How much do you do based on what you think other people would think of you?

[Amara 94]

I’ve been watching some Timothy Ward and it’s made me think of this question. My current situation as well. I’ve taken a break from uni, not sure tbh if I would want to go back, as I’m happy not going at the moment.

My main source of anxiety is how it looks as I work part time. It doesn’t look good to look unemployed or under employed. However since leaving uni I have been running more that I notice that my balance and leg strength seems to have improved. I think as a result my anxiety is a bit better as well.

I work as a kitchen porter, most people see that as a shitty job. I have repeatedly been told that I should be doing a better job. I should have a wife or girlfriend. By extended family, I should be planning on having kids.

If I’m to be honest, I really don’t feel like I’m that career oriented, I don’t care about career success. I care more about how it looks, as it builds a good impression I think, even if it doesn’t make you a better person. For girlfriend, I wouldn’t mind one but I don’t think I’m overly fussed. I would rather more friends. I don’t want a busy social life though, I think society tells us that we should want a busy social life. I don’t know about the future but currently I don’t want kids. They feel like too much work, I need to have a life I feel satisfied with before considering kids.

I think my lifestyle at the moment kind of makes me feel so much is done to make yourself look good to others. I don’t think it’s necessarily bad but I think it has to come from a place of you/me wanting to do the thing as well. Even people’s online comments, real life opinions, especially from a uk cultural perspective in my experience highlight that lots of stuff are done to please others. People would say something is crap or somewhat inferior just because they disagree with it.

[Hopeforme]

See you how feel after your break. Enjoy it for the time being and evaluate to see if you want to go back and if it will be useful.

That's good that your anxiety has improved a little bit from running.

Yes people absolutely have this weird status obsessed view about what job you do. I was raised in a school and family and culture like that but I always thought it was stupid. Without the kitchen porter, it's going to be harder as a customer to enjoy a good meal if you go out to eat.

I don't think there is anything wrong with aiming for the "best" job if it's something you can do.

I was never career oriented however I am realising the value of having money. I need private medical healthcare and it is not cheap!

I am expected to me married or at least find a gf soon but I think people in my family have stopped saying it me for good now because they think I am a screw-up of a person.

I would like more friends and I would definitely like a gf but here my social anxiety just absolutely holds me back and this is what I need treatment for. I live in a social prison.