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  #31  
Old 9th February 2004, 22:30
Dave06
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

These type of threads are everywhere on here I`m just the same as most of you lot over 30 and never had anyone.(Emote: rolleyes)
  #32  
Old 23rd February 2004, 00:12
amberfirez
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

There are so many single, lonely people with SA that someone should set up a personals page especially for people with SA. That way they wouldn't be judged, meet people in similar situation, etc. It just seems a same that there's so many lonely men and women on here and all they're looking for is each other!
If it wasnt enough having SA, we also have to deal with lack of relationships! Oh well....
  #33  
Old 23rd February 2004, 10:59
Remus
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

this is being debated here :

http://azure.bbboy.net/sauk-viewthre...317&postnum=40
  #34  
Old 28th February 2004, 00:58
Guest [UnRegist
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hi, I must admit I can understand and relate to a degree as to how u feel, and think at 30 and never having a boyfriend can make you feel unattractive and very lonely in life. As think in this modern day and age, you have to have a partner inlife to make you whole and happy for who you are and what you stand for in life. I must admit it all comes down to self love and how you feel about yourself. No point in wanting a man when you feel so lonely in yourself and think having a man will make you better and life will be better, you have to have self love first and foremost. And then when you have that you will attract men who are worthy of being with you and getting to know who you are. iam the opposite end of how you feel, had boyfriends and so on in mylife over the years, but they just used me for sex and other reason now is that really what you want, a man just for the sake of saying i have a boyfreind man in mylife. no... love yourself first and moremost and build you your self esteem and appricate you for who you are, just like iam doing and when the time is ready you will find men attracte to you more coz you are confidant attractive in so many ways, not just how you look and act, but from what comes from within and out that makes you who you are. just from reading your message i get the impression you have a good heart, nice kind person, and honest and very decent. who lacks bit of self esteem at present. who can be anyone she wants to be with a bit more self esteem and self love. in general. straight talker Dawn
  #35  
Old 21st March 2004, 22:37
Simon_UK
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

Quote:
Quote: Remus at 12***58;11***58;44 Sun Feb 8 2004
Quote:
Quote: Guest (Unregistered) at 18***58;42***58;26 Sat Feb 7 2004
I wish there were males out there who wanted love and just someone to care about, etc.
There are .... we are just a rare breed

I dont think they are as rare as is thought, it just isnt generally 'trendy' (or whatever its called these days!) for blokes to be seen as caring, or loving.
  #36  
Old 22nd March 2004, 09:00
AnonymousLaura1
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

23 and female and never been kissed, held hands or exchanged a wry smile with the opposite sex. (ok, I'm not 30 but it still hurts like hell at times).

Firstly talking about prostitution is all well and good for men, women don't really have that option and it's a bit shallow anyway.

I think, even at 23, I've got to the point where I'm so locked up that being with someone would be nearly impossible. When you're a teenager you're supposed to have all those flirtations and learning experiences that prepare you for "proper" "adult" relationships, I've never had them and so any relationship I enter into in the future is going to be a mine field of trouble. Yes it would be lovely to have someone to watch tv with, to talk about life with or even one day to have children with but I have to accept that we don't all get the dream and I could well be one of the people who ends up with nothing.
  #37  
Old 23rd March 2004, 00:43
madhat
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

I wasn;t deprived of relationships as a teenager in fact the opposite. But somehow, as I hit my 20's and above, I managed to cut off everyone I knew , crawl into my own little world and now am unable to escape. That's a fallacy too though, I've convinced myself I'm too frightened to take the leap.

I am lonely, but only because there's something broken in my head and I've learned to hate myself.

Realistically everything is achievable it's just a matter of crawling back to the world by learning to love yourself and when that happens others may notice and learn to love you too, I hope.

  #38  
Old 29th March 2004, 00:48
madhat
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

My god I write such crap
  #39  
Old 29th March 2004, 13:50
Chach
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

Rubbish! (Your 2nd post, I mean.)
  #40  
Old 7th April 2004, 18:49
joeloveys
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

Hi all,

I'm 34. I never really had a relationship except for one month in Thailand with a girl who spoke very little English. That was strange but kind of nice just to have someone to hold and someone who wanted to stay with me and have sex and all that good stuff. Other wise I have been with one other non-prostitute, in Korea, where I have spent about 5 years since 1997. I think it's OK for guys who have a hard time meeting women or finding a girlfriend to go to a prostitute if they can afford it. Some prostitutes, like in Thailand, are just nice poor girls who need the money. And it can make you feel better and maybe a bit more confident if you are a nice guy. I never worried about the so-called morality of it all. They want my money. I want their company. Sex itself was not the main thing. Companionship is nice. Plus if you haven't been laid in long time it feels good to actually have a partner! Paid for or not.

Anyway my options are a little bit limited as I am monolingual in Korea where few locals speak much English. But i have had opportunities for sure. I think I just missed the boat a few times due to my shyness or whatever label fits. I think I'll be OK. But 34, and overweight, and pretty lonely here these days. Hopefully all will be OK.

