How'd you change as you age?

[ynwa247]

I'm curious since I started on Social Anxiety websites when I was 13 and only really feel I've mostly beaten it just before I turned 24. Sadly my life has been littered with chronic physical issues since 16 so that's there too (especially as I made extreme consistent efforts to change).

I purposely banned myself from socialanxietysupport years ago as I was just addicted to it making 50 posts a day. Lots of the people I 'grew up' with randomly disappeared as they were online friends, sadly as I avoided everything in life 11-22 I have very few close bonds.

I'm 24 so kinda the age where ~50% of users escape their issues but I'm wondering what it's like being older than me. I used to figure it was nice that some people managed to deal with their issues, but now I wonder if it's a bad sign if I'm still around that I've not fixed my issues. I've never really socialised much on SA UK since I was a little younger than most of the user base and was inactive consequentially. I kinda think forums are less popular than they used to be too.

[A Whimsical Stranger]

I went from feeling mature for my age as a teenager, to feeling like a child in an adult's body.

[ynwa247]

Huh, that seems pretty common.

[A Whimsical Stranger]

Originally Posted by ynwa247

Huh, that seems pretty common.

Yeah, it's super common. I miss being part of the young crowd who still had hope. I'm fast approaching 30 and still haven't gotten a grip. God that's depressing to write.

[ynwa247]

How old are you now? Also, I read you have a kid so I'm wondering if that didn't make you feel more 'adult'. I kinda feel like a semi-adult now I've had some responsibilities but not much.

[A Whimsical Stranger]

I'm 27. Having a kid forces me to be a adult. I have no idea what kind of state I'd be in if it wasn't for him. I'm a great mum, I'm his world but I still feel like there's something missing. I do my best for him but I don't do my best for myself.

[ynwa247]

I think it's important to remember to do the best for yourself too, so you can be a good example.

[Toxic]

I'm still 14

I still feel 14 at times, only these days I'm surrounded by proper adults instead of other 14 year olds.

I say that, but I found my old account on a completely different forum from when I was 21, jesus christ I sounded hyper, I've certainly slowed down, maybe I don't really have the get up and go anymore.

I still have a lot of anxiety issues but the ones about my appearance are gone now, I just don't care what others think of me. I'm also getting a bit thin on top.

I'm 34 and its bloody flying by

[Tom Morello]

I think I'm pretty mature for my age in terms of how I behave and always have been. In terms of life skills I'm only slightly ahead of the average teenager, I'm 27, I've only recently started to improve in that regard. As for things like relationships I've always been incompetent, to this day I still have no idea how people form romantic relationships so easily.

[gregarious_introvert]

I don't think that I've changed as I've aged; my circumstances have changed and I've had to react to those, my body has aged (although I sometimes forget that too, but it will always remind me!) but my mind has remained essentially the same, just with the acquisition of more knowledge and experience. To be honest, I feel like I was born 30 years old (perhaps growing up with only my parents for company gave me an older outlook on life) and if anything, I have regressed to around 25; I'm still doing the same things I was back then and I'm also doing things I wanted to do in my 20s and 30s, but didn't have the opportunity / courage.

I do sometimes forget, when I'm talking to strangers (or people that I don't know particularly well) that what they see on the outside isn't the person I feel on the inside - so I'm talking like someone in his 20s / 30s and they're looking at a man approaching 60!

[Lone Dog]

Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert

I do sometimes forget, when I'm talking to strangers (or people that I don't know particularly well) that what they see on the outside isn't the person I feel on the inside - so I'm talking like someone in his 20s / 30s and they're looking at a man approaching 60!

Sounds familiar, I'm heading towards that age as well. I think there's a good age range on SAUK.

Inside I don't feel my age, still feel like a nervy, inexperienced teenager of 14 or 15. Unfortunately the youthful enthusiasm for things seems to mostly have burned off and I am left with the not-so-good aspects of that age. I don't like the way SA hinders your developement in some ways, and you are left as that person. However, I can still engage with people if I want to, which I used to do then, so maybe there is good and bad in aging, like everything else.

[Rufus]

I seem to have regressed to being a small frightened child.

