Looking at normal people

[Lost701]

I did something stupid tonight.

Looked at non-SA people's Facebooks/twitters. Comparing my lonely boring isolated life to theirs.

So many pictures of friends, going out etc

I feel so depressed. I'm do far away from being the person I want to be.

I feel so alone. I've got no friends

[Belinda]

^ I totally agree. I used to be terrible for looking at profiles of people I knew about 20 years ago and it used to really depress me because just seeing their faces brought back so many bad memories. Now I am facebook free I am a gazillion times less miserable. To me facebook is the ultimate torture.

[Puppet]

There are TONS of meet-ups are organised on the site. People you meet will share the same experiences and fears as you. The best bet is to take a gamble and attend the meets in hope you form new friendships. Maybe then you'll have a photo on YOUR Facebook you can feel good about.

[Clockface]

I only ever go on Facebook to see what my friends are up to so I find it easier to hold a conversation with them when I meet with them (which is seldom as none of them live in my local area) and show an interest in them. This I then tell myself is a bad idea as like others on this thread I get depressed and realise just how quiet and unsociable my life is. They all talk with their mates and always seem to have interesting things to talk about when they update their status, but I don't think I've written on my wall for about 2 years as I can't think of anything to tell anyone.

At the same time I do agree with Becca-boo. Some of the things they get up to I wouldn't want to do, and I couldn't be bothered updating my status EVERY day, like one of my friends does. I know this sounds like a cliche but I just want to be able to relate to people better and form friendships, that way I would have more to talk on FB about.

[pink80]

Macca its not u thats holding u back its your SA, its holding us all back, i always think of all the things i would b doing if i never had SA, we have just got to fight SA, it is a crippleing disorder, i just hope we all find strength to fight SA and we can then live full happy lifes.

[DarenA37]

so called normal is so overrated!!

[here4help]

Yeah, me too. I go on facebook and pictures appear on news feed of drunken nights out and I'm left feeling like an outcast.
I wasn't always shy. Up until I was about 21 (about half way through second year at uni) I would get out at least once a week, then I sort of stopped going out gradually. It was around about the time I first noticed my hairline had receded. I'm 23 now. I became more conscious of my appearance and started to believe that other people thought negatively of me. In the whole of final year I went out to a nightclub twice and that was in the first semester. I didn't even go to the last night out at uni to the annoyance of my friends.
I thought with age you were supposed to get more confident but I wish I could be the person I was at 19 again and not worry about what other people think of me and just enjoy myself.

[Olly.]

Originally Posted by Becca-boo

I see people's profiles like that but i don't think of them as normal and myself as abnormal, i just think of them as being different from me. There's a lot of things about their lifestyle that i wouldn't want for myself. Ultimately you just have to try to be the person you want to be, without holding yourself to a comparision of everyone else.

This is true and neither do I, but its still difficult to not feel like a social outcast when everyone else seems to partying and getting drunk all the time and I remember my friends (before I cut contact with them) finding me weird for not enjoying clubbing and going to loads of parties (even though before we all went to uni we weren't really the clubbing/partying types) and others at uni have been judgemental towards me for not being obsessed with getting pissed all the time (which incidentally I can't physically get drunk, I get ill/sick before I get drunk lol), so it is still very difficult not see myself as abnormal when I haven't really met anyone my age who is like me and doesn't enjoy parties or getting drunk.

[Kestrelsgomoo]

I often feel I should quit Facebook sometimes. I'll see people already so far ahead in their lives (most of my friends are engaged or having children now for example), or doing so much better than I am (whenever my university classmates talk about how they're doing on their project, I feel so inadequate), and I just feel like a waste. Or if I accidentally upset someone and they write angry status updates about me (which at it's worst, causes me to feel so guilty and ashamed I want to die). Trouble is, social networking sites are perhaps one of the only ways I am able to keep in contact with others, as I find such difficulty in talking to them face-to-face. There are friends I was close with in college who have moved on, but part of me still wants to see them again, I'm just too scared to arrange a meet-up, so instead I follow their lives through status updates instead.

