Making friends ... one of the hardest things

[Worried]

I feel like making friends is about the hardest task facing me (and maybe others?). It just seems very very difficult to make friends if you have slipped through the net at school and missed the boat in some ways. If you're at Uni you have a chance again to create loads of friends from the masses of people around you. But if not there seems little opportunity to make regular friends ... the type you can ring up whenever you like and ask if they want to go out and do something .. the type who will be contacting you to see if you want to go out clubbing every Friday/Saturday night. Just regular mates. I just don't seem to get the chance to meet a group of normal young people around my age (21) in a regular sort of way. I haven't done in the past either be it at work or whatever. I think this is the one thing that gets me down more than anything but I am totally lost as to what to do. Also I find it quite embarrassing so it's horrible living a lie if you like to the world and trying to seem as though you've got mates when really you're a bit of a loner. Does anyone feel similar? Soo hard to find good opportunity.

[Between The Bars]

imaginary friends are sometimes better than so called real friends

[Between The Bars]

but on a serious note, try to google contact centers in London

[Worried]

contact centers ?? all I got was call centre job results.

[Anxious Adam Black]

Originally Posted by Worried

I feel like making friends is about the hardest task facing me (and maybe others?). It just seems very very difficult to make friends if you have slipped through the net at school and missed the boat in some ways. If you're at Uni you have a chance again to create loads of friends from the masses of people around you. But if not there seems little opportunity to make regular friends ... the type you can ring up whenever you like and ask if they want to go out and do something .. the type who will be contacting you to see if you want to go out clubbing every Friday/Saturday night. Just regular mates. I just don't seem to get the chance to meet a group of normal young people around my age (21) in a regular sort of way. I haven't done in the past either be it at work or whatever. I think this is the one thing that gets me down more than anything but I am totally lost as to what to do. Also I find it quite embarrassing so it's horrible living a lie if you like to the world and trying to seem as though you've got mates when really you're a bit of a loner. Does anyone feel similar? Soo hard to find good opportunity.

Tell me about it, mate. It's only when I got to uni that I realised how bad my friend-making skills are. Now these days I just go around envying those with friends (which is pretty much everybody). The only thing I do is try to practice small talk with staff at the shops when I'm getting served (depending on the shop) or stuff like that. I'm also trying to use Meetup.com group meetings as practice for social skills. Next one is the Eurogamer Expo 2011 in September with a group called 'geekpub', lol! It's not easy but I guess part of the answer is to get yourself out there and get yourself practicing communication as much as possible, no matter how small. Even just asking for the time. The problem for me is keeping the rapport going (in situations that don't call for the asking of the time of course, else that would just be awkward and weird).

[Between The Bars]

Originally Posted by Worried

contact centers ?? all I got was call centre job results.

hahaha sorry about that but there must be support groups in London somewhere that you can make friends.

London is a big place unlike Scotland!!

I hope you got a job instead

[Between The Bars]

have a look at this one


http://www.social-anxiety.org.uk/SASH/SASH.html

[Fern]

Originally Posted by Worried

I feel like making friends is about the hardest task facing me (and maybe others?). It just seems very very difficult to make friends if you have slipped through the net at school and missed the boat in some ways. If you're at Uni you have a chance again to create loads of friends from the masses of people around you. But if not there seems little opportunity to make regular friends ... the type you can ring up whenever you like and ask if they want to go out and do something .. the type who will be contacting you to see if you want to go out clubbing every Friday/Saturday night. Just regular mates. I just don't seem to get the chance to meet a group of normal young people around my age (21) in a regular sort of way. I haven't done in the past either be it at work or whatever. I think this is the one thing that gets me down more than anything but I am totally lost as to what to do. Also I find it quite embarrassing so it's horrible living a lie if you like to the world and trying to seem as though you've got mates when really you're a bit of a loner. Does anyone feel similar? Soo hard to find good opportunity.

