Sitting face to face to people on a train

[milesmartin]

This bugs me. I absolutely hate it when i end up sitting face to face to someone on a train. Luckily, i avoid the situation most of the time but now and again I get this stupid train that has only seats where you face someone.

When in this situation, i cannot look forward and if i do I suddenly twitch. A while ago i got a strange look from a woman who wondered why i was acting nervous. My anxiety kept building and building and i ended up unable to look anywhere.

I get thoughts like I am being judged, Can they see im nervous etc..
Does anyone else know how this feels? I seem to get anxiety on trains all the time and i am not sure why as usually nobody will talk to you. I just cannot handle face to face on packed trains...

[[MiffyKoala]]

oh wow i can relate, i hate sittin facing people...

one way is to take something to read and even a bottle of water for something to drink to give your mouth something else to do rather than feeling dry etc.

If you can, dont feel defeated when you realise you have to sit facing someone, you will be breaking the cycle by facing your fear and you should be proud of yourself for being able to do it. The more you do it, the easier it will get. :0)

Try to remember the anxiety wont last forever, it will pass, i know i keep saying this but CBT is such a helpful thing and i think it would really help with this kind of situation.

[wd40mk17.4]

I never sit face to face with people I will always prefer to even stand up for an hour by the door

situations in the past where I've sat down and people have later sat opposite me, it would be too weird to move immediately, so I listen to my Ipod and pretend to sleep

[Pal]

Not really an issue for me, i've had the occational "wot u lookin at" type remarks from people sat opposite me, even if i'm not actually looking at them but otherwise it's not a bother. I just look out the window or something.

[ExSAguy]

It's a proven human fact that people would rather sit NEXT to someone than OPPOSITE them. If someone sits opposite me I normally look out out the window or if it's a cute girl give her a nice smile and then look out the window lol. Nobody likes to look at somebody in the fact SA or not and that my friends, is a fact

[alyss]

i find books are golden for those situations. at first it tends to emphasize shaky hands but after awhile you get so immersed in what you're reading it's easy to forget where you are and what's making you anxious

[hardy]

yes but it doesn't seem to matter much when youre not feeling SA.

[Blumoon]

:embarass: that's well embarrassing. x
I would get up and move or just look at myself and hope it doesn't take too long ..

[Pal]

Originally Posted by feathers

How did they prove that as a fact for humans?^ I have read some studies as to gender preferences as one sex prefers to sit side by side, the other face to face. I forget which.

Men prefer side to side, women face to face as i recall.

[Ninja Monkey]

Just staring out of the window is the best way to cope I think.

[Stepford]

Strangely enough I have no problem with this and even sit there watching everyone trying not to look at other people. It's really quite humorous what people will do so they don't look at anyone, especially on the underground. This is one area I don't seem to give two hoots about people.

[KarateGirl]

On the tube I don't have much problem either. It is funny watching people trying not to look at each other. Personally, I just look above people's heads at the adverts.

On other trains, I don't like sitting opposite people, perhaps as someone else said because the gap is smaller. But then on those trains I always, always take a book or my laptop with me. I'd get way too bored otherwise on a journey longer than just a few minutes. Oh, and I love looking out the window too so even though other people are annoying, I do tend to just ignore them and not get nervous.

Originally Posted by ®@***947;***1638;***1638;***1638;

I always just stare out the window for the entire journey. Of course, there is that temptation to take a quick glance at a person's face, but what if they decide to take a quick glance at your face at the exact same time? It creates a strange kind of unspoken awkwardness. I was on a train once when a very well-known and instantly recognisable actor sat directly across from me. For half an hour I sat just inches away from him and didn't once even glance at his face. It was only when he got off the train that I saw him walking up the platform and recognised him.

Who was the actor?

Originally Posted by ®@***947;***1638;***1638;***1638;

Frank Kelly (Jack from Father Ted).

Cool.

Originally Posted by ®@***947;***1638;***1638;***1638;

I could even have shouted his catchphrase, "Feck! Arse! Drink!" at him too, if I'd known. He would have found that really funny, because people probably never do that to him.

Ha, it would have been like that Father Ted episode where they shout "I don't believe it!" to Richard Wilson.

[Wonderboyo]

Originally Posted by ®@***947;***1638;***1638;***1638;

Frank Kelly (Jack from Father Ted). I could even have shouted his catchphrase, "Feck! Arse! Drink!" at him too, if I'd known. He would have found that really funny, because people probably never do that to him.

Fair play to you for recognising him! When I first saw him without his make-up on I was amazed it was him. If I noticed I was sat opposite anyone from Father Ted I would be a wreck.

[diplodocus]

I had a strange incident recently on a train. I sat down on a seat three persons wide, diagonally opposite another passenger. My friend sat diagonally opposite me. So we are all equidistant apart forming a triangle, perfect me thinks. Then after two minutes of the train moving off, the other passenger for some reason I cannot fathom, get's up and decides to plonk himself next to me. WTF?? And he smelt of B.O.

Maybe he was more comfortable sitting rubbing up against a stranger than sitting diagonally opposite one? I know I certainly wasn't

[jed]

Haha I'm the same, I always just look down or if I can stare out the window or just look up. I always end up straining my eyes and when I get off the train I have to look around and blink alot to calm it down which is a pain.

[case-sensitive]

I used to have great difficulty with this problem on trains though it has diminished somewhat because I rarely use them these days. Even when I do use a train now it doesn't feel as bad as back when I used to use them every working day.

At first I would become extremely self-conscious and would often end up looking into the nearest safe zone but then every slightest movement I made like a leg moving slighty or an arm shifting I would stress that people would notice and then realise I was a bag of nerves hence further stress. Another odd thing was I found it difficult to swallow and hence my mouth would slowly fill with saliva until I had to swallow (sorry if that sounded a bit disgusting) which caused further stress as to me it would sound loud like a gulp and then people would notice it and start concentrating on me - but of course people never did other than the odd glance.

As others have mentioned either sleeping or just closing your eyes and pretending to sleep can help as it takes away the visual stimulus and you have the gentle rhythmic movement of the train to focus on. Reading was also a major help. Plus I worked out which seats were best for me.

[Nerves]

Everyone seems to just be giving advice on how not to appear stressed. Ok, admittedly a short term solution but do you not hate the fact that you cant do something as simple as sit opposite someone on a train?

Should we not be searching for a way that we can sit opposite someone and not feel scared? Maybe even try to strike up casual conversation?

If i spent the whole journey looking out the window, I would get off the train even less confident and more unhappy.