Internet dating sites

[strange_paradox]

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

I pulled my ex while I was agoraphobic so meeting through friends and bars was impossible.

Sounds like a story! Spill the beanz

[strange_paradox]

Originally Posted by black_mamba

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!! The voice of reason and real life experience.

Haha thank you

[strange_paradox]

Originally Posted by Defiance

speed dating isn't exactly quite the same as meeting a random woman at a bar, even though it takes place in a bar.

I didn't mention speed dating because I'm still on the fence.

Originally Posted by Defiance

I tend to see SA meets primarily as a place to socialize and not search for a partner, not much women go there anyway...

Why do you see socializing and searching for a partner as two different things?

[strange_paradox]

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

I just dragged him from the street , tied him up and sat on him until he gave in.
It works well and I advocate all men and women using the same technique.
In fact I have three men under my desk as I type

Haha no seriously how did you do it?!

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by Moomin

How did you get into speed dating without a job Defiance. The ones in my city are for professionals only. I wouldn't mind doing it as a challenge just to flex social skills and get rid of my opposite sex shyness -_-

the ones in my city are for everyone, although there is the option to go to professional events.

Why do you see socializing and searching for a partner as two different things?

probably because when i am socializing it's usually all male as my friends are all male, and SAUK meets are all male ...well almost.

[AnathemA]

Originally Posted by Johnni

Reading this thread worries me about getting back into the dating game but then i reliaise that i should really just stay clear of PoF.......or internet dating all together as it seems it's just one big mind **** for someone with SA related issues. I don't know why you lot put yourself through it all.

Because it works better than doing nothing?

I haven't been on a dating site for a while as I wasn't exactly getting much interest, but I've still had more success online than I've had through any other avenues (i.e. I actually got a date).

If just going about your day to day life as normal doesn't work for meeting people (and it doesn't, at least for me), then you've got to do something different, and it seems to basically boil down to either internet dating or going to bars as Defiance does. You have to be pro-active in some way or other, anyway.

[strange_paradox]

Originally Posted by AnathemA

Because it works better than doing nothing?

You have a point but it's important not to obsess over these things.

Originally Posted by AnathemA

you've got to do something different, and it seems to basically boil down to either internet dating or going to bars as Defiance does. You have to be pro-active in some way or other, anyway.

I'm not convinced of that. Again, couple's I've known, met as a result of their normal working and social activities. If being 'pro-active' means scheduling you life around the singular goal of getting a girlfriend/boyfriend (!!!) then I don't buy it. Life is too short.

Does anyone here seriously believe that just getting a girlfriend/boyfriend will make their life automatically better?

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by strange_paradox

I'm not convinced of that. Again, couple's I've known, met as a result of their normal working and social activities. If being 'pro-active' means scheduling you life around the singular goal of getting a girlfriend/boyfriend (!!!) then I don't buy it. Life is too short.

no one is scheduling thier life around getting a bf/gf.
i might go to bars/clubs once every two weeks on average. the last and only time i went speed dating was in february, i am planning to go try it for the second time soon.

Does anyone here seriously believe that just getting a girlfriend/boyfriend will make their life automatically better?

no.

however it sounds like you're trying to berate people for wanting a bf/gf

[Mr Ploppy]

Originally Posted by strange_paradox

Does anyone here seriously believe that just getting a girlfriend/boyfriend will make their life automatically better?

It will make it better at least to the extent that I am desired and attractive to someone. Obviously I hope more as well, but that's the most basic way it will make me feel better.

Remember we have different SA, what doesn't work for you might work for me.

[black_mamba]

Originally Posted by strange_paradox

Does anyone here seriously believe that just getting a girlfriend/boyfriend will make their life automatically better?

A very small minority might feel that it will automatically help them. They will be proved wrong very quickly and learn their mistake. Having a partner is hard work, but...

I think the majority of people just want to feel wanted, and want a close friend as well. It's not a problem unless you become obsessed about it and decide that it will be your "cure".

I never set out to find a partner but met my ex at uni and we were together for over 7 years. He was integral to my overcoming my SA because he was so confident and happy and practically gave me free CBT lessons every day we spent together. He was constantly challenging my negative thinking patterns, challenging my stupid assumptions of social people, and helped me try new things.

You could argue a close friend who isn't a bf or gf could do the same thing though.

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by strange_paradox

But seriously, most people find their partners spontaneously though college classes, student unions, friends of friends and via work. The problem those of us with SA have is that we lack the social connections upon which to build a relationship. Let's focus on that first!

