SAUK Discussion Board

Go Back   SAUK Discussion Board > Social Anxiety Discussions > The Social Anxiety Room
Join! Blogs FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Notices

Reply  Post New Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 19th August 2018, 18:10
SADNinja SADNinja is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 10
Default Loner.

Apologies if this has been covered in previous threads on here and if that is the case I would appreciate it if people could point me in the direction of threads on the subject that they are aware of.

I'm just curious to know if there are any others on here who consider themselves to be true loners, i.e. completely devoid of friends with whom they interact.

I've never been a particularly popular or sociable person, due in main, I now realise, to SAD, but in recent times I've gradually isolated myself from pretty much everyone, including the small number of people that I did consider friends.

The upshot of this is that I do now feel like a true loner, which I don't really have a problem with because I genuinely do prefer to spend time by myself, but I feel that society in general would consider me 'abnormal'.

Can anyone relate to this?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 19th August 2018, 18:55
AireleeBray AireleeBray is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 335
Blog Entries: 13

Mood
Blah

Default Re: Loner.

i know it might sound really stupid but i consider myself a loner although i have a partner & kids.

yes i have someone to live with & parent with & be a family with.

but i dont have anyone to have lots of fun with to laugh & celebrate birthdays or to invite to watch romcoms with or to ask advice about things you just wouldnt ask your partner.
I do not have a single friend.
im the loneliest non alone loner
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 19th August 2018, 19:44
anewyear anewyear is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 163
Default Re: Loner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SADNinja
The upshot of this is that I do now feel like a true loner, which I don't really have a problem with because I genuinely do prefer to spend time by myself, but I feel that society in general would consider me 'abnormal'
So would you say that you're a loner by choice?
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 19th August 2018, 20:02
anewyear anewyear is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 163
Default Re: Loner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AireleeBray
i know it might sound really stupid but i consider myself a loner although i have a partner & kids.

yes i have someone to live with & parent with & be a family with.

but i dont have anyone to have lots of fun with to laugh & celebrate birthdays or to invite to watch romcoms with or to ask advice about things you just wouldnt ask your partner.
I do not have a single friend.
im the loneliest non alone loner
I can relate to this. I'm happily married with a child, however I don't have mates to go out with etc and I find that quite depressing. Having said that I do have one person I'd consider to be a friend and I go for a couple of pints with him every 3-4 weeks, but I'd never actually open up etc, it's more of a "how's it going, did you see the football" slightly superficial yet enjoyable conversation.

Mrs said to me the other day "we should have a joint birthday party next year" and I was like... "really..?? Do you really think I've anyone to invite along to it?"
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 19th August 2018, 20:06
GlasgowFilmTheatreFan GlasgowFilmTheatreFan is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 64
Default Re: Loner.

You might enjoy the book "Party of One:The Loner's Manifesto" by Anneli Rufus which talks about the long and distinguished tradition of loners and has some great quotes about why it can be a better lifestyle for some.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 19th August 2018, 20:37
Messer Messer is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 98
Default Re: Loner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AireleeBray
i know it might sound really stupid but i consider myself a loner although i have a partner & kids.

yes i have someone to live with & parent with & be a family with.

but i dont have anyone to have lots of fun with to laugh & celebrate birthdays or to invite to watch romcoms with or to ask advice about things you just wouldnt ask your partner.
I do not have a single friend.
im the loneliest non alone loner
This pretty much describes me too except that I have one friend I meet for lunch a couple of times a year, no other contact with her.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 19th August 2018, 20:43
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: near Bolsover, Derbyshire
Posts: 555
Blog Entries: 11
Default Re: Loner.

Not too long ago, I would have considered myself a loner; things have changed during the course of the past three years, but I still value the time I get alone and I'm never bored with my own company. A little under two years ago, I formed a meetup group dedicated to travel and for the first time, I travelled as part of a group - only to discover that I prefer travelling alone (or with my partner), which is also how I prefer to attend gigs and festivals (I still don't understand why people want to try talking to someone during songs!).

These days, I do have a social life thanks to meetup and two people in my life whom I consider to be friends, but I see them very rarely (so much so that they both have to contact me occasionally to check that I'm still alive); I enjoy time spent with my partner, but most weeks (because of her commitments) I see her Thursday - Sunday, which makes Monday - Wednesday very treasured time.

