|
|
#1
23rd March 2007, 12:36
|
|||
|
|||
Insignificance [might turn out to be a rant]
Isn't this the worst fcukin aspect of this stinkin condition?.......
The sense that, as time goes on, ur just another person sloggin away at work, doin ya best to try to get along with folk, trying to lessen expectations, telling oneself ya never gonna be the Nobel Prize winning novelist you thought u'd be when u were 17.......... blah blah...... Worse than this perhaps, does there come a point when you realise your always gonna end up with the same kind of people as friends?; that there reallly is no changing those aspects of ur personality that have been with you since childhood?...... Ah, and childhood itself........ A time of 'unambiguous affinities' [to pompously quote Ian McEwan]......A time when you were the apple of ur mother's eye.......... Question is: will I ever be the apple of anyones eye or just 'a friend'....... Existing on the periphery of other people's realities/lives? [deep?....you betcha! lol]...... Mmmmm, what else can I moan about today?....... I could get a decent job in the next year or so.....I could keep my expectations under control......I could keep doing what interests me.....I could remind myself that mild contentment is often a healthier way to live than forever striving for happiness.......I could surround myself with those other sensitive souls that have the same things in common.....I could learn to drive again......blah blah [again]....... Mmmmm [yes, there's more!]........ Relationships......... Maybe I'm not interested in sex at all, but I can't deny this is a big part of the adult world, so it obviously puts me at somewhat of a disadvantage to others......... If I am 'officially asexual' [whateva that means] will I ever be that important to anyone? Since there's a chance I'm always gonna fall short when it comes to the 'Horizontal Mumba' [lol]?........Surely, these things get worse/more difficult with age?......I mean, I only have to sit on the bus with a pile of 15 yr olds chattin about sex to realise this sad 'fact........ Anyway, I think I'll stop now....... If I know anything, its that these issues often push peeps away even more........ But how do I forget about them? Cheers for listening [well, thats if u did. lol] 
|
|
#2
23rd March 2007, 13:49
|
|||
|
|||
|
Re: Insignificance [might turn out to be a rant]
I've been feeling the need to rant a bit too, and you pretty much covered most of the things that are annoying me lately!
Relationships.....even the word makes me squirm in my seat. lol I guess feeling insignificant has been a major worry for me lately, not feeling like I'm ever going to matter to people enough to make solid friendships. But I know I need to kick myself up the arse to change this way of thinking and keep on trying 
|
|
#3
23rd March 2007, 14:26
|
|||
|
|||
|
Re: Insignificance [might turn out to be a rant]
Good replies dudes......Hey, ur from Manchester; have I met you yet? lol
Err....... Yeah, ur right wot ya said bout bein philospophical I think...... But this is wot I'm good at....... In a way, I've never really 'hung out' with peeps for its own sake; there has to be some reason......Like bein at uni and/or work.......There's a way I talk to people and there's certain things I always talk about, which usually involves the slightly detached-from-real-life, pseudo-intellectual, slightly tongue-in cheek, faux-arrogant, neurotic things in life....... OK, I'm prob an egotist [and also goin off the thread a bit], but I've never seen the sense in talkin about washing powder and car seats the way 'normal' people do.......Maybe this comes when ur a part of the 'real' world; I don't know!  ........Sometimes when I spend time with peeps I get the feelin that I'm just doin it to keep up with my quota of socialisin for that week or that it could just as well be anyone.......Although, admittedly [sp], when I'm into something I do seem to go all out attack....This is when I feel like I know it all or feel funny and that I matter to the peeps I've been spendin time etc etc.......Nothin like feelin valued, in woteva sense. Mmm........So does anyone else get that feelin of.....errr....ennui where it feels like you could just be spending time with anyone, and that no-one feels all that special?........ Don't get me wrong, I'm not a sociopath!......Well, not this month! 
|
|
#4
23rd March 2007, 16:48
|
|||
|
|||
|
Re: Insignificance [might turn out to be a rant]
I'm exactly the same. If you actually sit back and examine all aspects of life you realise just how trivial and meaningless the majority of it is. Sure, there's some great things to do out there but it seems you have to struggle through masses of crap to be allowed to enjoy them. Do them enough times and they become trivial too.
Feeling detached-from-real-life, pseudo-intellectual, slightly tongue-in cheek, faux-arrogant and neurotic is certainly how I am  but somehow it feels natural and all the 'normal' people just seem like blinkered androids running the program of life.As crazy and mixed up as I feel inside, I still think I'm the sanest one I know I may not have any answers but at least I'm prepared to ask questions.
|
|
#5
24th March 2007, 18:15
|
|||
|
|||
|
Re: Insignificance [might turn out to be a rant]
Quote:
Mmmm........ U sound very enigmatic like my gud self.  Maybe a lot of it is bollox, but i ya don't go along with it, wot else can ya do? Of course, its just one of those philosophical things, like someone else said.....And u can't be philosophical all the time. lest peeps tell u to stop disappearin up ya own arse.......Hence the other traits like faux-arrogance, or woteva it was I said....... Its funny and it attracts peeps. Stay sane, man........Wot else is there?
|
