Not knowing the difference between self belief and entitlement

[Sunrise]

Whenever I attempt to be confident, I think it's more that I'm desperately trying to convince other people that I am. It's definitely not genuine confidence. I'm constantly trying to "fake it till I make it" but I'm not able to do it convincingly enough.

I feel like whenever I try to believe that I am worthy and deserving of happiness, it's seen as an over-inflated sense of entitlement. I think that angers a lot of people because I don't deserve it and that people like me should know their place.

None of the usual confidence and self-esteem building tricks seem to work for me. I think it must make me come across as desperate and trying too hard. I try to stay healthy and get a smart haircut and wear nice clothes. I'm obsessed with hygiene. I push myself into situations that I find uncomfortable (mostly at work but that's the only place I have social opportunities). But none of this helps build my confidence or self-esteem. It actually makes me quite resentful that I'm trying so hard and it's not working. Again I think it annoys people and just makes me look like I'm trying too hard. If I wear nice clothes I don't look good, it just looks like I'm over-compensating. It's seen as more of a desperate and misguided way of trying to impress.

Meeting people does nothing to boost my confidence as I'm a laughing stock. I hate going to work as everyone there actively dislikes me and every approach I take at trying to change just seems to make it worse. Any attempts at self-improvement come across as desperate and entitled. I was described by someone a few years ago as "the most pathetic person they had ever met". Rather than being seen as someone trying their best to improve, it's seen as pathetic and desperate.

I get told I'm lazy and need to make more effort, but when I do it's just seen as entitled and a pathetic attempt at overcompensating. So what is the actual answer? It gives me such a headache that every approach I take at trying to be normal seems to be wrong.

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by Sunrise

Whenever I attempt to be confident, I think it's more that I'm desperately trying to convince other people that I am. It's definitely not genuine confidence. I'm constantly trying to "fake it till I make it" but I'm not able to do it convincingly enough.

I feel like whenever I try to believe that I am worthy and deserving of happiness, it's seen as an over-inflated sense of entitlement. I think that angers a lot of people because I don't deserve it and that people like me should know their place.

None of the usual confidence and self-esteem building tricks seem to work for me. I think it must make me come across as desperate and trying too hard. I try to stay healthy and get a smart haircut and wear nice clothes. I'm obsessed with hygiene. I push myself into situations that I find uncomfortable (mostly at work but that's the only place I have social opportunities). But none of this helps build my confidence or self-esteem. It actually makes me quite resentful that I'm trying so hard and it's not working. Again I think it annoys people and just makes me look like I'm trying too hard. If I wear nice clothes I don't look good, it just looks like I'm over-compensating. It's seen as more of a desperate and misguided way of trying to impress.

Meeting people does nothing to boost my confidence as I'm a laughing stock. I hate going to work as everyone there actively dislikes me and every approach I take at trying to change just seems to make it worse. Any attempts at self-improvement come across as desperate and entitled. I was described by someone a few years ago as "the most pathetic person they had ever met". Rather than being seen as someone trying their best to improve, it's seen as pathetic and desperate.

I get told I'm lazy and need to make more effort, but when I do it's just seen as entitled and a pathetic attempt at overcompensating. So what is the actual answer? It gives me such a headache that every approach I take at trying to be normal seems to be wrong.