How is everyone feeling? (11)

[IRIS]

sick

[Detox]

So tired that I don't feel tired anymore.
Weird stuff.

[Sparkie]

X factor cheered me up, we all need mercy! Lol

Hope you feel better soon IRIS you too soulseeker and whoever else is having a rough time at the moment.

Sparks.

[IRIS]

Originally Posted by Colsey

So tired that I don't feel tired anymore.
Weird stuff.

I've had that! Often, weird, like you go past a tired barrior or sommat!

Cheers sparkie! x

[Sparkie]

^ You're welcome lol.

Sparks.

[SoulSeeker]

Originally Posted by Munkeh

Go out and experience stuff then!

Start slowly and build up, even if it's a boring trip to the shops. Might not sound exciting but it's all progress and will give you a massive sense of achievement, instead of sitting around festering in your bedroom every day.

What is a 'boring trip' to the shop to you is a massive 'impossible' thing to my brain. I've only been in 3 shops in 11yrs..the last time being a few years ago. Things have gotten worse since.

Sorry just forget it. I can't really expect any responses other than 'go out then'....this is exactly what makes me feeling hopeless..hearing stuff like that.

I do appreciate your reply..but well gah. I just need to know ways in which I can change my thoughts about myself (mainly skin)..but it's ok im just so frustrated..nobody can give me answers I know.

[no0ne]

Originally Posted by SoulSeeker

What is a 'boring trip' to the shop to you is a massive 'impossible' thing to my brain. I've only been in 3 shops in 11yrs..the last time being a few years ago. Things have gotten worse since.

Sorry just forget it. I can't really expect any responses other than 'go out then'....this is exactly what makes me feeling hopeless..hearing stuff like that.

I do appreciate your reply..but well gah. I just need to know ways in which I can change my thoughts about myself (mainly skin)..but it's ok im just so frustrated..nobody can give me answers I know.

can i ask ss what's the worse thing that could or does happen if you do go out?

[Rick Sanchez]

Originally Posted by SoulSeeker

What is a 'boring trip' to the shop to you is a massive 'impossible' thing to my brain. I've only been in 3 shops in 11yrs..the last time being a few years ago. Things have gotten worse since.

Sorry just forget it. I can't really expect any responses other than 'go out then'....this is exactly what makes me feeling hopeless..hearing stuff like that.

I do appreciate your reply..but well gah. I just need to know ways in which I can change my thoughts about myself (mainly skin)..but it's ok im just so frustrated..nobody can give me answers I know.

Constantly moaning on here isn't going to change anything. If your SA and BDD is really as bad as you say it is, then you certainly need CBT, and you need to put a lot of effort into it. You start off with small, achievable goals (it could be as trivial as walking out your front door for a few seconds) then work your way up. It's very difficult, it takes time and it takes effort, but it's the only way, I'm afraid.

It's taken me years to get to the stage I am now, and I've still got pretty bad SA, but it used to be utterly shocking. I've been gradually exposing myself to different things over the years and it's helped a lot. I've still got a lot of issues to deal with, but I'm making progress.

You have friends here, and I'm sure they'd support you and congratulate you on any bit of progress you'll make, which will help a lot. Push yourself.

[SoulSeeker]

Originally Posted by BFG

can i ask ss what's the worse thing that could or does happen if you do go out?

The worst that can happen..actually will happen is I'll be inrecibly stressed and anxious. It wont die down or ease off either..it's constant. In turn my skin gets worse with all the stress im under, in turn making me feel even more depressed and freekish.

You know what though..it's not about being scared to do this that and the other. I could do anything you asked me..there isn't a single thing I couldn't do. I could even go to a group meet and act like a freak all the way through if I wanted to. It's not about any of that..im not scared of anything 'outside'..im not even scared of humans, interaction, anxiety, weirdness or stress. No..I'll take that all on the chin like everybody else.

I just want my god damn brain to stop thinking about my skin. Because none of that 'exposure' we talk about works. I've been out and about in the past..and it still doesn't change the horrible opinion I have of myself.

My skin is without a doubt..not the best..far from it. But it shouldn't stop my life in it's tracks? It does though..and nobody understands. You, anybody else here or myself does not understand how I stop obsessing.

This isn't SA remember..yes I have SA..but that is not what makes me despair..this obsession with 'myself' my skin is what is crippling me..and I dont know how to stop obsessing. Doing things isnt enough to distract me...there has to be another way? It's not fair..if I do things..yet I dont see any change in the obsessions. So how do I make them stop?

