In your 30s, single and childless. Do you ever wonder what the point of life is??

[Silver]

In a reflective mood as its new years day. If you are in your 30s or older, single (and have been a while) and childless (or dont want children) do you ever wonder what the point or purpose of life is? I mean the vast majority of people seem to take the traditional marriage-buy a house-have kids route and society is geared up for people who go down this route. But what about the rest of us who either choose not to or cant go down this route for whatever reason. Its just another reason that you don't belong or fit in to normal society. I can understand why people have kids as it gives your life a purpose beyond just getting up, going to work and then just going to the gym or watching tv or whatever. But when everyone else seems to follow one path and your on another, you do find yourself wondering why you are here for?

[red_kites]

Yes it's something I think about pretty much every day. As Either/or said, life is pretty much meaningless anyway. We live then die. But let's not forget...as animals we evolve by chance and our whole existence is geared towards having offspring. The problem, for me at least, is that I don't necessarily want children and I actually enjoy my own company yet I still crave a relationship, hence where the conflict appears.

[Progress]

Originally Posted by either/or

I can certainly understand somebody feeling that way. There really is no "point" to anyone's life though, society may try and convince you otherwise but there is no predetermined purpose. We're born, we live, we die. It's up to us to make it count in whatever way we see fit, if you do feel pointless, then decide what would personally give your life meaning and work at that. You don't need to fit into anybody else's ideals. Be true to you.

Originally Posted by BFG

everyone has got something they're passionate about just find out what it is and take an interest in it. make it a big part of your life get involved in it in any way you can.

Agree with both of these. I think it's up to each of us to try and attach some meaning to living - which is personal to us. Or maybe just decide there is no meaning and just get on with whatever.

I'm working on my solution - trying to do what BFG says - be as passionate as possible about what interests me.

Part of me would like children though, not sure if it'll ever happen though.

[paulx01]

Gosh, this is something I think about daily ... it can be my first thought in the morning and often takes centre stage if awake during the night! There seems to be quite a lot of coverage via articles in papers, features via the radio ... all adding to the mix! (Whilst thinking not that I spend much time seeking such things out!)

I could go on for some time around this and related personal feelings, anxieties and hopes. I do try to hold on to the latter ... even though I fall into 'in your 40s' rather than 'in your 30s'! (I shall hold back from providing a bit of an autobiography at this stage, being relatively new to the forum and having a tendency to worry about posting!)

Well, I try to hold on to it being said that change does happen ... am hoping that I can bring about a newness and contribute to such change in the coming year ... it's time ...

... confidence, comfort and smiles ... if and wherever you may be with this ...

[timmytim7]

get a hobby

help other people / animals

find a cause you believe in to campaign for

don't have any other ideas...


tim

[Clockface]

As somebody who falls into the category of your thread title Silver I often wonder what the point of life is. Yes it's true what others say - we are born, then eventually we die. When I feel ready then I would like a partner or to at least become active on the dating scene. That would give me some purpose as I would be getting out more and enjoying more personal relationships. I don't want children so I'm happy with my current situation for that reason. If money was no object I would occupy my life by travelling and exploring the world. But back to reality, I try to enjoy my work if possible and keep looking forward to improving my life in some way, certainly from a social perspective. Not easy for somebody with SA. I often feel down in the dumps wondering what the point of my life but I'm just gonna try and make the most of it if I can.

[GhostOnMagneticTape]

The purpose of life, is to give yourself a purpose, define and create it yourself, of course if one is happy following with what society dictates as normal, then that's fine too.

Saying that, I feel too many people are deluded that having children and being married with a job is the only purpose in life to achieve because it's been indoctrinated into us.

[timmyb]

I do sometimes feel like a bit of a failure for not reproducing. I don't think I'd have made a very good father though so it's probably for the best.
Life does appear to be essentially pointless anyway no matter what you do with it. I think I was nine years old when the truth of this first struck me and it was a watershed in my life. Before that I was goal orientated and hard working, afterwards I wasn't. I always think of this scene in Annie Hall.

[FraidyCat]

Its natural for most people to want to have children. Its not just society pushing it or expecting it. But still not everyone wants to have children.

But if you do want them, it has become more and more expensive to bring them up as well becoming harder to maintain a stable relationship to have them in the first place.

