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  #1  
Old 11th September 2019, 13:17
Tom1985 Tom1985 is offline
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Default Lacking motivation

I lack motivation to do anything. I just cannot find a way into feeling content and free from worry and depression.
****ing hell, what is the point of life if everything is so difficult and seems pointless.
Even this forum, seems pointless. We all have our problems in life and feel like we are too far gone to change our lives.
We all feel as if we are the alien in our own little worlds. Yet we all share the same issues and deep despair about ourselves and life.
Reading peoples posts it never seems like anybody has gotten over their social anxiety/depression and feels comfortable in their own skin and are content in their lives.
My wish is that we were all actual friends in reality and socialized together.
I know this is unlikely as we will be scattered all across the country.
I have no follow through with anything. Always put things off. I just don't know what the answer is.
****ing hell, why are we the way we are? Why can't we all just find peace with ourselves.
I am such a procrastinator. Always putting things off. Always too demotivated and lethargic to get things done. Always feel like everything is a huge upheaval and overthink everything. Withdraw, isolate myself. What's the point,what's the point - the constant narrative in my head. Numb to things people take pleasure in. Never feel lighthearted. Always feel inadequate. Shamed by the way I am.
Lazy, demotivated, uninspired, unenthusiastic.
What a waste of a life. What a pointless existence.
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  #2  
Old 11th September 2019, 14:46
anewyear anewyear is offline
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Default Re: Lacking motivation

Tom maybe you can set yourself a personal goal that is less likely to be impacted by SA. For example, taking yourself out for a walk or run and commit to yourself to do it 3 times in the week. Do it at 4am if that's what you need to feel comfortable. But something you control and can have a sense of achievement from.
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  #3  
Old 11th September 2019, 17:40
sotcon sotcon is offline
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Default Re: Lacking motivation

Hi Tom you can try PMing some people who regularly post and who you think you may be able to talk with. If they're ok with it, perhaps you can speak to them on skype or something. I tried myself but didn't quite work out(some were actually aggressive lol, perhaps didn't know how to conduct themselves at the time) but it doesn't hurt to try.

Perhaps people on the site wouldn't really engage but there's a wealth of people from other countries who'd be fascinated to speak to a British native online, even if only to improve their language skills. You can find them on language sites. Off the back of that you may have someone invite you to their country or perhaps want to visit you in the UK.

At least if you find someone friendly and eager to speak to you that'll improve your spirits somewhat and who knows where it can go from there.
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  #4  
Old 11th September 2019, 21:38
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: Lacking motivation

I can relate. I've been struggling with this lately too. I hope you can be a bit kinder to yourself (I know how hard that can be also)
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  #5  
Old 12th September 2019, 00:28
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: Lacking motivation

Yeah, I think I know what you mean regarding the lethargy and low motivation, but honestly think about your vision, and then have the confidence to make small steps in the general direction towards improvement. Even a small amount of improvement is within reach, and as you make these small steps, this will give you the confidence and motivation to make more progress.

I've seen it more than once, where someone was lacking confidence for so long and all they were doing was (stupidly) denying themselves happiness.
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  #6  
Old 12th September 2019, 17:31
BritishPeace BritishPeace is offline
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Default Re: Lacking motivation

Start going to the gym once you force yourself once you will want to continue going as you'll see your body changing for the better.
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  #7  
Old 12th September 2019, 20:49
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: Lacking motivation

^ Did he mention feeling bad about his body? People draw confidence from different things, and it sounded like he felt bad about his lack of friends. Personally, I'm not that bothered about being active, maybe for health reasons, but that would be it. I don't feel it's necessary in everycase, there is so much more to a person than their body.
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  #8  
Old 12th September 2019, 21:25
BritishPeace BritishPeace is offline
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Default Re: Lacking motivation

No he said he was lacking motivation and the gym or sports is a great way to motivate yourself and make you less depressed.
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  #9  
Old 12th September 2019, 21:43
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: Lacking motivation

^ Yeah, he did say he was lacking motivation, but I think he meant with improving his life in terms of number of friends, you would have to ask him. I guess it would be a good, healthy thing to get involved with and obviously women like a nice body, but you need to decide for yourself what your genuine passions are in life and where you feel you will have the most success with people.
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  #10  
Old 12th September 2019, 22:09
Tom1985 Tom1985 is offline
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Default Re: Lacking motivation

Thanks for responses.

