Too quiet!

[lisa15x]

Well ive been working for about 3 months now and still im quiet all the time i aint comftable around the people atall, i feel useless and weird because everyone else talks and gets on well and its only me whos just sat there quiet ive tryed my hardest to have a conversation but my words dont seem to be able to come out, i feel like its gonna be like this my whole time there and does anyone else get affended when people say they are "quiet" or "shy" or anything along those lines? because a few people have said it to me in work and i got really affended and upset

[Lord Lucan]

The people I work with comment on how quiet I am all the time. I'm just used to it now and it doesn't really bother me. Remember that there's nothing wrong with being one of the quiet ones. Don't let it upset you.

It's better to be quiet than a loudmouth with too much to say.

[BozZian]

I tend to stay very quiet at work with my colleagues, I talk far more to my customers on the phone. However they are used to me being that way and I kind of learned not to give a shit what they think anyway .

I have been in current job quite a while though, in time your colleagues will care less about how you are and act, just be yourself and know you are there to do a job, not to please others

[Lord Lucan]

Originally Posted by NRG.89

I also get "cheer up nath" because I'm always either frowning or my "meh" face.

I get that all the time too. Even when I'm perfectly happy. I must have a constant pissed off look on my face no matter how I'm feeling

[Toxic]

Originally Posted by NRG.89

I get this all the time.

I also get "cheer up nath" because I'm always either frowning or my "meh" face.

lol

ive had the..why do you always look depressed face

and sometimes get people talking about me like im not there..or im incapable of speaking for myself (..although thats half bloody true!)

i dont think anyones said im quiet to my face at work just yet...all i do know is the other week someone said "i was a bit concerned when you started as i thought you was gonna be right boring as you didnt speak and was real quiet...but i was wrong your alright!"

thing is..i dont really know if ive changed much since starting..and god knows what they are saying behind my back

[Lord Lucan]

Originally Posted by Venom

lol

ive had the..why do you always look depressed face

and sometimes get people talking about me like im not there..or im incapable of speaking for myself (..although thats half bloody true!)

i dont think anyones said im quiet to my face at work just yet...all i do know is the other week someone said "i was a bit concerned when you started as i thought you was gonna be right boring as you didnt speak and was real quiet...but i was wrong your alright!"

thing is..i dont really know if ive changed much since starting..and god knows what they are saying behind my back

I had been in my job for about two years and one day I had to work with a girl I had never worked beside before. After talking away for five or ten minutes she came out with, "This is really weird! I didn't think you could speak". WTF am I supposed to say to that?

[Toxic]

Originally Posted by Lord Lucan

I had been in my job for about two years and one day I had to work with a girl I had never worked beside before. After talking away for five or ten minutes she came out with, "This is really weird! I didn't think you could speak". WTF am I supposed to say to that?

that is an awkward one

if im left in 1 on 1 situations i seem to surprise people as im much different...and actually talk...and people genuinely seem to like me (although i honestly dont see why they like me..)

still if theres a group of us in the room..ill just sit quietly on a pc scanning ebay or something...i dont actually know if i want to know what people think of me..but ive been told things i "shouldnt" know and the impression im getting is everyone thinks im great..although shy...

theres bugger all wrong with being quiet! leave us to it!..i cant stand the gobby ones

[Matt101]

All most everytime I meet someone, it's "oh, you don't talk much" which after the hundreth time does get quite annoying.

[Optimistic]

"Obviously, you were wrong."
"Well I can."
"Why did you think that?"

Her statement could lead to an interesting conversation although it could come across a personal and would make me defensive and possible clam up a bit.

[Lord Lucan]

Originally Posted by Optimistic

"Obviously, you were wrong."
"Well I can."
"Why did you think that?"

Her statement could lead to an interesting conversation although it could come across a personal and would make me defensive and possible clam up a bit.

To be honest the statement didn't really bother me, I found it funny and just laughed it off at the time. It's just annoying when you know people find you strange for being quiet. They don't really understand the stuff thats going on in your head.