[-Simon-]

I don't think comparing yourself to others is ever a good approach, either to make yourself feel better or worse. In reality, how happy or fulfilled someone else seems to be should have no relevance to your own happiness or fulfilment. Envy can't make you happy, wishing to be someone you're not can't make you happy either. The only possible benefit I can see from looking at other people's lives is to help you identify realistic goals, to give you inspiration for the kinds of things you want to achieve in your own life. Having someone else's life is not realistic but achieving some of the things you admire about their lives can be, and can bring you happiness and fulfilment if they're achievable and are what you really want, not just what you think you should have. And cake, cake makes you happy and fulfilled too.

[J-D]

i feel the same - whenever i see people's facebook i see how theyre moving on in their lives - careers, marriage, children, life experiences - but with me i feel like my life stopped since 2006 ever since graduating and never being able to hold down a job, still living with parents, got no friends or social life at all, and i spend about 8 hours per day awake, the rest of the time in bed because its gotten to the point that i simply dont care anymore.

however i will not close my fb because then i will have absolutely noone. i depend on it just to be connected in some way to people. i think if it closed tomorrow and i didnt get their phone number, email or postal address i think i'd rather die than live to that degree of deep loneliness. i know some would probably not respond to me anyway, probably all wont give me their info, but still its nice to perhaps see the world at least through their pictures.

[black_mamba]

Plenty of "normals" have quiet lives that don't involve non-stop partying, they just don't seem as obvious as those who feel the need to constantly share their lives. There is more to a social life than getting drunk, ifyou want it to be.

[J-D]

like what, mamba? examples, please..

[iTz0kt0Bu]

Originally Posted by black_mamba

Plenty of "normals" have quiet lives that don't involve non-stop partying, they just don't seem as obvious as those who feel the need to constantly share their lives. There is more to a social life than getting drunk, ifyou want it to be.

Spot on. Although I would like to get drunk maybe occasionally, I've never been drunk, there are more things that are probably more beneficial than getting drunk that you can do with friends.

[black_mamba]

Examples of what? Other social activities? Well 2 off the top of my head: sports (I know loads of people who spend their Friday and Saturday nights indoor rock climbing), and laid back dinner party style gatherings (where people cook for each other). Could type loads more if I werent typing via my mobile :-)

[iTz0kt0Bu]

Originally Posted by J-D

like what, mamba? examples, please..

Like doing other things such as seeing performances, doing social sports, shopping/eating out, learning/discovering things.

Being drunk is so overrated, in Psychology we have been learning how drugs including alcohol can alter and mess up our brains long term. Learning this has made me even more tempted to not try any drugs, except alcohol and medicine and thats only when I need medicine and I would only try alcohol once in a while .

[Blind Cobbler]

I'm not into going out drinking much these days, I find it one of the most boring things, especially in loud city centre pubs. I did however find myself in town a few weeks ago for a friends leaving do. I couldn't believe the amount of people who were glued to their mobile phones, no doubt on Facebook. So going out on the piss can't be all that exciting. No conversation, dancing or interaction . . . . Just zombies staring at their gadgets.

Why don't people leave their phones at home if they're out with friends? I find it very rude. Or at least leave it in a bag or pocket until its taxi time.

Normal people are extremely boring and in my experience very insecure. They tend to be very good at appearing confident and invincible, but underneath are just like the rest of us, except they have given in to conforming to the norms of society.

Who wants to be associated with Facebook, drinking and all the bullshit and pretence that goes with it!

[Olly.]

^Well to be honest if I'm on a night out with a large group or a group with strangers or its a noisy crowded bar with loud music, I just fade into the background and struggle to shout across the table at people, so admittedly my phone comes out, just to do something rather than sitting their awkwardly and not saying anything. I wouldn't do it if it was a quiet pub with a small group of course but there's some social situations where I can't help it.

[Clockface]

I'm not into going out drinking either these days. In fact to be honest I never really have been, I just felt peer pressure when at uni and with other people I have known who I have since cut contact with. In the last few years I have developed the ability to say 'no' to getting drunk.

