Shyest person in the world??

bracken12345 · #1 4th November 2008, 21:46

Ever feel like you're the shyest person in the world? (probably a silly question) And is there anyone out there for whom CBT has really improved things? I read a self help book 'Overcoming shyness and social phobia' by Ronald Rapee. To be honest it's made me feel worse about my SA - mine is far worse than any of the case studies. And it seems there is a large emphasis on forcing yourself to face your fears as things won't be as bad as you think they're going to be. Well what if they ARE that bad? Or even worse?? What if you find you have absolutely nothing to say in even the most seemingly non-threatening of social situations? There doesn't seem to be a chapter on that! Anyone found a self help book that is more realistic and aimed at generalised social anxiety rather than specific anxiety e.g. fear of public speaking?

threadbare · #2 4th November 2008, 22:09

hi bracken - i didn't get on very well with that book either, although it is sort of useful for introducing some of the basic CBT concepts. i don't think i could have made many improvements from a self-help book alone. because each person's anxiety can manifest itself in different ways and different situations, there is no substitute for having one-to-one CBT, with a good therapist who can work with you at your pace, and encourage you with choosing to gradually face your fears and unhelpful beliefs, as opposed to feeling you're forcing yourself to do it. people's brains tend to naturally rebel when told they MUST or ought to do anything.

however, that said, the one book which i have found invaluable, and which i used to supplement my therapy (even though it takes a slightly different approach) was this one, which i'd recommend to anybody at all suffering with social anxiety/phobia. i found it more encouraging, empowering and compassionate than much of the standard CBT stuff on the market.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Get-Your-Min...5836284&sr=8-1

Tutters · #3 4th November 2008, 22:46

I really hate the term shy my mum alsways used to say he's shy, but i wasn't i was terror-fied

hardy · #4 5th November 2008, 08:45

i suppose books like that are written for the "average " shy person. Annoying I know but you can make progress however bad your SA is now . In fact , for example , there ARE some worse than you . Believe it or not there are many who would never dare to post here!

seasprite · #5 5th November 2008, 11:31

Quote:

seems there is a large emphasis on forcing yourself to face your fears as things won't be as bad as you think they're going to be. Well what if they ARE that bad? Or even worse??

Having faced a few fears of my own lately, i can assure it usually isn't as bad as what you think it will be.

hardy · #6 5th November 2008, 12:16

facing your fears is part of CBT . but generally you will be breaking it down into small handlable tasks . taking on too much at once does not work and can make things worse.

Anyone know what to do about things you can't break down?

For example you cant give half a speech and then retire . or do half a dance. go on half a date.