[SoulSeeker]

Originally Posted by Godfather

Constantly moaning on here isn't going to change anything.

That really pisses me off reading that. I dont ****ing constantly moan on here..i've been doing ok lately...if you were to open your eyes.

..and what do you mean 'If your SA and BDD is really as bad as you say it is'?

[pinkwafer]

horny, empty, alone, angry.


Good combination. Who wants to be raped?

[no0ne]

Originally Posted by SoulSeeker

The worst that can happen..actually will happen is I'll be inrecibly stressed and anxious. It wont die down or ease off either..it's constant. In turn my skin gets worse with all the stress im under, in turn making me feel even more depressed and freekish.

You know what though..it's not about being scared to do this that and the other. I could do anything you asked me..there isn't a single thing I couldn't do. I could even go to a group meet and act like a freak all the way through if I wanted to. It's not about any of that..im not scared of anything 'outside'..im not even scared of humans, interaction, anxiety, weirdness or stress. No..I'll take that all on the chin like everybody else.

I just want my god damn brain to stop thinking about my skin. Because none of that 'exposure' we talk about works. I've been out and about in the past..and it still doesn't change the horrible opinion I have of myself.

My skin is without a doubt..not the best..far from it. But it shouldn't stop my life in it's tracks? It does though..and nobody understands. You, anybody else here or myself does not understand how I stop obsessing.

This isn't SA remember..yes I have SA..but that is not what makes me despair..this obsession with 'myself' my skin is what is crippling me..and I dont know how to stop obsessing. Doing things isnt enough to distract me...there has to be another way? It's not fair..if I do things..yet I dont see any change in the obsessions. So how do I make them stop?

bollocks there's nothing wrong with your skin.

stop being a big plonker and get on with life. NO ONE is going to do it for you. before you know it you'll have wasted another 11 years sitting in your bedroom tossing your life away on the internet and you'll still be wining about your skin.

[Warmer]

Weren't you in work last year soulseeker? Whats the difference in your mind between work and going to the shops?

I might be wrong about you being in work last year or the year before though.

[SoulSeeker]

Originally Posted by BFG

bollocks there's nothing wrong with your skin.

stop being a big plonker and get on with life. NO ONE is going to do it for you. before you know it you'll have wasted another 11 years sitting in your bedroom tossing your life away on the internet and you'll still be wining about your skin.

You havent got the slightest idea of how hopeless this reply leaves me. I know you mean for the best and I apprecaiate it..but jeez.

My skin is nowhere near as good as it may look in that pic. I just want to stop thinking about it..and I cant..which leaves me hopeless. Is that not something anybody would despair about?

Anyways..I'll pull through..just a rough time.

[βetty]

Originally Posted by SoulSeeker

This isn't SA remember..yes I have SA..but that is not what makes me despair..this obsession with 'myself' my skin is what is crippling me..and I dont know how to stop obsessing. Doing things isnt enough to distract me...there has to be another way? It's not fair..if I do things..yet I dont see any change in the obsessions. So how do I make them stop?

Obsessing about your skin is the same as someone with SA obsessing about what others are thinking about them. It can be overcome in the same way. If I remember correctly you are on the waiting list for cbt, have you tried reading any cbt self-help books/websites? It'll help to to know what to expect and you could even start working through some exercises yourself. It's bloody hard work challenging youself, but you can do it.

[tituscrow]

Hmm, I know how you feel SoulSeeker. I feel the same about why I can't just go up to girls in bars and ask for dates. I think some folk on here are being a little forward with you because they feel that you post such things but you are obviously unable to do anything about it. I recommend reading Gillian Butlers book, I always do recommend it, and then just trying some of the things she suggests. I know how hard it is believe me, but you are quite an attractive man based on your photo. Becky - that bad? I volunteer!!

[Puppet]

Originally Posted by SoulSeeker

Alone..cant do this much longer. Something needs to change. Zero interaction or experiences is completely destroying my heart and soul (

Don't worry with the BDD I feel exactly the same with my hair

Come to a meet-up which is close to you and make friends, and then you can talk to someone about in person, and there is a better chance of them understanding you. Push yourself to go, asking for advice here isn't going to help that much, but having a friend will make you feel a lot better.

[no0ne]

Originally Posted by SoulSeeker

You havent got the slightest idea of how hopeless this reply leaves me. I know you mean for the best and I apprecaiate it..but jeez.

