over use my name and would say something like "Right Danica, I'd like you to do this Danica because I think that it would be good for you Danica" in a (fake) soft, modulated tone. I know that she was probably using some form of NLP, but it always had a negative effect on me and I'd go home feeling angry, but at the time I didn't realise why.

Oh, and I can't deal with sales people using my name either, especially if they are aggressive and make strong eye contact.

[anewyear]

I***8217;m personally fine with using people***8217;s given names but baulk at using the shortened version (eg Phil or Pete) unless I***8217;ve specifically heard them using it first. Similarly, I don***8217;t use often use ***8220;mate***8221; although ironically I***8217;ll use other similar words

[Undecided]

I don't have a problem with saying people's names, whether that's in conversation, trying to get their attention or when greeting them. I like it when other people add my name afterwards instead of just saying hi.

One thing that does annoy me is people I dislike using the shortened version of my name. With anyone else it's fine (and I much prefer it actually) but in these instances it's irritating

[Franz of Franzylvania]

I find it difficult, except with a few friends, and even then don't use names much just out of habit.

It's never been a big problem but at my new workplace there seems to be a semi-rule of answering the phone to other staff by saying, "Hi x, you okay?". Which I sort of understand the reasoning of, I guess it shows you're acknowledging them as a person rather than just a task or someone you want something from. But I still really don't feel comfortable doing it. It almost feels presumptive or something, which makes no sense. Also as I don't know anyone yet I'm unsure whether, if say their name comes up as Daniel or Christopher on the phone, they'd want me to shorten it or not (I want to err on the side of caution and not shorten, but then also worry I'll sound too formal).

Originally Posted by Kevin Hodge

isn't this about demanding someone's full attention? if you just kind of mumble something at them they don't really need to acknowledge you. say their name and its like "i'm speaking to YOU".

Yeah, actually that's a good point. At my old job I was always being told, "You need to get someone's attention before speaking to them!" Which is fair, but it always felt like by singling someone out I was being too demanding of their time / attention. It was so much easier to just mumble something vaguely into the room and hope somebody responded.

[cyane1982]

I've always felt like this too, I thought it was just me! I just feel awkward using people's names, I can't really explain it :/

[Matt77]

Yes I have a problem with this all the time particularly at work. I think its partly a fear of getting the name wrong and embarrassing myself socially even though I'm 99.9% sure I have the right name in my head.

Some have mentioned that they never use abbreviated names but some names can be such a mouthful that I'm never sure whether to use the abbreviated informal name that most use or the full name which means I just say "Hello" and smile as its a lot easier!

Also in my head I seem to remember the times when someone else has tried to be too informal with names and it fall flat ('Gazza' instead of 'Gary' to a director spring to mind!). I'm sure there are occasions when the use of names helped build bonds with people but I feel its like an art form which I'm not qualified for!

[Velcro-Touch]

It***8217;s good to say peoples names, people love hearing their own name, just not every time you speak to them