Your worse avoidant behaviour?

[Undefeated]

In a situation where you have felt to frightened to face how have you avoided it? I know the strongest thing to do is come face to face with the problem and accept that it won't be as bad as you seem, but is times when you've had to find some way of avoiding the embarrassment, the torture and humiliation. What are some ways you have done this? The reason for my curiosity is because I have the manager and operations manager in tomorrow for a staff meeting. I work as a support worker in a residential home for young people with autism and other learning difficulties and the pressure of them both being there tomorrow is overwhelming just imagining it and I know my manager dislikes me a little. Plus my social anxiety will probably make me stutter my words or act really awkward...

What are your guys worst avoidant behaviours you've displayed?

[DragonWing]

i avoid a lot of things I have to do at work, basic tasks, this is a massive problem at the moment.

[LBD27]

Picking the kids up from school (can't avoid this!!) but avoid the other mums by sitting in the car til the last minute :/

I avoid answering the phone if I don't know the number and will avoid calling people, even people I know.

[DragonWing]

Originally Posted by LBD27

Picking the kids up from school (can't avoid this!!) but avoid the other mums by sitting in the car til the last minute :/

I avoid answering the phone if I don't know the number and will avoid calling people, even people I know.

all these things!!

im risking a fine for getting my kids to school late too many times.

i avoid supermarket aisles with people in too.
i avoid essential phonecalls at work.

[Rosenstolz]

I also get trapped in supermarket aisles sometimes and have to pretend to browse until people have moved out of the way.

My worse avoidant behaviour is sleeping though. I sleep so much and I know it's not because I'm tired but just because I want to avoid facing life! In social situations I avoid eye contact so people don't speak to me.

I rarely speak over the phone. I had to phone for a taxi a while ago and I was nervous and asked my friend to do it for me, even though I know I could have managed it myself. I rely too much on other people speaking for me, especially when I'm with my parents. They're used to speaking on my behalf so it's easy for me to stay mute and not even try.

Hope your staff meeting went ok.

[Ryjo]

Walking away has always been an avoidant behaviour of mine. Whenever things get a little bit too difficult, or the situation I'm in make me feel anxious, I just walk away. Did it throughout secondary school, particularly my maths lessons. Walked away from a job I had when I was fifteen, without even saying anything to the manager of the shop (but I had voices in my head telling me to do that). Ran away from home several times, too, often blind drunk.

I've always had some difficulty speaking on the phone, too. I hate it. I like to read body language, so I understand the information that the speaker is giving me, and detect whether he or she is a threat to me with greater ease. In person isn't much better, but it comforts me slightly to be able to 'keep and eye on them', and make sure they aren't whispering to other people or doing something malevolent without my knowledge.

[thequietman]

I think one of my best ones yet was when I had a family wedding to attend, I really didn't want to go and had myself worked up. So the night before I said f*ck it, I have a bad reaction to fish, it makes me violently sick as well as the runs, so I ate some fish fingers, the result wasn't pretty but it got me out of the wedding.

[T]

For me its prob answering the phone... i hate it... i rarely answer the home phone as only my family know the number... so i don't bother with it... i told them to ring my mobile coz i'm abit better at answering that as i know who is calling which makes it easier

[smog]

Answering phones for sure. It's a constant fear that I might be in trouble [ridiculous] and being put on the spot... not knowing how to answer the person on the other end.

I don't like opening emails from certain people either. It's the anticipation that they might contain something *bad* [not talking viruses, just info that I'd rather not read/know/deal with].

[LBD27]

I just thought of another. I avoid ordering food! If I'm in a restaurant I get the hubby to order mine. I will avoid at all costs going up to the til in McDs to order - HATE that.

Also, I particularly hate the whole 'your round' thing in pubs. I NEVER go up on my own and always pretend I'd forget the drinks orders if I go alone. Just thinking of that one gets my anxiety going! :/

[DragonWing]

one annoying one I just thought of when trying to open the shed. I have a collectionof bags for the charity shop that I've stored up over the last few years but am too much of a wimp to take them.

