House Sharing

[Sohosister]

Hello,

I have recently moved from a house where we all did our own thing (which was great) to a house where people are REALLY close. I am finding it a bit hard and just wanted to know other people's experiences of sharing their home either with parents, housemates etc.

Cx

[Ross PK]

^ Especially if there's a possibility that they bring friends over, or... have a party

[Onshuu]

Last year, I lived in Uni halls with five other people... I basically barricaded myself into my room the whole time. If I wanted to use the bathroom/shower/kitchen, I'd stand by my door for about five minutes, listening to see if anyone else was around outside to see if it was safe for me to go out. I'd go straight back to my room as soon as possible.

[Rosiemoore]

I'm probably a bit of a rarity because I actually prefer house shares to living with my parents, but this is undoutedly because I went to boarding school, I'm sure I'd feel the opposite if I hadn't!
I actually find it easier to make friendships when I live around others, rather than commuting somewhere every day, although I know some SA people are the opposite!
If I hadn't been forced to live with strangers at the age of 9 , I guess I'd feel totally different!!

[Ravenne]

I live with four other -loud- girls, which is difficult and quite intense. I met them in uni halls last year but didnt really socialise and kept to my room, venturing out to got to brighton to visit my bf and his friends, who are all really nice and quite shy so I get on with them.

However I needed to find a house for my second year and they were the closest people to me. I kept to my room almost exclusively in the first few days but then ventured out to the tv, I dont have one in my room. It was a rough first couple of months untill I got to know them better, and I still get nervous around the whole girly power dynamics thing, alpha females and all that.

If they have parties I either find people I know, go sit in a corner and drink, or as with the last -really big- one, get absolutely pissed and lock myself in my room

[bozrena]

After 2 years of house sharing (1 year in a flat in student halls & 1 in a private house share) I think it was mainly a positive experience, although in both places there was one person who seemed determined to wind me up.

This got to the point where,if I even thought they were in, I would hide in my room to try & avoid them but if I knew they were out I was fine & got on great with everyone else. Although I never really ended up doing anything socially with my housemates.

[WalkinTall]

I share my house with 2 mates. We get on fine, have never had a single arguement in the 6 months they've been here but I still get a bit pissed off. Its mainly that they do very little or no housework. Little things like that can get to you when you are in such close proximity. Also, there are times when I just want to be completely alone and not in the mood for jokes and piss-takes. I usually just stay in my room then

Overall though, its a decent situation and has given me some degree of independence

[goodeone]

My son left home in1998 i have been on my own since then he some times comes to stop for the odd night . When he does that i feel really uncomfortable i have problems eating and sleeping . He does not come home to often about every 6 wks or so but that is enough I feel like :hidesbehi

[Lostboy]

I've lived alone since I bought my own house 2 years ago. Prior to that I'd always shared. My mental health seriously deteriorated as a result of this move; having people around me all the time before was a huge comfort, even though I wasn't always living with people I had very much in common with it was important to me to have the daily social contact. I also got to meet other people every so often when my housemates had visitors.

Now I'm just rattling around a big empty 3 bedroom house by myself. When I bought the house I deliberately bought somewhere with enough space to rent out a room, with the intention of getting a lodger as I feared living alone. However, it took me so long to get all the DIY projects done and the spare room fit for occupation that I'm now reluctant to get someone in. Added to my anxieties of the whole process of advertising the vacancy and screening prospective housemates, I'm now too used to certain freedoms, even though I have lost others. As another poster described their flat, my house has indeed become my sanctuary and my prison.

[tree]

I've been in exactly your situation. I bought a house with two spare rooms so that I could rent at least one of them out. Like you, I spent ages doing the whole house and then went through a period where I wasn't sure if I wanted to live with anyone. Similarly to you, my mental health went down hill as I was spending far too much time on my own.

Things got much better when I got a lodger. There was the odd problem with the first lodger but it turned out okay and it was nice having someone around. The next one I didn't see very much but even seeing her ocassionally for the odd brief chat was much better than living alone. The next lodger I became good friends with.

Of course, there is always the danger that you'd get someone you really don't go on with. Just tell them the contract is for 6 months because you're not sure whether you might sell after that. Then, if you have big problems with them, you can always tell them that you're thinking about selling sooner and want to do more house renovation or something.

I think so long you interview them and get a sense for whether they're a nice person or not, then you'll be okay.

If you're not sure about them, don't be afraid to say no. Most people will come round and then leave it up to you to contact them so you usually don't have to. If you do need to say no, just say that you have a friend of friend interested. It's better than either turning them down point blank or else living with someone you don't want to live with.

Anyhow, good luck with it.

Bill

[tree]

Sorry, I got confused there. Due to pressing the wrong buttons, I thought Lostboy posted the thread.

Anyhow, good luck with it Lostboy. And you too Sohosister.

Bill

[DaughterOfTheRains]

Originally Posted by Rosiemoore

I'm probably a bit of a rarity because I actually prefer house shares to living with my parents, but this is undoutedly because I went to boarding school, I'm sure I'd feel the opposite if I hadn't!
I actually find it easier to make friendships when I live around others, rather than commuting somewhere every day, although I know some SA people are the opposite!
If I hadn't been forced to live with strangers at the age of 9 , I guess I'd feel totally different!!

I went to a small boarding school in a remote area from 11 to 18, then lived away from home at university for 5 years. Since I finished uni in 2002, have just lived with my mother. I did have some real problems living with others at uni, mostly lived in halls rather than shared flats. On balance though I might, like you, find it easier to make friends that way. To be honest, I do now find living at home increasingly difficult There are many reasons for that, but the fact that I was used to not being at home and often constantly around people at school/uni even though found it hard to actually make friends, is probably one of them.

[Sohosister]

Hello,

I have been living in my current house for about two and a half months now and it is getting slightly better. I am getting to know the people better know and they are getting used to me and it is doing some good to be surrounded by people. However if I feel it's not what I want I will probably look for somewhere with more privacy. I guess this is much more difficult if you have your own place but my best advice is to give it time. Your home should be a sanctuary and not a prison - good luck everybody.

Cx