[JosieFrench]

I know what you mean on this one - I'm still not comfortable around some of my classmates despite being in the same class for almost two years now haha! But yeah, just be yourself, not someone your not

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by lisa15x

Well ive been working for about 3 months now and still im quiet all the time i aint comftable around the people atall, i feel useless and weird because everyone else talks and gets on well and its only me whos just sat there quiet ive tryed my hardest to have a conversation but my words dont seem to be able to come out, i feel like its gonna be like this my whole time there and does anyone else get affended when people say they are "quiet" or "shy" or anything along those lines? because a few people have said it to me in work and i got really affended and upset

What makes it hard to get your words out do you feel?.
Might be easier if you initiate the conversation one time so you can work yourself up to it and maybe make sure you are only talking to 1 person at first.

[IRIS]

Took me a VERY long time to realise that quiet is not wrong!

[Elaphe]

Originally Posted by lisa15x

Well ive been working for about 3 months now and still im quiet all the time i aint comftable around the people atall, i feel useless and weird because everyone else talks and gets on well and its only me whos just sat there quiet ive tryed my hardest to have a conversation but my words dont seem to be able to come out, i feel like its gonna be like this my whole time there and does anyone else get affended when people say they are "quiet" or "shy" or anything along those lines? because a few people have said it to me in work and i got really affended and upset

If you want these idiots to leave you alone all you have to do is this:
Look past them and say quietly "....its always the quiet ones you have to watch" then a second later look them straight in the eye.

[GoldFish]

Most jobs are uncomfortable to be in, i've had a wide range of different jobs in low-medium-high paid careers and all any of it comes down to is making profit for the business, politics and the people or the human side of it feels meaningless in the greater scheme of it, there are a lot of horrible jobs out there in IT, sales, hospitality, retail, you name it..

so for many jobs even very social people become quiet, simply because of the high pressure and skill demand can actually be really intense, almost like burning sensation of pressure, especially in open office corporate jobs. ...

the best job i ever had was a family job where there was actual empathy and flexibility and well joked around a lot, i've never experienced anything like it since nor before it. i wish i could find a place that was similar.

in my current job i am really quiet except when the managers are out of the building for the day then i relax a lot more, so the issue is that because there are so many really serious and annoying bosses that tend to dictate the mood of a team, you know, if you have a really bitter and serious boss (which is understandable, i mean they are under a lot of pressure), however it tends to rub off on everyone in the team or company ...( so for me a lot fo these jobs feel unnatural to what life is supposed to be about, i don't think life should be spent this way and makes me feel like the modern worlds number one priority is money and everything else is meaningless)

so really the companies atmosphere and friendliness factor can really mould everyone like the domino affect, this is why when people stay home on sick leave, other people tend to follow that pattern the following day, its the domino affect of people being impressionable.

but yes! i am really quiet at work, i'm actually surprised that i've been able to stay on for nearly a year at this place which essentially requires a very outgoing persona. also most of the staff i work with are really highly skilled and are really well educated so i feel a bit dumb in comparison when we start talking about theory in depth, i feel out of my depth, i am amazed how some of them can talk for hours with such confidence, its like a different world.

my advice is to hang in there and try to build up as tough a skin as possible even if it's painful, at the same time look for a different job until you find something that really suits.

that's about all i can think of for now, also i have concluded that being an adult = responsiblity, money,50 tonnes of pressure, conforming & if you're lucky you'll find love and fun somewhere amongst all of that, also the idea that we as people have freedom is absolute rubbish.

[BozZian]

Originally Posted by GoldFish

that's about all i can think of for now, also i have concluded that being an adult = responsiblity, money,50 tonnes of pressure, conforming & if you're lucky you'll find love and fun somewhere amongst all of that, also the idea that we as people have freedom is absolute rubbish.

Amen

[GentleGuy]

Isn't it amazing that the people saying these things to us don't realise how RUDE their comments are!

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by GentleGuy

Isn't it amazing that the people saying these things to us don't realise how RUDE their comments are!

Originally Posted by Cynic

^I suspect a lot of them do realise, and they make these comments for one-upmanship purposes more than anything else.

I actually think they honestly don't realise how annoying it is to use when they say it. Its the same when people refer to someone's weight "looks like you put some weight on' as they may not realise how sensitive they are about their weight.

[SoulSeeker]

I've worked for over 13 yrs in the same job and I've learned a lot about people (well the people I work with anyways) and their attitude, reactions and behaviour towards quiet people.