[choirgirl]

I'm still floundering around like a modern 20-something but sadly without the 20-something body and years ahead of me to turn things around.

[Dougella]

^ What's a 20 year-old body anyway, lots of people don't have perfect bodies in their twenties. And there's always a chance to turn things around or to atleast feel better no matter what age you are.

[choirgirl]

^I didn't myself! That didn't help. But you know, you have time, lots of people do seem to flounder around for a bit then sort themselves out somehow.

[Mr. Nobody]

I don't think change has an age limit or an age restriction, ...

Maybe you have popped your head in here out of boredom.?
Visiting a website doesn't mean you haven't changed,
People of all ages and walks of life visit several websites a day, it doesn't say much about them, more about the proliferation of websites available.

People may say they feel like they haven't grown up inside, but I wonder,
Can you quantify psychological maturity, can you measure psychological maturity?

How many people actively pursue psychological or emotional maturity, making it their daily goal, their enduring pursuit?

Perhaps what society generally classes as maturity is actually pessimism, passivity, and seriousness
If you can still act like a child when you are old,..isn't that also maturity?
Being able to see and feel interest and novelty in the life around you?

I think if you can still be silly and playful when you are older, that shows a certain kind of maturity that may not be obvious,
What's the use of being weighed down and crushed by responsibility if it just saps your energy?

Maintaining a sense of wonder of playfulness is kind of like a win, over all the seriousness in society, ...

Maybe real maturity is staying young and fresh inside and not letting the gravity of life's situations weigh you down?

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by choirgirl

^I didn't myself! That didn't help. But you know, you have time, lots of people do seem to flounder around for a bit then sort themselves out somehow.

Me neither! I guess that's true, younger people have more time overall.

[limey123]

Originally Posted by Dougella

^ What's a 20 year-old body anyway, lots of people don't have perfect bodies in their twenties. And there's always a chance to turn things around or to atleast feel better no matter what age you are.

Quite. I'm a lot happier with my physique now (even if I am slowly developing middle-age spread!) than I was as a stick-thin 20-something.

[LittleMissMouse]

I think the only things that have tangibly changed are being a bit less bothered by what people think and eventually (probably in my late 30s) growing out of that teenage girl thing of trying to just fit in and conform and also growing out of being a bit of a doormat and generally getting put upon at work and everywhere else. I've only just reached the stage of doing things for myself rather than to try and impress someone else, to fit in, or to even to just not seem weird.

I'm still pretty much an awkward teenager inside so I just spend most of my life thinking how behind I am relative to other people. I don't think I've ever had the self-esteem or confidence to actually blossom into a fully fledged adult.

[Dougella]

^ It's good that you do. If you look after yourself as time goes on you won't necessarily put on weight.

[Vance]

14 year old self: "When I leave school in a couple of years I'll start college with a clean slate, I'll grow as a person and things will get better".

18 year old self: "Once I'm in a workplace environment I'll be interacting with mature adults who will respect and accept me, things will be better".

25 year old self: "In a few years I will look and therefore feel more like an adult and my confidence will grow, then I can get a job working with nice people and things can start to get better".

30+ year old self: "I clearly have a problem and need professional help. Maybe I can change as a person and even be 'normal', then things will be better and I could have a conventional life like everyone else".

The cycle continues....

[Orwell20]

I'm in my early 40s now. A few observations:

- My social anxiety has diminished. It's still there, and I still dread social events, but I'd say it's halved in intensity.

- I care less what people think of me.

- I avoid more. This isn't so much from fear as a general dislike of the world. Plus, I just can't be bothered. I honestly think that, if I could, I'd only leave the house once a day to get food.

- The loss of hope. Turning 30 was horrible, as I felt I'd wasted my youth (which, of course, I had). But turning 40 was death. I now feel I'm treading water and making the best of what's left. You also lose hope. When you are in your 20s and 30s, you feel you're climbing a hill towards something better. Then, at around 37 or 38, that goes. Once you pass 40, you finally accept it isn't true. You aren't 'going' anywhere.

- You start to dread the future.