I am not self loathing about my body or appearance or anything like that.

Over the years I have been into sports and been a gym member.

I agree that exercising can help with depression as the endorphins released

can't fail to make you feel better and of course it feels good to look after your

body and get stronger and fitter.

I have recently just started jogging again so I hope to keep up with it.

When I start at university later this month I will also join the gym.

The crux of my problem is not being fit or strong though.

My problem is with being sociable. Making and keeping friends and being

comfortable socially. Having things to say to people, being good company,

being funny and interesting (or just having input and not a blank mind)

God knows how I'm gonna sort my problems out.

I suppose on one hand you can look at it like an essay. If you've revised and

studied you have a fair amount to write about. If not then you have very little

to offer. I just wish being sociable came naturally to me. People don't have to

"revise" things to talk about every day. Scan the newspaper, take up hobbies,

try and "interesting" things to be able to socialise.

Also it's getting mileage out of topics and things to talk about. It's not always

appropriate to just crowbar in something that has happened on the news into

a conversation. How people can talk and talk and talk about anything is

so unfathomable to me. I wish I was able to do it. People walking around

with mobile phones chatting...what on earth do they talk about? It's just so

unnatural to me. It's like some people don't have to think about it, a stream of

conversation is just instinctive.
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  #11  
Old 14th September 2019, 22:25
BritishPeace BritishPeace is offline
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Default Re: Lacking motivation

When you go to university they may have a social anxiety group, I know mine did (manchester). It was great for making friends, I hope yours does too. There will be I'm sure social anxiety groups in the community where you study, there is in Manchester too for anyone to go to.

I talked to someone the other day irl about how to converse. The secret for me is to just say anything that comes into your mind as soon as it comes into it without thinking or analysing it, I think a lot of 'normal' people just do not analyse things or inhibit their thoughts like we do, they just say their thoughts out loud as they come into their head. I just speak now and do not think (unless obviously I have to think about something). In general conversation just speak and do not think, most people forgot what you have said 30 seconds later and are concerned about themselves. Listen out how much people talk about themselves and are not interested about what you say. Experiment with just saying your thoughts with no filter, you'll be surprised how people take no notice but it keeps the conversation from stagnating.
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  #12  
Old 17th September 2019, 17:29
Aimz Aimz is offline
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Default Re: Lacking motivation

I can 100% relate this post!
I am a huge procrastinator.

I was referred to a one to one therapist at my gp a while ago and she identified that my main anxieties/depression were over not knowing what I want to do career wise. This is true as my anxieties affect my confidence and this in turn affects my motivation/drive.

I was then referred to a careers advisor and she has really helped me. She basically told me that I have a lot of ambition but that I need to get out of my comfort zone and "go" for things and that I need more confidence. But it's all such a vicious circle. She told me I am not realising my full potential, it's true, I just need to take some risks but I'm stuck in my comfort zone because it's too "easy".
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  #13  
Old 17th September 2019, 18:36
Tom1985 Tom1985 is offline
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Default Re: Lacking motivation

I have never known what I want to do career wise. Some people know before they have even finished school. Me I've attempted university twice and dropped out both times.
Third time this time around. In between I've just worked years mostly in minimum wage temp jobs always with an eye on finding my niche.
I've only eyer seen a counselor once a few years back, after waiting months to be seen.
Didn't come out of it feeling any better and couldn't really see the use in it.
Can't even remember whether there was a follow up appointment or anything, think I was just disheartened by it and probably just ignored follow up letters relating to it.
I know it's about finding the right counsellor and persevering with it.
When I start back at university I'm gonna go and see the counsellor there. It won't be such a huge wait to see somebody.
I've never been diagnosed with social anxiety or avoidant personality disorder or anything other than depression. I def feel as if I have it but I'm sure it's related to my depression.
Feel depressed, isolate myself, lose friends, want to be alone....so am alone.
It's not as if when I'm alone I'm happy though. If I just had social anxiety then I could feel at peace being by myself and gain fun and enjoyment with solitary activities. 90% of the time I don't though. I feel like - what is the point of doing this as it is not gonna benefit me in any way.
Listening to myself I am so negative. But it's just my honest thoughts. I have a very pessimistic outlook, though in company I try to be as positive as I can be.
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  #14  
Old 17th September 2019, 22:23
snoo snoo is offline
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Default Re: Lacking motivation

