Are you paranoid when people become interested in you?

Josh90 · #1 3rd December 2010, 01:59

I get very paranoid and wary of peoples motives when they become interested/friendly with me, especially other guys, I just cant seem to trust them. Why would they want to get to know me of all people? It's one of the reasons why I tend to shun people, anyone else get this way?

karl-32 · #2 3rd December 2010, 02:15

i can totally relate

i do this ALL the time. Ask anyone on here , iv been here long enough now , that people know what i'm all about lol

iv cleared out my friends list about 5 times . Everyone that goes on it comes off it.

If anyone gives me a phonenumber it usually gets deleted . i refuse all invites i might be "lucky " enough to get .

My first instinct is "ok what the hell do you want??!! " i'm incredibly , incredibly difficult, to get on any sort of level you might regard as "aquientence" with anyone , never mind friend.

iv got one friend iv had for 4 years and even thats bumpy at times in my own head. The blossoming of that friendship was very , very slow going . i spoke to her online for 2-3 years before agreeing to meet her (and she only lives local)

Now i love her as a friend . She very important to me.

i speak to one person on here via text regularly , but thats all and thats not for lack of people trying with me.

i just do not trust people . i'm also very dysfunctional around people

Phool · #3 3rd December 2010, 02:22

Yes, I'm always worried about how much time and attention they will require from me. I'm always wary of taking on another burden. Be cause I'm quite a good listener people tend to dump all their problems on me.

diplodocus · #4 3rd December 2010, 07:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by Josh90

I get very paranoid and wary of peoples motives when they become interested/friendly with me, especially other guys, I just cant seem to trust them. Why would they want to get to know me of all people? It's one of the reasons why I tend to shun people, anyone else get this way?

That's low self-esteem talking there! Maybe they see something in you that you don't?

GhostOnMagneticTape · #5 3rd December 2010, 08:13

Yes I can relate to this, probably one of the reasons why I've been single all my life and I find it awkward in conversations having to talk about myself, I prefer to be the person asking the questions.

Shanti · #6 3rd December 2010, 08:45

The last people I did this with I got so paranoid, that I convinced myself the only reason they were talking to me was because they were trying to groom me in preparation for initiation in to their sex cult.

This turned out not to be the case. And I am serious by the way, I actually thought that.

wintertulip · #7 3rd December 2010, 08:52

Yes, particularly when men do it. I decide that they must be trying to come onto me and cut all contact.

Casually friendly is ok, but when someone really starts putting in a lot of effort I'm like "okay, what do you want?"

Colin80 · #8 3rd December 2010, 09:18

I think its a shame you all feel like this, I appreciate any attention anyone gives me quite frankly. I tend to gravitate towards women though, I guess I find them easier to talk to and maybe because even though I'm not desperately seeking a relationship there is a hidden desire. I would hope that wouldn't put off potential female friends though, friendship is actually more important to me than a relationship at this stage in my life. I would like to make more male friends certainly and be 'one of the lads'.

I try to treat any attention/interest I get with an open mind.

Shanti · #9 3rd December 2010, 09:54

^
Good for you, I'd like to start taking the open minded approach

Wheelie Bin Bird · #10 3rd December 2010, 10:02

No, I don't get paranoid. I usually pitty them!

Lone Dog · #11 3rd December 2010, 10:06

No, I don't feel like that. Although, admittedly, it has been some years since I did have any social contact with people.

freedom · #12 3rd December 2010, 10:15

im pretty good at picking out peoples intentions so i'm never really concerned about it. I've had more poeple make an effort out of purely wanting to know me rather than anything else.

One time a dude tried to use me for my flat so he could do drugs there, took a while for me to stand up to him and tell him he couldn't smoke there anymore, strangly enough he stopped coming over after that...

Everleigh · #13 3rd December 2010, 11:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by wintertulip

Yes, particularly when men do it. I decide that they must be trying to come onto me and cut all contact.

Casually friendly is ok, but when someone really starts putting in a lot of effort I'm like "okay, what do you want?"

yes same. i jump the gun too much and freak out. i worry that im coming across as boring or serious which ive been told alot lately. being around people my age i tend to get stage fright almost where its like 'what do u want with me?'

Mortigantoj · #14 3rd December 2010, 11:56

No! Why wouldn't people be interested in me? I'm awesome!!

marki · #15 3rd December 2010, 12:07

no not really. I just feel bad because i deal with nice people with the same level of cluelessness as i do not so nice people

Ember · #16 3rd December 2010, 12:10

I generally don't like it when people seem interested in me, especially if I don't already know them. If they ask too many questions I assume they are up to no good.

AxelFendersson · #17 3rd December 2010, 12:35

Not really. I can see that I might seem interesting to someone who didn't know me well enough to know better.