Good luck to you all!
  #41  
Old 22nd April 2004, 17:41
MJM7166
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

Loneliness is a terrible feeling especially as you grow older.

I am male and 38 and though I have not been in a serious relationship I have been in love - this was with a woman I met at work. She already had someone and wasn't interested in me. That hurt a lot and triggered depression.

I don't think you can really be happy alone for long - loneliness will get to you sooner or later.

I am one of those men who wants to love and care for someone but it seems so difficult.
  #42  
Old 24th April 2004, 17:19
Ned_Ryerson
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship



[1 edits; Last edit by Ned_Ryerson at 15:39:51 Sat May 1 2004]
  #43  
Old 29th April 2004, 17:21
darkhorse
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

Hi,

I've never had a relationship either. 31 year old male and have only ever had 2 dates, neither going any further than the 1st date. The last few years my whole focus seems to have become about proving to myself that I am capable of having a relationship. I have made steps in this, which has helped my whole being and not just my search for a relationship. Having someone that was interested in me has been a great driving force in trying to overcome my problems.

I did not have my first kiss until i was 23, but then didn't get any affection again until last year when I started to get a lot of attention from girls and kissed 3 different girls in the space of about 6 months. I think this was down to my improved confidence. And in turn improved it further, even tho i was unable to gain relationships from the experiences. Prior to that 6 months there was a girl who was interested in me, tho it didn't go further than a 1st date I've never felt love for anyone as much as her and also never hated anyone as much when it went wrong. The pain of how I felt about rejection was the worst I've ever felt, (wanting to just curl up into a ball and die) but I still wouldn't change it, her rejection of me has taught me as much about life as the way I loved her did. And I still do love her, as she is now a close friend. Though I wouldn't say she was the only reason I wanted to "change", she was a major factor and at one point became the prime reason. And this greatly helped me by providing a motivating factor.

Sex is a natural part of life and having to suppress your sexual drive is very difficult, (maybe more so for a man than a woman?) but what is more emotionally difficult is the lack of companionship and affection - hugs and kisses and just holding hands and being with someone.

To have someone that cares about you and to have someone to care about has always be a more powerful desire in me than the search for sex.

I think a personals / dating board on this site is a must. The benefits that you can achieve for yourself by having someone else to think about and having someone that makes you want to become better. Even after you get to really know each other, and you find you aren't suitable as life partners, if the other person is decent you will have made a friend. If the other person is not nice about it then you have to know that you are better than that, and have a knowledge about life which they do not have.

Having read these boards for the last few days, It is underlining the fact to me, that there are some good points to being me and having lived this way. I know the negatives may out weigh the positives (depending on your values) but i think I have gained an insight into human nature and human values which other people would never even have had to think about. And an inner strength which could match anyone. The outside anxieties do not show to people the strength that I have inside.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

x
  #44  
Old 21st May 2004, 16:09
AllenjamespeterFox
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

I turned 30 ,join the club
  #45  
Old 29th May 2004, 01:16
Catkin
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

Hi all, I'm new to this whole site, I'm 36 and it wasn't until I was 30 that I got my first 'real' boyfriend, (I'd had two before but both had only lasted a few weeks each on account of being dumped twice).

Anyway I'd like to try and give you some hope that just because you reach a certain age and have never had a b/f or g/f doesn't mean you never will!!

I am still with my boyfriend six years later and it's not all roses, sometimes I think it would be so less stress-full if I was single but then I don't want to go back to that awful loneliness, so either way there are good and bad points.
  #46  
Old 29th May 2004, 20:33
Remus
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

Sorry to hear that Cat

There's nothing wrong with being single though, do not fear it and stick in a bad relationship.
  #47  
Old 5th June 2004, 23:34
Smita
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

I havent posted on these boards for a long time. This was an interesting thread although I didnt read all. Im in a relationship now but if it ended suddenly tomorrow I know Id feel like the rest of you. A few months ago I seriously wanted to end my marriage. Things really improved, although there are still some difficulties, but it made me wonder at the time if I would ever have another relationship or attract anyone again (because I felt bad about myself). I didnt want or felt I deserved to live the rest of my life alone. I found 2 organisations by accident on the internet that I filed for a rainy day and they might help some of you.

One was a club for people to practice socialising who feel like they are outsiders. http://www.outsiders.org.uk/

The second is http://www.shyunited.com/. I think I remember they had dating pages.

I have never checked these out so I cant say whether they are good or bad. But they might be able to help.