Sport would be the best option in my opinion, pal. Iv met so many great lads through it. Now the problem is, I am still 100% socially anxious, so I can't get to know them properly, like they want me to.

If I weren't socially anxious, there would have been so many opportunities to go out with them, to parties, to clubs, to festivals, to the cinema ect

But I just say no and go home, because the SA is too much.

If you think you are ready to start interacting properly with people then a sport is a great way of making friends.

[Idon'tknow]

I know how you feel, i have only a few closish friends really and im at the stage in life where i decide if i go to uni or not. if i dont i know ill probably never make any more really good friends and these i do have now will probably slip away more as time goes by but if i do go, im scared that i still wont take the chances anyway.
The only way it might work is if i find it easy to make friends, but that aint gonna happen!
So yeah, i feel similar.

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Worried

I feel like making friends is about the hardest task facing me (and maybe others?). It just seems very very difficult to make friends if you have slipped through the net at school and missed the boat in some ways. If you're at Uni you have a chance again to create loads of friends from the masses of people around you. But if not there seems little opportunity to make regular friends ... the type you can ring up whenever you like and ask if they want to go out and do something .. the type who will be contacting you to see if you want to go out clubbing every Friday/Saturday night. Just regular mates. I just don't seem to get the chance to meet a group of normal young people around my age (21) in a regular sort of way. I haven't done in the past either be it at work or whatever. I think this is the one thing that gets me down more than anything but I am totally lost as to what to do. Also I find it quite embarrassing so it's horrible living a lie if you like to the world and trying to seem as though you've got mates when really you're a bit of a loner. Does anyone feel similar? Soo hard to find good opportunity.

Mate, you really shouldn't discount meets. You might think we are a misfit bunch but you'd be surprised you might find people that you have more in common with than you think.

[STRING3R]

I no rite.

I used to have quite a few friends back in school. After a while though I just started to isolate myself from them. Wish I hadn't as I have no friends at the moment, and I find making new friends to be incredibly difficult.

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by STRING3R

I no rite.

I used to have quite a few friends back in school. After a while though I just started to isolate myself from them. Wish I hadn't as I have no friends at the moment, and I find making new friends to be incredibly difficult.

I pretty much did the same thing. I think I took friends for granted, thinking 'I can always get new ones' but even besides having SA it gets harder and harder. I notice that many people have had the same set of friends for years. My brother has had the same set of friends since school, and it's quite common from what I see.

[TheInbetweener]

Im pretty bad at this too. I lost contact with people from school, and am 25 now. I have "friends" but its really just people I know. I dont think I find it hard to make friends per say, I just dont really try. It would be nice to meet a few people who I spend alot of time with but its not really something you can purposely find I dont think.
Im probably worse with guys then girls when it comes to talking about general things, I think i come across uninterested aswell which doesnt help.

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by STRING3R

I no rite.

I used to have quite a few friends back in school. After a while though I just started to isolate myself from them. Wish I hadn't as I have no friends at the moment, and I find making new friends to be incredibly difficult.

Originally Posted by diplodocus

I pretty much did the same thing. I think I took friends for granted, thinking 'I can always get new ones' but even besides having SA it gets harder and harder. I notice that many people have had the same set of friends for years. My brother has had the same set of friends since school, and it's quite common from what I see.

Add me to this group
I think i took friends for granted also but i think most people do until you loose your closest ones maybe. Most of mine drifted away after i started college and isolated myself.
I think it's particular the older you get the harder it is to make new close friendships imo as it seems older people 25+ have their set social circle. They may have less friends then when they are younger but the ones they have now seems to be closer friends they seem more often.

[Mad Crisp]

Originally Posted by STRING3R

I no rite.

I used to have quite a few friends back in school. After a while though I just started to isolate myself from them. Wish I hadn't as I have no friends at the moment, and I find making new friends to be incredibly difficult.

This...I was one of the popular lads at school, got depressed - isolated my self from everyone and never even tried to make contact outside of MSN to friends.

