The core of anxiety

[Bob246]

Is the cause of anyone elses anxiety lack of success with the opposite sex?

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Male, and this particular issue is/was not a factor in my anxiety.

[anxiouslondoner]

More likely the other way round, but it doesn't exactly help. :-/

[Dougella]

Not the cause, no.

[Scott03]

No.

[Coffee]

Not so much a lack of success, as that implies trying, more a lack of experience and confidence with the opposite sex was a large slice of the problem for me, before I recovered that is.

[newbs16]

No I'm not sure what the cause it, I've always been a worrier.

[Marco]

Yeah this was a major problem for me but it definitely wasn't the root cause of my anxiety, although I did become very ashamed and embarrassed over this which probably just heightened my anxiety - another vicious circle in the history of my early struggles with SA.

[Marco]

^ Interesting comment Angelica because I have to say that since I found a partner I've been able to cope much better with my SA, which I think backs up what you're saying. I wonder if that's because for many blokes with SA it's a much bigger deal actually finding a partner in the first place. Maybe I'm way off the mark here.

[tryinghard]

Nope - female. For me, it was definitely peer related experiences and experiences within the family. I am far more confident with the opposite of sex whether platonically or romantically because I have a bit of a skewed perspective of gender that leads me to trust men over women.

[neilm]

Male - Not a Factor

[Ronnie_Pickering]

male-probably a high factor. Just to give a different answer.

[ExSAguy]

Its definitely a factor but for me I feel my intelligence at school held me back the most as answering questions would draw more attention to me

[Professor Willow]

Male - lack of success in my case is mainly because of the anxiety preventing me trying, but I don't feel the lack of success makes me more anxious, just depressed

[Hayman]

Male and it's a 'yes' from me.

I remain dateless and kiss-free at the age of 31. No matter what I've done, no matter how I've acted or how often I've gone out. Nothing ever changes for me - although I have to sit there and watch just how easy literally everyone else has it. Yet people genuinely wonder why I'm 'negative'.

I'm not liked and not given the same chances that are granted to 90%+ of men ***8211; it's as simple as that.

Over the years it has been one of the main causes that's lead me into three separate spells of depression ***8211; and after another year of maximum effort (the most I've made for several years previously), it's pushing me into a fourth.

A complete lack of success has made me feel inferior, I'm treated as an inferior and people run a mile from me the moment they find out I'm the 'v' word (and no ***8211; I've not told them). I've been so heavily stigmatised by this and by not having a partner that it's made me feel deeply embarrassed and for someone of my age ***8211; coming up for 16 years behind almost all my former peers.

I'm tired of being told to merely "be" positive or confident. I'm told to "be" like other men ***8211; but without having had any of the perks or privileges they happily enjoy that makes them the way they are.

It really has become such a huge monkey on my back that it has literally crushed me. I'm trying to accept myself as a lifelong single man, but this is hard when I'm surrounded be couples or so called 'single' people who find themselves jumping between multiple partners and flings in any given year... If that's what being 'single' is, then I'm clearly not single. I'm at a stage even lower than that. No options, no chances, no windows of opportunity, no nothing - ever.

I cannot even describe in words at how deeply frustrated I am and at how the pressure builds with each and every passing year that everyone else progresses along this path whilst I'm still sat at the starting grid.

It wouldn't be so bad if people actually understood just how deeply upsetting and emotionally damaging this is, rather than judging me to be 'bitter' (and worse) whilst they sit there with their partners - not having a clue how lifelong singledom feels like. Especially once you get upwards of 25. It hit me like a brick wall once I entered my latter twenties.

[Mo34]

Female and no it's not the cause or at the core of my anxiety.

[David K]

^ Same here. My anxiety began before I had any interest in sex.

[AnnieLu]

Female, and not connected at all. Granted, my anxiety doesn't help when it comes to dating, but whether I'm with someone or not the anxiety is unchanged.