My skin is nowhere near as good as it may look in that pic. I just want to stop thinking about it..and I cant..which leaves me hopeless. Is that not something anybody would despair about?

Anyways..I'll pull through..just a rough time.

i judge things purely on the evidence put in front of me you have two pics on here both taken on two different occasions i presume as in one wet hair other dry hair, in both pics you have clear skin with no visible markings or scaring. if you'd like to prove me wrong and pm me a pic of your face/skin to show me that i'm wrong feel free and i will edit my posts but going on the evidence shown i stick by my comment that you're talking bollocks about your skin being bad and that it's in your mind.

[Ben1981]

Originally Posted by SoulSeeker

That really pisses me off reading that. I dont ****ing constantly moan on here..i've been doing ok lately...if you were to open your eyes.

..and what do you mean 'If your SA and BDD is really as bad as you say it is'?

I dont think Goddys post was meant to be hostile. Read past those first few lines and its actually pretty good advice. I was in your current position 4 years ago and ended up going down the cbt route. Theres no shame in it and it does help to talk to someone face to face about your problems. Youve nothing to lose so give it a go.

[SoulSeeker]

Originally Posted by Warmer

Weren't you in work last year soulseeker? Whats the difference in your mind between work and going to the shops?

I might be wrong about you being in work last year or the year before though.

It's funny you should mention work and shops in the same sentence. You know..I never went to the shop in all of ten years of working. The lads used to ask me why? They seen a pattern of me avoiding over the years. I used to get asked 'its your turn to put the lottery on' and I never did ever..they used to think I was stubborn for not going..even though the shop was less than 100meters away. I have even been know to pay a lad a couple of quid just to nip over and get me a sandwich..which cost less than what I payed him.

All of this because I was/am silently suffering. Warmer there is a huge difference..which splits work from shop/socializing/enjoying myself/or whatever. I could explain..but it's just simply not worth it. Work became too much aswell in the end.

[Warmer]

My sa varies allot in different situations, that might seem to same at first glance

For example different shops and their layouts can make a big difference to how I feel. Paying at supermarkets recently has felt the worst to me, a convenience store or petrol station im okay with. I just don't know what to do with myself when queuing and paying at the supermarket checkout, I dont even know what to do with my mind i pretty much just go blank. Never mind =P.

[no0ne]

Originally Posted by SoulSeeker

II have even been know to pay a lad a couple of quid just to nip over and get me a sandwich..which cost less than what I payed him.

i used to do the same thing in pubs get my mate to go to the bar for me and end up paying for his drinks just so i didn't have to go up and get served.

[SoulSeeker]

Originally Posted by ***946;etty

Obsessing about your skin is the same as someone with SA obsessing about what others are thinking about them. It can be overcome in the same way. If I remember correctly you are on the waiting list for cbt, have you tried reading any cbt self-help books/websites? It'll help to to know what to expect and you could even start working through some exercises yourself. It's bloody hard work challenging youself, but you can do it.

It's not though Betty..you just assume it is. Im not comparing with anybody..because i have SA too..and I know how damaging that can be. My SA leaves me though..when im not socializing..BDD doesnt..that is probably the biggest difference. My 4th cbt session is on Monday..and if im honest..this is why im sad right now posting all this. Because my skin isnt the best these past few days..and I know im gona feel like a freak sitting this session out..even moreso than the past sessions. The only book im reading is Understanding Body Dysmorphic Disorder...which is helping me understand a little..and is giving me a little hope. The more I read..the more I wish others would read it..just so they have some understanding.

If my skin was ok now..I wouldn't have posted all this crap in this thread. Yes i'd still be obsessing..but at least I wouldn't feel depressed for Monday's session. I appreciate you caring..and I will fight on..im just having a setback right now :/

Originally Posted by tituscrow

Hmm, I know how you feel SoulSeeker. I feel the same about why I can't just go up to girls in bars and ask for dates. I think some folk on here are being a little forward with you because they feel that you post such things but you are obviously unable to do anything about it. I recommend reading Gillian Butlers book, I always do recommend it, and then just trying some of the things she suggests. I know how hard it is believe me, but you are quite an attractive man based on your photo. Becky - that bad? I volunteer!!

Thanks for the kind words and the book, tituscrow. Im just a little overwhelmed right now..but i'll pick myself up..because I have no choice.