Take care
Smita XXXXX
  #48  
Old 6th June 2004, 10:40
robbie777
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

thanks for those links! im thinking of joining outsiders now.
  #49  
Old 15th August 2004, 17:06
anonymous789
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

Hi
I'm a man, 41, and never had a relationship. Reading your sincere notices many of which I can totally relate to, made me admit my - dare I say the word - 'Virginity', albeit anonymous.
I'm not ashamed of it - just fear a negative reaction to it - so it's been a life long secret. It's my SA that's caused it and maybe a natural moral standard.
Nowadays it's something to be ashamed of and reasonably speaking is not natural at my age. Yet for whatever reason causes it, I personally find virginity the most beautiful and endearing virtue a person could offer a partner. So theres a positive way of looking at it!!
Don't get me wrong; theres nothing I wanted more in life than a loving family of my own - just SA got in the way when it came to girls.
I'm a man in every other way - reasonable job, mortgage, even the confidence to one day drive round the world!! Yet when it came to girls my SA reaches its peak, going out not reaching beyond the second date.
Now it's possibly too late, my chromosomes apparently slowly deteriorating.
All this makes me sad, and is about the only reason that sparks off my depression. Problem is, as my clock and the years tick away, the more I think about it.

Would find it comforting and endearing to talk to people, either sex, in a similar situation and maybe I can give the same in return.
Please send me a PM. For 'Guests' how about set up a free fictitious email address with yahoo so as to have anonymous details to register with b.boy on this site, then we can email privately.
Look forward to it.

P.S. Go to website ' http://www.socialphobiaworld.com '. At the moment there's a Poll; the results of the votes would interest you all.
  #50  
Old 16th August 2004, 00:59
Remus
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

theres been many posts about this subject, why not talk about it openly, alot of others have?

no need to keep it sectret or be ashamed of it dude
  #51  
Old 20th August 2004, 12:37
MJM7166
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

My second message here....

I'm still single and still looking for love. Being alone really gets depressing, but I think I could offer a lot of love to the right person. I wish I had more luck. Are there any late-30s women posting here with similar experiences ?
  #52  
Old 21st August 2004, 19:54
anonymous789
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

Hi again
Thankyou for the encouragement Remus.
Reading the notices of people like Darkhorse, MJM7166 and many others, all expressing feelings just as I have and couldn't have put any better myself, it seems obvious and common sense to me that a personals/dating board on this site is most definitely a must.
I really do not want to go into the ins and outs of why and why not SA couples should be together. I find it all rather dis heartening, negative and pointless. I like to remain optimistic!!
At our age this is probably our last chance in life to find understanding companionship. More than that is a bonus. After all we all must have suffered a lot to get to our age and still be alone so if nothing comes out of it what much difference is another rejection gonna make? At least we tried!
To be honest this is the web page I've been looking for all my life - the reason why I bought this damn computer!!! I never heard of SA until 2 months ago. Up to then totally convinced I was the only one in the world and given up all hope of a 'normal ' woman ever understanding me.
So c'mon! Let's try! What have we got to loose! Things couldn't get much worse!!
OK, maybe its too much to ask for, too pushy. But at the very least organised meetings, or very very least 'Over 30's' meetings and let nature take its course. More than grateful to even find friendship. Surely better than being home alone watching life tick you by?
Go on peeps, surely it makes sense?!!!!
  #53  
Old 22nd August 2004, 01:32
Remus
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

errrm its already been decided that there will not be an SAUK dating forums

(thats not what we are here for)

you might meet someone accidentally here, like I did but I gather there have been some not so great meetings like that.

So I can understand the mods not wanting the responsiblity of that if it goes tits up.
  #54  
Old 22nd August 2004, 18:29
anonymous789
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

Sorry. Didn't realise.
Pity.
At least it answers the question for others too.
  #55  
Old 23rd August 2004, 02:24
theshywierdone
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

I'm in my 30's and although i have had one relationship I'm not likely to ever have another one as people scare the hell out of me these days! They say it is better to have loved and lost but when things have been good you know what your missing and when love dies it hurts like hell!(Emote: crying)
  #56  
Old 24th August 2004, 16:12
madhat
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

There is nothing to stop anyone creating a dating site for SA sufferers.
  #57  
Old 31st August 2004, 18:40
MJM7166
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

Still no serious relationship for me......
  #58  
Old 16th October 2004, 15:04
AllenjamespeterFox
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

join the club there are a few life experiences I never had so u r not the only 1.
  #59  
Old 20th December 2004, 20:32
ekajati
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

40 now and sum total of experience iiiiiiiis: (drum roll please)

1) Abuse from family doctor
2) Abuse from brother from age 5-12
3) Abuse from brother's "friend", encouraged by brother
4) An admirer who I liked but put off because I was a little scared by his oddness
5) An admirer who wanted to sleep with me and me him, but I said no because he wasn't free
6) Someone I think I fell in love with (not sure as no experience) but couldn't even think of getting anywhere with as too old and also not at all free

I could just about grin and bear it if it was just a case of my mind, but my body has a hard time. I thought of coming to the SASH groups but fear I'll be the only oldster, surrounded by 20 yr olds. Tried loads of therapy, no good. I wish I could surgically remove the entire part of me that wants a relationship, I really hate the grief it puts me through.
  #60  
Old 20th December 2004, 21:38
Remus
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Default Re: 30 or over and never had a relationship

aww mate (Emote: sad)

I sent you a PM
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