I agree and am trying to build up some relationships whereby i am putting myself out there more where i have more chance of meeting Mrs right. Online dating seems just a convinient way to find a partner without making those social connections.
What happens if i went on PoF and find a partner tomorrow yet i hardly go out and still feel too anxious going to places or talking to people. Unless she is very understanding and patient the relationship will be seriously strained.

[Mr Ploppy]

Originally Posted by black_mamba

A very small minority might feel that it will automatically help them. They will be proved wrong very quickly and learn their mistake. Having a partner is hard work,

I'm not under any illusions that having a gf will cure my SA, but so much of my condition is related to never being with anyone and being desirable that having a gf will improve my state.

Why is it folk get pulled up for assuming a lot with other people's SA, but NEVER when it comes to this subject ?

[mr.person]

If I'm honest, I'd love to meet a girl with SA, anyone wanna jump into a relationship? HA

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by Moomin

How did you find it SA wise?

I've found one for the 18th of May £22 -_-

felt physically sick when i was on the sign up page about to sign up. had to lie down for a few minutes.

tried not to think too much about it till the event.

got to the event, went into the bar, was somewhat nervous (about 6/10). bought myself a drink, and then got chatting to some guy there.

after the first speed date my nerves had gone away. after all the speed dating had finished i was too SA to go upto the women and basically spent all my time talking to that guy. we made friends, and now i sometimes go clubbing with him.

[black_mamba]

Originally Posted by Dragnet

I'm not under any illusions that having a gf will cure my SA, but so much of my condition is related to never being with anyone and being desirable that having a gf will improve my state.

Why is it folk get pulled up for assuming a lot with other people's SA, but NEVER when it comes to this subject ?

What? I wasn't talking about you. I said a very small minority - why did you assume I meant you??

Do you not agree that some people here think it will cure them? Was what I said offensive? If so, just say so. If I assumw anything wrongly then I'll concede if I'm told I'm off the mark.

[Mr Ploppy]

Hmm, on re-reading you did say that. I suppose I jumped a bit there. Arse about face.

[black_mamba]

I thought my post actually defended you as well, so it surprised me.

[Mr Ploppy]

Sorry
(said grumpily )

[black_mamba]

S'ok! I may have some strong views here but I never want to actually upset anyone. Just to challenge them and get them to new ways to kick SA in the shins!

[AnathemA]

Originally Posted by strange_paradox

You have a point but it's important not to obsess over these things.

In what way am I obsessing over anything? I haven't even been on a dating site for several months, and that was my first post in a relationship/dating thread on SAUK for a long time. Hardly signs of obsession(?).

I'm not convinced of that. Again, couple's I've known, met as a result of their normal working and social activities.

Told you, doesn't work for me. People consider using dating sites, speed dating, or just chatting people up randomly in bars *because* these "normal" (as you put it) ways of finding a partner don't work for them. Suggesting they should go back to what was obviously not working is silly.

If being 'pro-active' means scheduling you life around the singular goal of getting a girlfriend/boyfriend (!!!) then I don't buy it. Life is too short.

Creating a dating site profile is hardly "scheduling your life around it". It takes all of five minutes to set one up.

Does anyone here seriously believe that just getting a girlfriend/boyfriend will make their life automatically better?

"Automatically better" as in "everything's just peachy and I'll never have any troubles again"? No, of course not, and no one said that.

"Automatically better" as in "an improvement on being single and lonely"? Yes, certainly. Why else would the vast majority of the human race seek out relationships?

[Bananas]

My experience with internet dating is that in the past 8 years or so it has drastically over saturated itself.

I first tried internet dating maybe about 12 years ago and it seemed to be more a social network thing back then where there was this wonderful tool to get in touch and meet with people. The girls I chatted with back then seemed more genuinely interested and all in all decent people where you would strike up a conversation and maybe after 3 or so messages work out if both parties would be interested in continuing and then work towards a date. This is in contrast in more recent years where the decision to if people would like each other enough to correspond seems to be made before any reply has even been made...it seems that suddenly we all got psychic!!

I know that this is down to the sheer number of people online dating and with this age of technological convenience people are overly picky to meet requirements, this is true not just in dating but a lot of online activities (like shopping; we dont just buy things like we do in shops, we read reviews, make comparisons, price match and spend loads of time researching without actually buying anything before 3 months later making a spontaneous purchase on ebay).