I've never really given much thought as to whether being a loner makes one "abnormal" - after all, the opinion of others doesn't really matter much if one doesn't have contact with those people!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 19th August 2018, 22:59
sillypenguin sillypenguin is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Glasgow (just outside)
Posts: 580
Blog Entries: 4

Mood
Mellow

Default Re: Loner.

I do have some friends but I don't see them very often and even when I do, I might as well be in a room with noone as I feel that I don't really connect with them well,. Sometimes I feel that I only spend time with them to create the illusion that I have people in my life and have some sort of social event to go to every once in a while and to give me something to do with other humans. I find it really difficult to connect to people over and above a superficial level and due to this I feel that noone really knows me that well. Maybe it's a shield but in a way I prefer I don't live with my heart on my sleeve. So does that make me a loner at heart??
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 20th August 2018, 18:19
ryan2032 ryan2032 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Kent
Posts: 233

Mood
Mellow

Default Re: Loner.

I'm defiantly a loner, my mum even said to me the other say I have no friends. All but confirmed it for me
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 20th August 2018, 19:43
Messer Messer is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 98
Default Re: Loner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sillypenguin
I do have some friends but I don't see them very often and even when I do, I might as well be in a room with noone as I feel that I don't really connect with them well,. Sometimes I feel that I only spend time with them to create the illusion that I have people in my life and have some sort of social event to go to every once in a while and to give me something to do with other humans. I find it really difficult to connect to people over and above a superficial level and due to this I feel that noone really knows me that well. Maybe it's a shield but in a way I prefer I don't live with my heart on my sleeve. So does that make me a loner at heart??
I really relate to this too, I keep everyone at arm's length. It feels normal to say I'm going out to lunch, even if it's kind of superficial and doesn't really "count".
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 20th August 2018, 21:23
biscuits biscuits is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: in the tin.
Posts: 16,680
Default Re: Loner.

My job is quite sociable and keeps me busy. So I’m a part-time loner.

It’s really hit me lately that I don’t have any friends. Like lately I’ve been driving myself potty with my worries and I don’t have anyone to talk to - not that I’m looking for friends for the sole purpose of having people to offload onto. I just mean that it’s made me realise that I don’t have any friends to do fun things with.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 20th August 2018, 21:59
waine waine is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: North east england
Posts: 1,596
Default Re: Loner.

Yeh I think so but if someone was into wrestling athletics on tv or fitness or artistic or the same music or languages but it's never really happened i feel sad now about that. I just couldn't control anxiety in college. Just can't stop the worry

I used to go to a running club and I did like it but still struggled socially in groups I CANT beat this
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 20th August 2018, 22:20
waine waine is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: North east england
Posts: 1,596
Default Re: Loner.

I actually met two people this year who like wwe both great people not just for liking wrestling lol but it felt easier
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 21st August 2018, 00:44
Dougella Dougella is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 5,923

Mood
Cynical

Default Re: Loner.

I suppose I would put myself in the loner category. I have some lovely people online that I talk to but I don't have any face to face friends.

I don't think I even know how to be friends with people anymore or how people maintain really close friendships.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 21st August 2018, 01:06
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Calne,Wiltshire
Posts: 4,465

Mood
Worried

Default Re: Loner.

I have no friends and almost exclusively just interact with family.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 21st August 2018, 02:28
XIX XIX is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 18
Default Re: Loner.

Without taking into consideration reason and circumstance but by basic definition, I think it's worthwhile to recognise the subtle yet key distinction between being a 'loner' and being 'lonely'.

Loner - a person that prefers not to associate with others.

Lonely - sad because one has no friends or company.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 21st August 2018, 11:04
Marco Marco is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 212
Default Re: Loner.

I can fully relate to you SADNinja.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 21st August 2018, 21:33
Pink*Lady Pink*Lady is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: South Wales
Posts: 11,117
Blog Entries: 13

Mood
Sad

Default Re: Loner.

I'm a loner. I go to work and hardly say a word all day. When I get home I'm on my own until I go to work the next day. I'm feeling increasingly cut off recently and have neither the motivation or the energy to do anything about it.I have little contact with family and no real friends.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 27th August 2018, 15:29
SADNinja SADNinja is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 10
Default Re: Loner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by anewyear
So would you say that you're a loner by choice?
I guess the answer to this would be, yes, because I have chosen to isolate myself from everyone, however, this is largely due to my SA, so not necessarily how I want life to be.