I only have a small handful of friends but they are good to me so i keep them close and treat them well now.

[Mr. Spaceman]

Well from leaving school to age 37 I didn't have a single freind and thought that would always be the case. Then I did an NHS CBT group and was lucky enough to make one good friend from there. He has SA but is a quite outgoing person and I go with him to these Facebook social group events - mostly just bar/club meetups where there are loads of people looking to make friends. Thing about London is it has a relatively transient population and there are lots of people - from the UK and abroad - arriving all the time and looking to meet people. My friend (he's 33 btw) makes new friends all the time, and if it wasn't for my still chronic rubbishness in social situations I'm sure I'd have made a few more too. I go to SAUK meets as well and similairly I'm quite certain that if I were a bit more confident I could become closer friends with some people there too. So nowadays I have the opportunities it's just a case of trying to improve my social skills. Still my social life is better now than it's ever been (though considering I had zero social life for 25 years that's not particularly difficult).

[Memory]

I'm at uni but i don't think I've made any friends really and I only have a year left. And I didn't make many friends at secondary school and I'm not in touch with anyone from there. I think it's got worse as I've been getting older. So yes, I think making friends is one of the hardest things.

You should try and join a club or go to your local SA group to try and help you to make friends. But from my experience, just being around other people doesn't instantly make you have friends.

[black_mamba]

I agree that it's harder to make new friends as you get older due to people's social circles being set early on, however there are always other people in the same position as you out there (older, trying to create a new social life) so sometimes it's just a case of figuring out where they're hiding! :D

[Mad Crisp]

Originally Posted by Mr Ploppy

My counsellor has set me up with a befriender who is going to accompany me to places where I could meet others and try to socialise.
I don't know the details yet but to be honest I hate the idea, I feel humiliated by the suggestion I need someone with me and I don't think it's the key in my case anyway.

It's better with a friend who understands, i bought a book about Social anxiety and what it does to you, shown my friend it and he understood and is very sensitive towards it. Yet he encourages me to come out with him a lot.

[Labretkitty]

Acquaintances, oh many. Real, proper genuine friends? Far and few in between. I'm very lucky that my current big group of besties that I live with never gave up on me, even when I isolated myself from them for a few months. It took a long time for me to trust them not to hurt me and realise that they really did actually want to be my friends! I've been a terrible person to them at times over the last 2 years, but I'm determined to get better not just for myself, but also so I can be a better friend to them, and maybe make more friends.

Mr Ploppy, I wish I had a befriender to help me get started sometimes in social situations. I sometimes find it easier when I've got someone who feels a bit more comfortable chatting to others to initiate something. That gives me time to think and pipe up eventually and then I feel okay gradually building up my confidence in a social situation, instead of being thrown in at the deep end!

[Hindsight]

Originally Posted by Worried

I feel like making friends is about the hardest task facing me (and maybe others?). It just seems very very difficult to make friends if you have slipped through the net at school and missed the boat in some ways. If you're at Uni you have a chance again to create loads of friends from the masses of people around you. But if not there seems little opportunity to make regular friends ... the type you can ring up whenever you like and ask if they want to go out and do something .. the type who will be contacting you to see if you want to go out clubbing every Friday/Saturday night. Just regular mates. I just don't seem to get the chance to meet a group of normal young people around my age (21) in a regular sort of way. I haven't done in the past either be it at work or whatever. I think this is the one thing that gets me down more than anything but I am totally lost as to what to do. Also I find it quite embarrassing so it's horrible living a lie if you like to the world and trying to seem as though you've got mates when really you're a bit of a loner. Does anyone feel similar? Soo hard to find good opportunity.

I am 43 and when I was 21 I thought I was an "oddball"..cus I thought was only one..lack of understanding,knowledge,awareness..etc..no computers back then..unless rich..What im saying is try not to waste your 20s and 30s..cus at least most people know what they have now..Good Luck!..Daz.