Depersonalisation with SA

[cindyjones]

Hello, I am new here. I'm a stay at home Mum who has suffered with SA most of my life. What I am struggling with is feeling spaced out when I get anxious.

I have made a lot of friends since becoming a Mum, but most of them I don't feel able to be myself around. Especially if I deem them "better" than me in any way - e.g. better looking, younger, more popular.

Despite this, I still meet up with these groups, but every time I do, I feel spaced out and am chatting absolute nonsense, as I don't feel connected to myself. One such friend asked me today what I did over the weekend "I can't remember", I replied. I literally couldn't. My brain was like fog. I had not grounding to the rest of me, I felt like I was floating.

Of course this feeling is awful and made worse by the fact there are people around me, so I have to act "normal". The pressure of this and worrying if they can tell just makes it all worse.

I came away from today's catchup just feeling dreadful and ashamed about myself. These "friends" must think I am odd as I am odd when I am experiencing this.

I have a doctors appointment this evening. He wants me to go back on Citilopram but I don't want to as we are hoping to have another child. I am meeting a counsellor on Wednesday to see if they can help me.

[Indigo_]

Welcome to the forum. I think there is some conflicting advice about taking anti-depressants during pregnancy. The general consensus with Citalopram seems to be that it is okay to take during pregnancy, so I wouldn't necessarily rule it out. Do talk to your GP about it and your concerns though.

I think counselling could help. Maybe they could give you some advice and strategies to use in social situations.

[Franz of Franzylvania]

Welcome to the forum! Depersonalisaton is something I struggle with too. Can definitely relate to pushing yourself to interact with people, but still being unable to properly connect to them, or even feel in control of what you're saying, due to feeling so vacant and foggy. I don't really have any advice but you're not alone and I hope you find some support here.

[cindyjones]

Originally Posted by tatzelwurm

Welcome to the forum! Depersonalisaton is something I struggle with too. Can definitely relate to pushing yourself to interact with people, but still being unable to properly connect to them, or even feel in control of what you're saying, due to feeling so vacant and foggy. I don't really have any advice but you're not alone and I hope you find some support here.

Thank you. I have since spoken with a counsellor who says it is a form of dissociation, which is a coping mechanism I have learned from early childhood. I am paying to see her privately. She does EMDR which I am hoping will help with it.

It is helpful to know I am not the only one that has this problem. I'm just so detached from what friends are saying - I have no frame of reference for responding to whatever they are saying.

[limey123]

Originally Posted by No Longer Human

Choline can help with brain fog - best taken as a supplement

Interesting. I have brain fog. Can you say wholeheartedly that choline has helped you? What dose and type of supplement do you recommend?

[Moksha]

Welcome Cindy

Are you sure you don’t mean derealization? Depersonalisation means detachment from yourself; derealization means detachment from the world. (I am not sure I have got that right btw, so I would check it out). It sounds to me like you have both. They are common in isolated, anxious people.

I have had horrendous moments of derealization. About four years ago, I was seeing a girl I met online. I remember parking my car and walking to her flat one afternoon and having this overwhelming feeling that nothing was real, almost as if some essential, core part of me had died and that I was just a burnt out shell. It feels like you are merely going through the motions, like you are acting the part of a real human. Still, I guess the older you get, the more unreal and absurd everything becomes (obviously not for everyone). When you are young, you experience the opposite of derealization: the world seems intensely and vividly there, and everything is charged with significance and meaning - the highs are higher and the lows are lower. Also, everything seems to matter, even the most trivial things. As you age, virtually nothing matters anymore - or maybe that is just me.

[cindyjones]

Originally Posted by Moksha

Welcome Cindy

Are you sure you don’t mean derealization? Depersonalisation means detachment from yourself; derealization means detachment from the world. (I am not sure I have got that right btw, so I would check it out). It sounds to me like you have both. They are common in isolated, anxious people.

I have had horrendous moments of derealization. About four years ago, I was seeing a girl I met online. I remember parking my car and walking to her flat one afternoon and having this overwhelming feeling that nothing was real, almost as if some essential, core part of me had died and that I was just a burnt out shell. It feels like you are merely going through the motions, like you are acting the part of a real human. Still, I guess the older you get, the more unreal and absurd everything becomes (obviously not for everyone). When you are young, you experience the opposite of derealization: the world seems intensely and vividly there, and everything is charged with significance and meaning - the highs are higher and the lows are lower. Also, everything seems to matter, even the most trivial things. As you age, virtually nothing matters anymore - or maybe that is just me.

No its definitely depersonalisation. I feel cut off from my body. I feel like a robot and acting like a human...like you say a burnt out shell. I don't feel detached from the world though.