Dealing with difficult people

Sad_Sac · #1 24th March 2007, 22:56

Hello Everyone!

Not been here for a long time. Things were going well there for a while but seem to have taken a bit of a nose dive and i am back with counselling

I'm after your opinions on teh following work situation. I work for a small company and generally we all get along Ok, we have been together for years. About 2 years ago a new girl started and i instantly felt uncomfortable around her. She is very confident to the point of being arrogant and we never got on. Eventually she started to make snide comments to me that no one else really picked up on. Now i'm notthe quickest witted person in the world and would never make a quick response so the comments used to go around and around in my head and make me more and more wound up to the point it was all consuming.

To cut an already long story short we rowed and feel out. It transpired everyone felt the same about this girl but just got on with it, which made me feel better. Anyway now everyone seems to have forgotten what happened and is being best mates again. Why does this bother me so much?

I ask myself if i would be happy if everyone was horrible to her and although i know its awful of me- i think it would. I'm terrified they willl grow to like her more than me and exclude me (scholl bullying phobia coming into play here). She make me feel so inferior and manages to put me down and make me feel rubbish about myself.

What is wrong with me, why does it affect me like this? why can't i think OK! I don't get on with her - that's fine - therefore anything she says or does will not affect me? Rather than obsessing about it and getting myself down?

Any thoughts appreciated, ggod or bad or advce

Tahnks Sad_sac

Ross PK · #2 24th March 2007, 23:11

She's a bully. Maybe she even has low esteem and that's why she puts you down so it makes her feel better about herself.

Don't feel bad for wanting everyone to turn on her, it's what she deserves.

As for how to deal with her, I don't know. Since you said that you can't think of anything witty (which if you could then it would be good to start putting her down to put her in her place) I guess the best thing you can do is ignore her, not just when she puts you down, but just in general act as though she's insignificant and you're not interested in speaking to her at all, keep you head up, literally, let her know that her snideyness doesn't bother you at all.

bubbles21 · #3 24th March 2007, 23:24

She seems a complete bitch, and by picking on you is making her feel better. Does she have an email address? i will sort the cow out!!

Seriously though, you should not have to take this, talk to your manager. Let me know how things progress

Sad_Sac · #4 24th March 2007, 23:26

Thanks for the advice Ross,

I know it makes sense to ignore her but the problem is i then run the risk of excluding myself from a lot of conversations, which would cripple me emotionally. (I so have a need to be icluded my SA is aggrevated and i star beating myself up and feeling like i am being excluded because no one likes me). Because we are such a small company it is really hard to avoid her or contact with her with out excluding myself!

Ahhhhh catch 22!

Ross PK · #5 24th March 2007, 23:29

Like Bubbles said you should make a complaint about her to the boss, maybe even say that it's starting to effect your work (if she's more valuble than you then don't say anything about it effecting your work, because it could backfire on you and make the boss think of replacing you if he things your work is suffering), hopefully you could get her sacked.

#6 24th March 2007, 23:32

Maybe the others seem to get on with her because in the workplace it's just easier that way.

When it came to the crunch you found out the others don't like her either. Maybe they still feel the same way but can't be bothered with having friction at work.

They might bitch about her behind her back like crazy for all you know.

Sad_Sac · #7 24th March 2007, 23:34

Thanks bubbles

My boss has been involved. When we fell out, she stormed off after insulting me, i held my own in the argument which she really didn't like and she stromed out of work.

She then actually rang my boss and implied i had been bullying her!!! trust me this was not the case and my work mates and my boss were astoded by the implication. But of course my boss had to listen to her, she didn't actually acuse me in the end. The out come from this was that if i needed her to do any work for me ( i am her superior) i couldn't ask her myself i had to go direct to her supervisor. Totally undermined me basically and she was left feeling like she had won. She is so difficult that people let her get away with all sorts because it's easier than dealing with her.

Kevin Hodge · #8 24th March 2007, 23:35

there is an answer to this, but it's not all that easy for us sa folks.

i work with a number of "difficult people" (f!ckin nutcases would be more accurate), and this has really upset me and wound me up for years, sometimes making me really ill.

recently i have started talking to all the staff a lot more and trying to take more of an interest in them. and now i feel as if i am getting supported by them. if i have a big long session working with one of the nutters, someone else will often ask if i am ok afterwards, and also i can talk to other staff members about any weird behaviour that has been bugging me. it's great to be able to do this and feel that i'm not alone, and that it's not all my fault with all my problems, etc.

i've started to realise just how hard it makes it when you isolate yourself from others, most people are able to bounce their everyday problems off other people and this really seems to help defuse the craziness that often ensues, where you wonder if it's all your fault and beat yourself up and all that.

please remember that as you start to get over aspects of your your sa, you will get the benefits of feeling supported by people and also feel less isolated

Ross PK · #9 24th March 2007, 23:36

When she says stuff to you, maybe you could look her straight in the eye, nod your head and put on smile and say 'thanks'. That should piss her off.

#10 24th March 2007, 23:38

Or piss in her coffee.

Or perhaps not.

Ross PK · #11 24th March 2007, 23:40

Yeah, you could gob in her coffee.

Sad_Sac · #12 24th March 2007, 23:41

Caught by the fuzz,

your right when i think about it rationally i know people just don't want a negative atmosphere in work, neither do i really.

I just find it very hard to forgive or forget someone who i think is s o nasty! this all stems back to when i was bulled at school and i think it is almost like a self protection thing i have going on. if i don't forget i stay protected type of thing!

Gets in the way a bit.

Thanks for listening o me vent, it always seems to make more sense when you get other people perspective on things

Apologies for my terrible typing as well LOL!

Sad_Sac · #13 24th March 2007, 23:44

LOL! i do make coffee sometimes

I like the idea of looking her in the eye and smiling, i really do think that would actually wind her up. If only i can summon the nerve to do it and not back down!

Ross PK · #14 25th March 2007, 14:42

Well, I think you should do it only when you're confident enough to do it, otherwise if you aren't, then it'll show, you wont be able to pull it off properly and will end up coming off worse.

Unless of course you're planning to just do it everytime until you get used to it and eventually be able to do it with confidence.