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#1
5th October 2015, 13:13
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Even nervous doing this!!
Hi
I'm male, wrong side of 50, employed full time, married with 2 kids but still lonely, not sure if I'm friendless because I'm a loner or I'm a loner because I'm friendless, it seems a horrible cycle to be in, never know what to say to people hence my username, not sure how it started really because it's not been all my life like this. I could say much more but the words sometimes just don't roll off the keyboard do they?? What i can say is i read some of the posts on here and say to myself "that's how I am" 
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#5
5th October 2015, 15:15
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Re: Even nervous doing this!!
Hi there & welcome
im just a few years younger than you (45) & I haven't gotten as far as the wife & kids bit yet (too late - who knows?). At least you've managed to get close enough to someone often enough, and long enough, to be in a position to marry them. For an SA person i'd say that's not bad going. Tho' that point of view is based on how my own life has panned so far.
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#7
14th October 2015, 19:53
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Re: Even nervous doing this!!
Welcome and "Ditto". I am familiar with social isolation. Not alone Dude!
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#8
3rd August 2017, 15:00
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Re: Even nervous doing this!!
Thanks everyone, as you can see, I don't come here much but in the 22 months since I joined I would say that the spiral has been down rather than up. You know how we're always told to "go and talk to someone"........what on earth would I/we say?
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#9
6th August 2017, 01:20
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Re: Even nervous doing this!!
Ehlo!
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#10
6th August 2017, 16:48
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Re: Even nervous doing this!!
^^^ People love talking about themselves!! So just asking someone what they do, or where they're from is often a good start. Unless you're unfortunate enough to come up against another SA sufferer because if people I don't know well start asking me questions I tend to freeze and not even know what day of the week it is, much less where I'm from, or what I might have done for a living!!! Sometimes, the key is actually to not try too hard. We tend to assume that there is 'something wrong with us' and that it's not ok to be the quiet one who's not in the thick of things, but in fact it's perfectly ok to be how we are and people really don't notice our awkwardness as much as we think they do. I'm very much the wrong side of 50 and after all these years still dread someone coming up to talk to me if I'm in a strange environment with people I don't know especially well. BUT, when I do decide to make an effort I ALWAYS ask the other person about themselves. I do find it hard to remember what they've said to me though, because I'm panicking about whether or not I'm giving the right responses, am I looking interested enough? Do they wish I hadn't spoken to them in the first place?- that's a common anxiety of mine. So, I do understand just how hard it is as I'm sure lots of us on here do but asking someone about themselves is always a good starting point.
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#12
19th August 2017, 08:01
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Re: Even nervous doing this!!
hello! you are here and that is a first step! I'm here and I pop in and out to see what posts are and depending on how I feel. Today I'm saying hello to you.
The intensity of anxiety does my head in. I've never saw anxiety (never accepted it) as a problem before now. CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) pending as I went to my docs and he suggested it. So will give it a chance. Have been cbt before but bailed due to bad start.
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