It is very sad if you really want kids but for whatever reason you never have them.
Some people even consider themselves total failures if they don't have kids before they die. That is pretty extreme though and no one should be that hard on themselves.

[Pal]

It might make me unpopular for saying it but ultimately you've got to find the point.

[Morgana]

The point of life? The answer may as well be 42.
Fulfilment means something different to everybody. For some people, it's raising a family, but for others it could be a career, achievement in or enjoyment of a hobby, interest or sport, a political cause, a campaign for justice or human rights...the list is probably endless.

[[Martin]]

Having a partner and child is the least of my worries. Stuff happened in the past and now I'm not sure that I even want another physical relationship. I have this mad ideas about going abroad somewhere and overstaying my visa and working illegally but I seem incapable of working out what I want and how to achieve it. Until I figure this out I shall keep my sense of humour and fumble around the margins

Interesting to read other people's thoughts in this thread.

[Pathetic_Earthling]

I'm in my mid forties, have no partner and have never had children. I wonder what is the point of life. I have 1 or 2 friends and that's it. I am not working and I don't really do anything. It's like I am trying to go through life making the least possible impression on the world. I'm just going through the motions. People have said in the past that I would make a good dad but I have always been too worried about passing on my fears, anxieties and social ineptitude to a child. I feel like a failure who is just waiting to die of old age. Like recipients of a Darwin Award, I am removing my genes from the pool.

[wlien]

Originally Posted by Martin74

A lot of people here feel the same way as you, including me. I've never been in a relationship and I don't have any friends. That's mainly because I never go out except to work. Having nothing to do causes you to think like that. Don't judge yourself too harshly. Remember things can get better. You can have a good life.

Really good words, we all need to think like that

[Progress]

Originally Posted by tortoiseshell

I watched "It's a Wonderful Life" at Christmas and it had such an effect on me that the next day (Christmas Day) i texted a few of my close friends and my sister and told them how much they meant to me in my life and thanking them for being there for me.

I heard about the film years ago and watched it for the first time too. It is great isn't it. Everyone should see it

Originally Posted by tortoiseshell

Also, i remember one night turning up at a friend's house as we were planning on going out clubbing (this was years ago). She said she wasn't bothered about going and i talked her into it. That night we bumped into a boy my brother used to know and he and my friend hit it off. They have now been together 14 years and married 10, with 2 grown up lads and a lovely house. My friend also suffers with mental health problems. I always wonder what if i hadn't have talked her into going out that night.

Great story. You have to do things to make things happen don't you I call it 'sliding doors' (you need to see the film), I always like the idea of the unexpected turns life can take (or not take of course). The only song I like by George Michael is A Different Corner because it's about the same thing.

[Lord Lucan]

Even if I had kids Id still see no point to life.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by tortoiseshell

I watched "It's a Wonderful Life" at Christmas and it had such an effect on me

...it made this cynical, misanthropic, 6 foot 2 guy cry like a lil girl!!! It's a Wonderful Life, The Elephant Man and A Christmas Carol kill me every time. I would never watch them with someone else- I'd be too embarrassed by all my snotty sobbing.

[Concept]

I guess the point is to seek enjoyment, love and fulfilment. I need work on the latter two.

There's no point worrying as to where society thinks I should be at this point in my life, because I don't relate to a lot of it. It's me that determines my worthiness or purpose.

[girlinterrupted]

I have had my moments,but they were more to do with age really than being single or having no kids. I think most people wonder about the futility of life at some point,but once I decided there was no point other than whatever point you make for yourself it was fine. Saying that I`ll hit 40 and have another crisis I expect

[les]

Without wanting to sound sorry for myself and depressing I slip into this category.
I feel that my useful existence is coming to an end the only family I have left is my dad who is fit and well in his mid 80's, my mum died a few years ago and my elder brother died in his early 30's over 20 years ago.
I have deliberately not replaced any pets as they have died off and once my dad goes I will be truly alone, I have backed myself into a corner of all work and no play... I am going to sort out my funeral or rather disposal during this year. Once my dad has gone then I can slip away myself; I just need to do a bit of fine planning; I don't want some well meaning twit bringing me back.

[les]

Originally Posted by BFG

“Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a ****ing big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of ****ing fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the **** you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing ****ing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, ****ed up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life… But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got .......?”

Good grief you sound an ex of mine let loose with my John Lewis store card

When you are older and wiser you will see there is no value in materialistic things.