[Froggy246]

Originally Posted by Ryjo

but it comforts me slightly to be able to 'keep and eye on them', and make sure they aren't whispering to other people or doing something malevolent without my knowledge.

Haha funny... and kind of insightful.

Most recently there was a situation where me and a colleague both left the building at the same time and I knew our walking home routes were the same for about 20 mins, so to avoid this I pretended I had come on my bike, and fiddled with the bike shed lock for a few minutes until she was out of sight.

[endo_endo]

did my walk at 2:30 am because I didn't feel up to going out in the day

[DragonWing]

Originally Posted by Riccip

Phone 'em and they'll pick them up. Or just dump them outside the shop when they're closed. Best to get rid of them coz they attract vermin, rats etc.

I've been waiting for bags to appear through the door but it hasn't happened.
phoning comes under this wimp problem.
dumping at the door in the night time might have to be the solution.

simple task...silly problem!

[DragonWing]

dropping my kids off at parties and I have to do it in a minute!!!:

[misscookie]

I'm a waitress, and when it's really quiet at work the staff stand around in the kitchen talking. I walk around acting like I'm busy to avoid standing awkwardly next to them

[Clockface]

Avoiding leaving work at the same time as someone in my office who I am at least acquainted with. If I know which way they leave the office, and it's some or all of the way I go to the bus stop, I try to avoid leaving with them otherwise I know I've got to have a conversation with them. If I get to the lifts and someone like this is there I get a feeling of dread and start thinking ***8220;Oh god, what can I talk about***8230;?!***8221;

Don't get me wrong, I want to chat with them but I feel too anxious and run out of things to say so there ends up being an awkward silence as we're walking along. This heightens my levels of anxiety and feelings of worthlessness, then when they say something or ask a question ***8211; depending on the person this can be in an abrupt manner as if to say "Wow, you're boring and quiet!" ***8211; I struggle to formulate a calm and confident response and end up mumbling my words and thinking I've just messed up a basic interaction that a non-SAer would sail through. It is so much easier when I leave alone, I can relax and not worry how I'm coming across to people.

[ExSAguy]

I used to make up elaborate stories and even put myself through physical pain (hiding in the snow for an hour until everyone left) to avoid situations.

now, however, if I don't want to do something I'll just say "Nah, dont want to do that"

[Alex652]

Originally Posted by Martin74

When I'm out shopping sometimes you get people blocking one aisle in the supermarket with a trolley when they're chatting or whatever. Often instead of asking them to move I'll go back and take the long way around.

Or I will pretend to be interested in a certain product, and just wait until they have moved. Seems ridiculous when I write it down!

Once when my anxiety was incredibly high, I was on a train and someone was sitting next to me. Instead of saying 'excuse me' when I arrived at my stop, I just stayed on the train for a few more stops until they got off . That cost me a whole hour, and I can't believe I couldn't just ask them to move.

[Colin80]

I used to walk 3 miles in whatever weather after a night out because I was scared of getting a taxi.

I considered ending a relationship for the sole reason of getting out of her relatives stag do.

Avoided using any form of public transport, visiting a dentist or a doctor and similar things for about ten years.

The usual phone crap.

Fear of posting messages on forums or facebook.

[LBD27]

Avoiding public transport, I do that. It's the whole reason I learnt to drive. I can do it if someone is with me, but the last time I was on the tube on my own was over a year ago and it was only because I absolutely had to. Before that it had been years.

I'm actually only realising how avoidant I am by reading through this post. I've avoided stuff for so long it's become normal so I don't even realise I'm avoiding (if that makes sense?!)

[OllyAvoid]

Originally Posted by thequietman

I think one of my best ones yet was when I had a family wedding to attend, I really didn't want to go and had myself worked up. So the night before I said f*ck it, I have a bad reaction to fish, it makes me violently sick as well as the runs, so I ate some fish fingers, the result wasn't pretty but it got me out of the wedding.

Now this is true commitment to avoidance. None of your namby-pamby making-up-excuses. Deliberate illness..hardcore man.