I do find it disconcerting to know that people have been talking about me, though. Even when it's in the context of someone saying that someone else agrees with them on something good about me, which ought to be flattering and encouraging, I get worried by the idea that people are discussing me. I don't entirely understand why.

AutumnLeaves · #18 3rd December 2010, 12:56

YES!

I don't like to be lonely, but if i get interest, it leads to so many questions as to why on earth.... and it takes me quite a bit of getting my head around it which is actually quite hard work

It makes me suspicious which really isn't nice and could probably be quite hurtful towards the other person, so i think there is a risk it would spoil a relationship with anyone before i had the time to relax into it and learn to trust them! Ah well, i think us SA people spend far too much time worrying and wondering, and not enough just getting out there and making mistakes and learning, like everyone else does.

helenjane · #19 3rd December 2010, 17:14

I'm kind of having the opposite of this problem at the moment, im getting paranoid because no-ones interested in me lol

Mr Ploppy · #20 3rd December 2010, 17:17

Same here, no one wants to know me outside of a few pleasantries

Cognitive_Dissonance · #21 3rd December 2010, 17:29

The only time I really recall being paranoid when people have become interested in me was when I was at high school and a few teenagers who frequently poked fun at me started being friendly towards me.

It didn't last long though! I can also recall instances where I've been out a long time ago, one specifically when some complete stranger came towards me in the street and said "can I have a word?" He was probably trying to get me to buy something but I just told him I had an appointment and quickly ran off.

I'm generally quite flattered if someone shows interest in me (unless it's obvious that they're not very nice or not for real like some scammers who used to send me messages on dating sites) as I find it very difficult to initiate contact with most people. As a few people have discovered, I'm often quite open and talkative when they do acknowledge me but otherwise I tend to stay in my shell feeling lonely and unwanted.

Silver · #22 3rd December 2010, 18:03

To be honest, if someone off here was interested in me, I would think they were only interested cos they were desperate and I just happened to be available, so yes I would be a little bit paranoid. That sounds awful doesnt it but I find it hard to believe anyone would be genuinely interested in me. I really wish I could change this mindset but tbh I dont know how.

framlingen · #23 3rd December 2010, 20:12

I don't get paranoid because people generally aren't interested in me. I get very paranoid though when people look at me.

UkG · #24 3rd December 2010, 20:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by framlingen

I get very paranoid though when people look at me.

Same here, I hate when people stare at me it makes me feel very uncomfortable, it's worse when I try and make eye contact in the hope they look away but yet they still keep looking.

lulea · #25 3rd December 2010, 20:25

If people try to get to know me they usually give up after a few minuites, because I don't talk much and they think I'm not interested in being their friend, but I am. I don't know why they would want to talk to me anyway.

Ladicius · #26 3rd December 2010, 23:40

I just start wondering what they want, and my first reaction is leave me alone.... If I like them somewhat, I'll just accept acquaintenceship and let them make all the effort (or more like, they end up making all the effort).

Sadpup · #27 4th December 2010, 00:14

Yeah In college 2 girls, "liked" me, and I thought why would they.. but they kind of got bored of me after a month lol, coz I didn't talk haha..

When someone online says they like my pic, I automatically get paranoid.. coz I look different in person.

GoldFish · #28 4th December 2010, 15:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sadpup

Yeah In college 2 girls, "liked" me, and I thought why would they.. but they kind of got bored of me after a month lol, coz I didn't talk haha..

When someone online says they like my pic, I automatically get paranoid.. coz I look different in person.

happens to me all the time, will meet a couple of friends and we talk for a month or so then those friends end up becoming even more cliquey and I just become a bit of an outsider ...its actually something that occurs every single time i meet new friends, it hardly ever lasts because I am not as jokey and fun socially to be around, it makes sense and i hate myself for it.

Reasonable Doubt · #29 5th December 2010, 12:47

I just don't think people notice me at all to be honest. It takes me weeks to get used to being around people and most don't really have the patience to get to know me, although I can't say I really blame them. Work is particularly awkward - there are people I see every day of the week and yet just working out whether to say hello to them is a stress.

When it comes to girls, it's been that long since anyone took a serious interest in me I don't even know how to read the signals anymore. And when I do find someone I like, she normally has loads of other lads vying for her attention as well and I just can't compete.

Detox · #30 5th December 2010, 21:45

If its another guy trying to be friendly then I do get quite suspicious, as I don't really get on well with other guys. Mainly due to my personality and how I don't like typical guy things, and the fact that my last 'friend' pretty much used me and dragged me along like a little follower. I was glad to just have a 'friend' at the time, but I later realised its better to be alone than messed about.
As for girls I'm a little easier, but I don't really like it now if they get flirty, even if its playful/friendly. But thats a whole other story that I'd rather not share.