And I don't want to end up in a old folks home with no one looking out for my welfare, and I have seen enough of death not to be scared of it.

[les]

Ah! I have not read the book or seen the film

[Marie8434]

Originally Posted by Pathetic_Earthling

I'm in my mid forties, have no partner and have never had children. I wonder what is the point of life. I have 1 or 2 friends and that's it. I am not working and I don't really do anything. It's like I am trying to go through life making the least possible impression on the world. I'm just going through the motions. People have said in the past that I would make a good dad but I have always been too worried about passing on my fears, anxieties and social ineptitude to a child. I feel like a failure who is just waiting to die of old age. Like recipients of a Darwin Award, I am removing my genes from the pool.

I feel very much like this. I worry that when my parents die there will just be me (only child). I see the point of life as loving, but have no one who I know except through my parents to love. I feel lonely and pointless. I am sure there are people who would be sad if I died, but no one who would be that bothered after a month or two except my parents.

[jeeves]

Originally Posted by Pathetic_Earthling

I'm in my mid forties, have no partner and have never had children. I wonder what is the point of life. I have 1 or 2 friends and that's it. I am not working and I don't really do anything. It's like I am trying to go through life making the least possible impression on the world. I'm just going through the motions. People have said in the past that I would make a good dad but I have always been too worried about passing on my fears, anxieties and social ineptitude to a child. I feel like a failure who is just waiting to die of old age. Like recipients of a Darwin Award, I am removing my genes from the pool.

yeh me 2, although I work a few hours here & there - hardly anything. I try & exercise as much as poss - really helps.

I wish I could join a gym but the thought makes me shudder !

[gloriousbirds]

Originally Posted by AlienBuddha

The purpose of life, is to give yourself a purpose, define and create it yourself, of course if one is happy following with what society dictates as normal, then that's fine too.

Saying that, I feel too many people are deluded that having children and being married with a job is the only purpose in life to achieve because it's been indoctrinated into us.

I concur.

[Ink]

I know what you mean. I often wonder about it. I have no desire to pass on my genes...i mean why would you seek to pass on something so ill fitted for the world? It would only be pure selfishness to do so and I have no real need to raise a few shy awkward kids who will grow up wishing they were not. I don't have that level of cruelty in me.

Seems to be no point to life at all as far as I can see. People tell themselves there is but well we all tell ourselves whatever we need to in order to get up in the morning. There is a lot of stuff i like, frosty mornings, the smell of rain, good food, laughter, the muffled sound of everything in snow and all that jazz but to be fair that's merely appreciation not purpose.

[ExSAguy]

I do in a way but in another way I look at it like this

I have life experiences no matter how dull.
I bypassed the "not sure what I want" stage of women.
i know what I want to do now
I am mature enough to actually do things rather than just putting them off.
I know who I am.

Sure, I need to get myself rebuilt now, but there is a more solid platform for me to do so now.

[mossieman]

Nearly 50, single & childless so the answer is YES i do

[Olly.]

Originally Posted by either/or

I fully understand a person not wanting kids but I can never quite understand that attitude. People seem to assume that their offspring will be carbon copies of themselves. They are individuals in their own rights. I have severe SA and depression, my children do not. They are outgoing, smart and popular. I don't see myself as cruel for having them.

And even if the children do turn out with SA, at least they'll have understanding parents that can help and support them through their childhood and school with SA, rather than have parents with no understanding of SA who will just tell their kids to 'grow up'.

Oh and one thing that would be selfish, would be to have children and then realise you didn't want children so you treat them like crap all their lives, which is a story I've heard too many times, I'd rather have parents with SA or MH problems who loved me than ones without SA or MH problems who hated me.

[Page]

My goodness this is a depressing thread.

I was hoping this site might make me feel better, share a few experiences, perhaps get some tips, advice with just the occasional shoulder to cry on.

I was a virtual hermit until I was 36 when I had my first serious relationship. That lasted 4 years and was a toxic relationship but perhaps made me realize that I was capable of being in a relationship.

Got married when I was 45 and now got 2 great kids. I still get depressed and still have SA so getting married and having kids is not necessarily the answer.

When I was a hermit I used to listen to a lot of music, watch whatever tv I wanted to, read a load of books, watch a load films, watch a load of plays, watch my beloved football team , eat whatever food I wanted to. I am not saying I was ecstatically happy but it was not all bad.