I totally agree with the later posts in this thread. I'm happy to just have one or two drinks and like doing other social activities such as outdoors/hillwalking, visiting cities and museums, and sitting in coffee shops. I get much more enjoyment and relaxation out of these things, as well as some refuge from my negative automatic thoughts. I find if I go on a 'proper' night out, to loud bars and the like, I get bored as having to shout at the person sat next to me really annoys me, cos of the loud music, and I just find myself standing round feeling alienated

[Pandapop]

I really hate these threads, people on here just think 'normal' people just get drunk to socialise and thats that.

Also hate the word normal to describe someone and bashing them, who says there not suffering in some way. Deary me.

[iTz0kt0Bu]

Originally Posted by Pandapop

I really hate these threads, people on here just think 'normal' people just get drunk to socialise and thats that.

Also hate the word normal to describe someone and bashing them, who says there not suffering in some way. Deary me.

We are like any other person as well except we have SA. I can understand what you're saying.
Most of us including me, sadly, try looking at non SA people as the "other" and sometimes put them in the same box. I realised a few weeks ago that this actually keeps my SA level at the bad level it is at since people always judge those they think are different.

[J-D]

Originally Posted by Pandapop

I really hate these threads, people on here just think 'normal' people just get drunk to socialise and thats that.

Also hate the word normal to describe someone and bashing them, who says there not suffering in some way. Deary me.

i guess the perception is (for me at least) that while everyone may have their own problems, not everyone is like us - suffering from SA - they go out (i dont), they have friends and a social life, they meet girls/guys and get in relationships, they travel, they get into adventures..people like me (and probably others) don't have any of these things, what they take for granted, ya know? its understand everyone has problems - eg relative unwell, money problems, starvation, homelessness etc..however, some people have folks and friends in their lives (eg a friend says they had a bad month, 5 mins later they get people responding on their fb offering them a night out with them etc). with me, sometimes i think i'm the only soul thats real and everything around me is an illusion designed to pain me in all ways possible. as low as it sounds, there is a sense of envy, comparison and feeling of falling more and more...behind.

[Generation Erm]

thing is these ppl may look normal on the outside but might be upto all sorts of abnormal stuff behind closed doors. appearing normal doesn't mean ur normal.

[Blind Cobbler]

I guess, on reflection, it's safer to avoid the word 'normal' as its misleading when attempting to explain a particular group of people. Maybe people in the mainstream of society? Mmm, still a bit grey! Ok, I'll stop there.

[Iridescent]

It's only a problem if you start to compare yourself to others, everybody hurts only some ppl learn to deal with it differently.

[Belinda]

It's difficult looking at facebook and being bombarded by images of people doing all the things that us s.aers may have never got a chance to do but most of the 'fun' is pretty staged for the camera and I'm sure most people's lives aren't the round of constant sociable enjoyment they portray on f.b. If you get to know one of that strange species know as normal people you find that their real life is nothing whatsoever like their facebook persona.

I still think life was better before facebook was invented though because it does fuel people's insecurities so much if everyone's portraying a perfect image of themselves most of the time. I think the one good thing about having s.a. and hardly any friends is I don't have to be on facebook- free at last!

[Iridescent]

Why stop at facebook ?

What about what we all see daily for those of us who venture outside.

How about the TV ?

[Iridescent]

I understand what your saying, I guess I am looking more at my situation and trying to explain how I am dealing with thing.

TV, I dont have any family, I was getting kicked out even before I was a teenager, seeing happy families all that jazz especially over xmas gets me down even thou its not real because it's what I have always wanted.

Then I get out about and yes I am lucky I have a partner, we don't live together, its not a clean cut as that, I thought I had issues lol anyway I don't really want to go into too much detail just now, but I see many things that most ppl take for granted, no neon signs needed.

I've learned over the years not to dwell on the negative, what I haven't got, focusing on what I have while taking steps to achieve what I want, little by little.

FB has help me in some ways, I only started getting into it this year, so far its got me out to a few exhibitions, I have begun to engage with like minded ppl, over a number of subjects, I'm not sharing my life story and boring them.

[Iridescent]

I hear you, I don't use my real name, I use it here either and really cant be bothered to check ppl from the past again negative vibes, the only way to overcome a problem is too face it.

[Iridescent]

oh and just because someone has an obscene amount of friends means nothing.