How is everyone feeling? (31)

[Consolida]

Originally Posted by Utopia

I mean look how this place dies as soon as I start posting...

This is exactly how I feel so you arn't alone.

The more I post the less other people appear to. Online or offline I have the knack of repelling people.

I can 100% relate to your feelings of never fitting in however hard you try. It's been that way all of my life. I do think very early childhood experiences of rejection can shape the way you feel about yourself for years to come.

Btw, I hope you are feeling a little better today Utopia?
You are cared about here

[Dougella]

^^ Aw, not sleeping at all must be torturous! Can you get some rest today?

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by HermannHesse

I am, actually, a complete loser. What a shameful mess my life is.

You are definitely not.

[Consolida]

^^ I'm ashamed to say that I took some Diazepam before getting into bed last night and then a couple of Lorazepam early this morning but still I can't sleep. I'm worrying so excessively that my mind can't switch off at all

[Dougella]

^ Nothing to be ashamed of. That's the worst thing, when you just can't shut your brain off.

[Mo34]

^ hope you feel better soon.

[Mo34]

The rave for this evening has started downstairs, gunna be a long night.

[Dougella]

^ He really needs to stop. I'm sure all your other neighbours are just as sick of him as you are.


^^^ You're really great biscuits, it's sad to hear you thinking badly about yourself.

[Consolida]

@ Biscuits - Aw hearing this makes me sad. You're one of my favourite members - always being so kind and supportive to others and cheering them up with your wonderful quirky sense of humour.

Perhaps having an early night - snuggling up under the duvet with your doggy or one of your cats wouldn't be such a bad thing x

[blancmange]

@biscuits It's sad you feel so bad about yourself, you're such a lovely person, inside and out Hopefully you can sleep off the low mood, sometimes that happens to me anyway.

[Mo34]

Originally Posted by Dougella

^ He really needs to stop. I'm sure all your other neighbours are just as sick of him as you are.

My other neighbour has put himself on the housing list as he's elderly and has health problems (the stairs are causing him a problem) but he also wants to get away from git features.

He's gone out, just hope he doesn't come back tonight

[Utopia]

I know it seems a bit random... but I'm actually starting to feel a bit more grateful all of a sudden. I think it's the increased dose of the antidepressants, nothing spectacular, but just a slight increase in gratitude.

[Consolida]

^ That's very promising to hear. Onwards and upwards Utopia

[Toxic]

Now I've got a sore throat

I'd gladly self quarantine for 2 weeks, I've got enough imported noodles to last me about a year anyway.

I just don't see my boss buying it

[newbs16]

I can relate to some of the things you have mentioned here.

From the person I have become to know on this forum I think you are lovely person, you are one of the people who have kept this forum running, you cheer many people up with your kind words and wit.

[anxiouslondoner]

^ aww I'm sure you'll be fine Biscuits. You're a really nice person and I'm sure people will get along with you - if they don't it's their problem. Just remember to enjoy yourself at least a little bit.
You can do it!

[Jen.]

Back from Japan now. The funeral was okay - I cried a lot but I think that was just because it was a funeral and not necessarily appropriate sadness. I didn't even know what was going on. I enjoyed spending time with family and meeting people I'd never met before - I think I'm going to make an effort to keep in touch with some of them. I also enjoyed spending time with just my dad afterwards too, we had a lot of fun together.

I feel some nausea this morning but I think it's jet lag-related since I usually feel like this after a long flight. Apparently I'm supposed to self-isolate for 14 days if I feel anything at all? I need to eat though. I won't be seeing anyone for a while because I need to recharge after barely having any time alone recently, so maybe I should just do an online order and stay at home to see if anything develops.

I spent the last ten days consciously avoiding news and trying not to be online much and felt a lot better for it. After a quick check this morning it seems that nothing has really happened that was worth knowing about anyway, so it's probably a good idea to keep that up.

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by Jen.

Back from Japan now. The funeral was okay - I cried a lot but I think that was just because it was a funeral and not necessarily appropriate sadness. I didn't even know what was going on. I enjoyed spending time with family and meeting people I'd never met before - I think I'm going to make an effort to keep in touch with some of them. I also enjoyed spending time with just my dad afterwards too, we had a lot of fun together.

I feel some nausea this morning but I think it's jet lag-related since I usually feel like this after a long flight. Apparently I'm supposed to self-isolate for 14 days if I feel anything at all? I need to eat though. I won't be seeing anyone for a while because I need to recharge after barely having any time alone recently, so maybe I should just do an online order and stay at home to see if anything develops.

I spent the last ten days consciously avoiding news and trying not to be online much and felt a lot better for it. After a quick check this morning it seems that nothing has really happened that was worth knowing about anyway, so it's probably a good idea to keep that up.

Good to hear it went ok and you had some fun with your Dad

Yes, you could just get an online shopping order. The symptoms to watch out for are apparently a fever and a dry cough, but really aslong as you wash your hands thoroughly and don't cough on anyone you're probably fine!

[Mo34]

Tired and periody. Had my first supervision at work.

We had to go through coronovirus planning/risk assessments an all :/ If it comes to it we may all have to homework though my manager is hoping it won't come to that.

[Mo34]

@ Nanuq

[Consolida]

@ Jen Welcome back Jen
Glad the funeral went as okay as such things can and that you had a lovely time with your Dad.
I'd love to go to Japan someday but probably never will.


@ Nanuq Sorry to hear you are having a bad day


Feeling resigned which is one up from suicidal, lol.

Taking my mum out for a birthday meal this evening. Will try to be cheerful despite her saying things such as this will be her last birthday

[Appear]

Struggling not to feel there's no way out. And not use double negatives, apparently.