Hope this doesn't sound too contradictory.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 27th August 2018, 15:31
SADNinja SADNinja is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 10
Default Re: Loner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AireleeBray
I do not have a single friend.
(
Is this due to SA, or are there other reasons?

Does it make you feel 'abnormal'?
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 27th August 2018, 15:34
SADNinja SADNinja is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 10
Default Re: Loner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ryan2032
I'm defiantly a loner, my mum even said to me the other say I have no friends. All but confirmed it for me
How does this make you feel?

Are there reasons why you have no friends?
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 27th August 2018, 15:35
SADNinja SADNinja is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 10
Default Re: Loner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by firemonkey
I have no friends and almost exclusively just interact with family.
Is this through choice?
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 27th August 2018, 15:36
SADNinja SADNinja is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 10
Default Re: Loner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marco
I can fully relate to you SADNinja.
Are you OK with being a loner?
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 27th August 2018, 15:38
SADNinja SADNinja is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 10
Default Re: Loner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pink*Lady
I go to work and hardly say a word all day.
This is exactly how I am, and as a result I get frequent comments about how quiet I am!
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 28th August 2018, 23:28
Deadbeatunderadustymoon Deadbeatunderadustymoon is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 44

Mood
Procrastinating

Default Re: Loner.

I always find it weird all the comments that say they are a loner and then mention family and one or two friends!!!!!

I havent had a friend in 20 years. I have a huge family but only one of them is in contact with me. I have no communication with my sblings.

At the moment I say a few words with my workmates but there have been long stretches(ie years) when I never spoke to anyone at work on a non work related subject.

Im never sick so dont even have a relationship with a doctor.

outside of work i speak to noone.

and if you havent guessed im not in a relationship.

Anyone beat that for being a loner?
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 7th September 2018, 09:53
Raven. Raven. is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: The Far North
Posts: 130
Default Re: Loner.

I am a loner, and like some here, I am also married. However, my wife and I live at opposite ends of the country and see each other every few months or so. I have no friends that I hang out with and, apart from colleagues I see at work every day, I am totally alone. I like this situation. I am free to do what I want, when I want.
As XIX said above, it's important to distinguish between being a loner and being lonely. I don't feel lonely. I enjoy my own company, and try to use it productively (music, art, reading, hiking). On the odd occasion that I have to go to a social event, I spend my time desperately seeking the first opportunity to leave and get back home. The only times I have truly felt lonely were when my dogs died. I much preferred their company to that of most people I know.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 7th September 2018, 12:51
Marco Marco is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 212
Default Re: Loner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SADNinja
I've never been a particularly popular or sociable person, due in main, I now realise, to SAD, but in recent times I've gradually isolated myself from pretty much everyone, including the small number of people that I did consider friends.

The upshot of this is that I do now feel like a true loner, which I don't really have a problem with because I genuinely do prefer to spend time by myself, but I feel that society in general would consider me 'abnormal'.
I think this pretty much sums it up for me too. I think it is tragic that for some people with SA it's their anxiety that has suppressed their true personality and forced them into being introverted loners. I don't think this applies to me, although over the years I have definitely become more introverted and much prefer my own company nowadays. Whether that's down to the chronic effects of suffering SA all these years, I don't know.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 10th September 2018, 14:07
Vasco Da Gama Vasco Da Gama is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Strathclyde
Posts: 5,350

Mood
Tired

Default Re: Loner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SADNinja

I've never been a popular or sociable person, due to SAD, I've gradually isolated myself from pretty much everyone, including the small number of people that I did consider friends.

The upshot of this is that I do now feel like a true loner, but I feel that society in general would consider me 'abnormal'.
have you made any moves towards getting treatment or help for your SAD?

loner sounds like a dismissive, almost derogatory term,...
I'm pretty sure no one would ever want or desire to be a "loner"..
nor, should it be considered something inevitable or acceptable in any way.
( I mean, acceptable on behalf of the individual who is experiencing it )

it is entirely possible to move away from this situation and get help for SAD.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 15:07.


SAUK Award
Logo designed by abc
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.