livng alone for first time making me feel depressed

[claire 74]

I feel quite lonely, my daughters gone to uni and I'm living on my own for the first time and dont like it, hate not having someone to talk to, I'm only forty one so people keep saying I can get back out there and meet someone but sa doesnt help in that department, anyone found themselves living alone, how did you deal with it x

[avoider]

Always been afraid of living on my own..just know i'ld end up falling to pieces..sorry that doesn't help much...good luck anyway!

[claire 74]

work's really busy so thats tiring me out but feel myself sliding into a low mood

[umm]

Now's the time to make a change, while you're feeling that impetus. Pick up an interest that might have a social dimension to it, or attend a metwup with SA people maybe?

[flumpsy]

I have been doing it quite a while now, I wouldn't necessarily say my way of life is good one but you asked "how did you deal with it"
I am also not sure if you are looking for tips about the lonesome aspect or the practical aspects so I will ramble on about both

Silence is excruciatingly loud sometimes, I tend to leave a telly on somewhere most of the time, I am like a dog I guess, leave a radio on when you go out so the dog doesnt get lonely

If you want to save a panda or two perhaps a radio or something instead, if you hate pandas like me then a tv in every room I do actually have a few on most of the time so I can potter about doing my daily business half watching tv all the time room to room. I never actually sit down to do nothing but watch tv.

I tend to fill my house with stuff so there arent vast expanses for me to noticed that they dont have any people in. I am in london too so obviously there is no such thing as a vast expanse but you get the idea That may just be that I am happy around clutter. When I am bored I rarely get far before thinking "oh yeah, I havent used that in a while"

The talking thing I have no idea, I have trouble on the phone and opening the front door so from when I leave work on a friday to when I come back in monday, if I havent gone out somewhere then I havent made a sound at all in the time. Kinda sad and I often think about it as I clear my throat on route to work on monday.

I play guitar so that helps fill the house with sound and a bit of warmth, do you play an instrument ? It may be a good time to start now nobody can tell you to shut up

Food can be difficult to remain motivated, I try to keep up by doing huge meals freeze it in batches to mix in over the next few weeks.

Tailoring the place to you rather than a place with missing people helps, when I go around my mums house my old bedroom is exactly the same as when I left 20 years ago, she must go in there and just think about the missing me. It is not exactly I guess, it isnt like psycho but the furniture is the same, decoration hasnt changed that much.

I think the best advice would be try to get out there, not just "date hunting" but just trying to mix with people a bit, end up with people you can invite around. I am not so good to advise there but there are hobbys, clubs, events, group walks, drunken drug fueled sex parties and that kind of palava.

[les]

I have lived alone now for nearly 10 years and am pretty used to it, however if I am feeling particularly low I put a radio on in another room such as the kitchen whilst I am next door in the living room and that give me the illusion that there is someone else around the flat.

[claire 74]

thanks for all the tips, I do leave the tv on alot even when not in the room so theres some noise, think the emotional side is going to take longer to deal with

[Mr. Nobody]

it's a little difficult at first, but after a few months the emotional fragility or sadness does pass,
it's good to find an interest though, something that hopefully gets you out the house,

I've lived alone now for almost 22 years and thoroughly enjoy the freedom it brings.
it makes you a stronger, more self-sufficient person, I think it's a positive,
but as most have said, it's important to keep active and find something that gets you out the house on a regular basis.

[pAuL1974]

I've lived alone now for over 15 years, and have always liked it. Living with someone now would take some getting used to!

In my case though, I was previously living with flatmates I was glad to be away from, rather than a family member.

In recent years and months I've felt quite drained with work, so slipped back into hermit like behaviour at the weekend.

To try and break the behaviour I've recently started attending meets again, and also joined a tennis club which is great as it gets me out of the flat and hopefully will improve my health and fitness.

Is your daughter able to visit you, or if not, you get away for the weekend and visit her close to Uni?

[claire 74]

I see you're in london paul1974 I've become addicted to joining meetup groups but dont go, I use to but then the sa kicked in again and stopped going and only attended the ones aimed at sa or shy people, I joined a badminton group two years ago and still not been

[pAuL1974]

I will look into Meetup groups, although have meant to do that for a long time now.

So far I've only attended meets posted on SAUK.

Going back a few years, it was quite common for meets in London and surrounding areas to take place most weeks, or even a couple of meets in the same week.

The Dim Sum meets posted on SAUK are also posted on the Meetup group Shy London.

[Seagull]

Originally Posted by claire 74

I feel quite lonely, my daughters gone to uni and I'm living on my own for the first time and dont like it, hate not having someone to talk to, I'm only forty one so people keep saying I can get back out there and meet someone but sa doesnt help in that department, anyone found themselves living alone, how did you deal with it x

I could have written that post myself claire, forty-something, daughter just gone off to Manchester Uni, empty nest syndrome etc. The fact that my daughter has a degree of SA is something else to worry about, but we'll get there!

[Concept]

Originally Posted by Sean.C

I live on my own, and it is sort of a double edged sword. On one hand, you don't have to put up with people nagging at you etc, but on the other, you have no one to talk to and communicate with etc. It can get rather boring and lonely...FAST.

Yup. I love the freedom and convenience of being alone, but it's excaerbated certain aspects of my mental illness. I'm not at my best when I'm alone for prolonged periods, and I can never seem to concentrate for long because I always feel restless.

[choirgirl]

I would love to live alone! I've been craving it for years and years, but I've never been able to afford it. That's not helpful I know. But I would need to make way more effort socially, it would be very easy to slip into being a hermit and let my social skills rust.

[claire 74]

its been a few weeks since my daughter moved out and still struggling, think nearly everyday I've shed some tears, its such a big change I know its natural for kids to move but emotionally I'm struggling, silly but even stopped watching bake off as we watched together which probably sounds ridiculous to some

[overthinker]

It doesn't sound ridiculous at all. I love watching bake off with my youngest daughter and she will be going to uni next year. She's my best friend and I'm absolutely dreading that empty nest! I do feel for you. It's just not that easy to go out there and make a new life for yourself when you have social anxiety

[claire 74]

aww thanks overthinker, me and my daughter are close and did loads together, I know I have to start doing my own thing but dont feel up to it yet

[SociallyInadequate]

I've been living on my own for over 3 years and I love it. For me it was a life changing experience. I'm so much happier living on my own. I feel like I have more time for myself and finding more things to do.
It was very quiet but you do get used to it. Find something you're good at or something you enjoy doing alone and do it. I find getting out of the house every other day helps take my mind off things. Go for walks, ride a bike, go to the library, go shopping. Treat yourself.
If you find yourself really struggling then maybe having a pet would be good company (if you don't have one already)?

[scratch]

I've been living on my own for a couple of years now. Part of me enjoys those little perks like being able to leave the toilet seat up but increasingly I'm finding myself feeling more lonely and wishing I had someone to share my home with.

Having the radio on something like talksport or 5live helps me feel a bit better as it kind of feels like you have a bit of company even though they are not there with you