[Pandapop]

I was thinking the other day about how in the past I've met up with so many people on social networking sites and relationships have started from them.
I know people don't have the intention of meeting people on them or dating but i still think its better than dating websites....i met someone on friday from one

[Fern]

Meet me then Pandapop

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by Pandapop

I was thinking the other day about how in the past I've met up with so many people on social networking sites and relationships have started from them.
I know people don't have the intention of meeting people on them or dating but i still think its better than dating websites....i met someone on friday from one

what was wrong with the plentyoffish men? lol.



I would try meeting people off social networks but seeing as plentyoffish worked so badly for me i do not think this would work great for me either. hmmmm, but i'm curious now.

so how would i meet people? start hassling peeps off my friends friends list? i'd soon get them unfriending me lol,

edit: just looked on google. some interesting info has just on strategies came up there but i'd still like to hear your opinion.


also where is the facebook search where you get a list of random people. what if i don't know their names???, how do i get a list of truly random people.

[Pandapop]

I think dating sites are a big nono for me because people have the intention of meeting where as i really don't lol.
Where as if i go on a social network site (i don't mean facebook btw i dont see how you could meet anyone off there lol) one with a profile and forums i can make online friends with people who maybe close to my area.

Just in the past and last week i connected with someone from one of them and we met up a week after of talking, now this isn't always the case but its worked for me.
All week we pretty much were texting non stop and talking from when we woke to sleeping so i knew we'd have great chemistry in person.

I used to do it loads when i wasn't this agoraphobic mess.

[Pandapop]

Originally Posted by Fern

Meet me then Pandapop

Aw for sure mr

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by Defiance

what was wrong with the plentyoffish men? lol.

I would try meeting people off social networks but seeing as plentyoffish worked so badly for me i do not think this would work great for me either. hmmmm, but i'm curious now.

so how would i meet people? start hassling peeps off my friends friends list? i'd soon get them unfriending me lol,

edit: just looked on google. some interesting info has just on strategies came up there but i'd still like to hear your opinion.

also where is the facebook search where you get a list of random people. what if i don't know their names???, how do i get a list of truly random people.

I think your over analysing the whole concept of meeting people from online and that dating sites have ****ed you up in a sense lol.
Although Pandapop did'nt say it was Facebook people do meet up from facebook via being in the same groups etc.
You don't need no strategies for sites like social networking as you end up clicking with someone when you probably are'nt looking for it. You may meet them off the forum from the site or other aspects of the sites like groups or a chat room.

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by Pandapop

I think dating sites are a big nono for me because people have the intention of meeting where as i really don't lol.
Where as if i go on a social network site (i don't mean facebook btw i dont see how you could meet anyone off there lol) one with a profile and forums i can make online friends with people who maybe close to my area.

Just in the past and last week i connected with someone from one of them and we met up a week after of talking, now this isn't always the case but its worked for me.
All week we pretty much were texting non stop and talking from when we woke to sleeping so i knew we'd have great chemistry in person.

I used to do it loads when i wasn't this agoraphobic mess.

i don't think this would work for me that well, yeah i can get on with people from forums fine ..but there's a difference between getting on well and them actually fancying me. i would be fearing a rejection incase they said no ...then i'd still be bumping into them on the forums all the time.

i've never ever asked out someone i'd met on a forum


i can imagine befriending someone, making a move and then them not being interested ..and then i would likely feel awkward and probably hardly speak to them much

Originally Posted by Johnni

I think your over analysing the whole concept of meeting people from online and that dating sites have ****ed you up in a sense lol.

i think my mind is a bit ****ed up in general ..lol

Although Pandapop did'nt say it was Facebook people do meet up from facebook via being in the same groups etc.
You don't need no strategies for sites like social networking as you end up clicking with someone when you probably are'nt looking for it. You may meet them off the forum from the site or other aspects of the sites like groups or a chat room.

i very much doubt i could lure a woman off a site lol,
i don't think they would come, and i definitely don't think they would come if i implied it were a date, heck the only way i think i'll be able to do it is if id trick them and say erm it's to look at museums or something lol

and it would probably take months before they'd be willing to meet up with me.

it would be almost like grooming or something ..lol

[Defiance]

hmmm.. my ****ed up mind has thought of another strategy johnni

1. befriend any girl off a social networking forum. infact i might even go for a larger lady as these ladies seem to be more partial to me.

2. suggest going out somewhere just as friends,

3. get her to introduce me to her hot female friends

4. Profit!



although i can see the potential for things to go wrong like the girl i meet from the social networking forum aint probably gonna be too thrilled if i get together with her friend and the friend might feel awkward about seeing me as it might piss the first girl off

[Pandapop]

You over think things so much.
I guess i don't join up to social networking sites hoping to meet people. I just do it to socialise and if someone messages my inbox and i get on with them its a bonus.