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  #1  
Old 16th September 2018, 14:04
toughbird toughbird is offline
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Default Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Hi All

Here is a link of my full story of my relationship with me and my ex.

http://www.social-anxiety-community....ad.php?t=89460


Since I returned back to my old job. My team suspect I and my ex were/are in a relationship. I and my ex work in the same team. But my management has ensured that we don't work closely together anymore.

Since I and my ex split up. I got on with my life. Didn't contact him anymore. The space that we had had worked wonders between us. To the point, he contacted me to iniate meeting up and going out for a drink and meal.

After one month of seeing him often. My feelings for him started to come back.

When we met up after work. He informed me he wants us to get back together. He feels we are on better terms. He thanked me for giving him space and time. He informed he wants us to go back to meeting up, dating and hanging out. However, he doesn't want to ever move in with me.

He said, he thinks my attitude towards things has matured greatly. I am a lot more patient hence giving him space and time - I guess this was one aspect of the relationship he didn't like - shame it took to tell me after we split up.

I informed I was happy that the space and time has helped him greatly. However, if we were to get back together. I don't want a casual relationship as I do want him to move in with me. I want the relationship to progress. I don't want to invest my time into something for it not to progress.

I'm happy that my ways has improved to the point where he feels a relationship can happen. However, he needs to work on his issues and show commitment towards the relationship.

He confirmed he knows I won't back down on the idea on him moving in together. I told him either he faces his commitment issues and deals with it - then the relationship won't work. I'm happy to give him space and time. I reasured that I'm not in it for the short term. He thanked me for that.

He said - he will need a lot of space and time to face this.

So I've backed off and got on with my life. I do check in with him from time to time. He tells me he has been thinking about it but continues on wanting his space. I try to encourage him to talk about how he is feeling. However, he runs away.

Do you think this relationship can work? Or do I cut my losses and go? Do I continue on with my life via giving him space?
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  #2  
Old 16th September 2018, 15:28
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Does giving him space include you seeing other people? And him seeing other people?

Because if he's simply expecting you to wait around indefinitely until he sorts out his issues that doesn't seem fair at all on you.

Also if he's stated that he never wants to move in together and that's essential to you for a relationship then it doesn't seem that you want the same things from a relationship long term.
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  #3  
Old 16th September 2018, 15:52
toughbird toughbird is offline
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Default Re: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Hi - thank you for your reply.

He definitely wants a casual relationship where I don't.

I want a committed relationship eventually. Moving in together in the future. I'm not looking for something that won't head nowhere.
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Old 16th September 2018, 15:52
Thousandmiles Thousandmiles is offline
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Default Re: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

He doesn't want to EVER move in with you!?
I'd go now and save myself more heartbreak down the line.
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Old 16th September 2018, 15:58
toughbird toughbird is offline
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Default Re: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

I think a lot of that is to do with fear why his saying that.

However he stated he knows i won't back down and then that's when he requested that he needs space and time on this.
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Old 16th September 2018, 16:08
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

I think that you might end up wasting years on this guy waiting for him to be ready for something he may never be ready for.

My advice would probably be continue to get on with your life as you have been, see other people. If he ever reaches the point where he feels ready for the kind of relationship you want he can come and tell you then. But in the meantime you might well meet someone who wants exactly what you want with no struggle.
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Old 16th September 2018, 16:13
toughbird toughbird is offline
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Default Re: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

I think the moral is to look for someone who is emotionally available.

Thank you both for your kind advice.
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  #8  
Old 16th September 2018, 16:16
Thousandmiles Thousandmiles is offline
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Default Re: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Toughbird, the thing is we can write some elaborate replies to this, covering all ifs and buts but I'm sure you have already mulled this over and over and over in your head....it is very clear your needs and expectations do not match at all and it'sok and it's noones fault.
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  #9  
Old 16th September 2018, 16:24
toughbird toughbird is offline
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Default Re: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

It's been going over and over in my head for months.

Which is now it's either take it or leave it time.
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