Long term (in)security

[BobSheep]

Social anxiety and autistic spectrum traits have caused me to lead a fairly unconventional life so far. I left school pretty much as soon as I could with just a handful of exam passes that were never going to impress anyone and I didn't really care. I grew up disaffected by society's conventions, but just plodded on day to day with no ambition.

I've plodded on into middle age now and I reflect back on paths I've trodden, and look at what other people have - partners, careers, houses, pensions. Part of me is still saying 'stuff it, I'll just keep on living day to day' and part of me regrets not having followed convention, and fears for what the future may hold.

I don't know if there is much point to me posting this... just sharing my thoughts and troubles I suppose. Does long term 'security' that comes with partners, property ownership, pensions etc trouble anyone else here? I think it is more of a concern to me now that I see the safety net of the welfare system being cut away.

[Pathetic_Earthling]

Your post strikes a chord with me BobSheep. I am well into my middle age with no partner, property or pension to my name. Before I was on the pills I am on now I was incredibly worried and anxious about my situation. I felt like I was living with a near constant low-level panic attack going on. Now, finally after years of trying, I have found a pill combination that really works for me and I am a lot more relaxed. I am not happy, and I don't really do anything either, but I am more stable and less frightened and able to get on in my small way with my life (such as it is).

[Consolida]

I can relate to so much of what you say BobSheep.

I think many of us look back at our lives once we reach middle age and feel regret about the goals and dreams we weren't able to achieve and regret the mistakes we made a long the way, but the past is the past and can never be changed. Its easy with hindsight to think that we may have been better off following a different path but we can never know for sure. Worrying about the future is really a pointless exercise as none of us knows what lies ahead. Even those seemingly fortunate individuals with mortgages, property, pensions and partners, that you find yourself comparing yourself with, can't be certain that they will always have that security in the future. Middle aged people frequently lose their jobs, suddenly face redundancy, and because of their age struggle to find another job to pay the mortgage. Marriage and relationships can break down or loved ones can die and those partnerships we thought would last for a lifetime are gone. There are no guarantees of long term security for those of us who have tried to prepare for our futures.

I think taking one day at a time and focusing on the present is not such a bad way to live at all. It's natural and understandable to worry about the future but sometimes I find the only way I can cope with living, and stop myself from going completely insane, is to just keep on plodding a long.....

[Sunshiny Day]

Hi Bob, I'm middle aged and I have a lot of the 'security' that you mention, however it doesn't feel all that secure in this day and age. I have taken a path of trying to be 'normal' and have the normal things but it's a facade, it's not real and it could all fall away...getting older does make you reflect, I work with people my own age who have wonderful stories of their adventures, mine involved hiding mostly in my bedroom...as Muggins said, I keep plodding on...

[BobSheep]

It's good to hear others' perspectives on this, thankyou for responding. I'm navigating particularly choppy waters at the moment (just resigned from my job because of stress / bad management), feeling particularly vulnerable and reflecting on what I've achieved and what the future may hold. I can appreciate how you can't prepare for all circumstances, and it's the nature of life itself to hold turns of events both good and bad and that much of it can't be controlled. Anxiety (social and more general) seems to me to be significantly connected to what control we feel we have over our lives and surroundings.

Back to plodding...