Originally Posted by Koori

Don't worry with the BDD I feel exactly the same with my hair

Come to a meet-up which is close to you and make friends, and then you can talk to someone about in person, and there is a better chance of them understanding you. Push yourself to go, asking for advice here isn't going to help that much, but having a friend will make you feel a lot better.

Yeah Koori I want to meet some people I really do..almost desperate for company..people who know what im going through. I just need to get a little stronger..then I will really push myself towards this. I guess by the time im ready to meet somebody at the earliest..the summer is going to be well and truly over.

Originally Posted by BFG

i judge things purely on the evidence put in front of me you have two pics on here both taken on two different occasions i presume as in one wet hair other dry hair, in both pics you have clear skin with no visible markings or scaring. if you'd like to prove me wrong and pm me a pic of your face/skin to show me that i'm wrong feel free and i will edit my posts but going on the evidence shown i stick by my comment that you're talking bollocks about your skin being bad and that it's in your mind.

BFG..you make me sound delusional..im not, I know what I see. Those pics you mention..i wish my skin was as even as that. The webcam does that..it must be optimized to have that blurry even effect. It's not horrendous my skin..but it's not clear..and I cant handle it. I need to stop giving these 'true' thoughts so much power. Even if my skin isnt the best..I need to learn to accept it and 'live' rather than staying trapped in a constant vicious cycle.

Originally Posted by Ben24

I dont think Goddys post was meant to be hostile. Read past those first few lines and its actually pretty good advice. I was in your current position 4 years ago and ended up going down the cbt route. Theres no shame in it and it does help to talk to someone face to face about your problems. Youve nothing to lose so give it a go.

Well if it wasent meant to be hostile he shouldn't have started it with those first two sentences..his tone sort of set my tone if you like.

[Puppet]

Originally Posted by SoulSeeker

Yeah Koori I want to meet some people I really do..almost desperate for company..people who know what im going through. I just need to get a little stronger..then I will really push myself towards this. I guess by the time im ready to meet somebody at the earliest..the summer is going to be well and truly over.

Yeh, you'll love it! I'm trying to make many meet-ups this year... (if I get this job) and hopefully I'll make some good friends. If you do the same I'm sure you'll make many friends too.

[Sparkie]

Originally Posted by becky1789

horny, empty, alone, angry.


Good combination. Who wants to be raped?

HAHAHAHA!

Originally Posted by Moomin

Drained. Had the most hectic night ever last night and now I have to go out again.

Energy drink time!

Soulseeker I see where you're coming from and I can relate to you having a difficult time accepting peoples comments which say your skin is fine because no matter how much reassurance you get on here its not going to fix the way you look at yourself because I'm the same way. So I'm not going to say your skin is fine because its pointless really but ask yourself is it going to dramatically improve all of a sudden? Like one day will you wake and be happy with it? Not likely lets be frank its not going to go back to the way it was when you were born and be that smooth and soft etc or look like the airbrushed celebs in the mags but I look at it like this. Its the best its going to be right now as I would of thought with age its just going to get worse as that's just natural isn't it....So work with what you have and try not to worry about it because its the best its going to be. I say that because I imagine you try your best to take care of your skin considering how concerned you are about it and apply lots of things to it but still are not happy right? The best thing you can do is try too accept it I know that's easier said than done believe me because I cant accept things about myself. But that's the way it is and it could be worse, I hope you're CBT helps you progress I'm starting counselling at some stage too so I hope we both make progress. I doubt any of what I said made sense but I tried lol.

Regarding the shops I can't do that either unless its just paying for fuel as I have no choice so I go to the Asda station where you don't have to get off your bike to pay which I do 95% of the time lol. In that 5% where i have to go into the petrol station even though I have a helmet on I'm still shaking like crazy, sweating, light-headed, tight chest, lump in my throat....Its horrible but avoiding it is not helping me and I know that.

As for an actual shop I never ever go in one EVER! Its scares the hell out of me, maybe that should be my next test go into a shop and buy something! If its nice 2mo I'll do it while out on my bike and record it! Lol my hearts racing at the bloody thought of it lol. Do you want to give it a try with me? We can both try and do it tomorrow and use each other as motivation I'm willing to give it a shot if you are?

Like I said in one of my videos, imagine the feeling after you have achieved it and compare it with the bad feeling you will have for the 10 mins it takes to expose yourself to a situation you find uncomfortable. The feeling after is worth it that sense of relief and being proud!