It's a good start, going to uni. Make sure you go to freshers!
Initially everyone starts off equal but I reckon (assuming 1985 is your birth year) you may have some advantages as you're older.

The past is done, no real relevance now.

What uni are you going to?
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  #15  
Old 18th September 2019, 16:52
MoonBear MoonBear is offline
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Default Re: Lacking motivation

Hi Tom,

I'm sorry I can't offer any answers. I think fundamentally if someone wants to beat anxiety and depression then they need to do it themselves, as it is a process of self healing, or improvement. Obviously you can get help and advice, which I think a lot of people on this forum genuinely want to do. Sure it sounds like a lot of us are content with suffering from anxiety, maybe some of us have accepted the way we are, but I think it is important to realise who you are and not expect, or aspire to transform into some happy go-lucky extrovert. I think it's okay to be quiet, enjoy solitude at times and even feel socially anxious, it only becomes a problem when it has a negative impact on your live, options, work and relationships.

Motivation, comes from caring so I know how hard it is to find motivation to better yourself when you have such a low opinion. I have found motivation in helping others and it doesn't have to just be people. I wanted a career change, but ended up staying in a job far too long because I didn't have the ambition and drive to resign. My passion and love for animals and wildlife was where I found my motivation, I wanted to work in wildlife conservation because I hated how humans disrespect the natural world in all manner of cruel and greedy ways. University was a struggle, I scraped through and know I was capable of so much more. It set me on the right track though, that's what you need to do, just find the start of the track. There must be something in the world that you can get passionate about?

Volunteering helps too, have you tried it? If you can find something you care about and offer your time free of charge it can really benefit you. You get a sense of worth which can be a big deal, far more appreciation than you would get from a paid role and you will meet new like-minded people. I even met someone through volunteering that I dated for a bit. Ironic how selfishly you can think of it

I'm sure you know that university is filled with opportunities, try joining a society that appeals to you and if you do, the sooner the better as you will be joining when a lot of other new people do. Universities are usually fairly forward thinking, I'm sure you can get support with mental health. A mistake I made was leaving this too late. If you know you have problems then contact the councillor and discuss your options before it impacts your studying. You might even find a society that deals with mental health that would value your experience. Okay that ones a bit of a long shot, but who knows.

In my experience once you find motivation it is easier to become motivated about other stuff, maybe even yourself once you start to get a higher opinion
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  #16  
Old 18th September 2019, 17:50
Toxic Toxic is offline
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Default Re: Lacking motivation

Yeah I can see the problem, I mean if nothing really interests you..what is there to be motivated about.

Take my job for example, I'm probably underpaid (Infact, guarantee I'm underpaid) I could toddle off do a night course or an online HNC to get some sort of proper qualification that goes with my job/title..I could get myself a little linkedin profile and a porfolio and start applying for "proper" jobs that use my skillset - I could probably earn another 10k+ a year.

The reality is I'm doing it because its nearby and its something that suits me and how my brain works. I don't really get any pleasure from it, most of the time it irritates me (or the unrealistic demands do) and I do it because I need the money.

I have no interest in taking it to another level, I have no desire or passion in it, the thought of doing it in my spare time just makes me laugh.

I suppose theres nothing else I really have a passion or interest in (I mean you can't get a job watching TV..) so theres nothing that could tempt me away from it with a better life. If you have a passion for something its certainly easier to get motivated about it. When your just plodding along and indifferent to things..its bloody difficult!
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