- The world begins to seem absurd. It no longer feels quite real - almost as if it's a stage set, or painted scenery. I find it hard to take things seriously now. That may be because I don't have kids, of course.

- Time speeds up.

[limey123]

^ I can agree with many of your points (I'm 45). My SA is considerably less than it once was. I also care less what people think. Time does indeed seem to speed up!

Where I differ is on some of the other things you mention. Everyone is different, of course, so people will experience things differently. For me personally, I had a ball in my 30s compared to my miserable 20s, and I've never been more confident and positive about the future than I am now. I'm (fingers crossed) on the verge of getting into a new industry/career, and I feel I just might finally come out of my shell (better late than never!). Having a very recent diagnosis of ASD has also come at a useful time.
Anyway, my point is I haven't lost the sense of hope that you say you have done. I'm sorry to read you feel so hopeless.

[limey123]

^ Hey Raks, are your questions directed at my post no. 26?

[Gosties]

I'm far more comfortable in my own skin now than at any point probably in my life. In reasonable condition physically for my age meaning more Dad Bod than totally fit though I'm doing about 1 hr each day of proper exercise.
I've got a receding hairline as well but I'm not bothered by that. I've had it for 20 years so kind of used to how I look. I've been on the dating apps at the moment and have had a much more favorable response than I would have envisaged.

I'm still affected about going out socially to pubs etc although a non-issue at the moment at times it makes m feel claustrophobic and wanting to flee establishment events.
I'm not a fan of large crowds. It's also one of the reasons why I'm going to do a course at the OU instead of a bricks and mortar establishment.
I'm also going to try and use a local meet-up group to get involved in one of my favorite pastimes.

I'm still a work in progress.
I'm 46 and trying to come out of my protective shell.
I do still look back and think "what if" from time to time but you just deal with the cards you are dealt.

[limey123]

^ Hi Raksy, studying to get into IT. Dunno if I'm gonna make it, but giving it my best shot.

Why my 30s were better? I suppose the simple answer is I got more confident. In my teens and most of my 20s I looked like a concentration camp victim. I was ashamed of myself and kept to myself. Then in my late 20s I began to fill out, and that had a kind of snowball effect. I started to look older in the face too; before that, I looked about 12 I was actually bullied at uni because of it. Suddenly I felt more confident to do stuff I wasn't doing before. I went to live and work abroad, alone, successfully negotiating the challenges that go with that. I went to social events. I took evening classes. I went to bars and clubs and chatted to strangers, now and then I picked up women at these venues. And a bunch besides. I know it sounds silly, but looking more the part also made me feel more the part, and that had an accompanying effect on my psyche. Now, in my 40s, I feel I'm generally taken seriously by most people, and that makes a lot of difference. To me, at least. I feel better able to go out and do stuff. The more I do, the better I feel.

[ynwa247]

Originally Posted by Toxic

I'm still 14

I still feel 14 at times, only these days I'm surrounded by proper adults instead of other 14 year olds.

I say that, but I found my old account on a completely different forum from when I was 21, jesus christ I sounded hyper, I've certainly slowed down, maybe I don't really have the get up and go anymore.

I still have a lot of anxiety issues but the ones about my appearance are gone now, I just don't care what others think of me. I'm also getting a bit thin on top.

I'm 34 and its bloody flying by

I moreorless have my internet personality saved on forums from the last decade or so. I was a rampant shitposter between the ages of 15-20 and used to spam talk all the time on MMORPGs. I got told to be quiet in some dungeons because I would be talking the entire way through, while I was totally silent IRL. I recently got diagnosed with ADHD inattentive so maybe that's why.

It sucks seeing how nervous I was when I was like 13, talking about family issues etc. the reality that things only move forward and the future has always been more cruel than the past for me isn't enticing.

I even have an IGN account from 2006 meaning I'd have been 10 years old, but I mostly forgot about it as I only used it for pokemon trades. I might try log onto the account again to see what was up.

I feel I've finally beaten anxiety moreorless, but now I don't have the energy towards interests which would let me keep friends. It always feels like I have to make the right choice rather than doing what I directly enjoy (as that always backfired)