[Consolida]

^ There's always a way out and of the type that have a positive outcome too


Feel so bleak about everything. Last year wasn't good but this year is already infinitely worse and next year, if there is one, well, that doesn't even bare thinking about. I can see absolutely no benefits to getting older (although plenty of people do) but the alternative to ageing is even worse (at least for the loved ones left behind).

Even when I try to motivate myself to look forward to something it all goes pear shaped. We are meant to be going to Northern Italy at the end of June. It was all booked and paid for before the Corona outbreak. Not sure if we will get any of our money back if we don't go but it's looking like that will be the least of our worries

Apologies for blighting this forum with such thoroughly depressing posts

[Consolida]

^ Thank you Nanuq

There are lots of beautiful places in the UK to visit so maybe that's a possibility. Tbh, I can easily live with not having a holiday myself this year but I was hoping to go away for my mum's sake while she is still well enough.

I think it's a stressful time for everyone at the moment as the current situation is making it very difficult to plan ahead. I mean, the whole of Italy is in shut down mode at the moment and some 'expert' was saying that in a couple of weeks it could be the same here. Mind you, that's pretty much an average day for me!

[Merritt]

Full of impotent anger and frustration at myself, life, and everything. Annoyed that all I can do with it is let it simmer until it drifts to the back of my mind. I wish I could use it to drive myself to some sort of self-destructive excess, eat too much, drink too much, self harm regularly, or something. Everything I do is mild and moderate though. I try to stop caring about what I eat and having any semblance of a healthy diet, and I actually lose weight. How does that work? And I can't drink too much because I just end up sick or sleepy. I'm so rubbish.

[Toxic]

Pretty Shit

Snapping at everyone, work life is mentally draining/killing me

I'm sleeping more than I've managed in years yet I still wake up every morning feeling drained. I sleep pretty much most of the weekend and down to 1 meal a day..not really eating properly and losing weight (I mean I'm still in a good range but the places its fell off me I look unwell) I caught myself in a mirror the other morning, I look completely bollocked and feel burnt out.

Maybe I'd be better if I had some sort of life outside of work, dunno...no real energy to try and get one

[Dougella]

^ That doesn't sound too good, you'll end up getting burnt out if you carry on like that. How come you're only eating one meal a day?

[limey123]

Good. Just met a relative stranger down the pub and we got on well. Have agreed to meet up again.

[alpha]

Awful. I just wish I didn't have the brain that I have because it makes life nearly impossible. My fear of being abandoned / rejected and that I'm too defective and unloveable is giving me a ridiculous amount of anxiety over a situation that probably wouldn't trouble most people that much at all. But no, my brain must invent catastrophic possibilities and continuously throw them at me. I just don't know how to stop it or focus on the present when the thoughts seem relentless no matter what I do.

[Toxic]

Originally Posted by Dougella

^ That doesn't sound too good, you'll end up getting burnt out if you carry on like that. How come you're only eating one meal a day?

I'm eating one meal a day because I never eat breakfast and I have so much work to do I don't have time to have a lunch break (I'm aware I'm entitled to a break and I'm told I "should" take a break - but when I'm the only person who can do my job in the company..my having a break just gives me an extra 30 minute of work to do later down the road!) - It's a bit of a predicament I've got myself into.

Originally Posted by mutedsoul

Why are you snapping at everyone? Is it unresolved pain/trauma. Do you associate people with bad experiences?

I find that what I want from life of my priorities affect how I eat or sleep. I think the last month or so I have been sleeping quite well, at least for me. I try to make sure I get 8 hours or 7 hours of sleep quite strictly, although I would say realistically I mostly get 6-7 hours due to waking up in sleep and sometimes taking long to fall asleep. However I have also not really felt tired that I need a coffee at my job so it’s good.

I find though that what has helped me lately to sleep earlier and eat healthier more consistently is actually not doing too much stuff. This is why I’m starting to support minimalism. I feel when I do stuff that I don’t have time to do, I do it as I feel it fills a void of feeling inadequate for me. Are you the same?

What I’ve realised but still have to work on is that I’m okay the way I am. I’m definitely not perfect, am bad at a lot of stuff but also good at some. It may sound simplistic but I think self acceptance, even just accepting your position in life will probably help you to focus on self care. But I guess therapy radically focuses on self acceptance to an extent.

You are okay as you, you don’t need to be different.

Life outside work??? I don’t have much life outside work but have begun kickboxing which helps with stress temporarily. Maybe situations at work, like with me, can cause you to have a racing mind, if they are unresolved?

After all of this I think maybe you have depression and should maybe seek help for it.

I'm snapping at work colleagues because they are taking the piss, throw something at me that will take me 10 hours while they sit on facebook on their phone, doesn't seem particularly fair to me! I'm snapping at people outside of work probably because I'm perma tired and cranky. I don't have a problem with people as such, I have a problem with people who take the piss

I don't sleep well at the best of time but I do tend to deprive myself of sleep just so I have a few hours of me time that doesn't involve my job, the thought of working, eating and sleeping and having absolutely no free time in between sounds incredibly depressing (I've done it before!) I'd rather sacrifice sleep to have an extra hour or two where I'm awake and..not doing anything to do with work.

Yeah, I probably need something outside of work, a distraction of some sort! I find it hard to switch off..I have a lot of stuff rattling around in my head, what I need to do tomorrow..which order, I need to tell someone this, order this, work that out. I'm trying to email myself a list and then try and forget it till the morning!

I'm feeling a bit better today, theres probably some depression to blame though