In my work..my workmates seem to crave my attention pretty much all the time (as much as that doesnt really make sense..no joke they do). The less I speak and acknowledge them..the more they seem to crave my attention.

I mean why? It's hardly rude is it choosing to rather get on with your work than small talk all day. I am a freindly person and I would say Im quite polite and thoughtful of others. But why is it that if you choose not to take an interest in somebody every minute of the day..they seem to think something is up? It's quite sad actually..seeing how some others behave. It's like jeez cant you see how ridiculous you are acting/carrying yourself in life.

I can definitely have a bit of banter, a joke and a laugh now and then...and I do. But for me..im not really interested in the people I work with (their highlights of their lives is drinking, football, daily papers, work, overtime and shagging this and that - lies of course) but it doesnt mean I don't like them...though they can really test me sometimes..and sometimes it feels easier to tell them to piss off and sort their sad selves out.

Anyways yeah. I don't think this is actually what you are getting at. i don't know whether you prefer to be quiet like me..but yeah people can really get on my nerves sometimes with their attention craving behaviour towards quiet people (well in my case anyways). It can be tiring.

[Saponara_Immobile]

The other day I got on the bus to go home, said to the driver where I wanted to go and he just pointed to the radio behind him, I said it again and he just said "you'll have to speak up". I don't know how loud the radio was in the background but I felt like I spoke clearly enough but I just get this anger building up inside when people tell me to speak up, you're too quiet etc. Normally on the way off the bus I don't say "thanks" if I have had such a negative experience but this day I thought nah I'll say it anyway even though I was embarrassed earlier, and I gave him a clear "thank you", I guess that's some sort of progress, not letting the bitterness get to me or something.

But yeah places I worked at in the past and at school/college etc people would always say I was too quiet just cos, like others said, I didn't care about all the nonsense they were talking about around me.

[GentleGuy]

you know SoulSeeker - it's strange isn't it....

that somehow it's not okay to be quiet...

When I had my last job, there was a guy who worked over THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM , but yet still he was annoyed/ wound up by how quiet I was.

What is it to him?

Well, what I think it is.... is that some people do see you as being a crucial part of their life.... Like, seriously... A thought process that everyone who works with them is a crucial part of their life...

rather than just...

say for me or you.. there is someone else quiet in the office, we probably don't think too much about them, and just think 'they seem nice' but i don't know them well....

Other people however sometimes see you as SO IMPORTANT in the workplace.. So... it's either ... You are my FRIEND... or you are not my FRIEND.... with not much in between....

So by not talking much it can feel to them like you have chosen not to be their friend.... but it is THEM who has built you up to be someone significant in their life in the first place!!!

[Sadie]

I had some training at work yesterday and because I was quiet and not massively participating, I got picked on to answer a question (it was something to do with benefits of your job/what motivates you in your job) anyhows...I had trouble answering (because the confident ones who had gone first had picked all the good replies!!!) so she spoke for me "Well Im guessing your'e at the start of your career so for you it would be learning new skills."
Where the hell did she get that from? I can only guess it was because I wasn't chiming in with ideas every two mins like everyone else. I wasn't speaking up so I must be new and inexperienced right?!!! I've been in my job 7 years now and climbed a couple of rungs on the ladder too. I felt a tad insulted.

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by SoulSeeker

In my work..my workmates seem to crave my attention pretty much all the time (as much as that doesnt really make sense..no joke they do). The less I speak and acknowledge them..the more they seem to crave my attention.

I can definitely have a bit of banter, a joke and a laugh now and then...and I do. But for me..im not really interested in the people I work with (their highlights of their lives is drinking, football, daily papers, work, overtime and shagging this and that - lies of course) but it doesnt mean I don't like them...though they can really test me sometimes..and sometimes it feels easier to tell them to piss off and sort their sad selves out.

The type of environment you work in Kev in a factory will have certain types of people working in them. From what i can guess they are not your sort of people as i worked in a factory/car garage etc and they seem to attract the same sort of men in particular from what you described footie, drinking, shagging around.
Its not having a dig at those guys its just they probably not be the type of people that you'd feel that much in common with or comfortable around.
When i was in my Sunday league footy team, me and my mate was one of the youngest at 16 whereas all the others guys were mid 20's and i did'nt gel with them socially that great. I got on with them but i knew that they would'nt be the type of people who i could be friends with long term.