Let me know if you're willing to give it a shot with me.

Feel better soon mate.

Sparks.

[no0ne]

Originally Posted by SoulSeeker

BFG..you make me sound delusional..im not, I know what I see. Those pics you mention..i wish my skin was as even as that. The webcam does that..it must be optimized to have that blurry even effect. It's not horrendous my skin..but it's not clear..and I cant handle it. I need to stop giving these 'true' thoughts so much power. Even if my skin isnt the best..I need to learn to accept it and 'live' rather than staying trapped in a constant vicious cycle.

i think you might be delusional ss and no that's not a critisism, you seem to want to believe that your skin is bad but the evidence you put on here is the opposite to what you say. maybe if you post one of your bad skin it might make more sense to people reading your posts.

I don't believe a webcam can just miraculously turn you into a good looking bloke if they've managed to make one of them they'd sell a ****ing million.

[Rick Sanchez]

Originally Posted by becky1789

come on winkle wrigglers, don't argue with each other

I'm not trying to argue, I was just trying to offer some blunt advice.

Anyway, I didn't realise you were already doing CBT, Soulseeker, so I apologise. I haven't been on here much lately and I was only going by your past posts where I've seen you consistently complain about the same things. Anyway, no harm intended.

[βetty]

Originally Posted by SoulSeeker

It's not though Betty..you just assume it is. Im not comparing with anybody..because i have SA too..and I know how damaging that can be. My SA leaves me though..when im not socializing..BDD doesnt..that is probably the biggest difference. My 4th cbt session is on Monday..and if im honest..this is why im sad right now posting all this. Because my skin isnt the best these past few days..and I know im gona feel like a freak sitting this session out..even moreso than the past sessions. The only book im reading is Understanding Body Dysmorphic Disorder...which is helping me understand a little..and is giving me a little hope. The more I read..the more I wish others would read it..just so they have some understanding.

If my skin was ok now..I wouldn't have posted all this crap in this thread. Yes i'd still be obsessing..but at least I wouldn't feel depressed for Monday's session. I appreciate you caring..and I will fight on..im just having a setback right now :/

It's not about how good or bad your skin is, it's about not obsessing over it, and letting those thoughts dictate how you live your life.

Originally Posted by SoulSeeker

BFG..you make me sound delusional..im not, I know what I see. Those pics you mention..i wish my skin was as even as that. The webcam does that..it must be optimized to have that blurry even effect. It's not horrendous my skin..but it's not clear..and I cant handle it. I need to stop giving these 'true' thoughts so much power. Even if my skin isnt the best..I need to learn to accept it and 'live' rather than staying trapped in a constant vicious cycle.

That's what the cbt is for

[SoulSeeker]

I just want to scream now..im not delusional BFG..dont make me out to be some nutter who is seeing things...it makes me feel worse. I can't post a pic..coz it's one of my biggest fears..i can't post an exposed pic at this time..i just cant..simple as that. Im not lying though..why would I do that? I think you are a caring mate..and I appreciate that very much..it's kind. But you have to understand that what i see is there..whether it's very noticable or bearly noticable..it is there none the less and halts my life.

Sparkie - I will do this..though not tomorrow. Now I guess a lot of people will read this and think 'ffs'. Well so be it..I cant stop you viewing me the way you want to. I need to attend this next session on Monday..and tell her how i've felt recently..then go from there. With this session being so close..I hold too much fear at this time of pushing mself in any other ways..like what you suggested sparkie. I think it would be awesome to come out with you on your bike in the future aswell...but i would have to build up to it. I think I need at least another month of attending these sessions..before I can do anything..im simply too unstable. =(

[SoulSeeker]

Originally Posted by Godfather

I'm not trying to argue, I was just trying to offer some blunt advice.

Anyway, I didn't realise you were already doing CBT, Soulseeker, so I apologise. I haven't been on here much lately and I was only going by your past posts where I've seen you consistently complain about the same things. Anyway, no harm intended.

Cool GF..I apologise too. Im just stressed and uptight at the moment..we all get like that right? I can do 'blunt' it's more understanding that I need. It's not moaning it really isn't..it's despairing that causes me to write like this...which is a huge difference from moaning. It's a feeling of being trapped and strangled by your own brain..but it's the consistency of that feeling which is really ruining me as a man. Im a feking fighter though mate..and i'll get it under control..I have too. Thanks for the advice.