It is easier for me to list things I don't avoid. I avoid most everything really. I asked my psychiatrist if I had Avoidant Personality Disorder, although he was reluctant to give that diagnosis. I suspect I do though since I am expert at avoiding things both big and small. If only I could learn to avoid avoidance, then I would be cured

[sillypenguin]

Despite many jobs in customer focused environments, a simple thing like introducing myself in front of new colleagues for example seems to terrify me! I prefer being the question mark, plus my way of thinking and perceiving different things is very unorthodox compared to the norm

[sillypenguin]

Oh and I also avoid most of my family because, in quotations, ive achieved nothing. Also because I don't need the whole 'oh have u thought about settling down/doing this job/this other job that sounds even worse/buy a house/own a car/be a sheep/why do you not do this that..why do you not speak to so n so?!' etc etc etc. NAH!!!

[Olly.]

My worst avoidant behaviour undoubtedly came at uni as a result of a nasty housemate. It got to the point where I made all efforts to completely avoid her to avoid anymore of her bull****. There were days where I literally wouldn't leave my room all day and nights where I honestly preferred to sleep in my car than have to face this person.

[Morgana]

It's only struck me fairly recently how avoidant I am. Mainly because I've been so avoidant that there are few situations I encounter any more that I can avoid!

I don't even notice myself doing it now, it's only if I try to do something different and get hit by the anxiety that I realise I spend most of my time doing nothing much at all.

Just a few examples:- talking on the phone in front of workmates, answering the phone at home or making non-work phone calls, avoiding any social invite, acknowledging people I know in the street, replying to friends, visiting family...

[db838]

I'm not as bad as I was. I went backpacking round Australia, mainly because I thought if I was going to be lonely and depressed I might as well do it somewhere hot. I would have to share a room with up to 10 people in a hostel and at one stage would stay out on my own until 3am so I knew they were all asleep before going to bed. I'd then wake up early than the rest and go to the beach to sleep a bit more if I needed, sometimes using the showers there rather than in the hostel. I gave up on uni pretty early on but spent the year hiding in my dorm, cooking my dinner in the microwave in mid-afternoon because I knew there would be nobody else in the kitchen. When I started work I would go out for lunch every day and eat on a bench in the park even when it was freezing and peeing down with rain. Now I just read in a corner but can have the odd conversation. I went about 8 years without any friends at all thanks to avoidance but that has changed since I did CBT, thank God.

[firemonkey]

My worst avoidant behaviour will be paying nearly £140 for a return journey to my sister's when i go to her place to see my father when he comes over from the States. It's because i can't cope with getting to her place by train and then London cab. The one time i tried on my own i got taken round the houses by a cab driver who either didn't hear the destination properly or did and was just exploiting me. By the time i got to my sister's i was extremely anxious Usually my brother does the journey with me but he has not spoken to me for nearly 3 months.

[ithinkiamlost]

The amount of extreme things I have done to get out of something.

When I used to work (and I used this at high school as well) I would wait until someone in the house was near the bathroom and stick the handle of my tooth brush down my throat to make me sick. The reason being someone would hear me being sick and back me up when I took the day off.

I have got so drunk the night before needing to go somewhere so that the next day I was to hungover to go anywhere. I used to get loads of grief for this but I was so ashamed that I had these mental problems that I would rather people thought I was a waster drunk than mentally ill.

I have walked the long way round just so I don't have to pass people.

I going to stop now because I could go on and on describing the ways I have avoided social situations.

[northeastsouthwest]

I've pretended to be on the phone taking a phonecall, when walking down the street.lol.

Also yes taxis! The amount of money I've spent on taxis in my life to avoid public transport. Luckily I don't have to d that anymore. It's probs cheaper running my car now!


I also told a friend I was going on holiday so I couldn't attend her big birthday celebration. I had to tell her everything about the holiday when I 'came back'

Leaving uni half way through th day because I'm terrified of having o entertain myself at lunch times or breaks.

@down... I've pretended to be still drunk in work on New Year's Day once when I was really in bed at 11 on New Year's Eve! Didn't want people thinking I was boring. Ha

Lol. Such a freakikk